


Moirai

by Wh1teOw1



Series: The Moirai Saga [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Drama & Romance, F/M, Multi, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 29
Words: 141,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wh1teOw1/pseuds/Wh1teOw1
Summary: Twilight, re-imagined for 2020! Evangeline Irving has made the second biggest change in her life since starting college, transferring mid program into WSU to finish her B.A. and finally become a Forensic Pathologist. However, on the first day of classes, a beautiful young man with a seemingly dark secret begins to complicate her plans. She cannot stand a mystery unsolved. (T+) (Will become M)(Updated! Chapter 15 on 12/9/2020)
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Moirai Saga [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2023255
Comments: 15
Kudos: 42





	1. Preface

PREFACE

I’D NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW I WOULD die, in all honesty I hadn’t expected to make it as far as I had—though I’d had reason enough in the last few months—but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this. I stared without breathing across the long room, into the dark eyes of the hunter, and he looked pleasantly back at me. Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved. Noble, even. That ought to count for something. I knew that if I’d never gone to Washington, I wouldn’t be facing death now. But, terrified as I was, I couldn’t bring myself to regret the decision. When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. The hunter smiled in a friendly way as he sauntered forward to kill me.


	2. First Sight

FIRST SIGHT

My eyes were locked on the rolling white, rhythmic on the edge of the beach. The sand there was dyed dark and glistening in the sun as the tides continued their languorous, slow laps. I could feel the sun reflecting off the dry sand nearest to my feet, it would be too hot to walk on, even with sandals on.

I sighed and rocked back on the seat of my bike, closing my eyes and tipping my head back to feel the sunlight, might as well soak up every speck of Vitamin D I could before I finally had to leave. After several minutes of letting the unfettered UV rays cook my cheeks and eyelids, I pushed my weight into my arms, turning the handlebars to head back home, following the path paved right alongside the beach in the direction of Redondo. Living in California was something I always missed, even with LA’s weirdness and the oddities of living right off the edge of million dollar estates and beach properties in a much smaller two bedroom shiplap house. We'd moved to Redondo Beach from San Diego when my mom got an Executive Assistant position in LA. I'd been a sophomore in High school at the time, but I was lucky to land where I did. I fit in much better at that High School than I had my previous one.

I wasn’t in any rush to get home-- my mom was trying to get some extra sleep in before our long road-trip later that day--so I weaved up the hill from the beach, trying to commit the cute, colorful little boutique shops and restaurants to memory again, refreshing it. I had done this each time I’d been preparing for another semester, reminding myself I would be back on breaks and for holidays, it was never forever. I eventually pulled up the small driveway of my tiny house, dropping my bike in the shaded car park and locking it to the wood post that supported it, before I went inside. It was still early, seven am, we didn't start our drive until later. I was waiting for the reality to hit me, transferring undergraduate programs. 

I was headed to good old Washington State. I’d known this was coming for a while, getting through freshman and sophomore year at the University of Nebraska, Lincoln, but I was running out of money. WSU was not my first choice. But with my older brother living nearby, having attended himself and graduated two years prior, and the amount of financial aid they were offering me, it just made the most sense. 

The time seemed to fly after that, finishing packing and stuffing my mom's car with everything I owned, it wasn't until I was looking at my empty bedroom for the last of my things I realized how much time had passed. I glanced into my closet, then the bathroom, not seeing anything important enough to try and cram into my mother's already packed hatchback. I walked slowly out of the house, trying to take it in one more time, burn the sun and sky into my memory, but my mom calling from the car hurried me off the porch.

“Eva! C’mon! We’re wasting daylight here and I still have to drive back!” She was chiding but smiling slightly, I knew she understood.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’!” I sighed and headed for the passenger seat, swinging open the door and ducking in, sitting on my newest acquisition to my wardrobe, the heavy parka I’d need when we got farther north. It looked so odd against the backdrop of blue, green and palm trees outside the car. Soon enough we were on our way up the coast, we’d done our best to miss rush hour to skip the worst of the traffic into and out of LA, and we’d managed to time it seemingly perfectly. I kept the windows rolled down as I watched the city roll by, slipping on my sunglasses and popping in my headphones, thinking over this change, leg bouncing anxiously as I tried to imagine what to expect. 

My Dad had finally sold the old house in Pullman, the same city WSU sat inside after my brother made it out of school, having boarded him up there to get him through school too. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother finally convinced my dad to escape with my siblings and I when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I’d been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down, I hated being crammed inside as a kid, especially over summer break. After that, Mom, Dad, Cass, Kain and I vacationed in Florida for two weeks instead. It was a nineteen hour drive to Pullman, so I’d packed plenty of entertainment for the ride. Mom already had her audiobook playing over the car’s bluetooth, and I decided it was a great idea to listen to my own to take my mind off of the impending shift to my existence.

Kain had really been fairly nice about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the time being, claiming his two bedroom apartment was lonely and “haunted”. He’d already gotten the other bedroom cleared out for me and was going to help me get a car. But it was sure to be a little awkward, having his little sister peddling around his bachelor pad. I was also going to miss the friends I’d made out in Nebraska, it was dawning on me that I wouldn’t see them this year, and the longer I lingered on that thought, the more my eyes burned. I looked down at my phone, shooting an “I miss you guys already :(“ to the group chat, scrolling through the photos of the last two years, reminiscing and getting lost in my thoughts. The hours passed quickly, as they tended to when you weren’t necessarily looking forward to the thing you were headed towards. I’d cleared two of my audiobooks, gotten a four hour nap, and taken the wheel so my mom could nap for a bit herself. She was in the driver's seat as we passed into Washington, I couldn’t suppress my grimace. Of course it was raining. I didn’t see it as an omen—just unavoidable. I’d already said my goodbyes to the sun. 

My leg bounced so hard I was nearly shaking the car as we finally pulled into my brothers apartment complex, my mom chuckled at me. 

“Calm down sweetheart, you’re going to be just fine. I think you might even have fun.” The car bounced as we rolled over the driveway that led to the parking lot. I glanced at my phone to see if Kain had gotten my text, letting him know we were here. I rolled my eyes at the horrified emoji he sent back, now looking up and waiting to spot him, dork.

Finally I saw him waving hard outside one of the fairly identical buildings, using his full arm to his shoulder, even from this distance I could see his wide grin. He was hard to miss, he stole all of the “tall” genes before I was born. He was minimum six feet tall, broad shouldered and relatively fit. He had the same messy, rust colored hair I did, but he managed to make it look nice. It also looked like he’d started growing a scruffy, short beard since I’d last seen him. Mom pulled into a parking spot near the building and the waving dork, laughing as she got out to hug my brother and say hi. 

The next six hours blurred again, emptying the car and hauling my things to the 4th floor of the building and into my brother's apartment. We ordered Pizza and ate together in the small kitchen, my mom catching up with my brother and making sure we had everything we needed. She was off to a hotel for the night, needing a real bed after the exhausting drive, only to head straight home after she’d slept. It hit me like it always did, this was the last time I would see her for a while and the hugs we shared were longer than normal, but still finite. I held back the sting in my eyes as the door closed, resisting the urge to run after her and cling to her like a little kid. After gathering myself and scrubbing my eyes with my hoodie sleeve I finally turned to my brother.

“It’s good to see you, sis,” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and turned me in the direction of the bedrooms, smiling as he automatically caught and steadied me when I stumbled on my own toe. 

“You haven’t changed much. How’s Mom been?” 

“Mom’s fine. It’s good to see you, too, Nerd.” He stuck his tongue out at me and let me walk into the new, bare bedroom I would be calling my own. 

“I…found a good car for you, really cheap,”

he announced when I fwumped down onto the bare mattress of the full bed. 

“What kind of car?” I was suspicious of the way he said “good car for you” as opposed to just “good car.”

“Well, it’s a truck actually, a Chevy.” 

“Where did you find it?”

“Do you remember Billy Black? Dad’s old friend from way back? They own that pub downtown, The Rose and Thorn.”

“No.” 

“He used to go fishing with us during the summer, he brought his daughters,” Kain prompted. I faked recognition, my memory had always been crap, I could kind of remember the fishing trips we’d gone on as kids, but everyone but dad and Kain were totally indistinct. 

“He’s in a wheelchair now,” Kain continued when I didn’t respond, “so he can’t drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap.”

“What year is it?” I could see from his change of expression that this was the question he was hoping I wouldn’t ask. 

“Well, Billy’s done a lot of work on the engine—it’s only a few years old, really.” I hoped he didn’t think so little of me as to believe I would give up that easily. 

“When did he buy it?”

“He bought it in 2005, I think.” 

“Did he buy it new?”

“Well, no. I think it was new in the early 2k’s” he admitted sheepishly.

“Bruh, I don’t really know anything about cars. I wouldn’t be able to fix it if anything went wrong, and I couldn’t afford a mechanic...” 

“Really, Eva, the thing runs great. “They don’t build them like that anymore” is what my boyfriend said, well, ex-boyfriend said.” He grimaced, pouting slightly at the memory. The thing, I thought to myself… it had possibilities—as a nickname, at the very least. 

“How cheap is cheap?” After all, that was the part I couldn’t compromise on.

“Well, Boo, I kind of already bought it for you. As a “welcome to Washington” gift.” Kain peeked sideways at me with a hopeful expression, biting his lip. 

Woah, I hadn’t expected that.

“Wow, hey you didn’t need to do that, Kain. I was going to buy myself a car.” 

“I don’t mind. I want you to be able to get around and back and forth from class easily.” He gave me a grin, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket to dangle them, a pink bow tied to the key ring. 

“That’s…really nice of you, Bro. Thank you. I really appreciate it.” I never looked a free truck in the mouth—or engine.

“Well, now, you’re welcome,” he mumbled, waving a hand at me, embarrassed by my thanks. We exchanged a few more comments on the weather, which was wet, and that was pretty much it for conversation. I went to the window in the room to survey the forest I was overlooking. It was beautiful, of course; I couldn’t deny that. Everything was green: the trees, their trunks covered with moss, their branches hanging with a canopy of it, the ground covered with ferns. Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves. It was too green—an alien planet. Watching me take it all in, Kain finally piped up. 

“sooo, wanna see your truck?” He was grinning excitedly, showing off the keys again in a way that finally made me smile, heading over to him and grab them from him. 

“Yes, I wanna see what you mean by early 2k’s.” I chuckled, hearing him huff as he led me out to the parking lot, as we turned the corner, he gestured to a vehicle with a flourish. 

“Ta-da!”

I stared at my new—well, new to me—truck. It was a metallic black color, with big, rounded silver fenders and a massive cab. To my intense surprise, I loved it. I didn’t know if it would run, but I could see myself in it. Plus, it was one of those SUV’s with a ton of trunk space, great for my messy self. 

“Holy shit Kain, it’s perfect!” I jogged around it giddily, seeing “Trailblazer” stamped on the trunk. Now my terrifying day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful. I wouldn’t be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or catching a bus.

“I’m glad you like it,” Kain grinned, embarrassed again. We opened the doors and explored it for a bit, before the rain started to increase, continuing our conversation as we headed up the stairs again. I finally let myself explore the apartment a little. There was only one small bathroom at the end of the hall with the bedrooms, and with a little chagrin I realized I would have to share with Kain. I tried not to dwell too much on that. 

He left me alone to unpack and get settled, a feat that would have been altogether impossible for my mother. It was nice to be alone, not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stretch and flop onto the still bare mattress, throwing my arm over my eyes, trying to coax my brain into chilling with the anxiety. It’s not like I hadn’t done this before, but it was always nerve-wracking. The biggest problem with state universities, so many of the kids here had grown up together—their grandparents had been toddlers together.

I would be something new suddenly supplanted into the Junior class. Especially transferring in mid program. Maybe, if I looked like a girl from LA should, I could work this to my advantage. But physically, I’d missed that mark pretty clearly, people pictured sporty, blonde—a volleyball player, or a cheerleader, perhaps—all the things that go with living in the City of Angels. 

I finally sighed and got up, tackling the pile of boxes and bags, making my bed and unpacking my guitar from it’s case. 

“Welcome to your new home baby..” I cooed to it quietly as I placed it on its stand, I would need to tune it before I played it, travel and the change in humidity would probably have stretched the strings. I put up a couple photos, set up my little desk in the corner, dropping my work lamp into the corner of it, and finally finished putting my clothes in the old pine dresser. The rest went into the little closet, thanking the gods I’d purged this summer. 

I took my bag of bathroom necessities and makeup and went to the communal bathroom to clean myself up after the day of travel. I looked at my face in the mirror and pulled down my messy bun, I shook it out and attempted to comb through my tangled, damp hair. When my pick got stuck halfway through and wouldn't budge, I grumbled and decided to just take a shower, staring at my reflection with the comb stuck in the rats nest. 

I was a short, awkwardly topheavy girl. I had always been mesomorphic, bulky and thick, with a lucky break in my somewhat hourglass figure. I was muscular, but obviously not someone who worked out. I did a lot of labor jobs, janitor, line cook, waitress, gas station cashier, I wasn’t picky if the pay was good, but it also kept me relatively fit. I didn’t have the necessary hand-eye coordination to play sports without humiliating myself—and harming both myself and anyone else who stood too close. At least I’d never had a problem with my face, honestly I liked it, big round dark grey/blue eyes and plump cupid’s bow lips, round and cute nose speckled with freckles slightly darker than my skin. With a little brown eyeliner, mascara and an eyebrow pencil I could fix up my face pretty nicely. And my hair, while currently wrecked, had an awesome curl pattern when I actually styled it down.

Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy, plus I could feel a breakout coming on with the moisture. My skin was really clear right now, and still held the rich glow of the sun, darker than usual, thank god for my mothers gift of melanin. But in the white, incandescent light of the bathroom, I looked ashy and flat. I had no color here, I wondered how I would present myself tomorrow.

I’d always struggled with making friends, I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, and I assumed that had been what provided my “too-much-ness”. I was always too loud, too exaggerated, too interested or too distracted. I always thought that was why I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. 

Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs, considering the glitch in my brain. But the cause didn’t matter. All that mattered was the effect. I took my shower and pushed all the bad vibes out of my head, feeling better after I’d scrubbed every inch of myself and blew out my hair, putting it in a much neater bun to sleep in. 

I was feeling a little more human after making the room my own, nesting as it were, like I had in dorms previously, but it still felt off. As I worried, I didn’t sleep well that night, staring at the alarm clock while the anxiety roiled around my guts. The constant whooshing of the rain and wind across the roof wouldn’t fade into the background. I pulled the new smelling duvet over my head, and later added the pillow, too. But I couldn’t fall asleep until after midnight, when the rain finally settled into a quieter drizzle. 

  
  


Thick fog was all I could see out my window in the morning, and I could feel the claustrophobia creeping up on me. You could never see the sky here; it was like a cage. Breakfast with Kain was a quiet event. He wished me good luck in my classes, not really looking up from his phone. I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted. Good luck tended to avoid me, as did any manner of focus.

Kain left first, off to his current office job. After he left, I sat at the old square oak table in one of the three cute wooden chairs and examined his small kitchen, with its neutral tan walls and similarly painted cabinets, the generic mock granite countertops. Nothing was very personal, and the lack of familiarity made me itch. It was still early, so I managed a bowl of cereal and went to the bathroom to see if I could do anything with my hair. After pulling it down and putting it up in about ten different styles, I gave up and put it back into a messy topknot, letting the loose curls frame my face. I dabbed on a bb cream to even my skin-tone after washing my face, and put on some brown eyeliner and matching eyebrow pencil, just to fill in my sparse brows. I leaned back and smudged the eyeliner a little bit, trying to make sure I didn’t blend out too far. Last, I brushed on a black mascara and leaned back, trying to make sure I didn't blink it onto my eyebrow before it dried. I wasn’t hopeless when it came to fashion and makeup, I certainly wasn’t a MUA, but I could get by alright with youtube tutorials and walgreens palettes. Of course, everything now had to be waterproof. I liked looking nice, it made me feel more put together than I actually was. 

I chose a chunky green sweater and some dark jeggings for an outfit, throwing on a camisole underneath when I thought about the chill, and finally some chunky black ankle high combat boots. I felt pretty, and I smiled at the reflection, satisfied I looked perfectly normal. I finally glanced at the clock, I didn’t want to be too early to my first class, but I couldn’t stay in the apartment anymore, too anxious to get into the thick of it and manage my expectations. I grabbed my messenger bag and made sure I had my laptop and charger, donned my jacket—which had the feel of a biohazard suit—and headed out to the stairs then into the rain.

It was just drizzling still, not enough to soak me through, The sloshing of my new waterproof boots was unnerving. I missed the normal crunch of gravel as I walked. I couldn’t pause and admire my truck again as I wanted; I was in a hurry to get out of the misty wet that swirled around my head and clung to my hair under my hood. Inside the truck, it was nice and dry. Either Billy or Kain had obviously cleaned it up, but the tan upholstered seats still smelled faintly of tobacco, gasoline, and peppermint. The engine started quickly, to my relief, but loudly, roaring to life and then idling at top volume. Well, a truck this old was bound to have a flaw. The CD and cassette player worked, a plus that I hadn’t expected, pulling out my phone and the odd little cassette to headphone jack gadget I had used in my moms car, putting on one of my more soothing Spotify playlists for the drive, relaxing into Hozier's warm, husky voice. It just seemed fitting for my surroundings, really, humming and singing along as I followed google maps.

Finding the school wasn’t difficult, though I’d never been there before. Google maps made things easy on me, although finding my lecture halls and classrooms in the massive campus was going to be a different story. It looked like a collection of massive mansions, built with maroon-colored bricks and tan trim. It was sprawling, big courtyards and interlinking sidewalks and streets. I parked in front of what seemed to be some kind of main building, big banners plastered with the schools logo and mascot announcing freshman orientation and offering guidance. I sighed at the feeling of once again being an underclassmen, glad it wasn’t the actual case, even though I had two credits I needed to make up this semester. I could only hope I wasn’t the only one in need of an english and a history credit. I stepped unwillingly out of the toasty truck cab and walked down a little stone path lined with dark hedges. I took a deep breath before opening the door. Inside, it was brightly lit, and warmer than I’d hoped. I followed the signs quickly to grab a map and another pamphlet, pulling out my phone to make sure I had my schedule and classlist saved to my photostream. I was so absorbed in logging in past the various school assigned web-pages I nearly walked directly into a support beam, swearing as I caught myself an instant before my head would have collided with it. Two girls snickered at me as they passed, and I felt my face flush deeply in embarrassment and frustration, pulling up the hood of my coat to hide my embarrassment. 

When I went back out to my truck, other students were starting to arrive for their own 8 am lectures, several people stumbling out of their dorms in just pajamas, reusable coffee mugs in hand like lifelines. I drove around the school, following the line of traffic. I was glad to see that most of the cars were older like mine, nothing flashy. At home I’d lived in one of the few lower-income neighborhoods off the beach. It was a common thing to see a new Mercedes or Porsche in the student lot. The nicest car here was a shiny black BMW, and it stood out. Still, I cut the engine as soon as I was in a spot, so that the thunderous volume wouldn’t draw attention to me. I looked at the map in the truck, trying to memorize it now; hopefully I wouldn’t have to walk around with it stuck in front of my nose all day, it would only result in more distracted injuries or accidents. I found my first building on the map pretty quickly, thank god.

I finally stuffed everything in my bag, slung the strap over my shoulder, and sucked in a huge breath. I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me. I finally exhaled and stepped out of the truck. I kept my face pulled back into my hood as I walked to the sidewalk, crowded with wide eyed freshman and half dead upperclassmen. My plain black jacket didn’t stand out, I noticed with relief. Once I got around the nice looking commissary-slash-campus book store, building sixteen-oh-three was easy to spot. A large black “1603” was painted on a white square on the east corner. I felt my breathing gradually creeping toward hyperventilation as I approached the door. I tried holding my breath as I followed two unisex raincoats through it. 

The building was huge, bustling already as people figured out which lecture hall held their first class. The people in front of me stopped just inside the door to check the class list taped to the door. I copied them. They were two girls, one a porcelain-colored blonde, the other also pale, with light brown hair. Great, at least I’d be adding to the school’s diversity quota, I rolled my eyes. I saw my class was on the second floor, so I headed up the stairs and followed the numbers to the hall. At the front, in the bottom of the bowl shaped room, I saw the Prof, a tall, balding man whose desk had a nameplate identifying him as Professor Mason. He was busy setting up, and I settled into one of the small desks in the back. I kept my eyes down on the reading list that had been sent out via e-mail earlier that month with my class list and syllabus. It was fairly basic: Brontë, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Faulkner. I’d already read everything. That was comforting… and boring. I wondered if my mom would send me my folder of old essays, or if she would think that was cheating. I went through different arguments with her in my head while the class started and the professor droned on through the syllabus. When the bell rang, a nasal buzzing sound, a gangly boy with skin problems and hair black as an oil slick leaned across the aisle to talk to me. 

“Hey! You’re uh,...Evangeline, aren’t you?” He looked like the overly helpful, chess club type. 

“Eva,” I corrected. It felt like everyone within a three-seat radius turned to look at me. 

“Where’s your next class?” he asked. I had to check in my bag. 

“Um, Foundations Government, with Jefferson, in the Richards building.” 

“I’m headed toward the Science building, I could show you the way.…” Definitely over-helpful. 

“I’m Eric,” he added. I smiled tentatively. 

“Thanks.” We got our jackets and headed out into the rain, which had picked up. I could have sworn several people behind us were walking close enough to eavesdrop. I hoped I wasn’t getting paranoid. 

“So, this is a lot different than LA, huh?” he asked. I was a little disconcerted that he seemed to know so much about me, I knew Kain attended college parties, I wondered if he’d been talking.

“Very.” 

“It doesn’t rain much there, does it?” 

“Not a ton, usually 75 and sunny unless it’s the wet season.” 

“Wow, what must that be like?” he wondered. 

“Warm, and beachy.”

“You don’t look like someone who spent a lot of time on the beach.”

“I’m allergic to water.”

He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn’t mix. A few months of this and I’d forget how to use sarcasm. We walked across campus, following signs posted around. Eric walked me right to the door of my building, though it was clearly marked. 

“Well, good luck,” he said as I touched the handle. “Maybe we’ll have some other classes together.” He sounded hopeful. I smiled at him vaguely and went inside. The rest of the morning passed in about the same fashion. I managed to trip pretty spectacularly in Trig, so focused on finding a clear enough seat in the lecture hall the toe of my boot caught one of the stairs and sent me sprawling. My professor, Dr. Varner, who I would have hated anyway just because of the subject he taught, managed to put himself pretty firmly on my shit-list when I heard him smother a laugh.

After two classes, I started to recognize several of the faces in each class. There was always someone braver than the others who would introduce themselves and ask me questions about how I was liking the first day at WSU, where I’d started before this. A lot more people seemed to know about me than I had thought would be the case. I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just stayed vague. At least I never needed the map. One girl sat next to me in both Trig and AP Mesoamerican History, and she walked with me to the Campus Commissary building for lunch. 

She was tiny, not much shorter than my five feet 2 inches, but her wildly curly strawberry blonde hair made up a lot of the difference between our heights. I couldn’t remember her name, so I smiled and nodded as she prattled about roommates and classes, boys and couples and sororities that were no good. She was nice, a bit of a gossip, but she was so forward I was starting to relax, maybe I could make friends easier than I thought. She continued on, and as much as I tried to pay attention, I couldn’t keep up. We sat at the end of a full table with several people who seemed to be her friends, who she introduced to me. Students had moved into the dorms a little over a week ago, so I had apparently missed a lot. I grinned shyly, trying to commit the names to the faces, morosely sure they would vanish and scramble as soon as they were out of my sight. They seemed impressed by my total cluelessness about the university and the surrounding landscape. At one point Jessica excitedly pulled out her phone, tugging me close by the shoulder. 

“We should take a selfie! I can tag you- oh do you have a facebook?” She gave us a moment to smile, pausing and moving her arm around until she got the lighting on her face just right, then snapped several, I smiled politely, but it looked a little strange, my attempt at throwing up a peace sign was lame at best, but it was a cute pic. 

“Um, yeah, here- let me friend you…” We exchanged socials, and numbers, I was nearly immediately added to the group chat. I was a little overwhelmed, but, happy, I guess I was better at this than I thought. The guy from the English class, Eric, waved at me from across the room. It was there, sitting in the crowded student seating area, trying to make conversation with seven curious strangers, that I first saw _them_. 

They were sitting in the corner of the cafeteria, as far away from where I sat as possible in the odd groupings of tables and laptop counters. There were five of them. They weren’t talking, and they weren’t eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them. They weren’t gawking or attempting to peruse their class lists, so they were obviously at least upperclassmen, they weren’t even on their phones, they were almost like moving sculptures. But it was none of these things that caught, and held, my attention. They didn’t look anything alike. Of the three boys, one was big—muscled like a serious weight lifter, with dark, long-ish dreadlocks, his skin was dark too, the gold beads and hoops decorating his locs and the whites of his eyes were a stark contrast. He lifted his pale palms up as he seemed to shrug at something. Another was taller, leaner, but still muscular, and honey blond. I couldn’t place his expression, somewhere between pain and apathy. The last was lanky, less bulky, with untidy red hair. He was more boyish than the others, who looked like they could be seniors, or, even professors. The girls were opposites. The tall one was dark and statuesque. She had a beautiful figure, the kind you saw on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, the kind that made every girl around her take 2D6 body image damage just existing ner her. Her hair was a rich brunette color, nearly black, but the incandescent lights caught shimmers of gold and burgundy. She had a similar skintone to me, but was obviously desi, perfect dark eyebrows and thick eyelashes, a long slim nose that had a slight hook, and soft, pouty lips. The short girl was pixielike, thin in the extreme, with small features. Her hair was a deep black, cropped short and messy, a slight curl to it. She had very pretty, wide eyes and looked mixed, like me, she giggled at something the blonde boy said to her.

However, they were all…..exactly alike. Every one of them was blemishless, almost too smooth, but they looked,...dry, the word “ashy” came to mind. That seemed impossible considering the moisture that hung in the air like a blanket. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes—purplish, bruise like shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose. Though their noses, all their features, were straight, perfect, angular. But all this is not why I couldn’t look away. I stared because their faces, so different, so similar, were all devastatingly, inhumanly beautiful. They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel. It was hard to decide who was the most beautiful—maybe the perfect desi girl, or the black body builder, or the bronze-haired boy. They were all looking away—away from each other, away from the other students, away from anything in particular as far as I could tell. As I watched, the small girl rose with her tray—unopened soda, unbitten apple—and walked away with a quick, graceful lope that belonged on a runway. I watched, amazed at her lithe dancer’s step, till she dumped her tray and glided through the back door, faster than I would have thought possible. 

  
  


My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging. “Who are they?” I asked the girl from my Meso History class. As she looked up to see who I meant—though already knowing, probably, from my tone—suddenly he looked at her, the boyish one, his clothes looked baggy, a large ochre sweater hiding his exact build as he slouched his shoulders forward. He looked at my neighbor for just a fraction of a second, and then his dark eyes flickered to mine. He looked away quickly, more quickly than I could, though in a flush of embarrassment I dropped my eyes at once. In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest—it was as if she had called his name, and he’d looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer. My neighbor giggled in embarrassment, looking at the table like I did. “That’s...Edward and Emmett Cullen, and Rosalie and Jasper Hale. The one who left was Alice Cullen; they all live together off campus.” She said this under her breath. I glanced sideways at the beautiful boy, who was looking at his tray now, picking a bagel to pieces with long, pale fingers. His mouth was moving very quickly, his perfect lips barely opening. The other three still looked away, and yet I felt he was speaking quietly to them. Strange, unpopular names, I thought. The kinds of names grandparents had. But maybe that was in vogue here—small-town names? I finally remembered that my neighbor was called Jessica, a perfectly common name. There were two girls named Jessica in my History class back home.

“They are… very nice-looking.” I struggled with the conspicuous understatement. 

“Yes!” Jessica agreed with another giggle. “They’re all together though—Emmett and Rosalie, and Jasper and Alice, I mean. And they’re _married_.” Her voice held all the shock and condemnation of a small town, I thought critically. They must have all met in highschool or something. I paused to think about the names,....married? Siblings? Which was which??

“Which ones are the Cullens?” I asked. “They don’t look related.…” 

“Oh, they’re not. They all live with the Cullens’ adoptive parents, Dr. Cullen is really young, in his thirties. He adopted Edward, Alice and Emmet. The Hales are brother and sister, twins—the blondes—and they’re the ones that married in.” 

“They look a little young to be married already..” 

“They are, Jasper and Rosalie are both twenty-two, but they’ve been with Emmet and Alice since early highschool.” 

Throughout all this conversation, my eyes flickered again and again to the table where the strange family sat. They continued to look at the walls and not eat. 

“Have they always lived around Washington?” I asked. Surely not, I’d lived in LA long enough to spot celebrity.

“No,” she said in a voice that implied it should be obvious, even to a new arrival like me. “They just moved down two years ago from somewhere in Alaska.” I felt a surge of pity, and relief. Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted. Relief that I was not the most interesting newcomer by any standard. As I examined them, the youngest, one of the Cullens, looked up and met my gaze, this time with evident curiosity in his expression. As I looked swiftly away, it seemed to me that his glance held some kind of unmet expectation. 

“Which one is the guy with the reddish brown hair?” I asked. I peeked at him from the corner of my eye, and he was still staring at me, but not curiously like others had today—he had a slightly frustrated expression. I looked down again. 

“That’s Edward. He’s gorgeous, of course, but don’t waste your time. He doesn’t date. Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him.” She sniffed, a clear case of sour grapes. I wondered when he’d turned her down. I bit my lip to hide my smile. Then I glanced at him again. His face was turned away, but I thought his cheek appeared lifted, as if he were smiling, too. After a few more minutes, the four of them left the table together. They all were noticeably graceful—even the big, brawny one. It was unsettling to watch. The one named Edward didn’t look at me again. I sat at the table with Jessica and her friends longer than I would have if I’d been sitting alone. I was anxious not to be late for class on my first day. One of my new acquaintances, who considerately reminded me that her name was Angela, had Biology with me the next hour. She was very pretty, tall and stoic, long braids that started black but blended into lovely bright reds, pinks and purples. Her skin was nearly night dark, and even in the pale light of the cloudy day, it seemed to gleam. Her face was soft and rounded, a wide, elegant nose, big sweet brown eyes and the softest looking lips I’d ever seen. I couldn’t help but blush looking at her, my unhelpful, panromantic heart unable to not notice how lovely she was. Maybe not “Cullen” pretty, but certainly up there. I was lucky she’d already informed me she had a girlfriend. I’d seen them together at lunch, the other girl was much taller, thinner and more angular, dark brown hair in a bob she was obviously growing out, I think her name had been...Becca? God I hoped that was right. 

We walked to class together in silence. When we entered the building and then the lab space, Angela went to sit at a black-topped lab table exactly like the ones I was used to. She already had a neighbor. In fact, all the tables were filled but one. Next to the center aisle, I recognized Edward Cullen by his messy auburn hair, sitting next to that single open seat. As I walked down the aisle to introduce myself to the professor, I was watching him surreptitiously. 

Just as I passed, he suddenly went rigid in his seat. He stared at me again, meeting my eyes with the strangest expression on his face—it was hostile, furious. 

I looked away quickly, shocked, going red again. I stumbled over a book in the walkway and had to catch myself on the edge of a table. The girl sitting there giggled. I’d noticed that his eyes were black—coal black. Prof. Banner signed his sheet and handed me a syllabus packet with no nonsense. I could tell we were going to get along. Of course, he had no choice but to send me to the one open seat in the middle of the room. 

I kept my eyes down as I went to sit by him, bewildered by the antagonistic stare he’d given me. I didn’t look up as I set my book on the table and took out my laptop, getting ready to take notes, but I saw his posture change from the corner of my eye. He was leaning away from me, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face like he smelled something bad. 

Inconspicuously, I sniffed my hair. It smelled like mango and coconut, the scent of my favorite shampoo. It seemed an innocent enough odor. I pulled the scrunchy out of my hair and let my hair fluff over my right shoulder, making a dark curly wall between us, and tried to pay attention to the teacher. Unfortunately the lecture was on cell differentiation, something I’d studied in depth in my Pathology class last year. 

I took notes carefully anyway, always looking at my laptop screen. I couldn’t stop myself from peeking occasionally through my hair at the strange guy next to me. 

During the whole class, he never relaxed his stiff position on the edge of his chair, sitting as far from me as possible. I could see his hand on his left leg was clenched into a fist, tendons standing out under his pale skin. 

This, too, he never relaxed. 

He had the long sleeves of his white shirt pushed up to his elbows, and his forearm was surprisingly hard and muscular beneath his light skin. He wasn’t nearly as slight as he’d looked next to his burly brother. 

The class seemed to drag on longer than the others. Was it because the day was finally coming to a close, or because I was waiting for his tight fist to loosen? It never did; he continued to sit so still it looked like he wasn’t breathing. 

What was wrong with him? Was this his normal behavior? It couldn’t have anything to do with me. He didn’t know me from Eve. Was he just super racist? I guess it wouldn’t shock me living in this tiny town.

I peeked up at him one more time, and regretted it. He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phrase if looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind. 

At that moment, the bell rang loudly, making me jump, and Edward Cullen was out of his seat. Fluidly he rose—he was much taller than I’d thought—his back to me, and he was out the door before anyone else was out of their seat. 

I sat frozen, staring blankly after him. 

What a _dick_ , I hadn’t even had a chance to say anything dumb to him yet, and he was already treating me like a freak? My whole body was in fight or flight mode, a familiar queasy pit filling my stomach as I considered the reasons for his behavior. I grabbed my keychain out of my bag, wrapping my hand around the cat shape self defense weapon I kept on it as I finished packing and warily watched the door. But, wait, his adoptive brother was black, and his sister was mixed, I had a brief flash of confusion, then another possibility made me anxious. I wondered if I’d done something rude or gross without realizing it, been distracted. I felt my earlier confidence crumbling, my shoulders slumping.

I began gathering up my things slowly, trying to block the anger and anxiety that filled me, for fear my eyes would tear up. For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was frustrated, a humiliating tendency.

“Aren’t you Evangeline?” a male voice asked. I looked up to see a cute, baby-faced guy, his pale blond hair carefully gelled into orderly spikes, smiling at me in a friendly way. He obviously didn’t think I smelled bad, or that I did something wrong. 

“Eva,” I corrected him, with a smile. 

“I’m Mike.” 

“Hi, Mike.” 

“Do you need any help finding your next class?” 

“I’m headed to the Rec space, actually, this girl, Jessica, wanted to show me around while I was on break between classes. I think I can find it.” 

“That’s my next stop, too.” He seemed thrilled, if not, quick to respond. We walked to the big red building together; he was a chatterer—he supplied most of the conversation, which made it easy for me. He’d lived in California till he was ten, so he knew how I felt about the sun. It turned out he was in my English class also. He was the nicest person I’d met today. But as we were entering the most modern looking building I’d seen on campus, he asked, 

“So, did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what? I’ve never seen him act like that.”

I cringed. So I wasn’t the only one who had noticed. And, apparently, that wasn’t Edward Cullen’s usual behavior. I decided to play dumb. 

“Was that the guy I sat next to in Bio?” I asked artlessly. 

“Yes,” he said. “He looked like he was in pain or something.” 

“I don’t know,” I responded. “I never spoke to him.”

“He’s a weird guy.” Mike lingered by me instead of heading to wherever he’d originally planned on going.

“If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you.” 

He gave me a grin, and I gave him a small giggle for his efforts, though felt an odd little shiver go up my back in confusion with his response.

“Thanks for walking me here, I’m...gonna go find Jessica and Angela.” I tried to keep my voice politely detached, then smiled at him before walking through the space towards the arch labeled Gym and Pool. 

He was friendly and clearly admiring. But it wasn’t enough to ease my irritation. I tried to shake it off, looking around for Jessica and Angela, hoping Jessica's shock of strawberry blonde curls and Angela’s pretty dark skin would help me identify them over the other students' heads. 

I finally saw Jessica, relieved, waving and jogging over, both her and Angela perking up with recognition and met me in the middle. Jess was off immediately, and I realized her voice was oddly soothing as she rambled from where she’d left off, Angela beside her looking indulgent, but happy. 

They started to show me around all the different spaces. I watched four volleyball games running simultaneously in the big basketball court/gym area. Remembering how many injuries I had sustained—and inflicted—playing volleyball back home, I felt faintly nauseated. There was an odd little Arcade, pinball, foosball and pool. Mike was there with a couple other boys, I was cringing at the idea of wielding a giant pointed wooden stick, watching him crack the cue ball into two striped balls across the pool table before he stood up.

“Hey Eva! Hey Jess, Angela.” He got elbowed by a dark haired friend of his, then rammed in his side by the other guy he was with, Mike whining and cussing at them, I think I distinctly heard the term “Man-whore” as Jessica rolled her eyes and walked us onto the next space, Angela giggling. 

There were quiet study rooms on the second floor, and a small mock movie theater for students. There was a massive hall of vending machines for snacks, sodas and coffees. Some reservable conference rooms, and a small gym stocked with weight lifting equipment and a couple treadmills. Last but not least the pool, I was honestly excited about that, the large tiled room humid and hot with the heated, chlorinated water. It was an olympic sized pool, two diving boards on the deeper end. I loved swimming, nothing cleared my head more than floating weightless in warm water. 

By the time the tour was over it was already nearly four o’clock, and I had to run to my next class, the rain had drifted away, but the wind was strong, and colder. I wrapped my arms around myself as I hiked through the campus back to the science building. 

When I walked into the warm office, I almost turned around and walked back out. 

Edward Cullen stood at the desk in the front of the building, talking quietly with an administrator there. I recognized again that tousled bronze hair. He didn’t appear to notice the sound of my entrance. I tried to sneak around him to get a glance at the sheet taped to the glass window of the main office door, grimacing at how close I had to be. 

He was arguing with her in a low, attractive voice. I quickly picked up the gist of the argument. He was trying to trade from the 12:05 3rd year Biology to another time—any other time. I just couldn’t believe that this was about me. It had to be something else, something that happened before I entered the lab. The look on his face must have been about another aggravation entirely. It was impossible that this stranger could take such a sudden, intense dislike to me. 

The door opened again, and the cold wind suddenly gusted through the room, rustling the papers on the desk, swirling my hair around my face. The girl who entered merely jogged past to her next class, heading up the stairs. But Edward Cullen’s back stiffened, and he turned slowly to glare at me with piercing, hate-filled eyes. For an instant, I felt a thrill of genuine fear, raising the hair on my arms. 

The look only lasted a second, but it chilled me more than the freezing wind. He turned back to the receptionist. 

“Never mind, then,” he said hastily in a voice like velvet. “I can see that it’s impossible. Thank you so much for your help.” And he turned on his heel without another look at me, and disappeared out the door. 

I went meekly to the class sheet, finally finding my class and hobbling my way there. I couldn’t pay attention to this syllabus read through, hearing something about a Moodle site, still brooding about this random dude who seemed to loathe me for unknown reasons.

When the class was finally dismissed, I stretched and trudged my way out. When I got to the truck, it was almost the last car in the lot. It seemed like a haven, already the closest thing to real privacy I had in this damp green hole. I sat inside for a while, just staring out the windshield blankly. But soon I was cold enough to need the heater, so I turned the key and the engine roared to life. I headed back to the apartment, fighting tears the whole way there.


	3. Open Book

OPEN BOOK

The next day was better...and worse. It was better because it wasn’t raining yet, though the clouds were dense and opaque. It was easier because I knew what to expect of my day. Mike came to sit by me in English, and walked me to my next class, with Eric glaring at him all the while; that was flattering. 

People didn’t look at me nearly as much as they had yesterday. I sat with a big group during the mid-day break that included Mike, Eric, Jessica, and several other people whose names and faces I now remembered. I began to feel like I was treading water, instead of drowning in it. 

It was worse because I was tired; I still couldn’t sleep with the wind echoing around the house. 

It was worse because Dr. Varner called on me in Trig when my hand wasn’t raised and I had the wrong answer. 

It was miserable because Jess and Angela had begged me to play a game of volleyball, and the one time I didn’t cringe out of the way of the ball, I hit Jess in the head with it. 

And it was worse because Edward Cullen wasn’t in school at all. 

All morning I had been dreading the break, fearing his bizarre glares. Part of me wanted to confront him and demand to know what his problem was, at least let me do something to piss you off before you start being a dick to me. While I was lying sleepless in my bed, I even imagined what I would say. But I knew myself too well to think I would really have the balls to do it. I was utterly terrible when it came to confrontation, even with my quick temper. 

But when I walked into the cafe with Jessica—trying to keep my eyes from sweeping the place for him, and failing entirely—I saw that his four siblings of sorts were sitting together at the same table, and he was not with them. Mike intercepted us and steered us to his table. Jessica seemed elated by the attention, and her friends quickly joined us. But as I tried to listen to their easy chatter, I was terribly uncomfortable, waiting nervously for the moment he would arrive. I hoped that he would simply ignore me when he came, and prove my suspicions false. He didn’t come, and as time passed I grew more and more tense. 

I walked to Bio with more confidence when, by the end of lunch, he still hadn’t shown. Mike, who was taking on the qualities of a golden retriever, walked faithfully by my side to class. I held my breath at the door, but Edward Cullen wasn’t there, either. I exhaled and went to my seat. 

Mike followed, talking about an upcoming bar crawl he was planning to show some people around the town. He lingered by my desk till the bell rang. Then he smiled at me wistfully and went to sit by a girl with braces and a struggling ponytail. It looked like I was going to have to do something about Mike, and it wouldn’t be easy. In a college like this, where everyone lived on top of everyone else, diplomacy was essential. I had never been enormously tactful; thanks to ADHD- I had no practice dealing with overly friendly boys. 

I was relieved that I had the desk to myself, that Edward was absent. I told myself that repeatedly. But I couldn’t get rid of the nagging suspicion that I was the reason he wasn’t there. It was ridiculous, and egotistical, to think that I could affect anyone that strongly. I tried to remind myself of my therapist's helpful coping strategy, “Not everything is about you, Eva.” It was impossible. 

And yet I couldn’t stop worrying that it was true. When the day was finally done, I booked it outside of my final Entomology class, pleased to find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment. I walked swiftly out to the parking lot. It was crowded now with fleeing students. 

I got in my truck and dug through my bag to make sure I had what I needed. Last night I’d discovered that Kain couldn’t cook much besides fried eggs and bacon. So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the duration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the banquet hall. I also found out that he had no food in the house. So I had my shopping list and the cash from the jar in the cupboard labeled FOOD MONEY, and I was on my way to the Thriftway. 

I gunned my deafening engine to life, ignoring the heads that turned in my direction, and backed carefully into a place in the line of cars that were waiting to exit the parking lot. As I waited, trying to pretend that the ear splitting rumble was coming from someone else’s car, I saw the two Cullens and the Hale twins getting into their car. It was the shiny new BMW. Of course. 

I hadn’t noticed their clothes before—I’d been too mesmerized by their faces. Now that I looked, it was obvious that they were all dressed exceptionally well; simply, but in clothes that subtly hinted at designer origins. With their remarkable good looks, the style with which they carried themselves, they could have worn dishrags and pulled it off. It seemed excessive for them to have both looks and money. 

But as far as I could tell, capitalism worked that way most of the time. It didn’t look as if it bought them any acceptance here. No, I didn’t fully believe that. The isolation must be their desire; I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty. They looked at my noisy truck as I passed them, just like everyone else. I kept my eyes straight forward and was relieved when I finally was free of the school grounds. 

The Thriftway was not far from the school, just a few streets south, off the highway. It was nice to be inside the supermarket; it felt normal. I did the shopping at home, and I fell into the pattern of the familiar task gladly. The store was big enough inside that I couldn’t hear the tapping of the rain on the roof to remind me where I was.   
I also grabbed myself a bottle of Moscato, I could have a little wine, as a treat. 

When I got home, I unloaded all the groceries, stuffing them in wherever I could find an open space. I hoped Kain wouldn’t mind. I wrapped potatoes in foil and stuck them in the oven to bake, covered a steak in marinade and balanced it on top of a carton of eggs in the fridge. When I was finished with that, I took my book bag upstairs. Before starting my classwork, I changed into a pair of dry sweats, pulled my damp hair up into a ponytail, and checked my email for the first time. I had three messages.

“Eva, 

Write to me as soon as you get finished with your first day. Is it raining? I miss you already. I’m almost finished packing for that vacation with Andrew to Cancun, but I can’t find my pink blouse. Do you remember where that went? Andrew says hi. 

Mom.”

I sighed and went to the next. It was sent eight hours after the first. 

“Eva,

Why haven’t you emailed me yet? What are you waiting for? 

Mom.” 

The last was from this morning. 

Evangeline, If I haven’t heard from you by 5:30 p.m. today I’m calling Kain. 

Not even a sign off on that one, and the subject was blank. I checked the clock. I still had an hour, but my mom was well known for jumping the gun. 

Mom,   
Calm down. I’m writing right now. Don’t do anything rash. 

Eva. 

I sent that, and began again. 

Mom, 

Everything is great. Of course it’s raining. I was waiting for something to write about. School isn’t bad, just a little repetitive. I met some nice kids who sit by me on breaks. Your blouse is at the dry cleaners—you were supposed to pick it up Friday. Kain bought me a truck, can you believe it? I love it. It’s old, but really sturdy, which is good, you know, for me. I miss you, too. I’ll write again soon, but I’m not going to check my email every five minutes. Relax, breathe. I love you. 

Eva. 

I had decided to read Wuthering Heights—the novel we were currently studying in English—yet again for the fun of it, and that’s what I was doing when Kain came home. I’d lost track of the time, and I hurried downstairs to take the potatoes out and put the steak in to broil. 

“Eva?” my brother called out when he heard me in the hall. Who else? I thought to myself. 

“Hey, Bro, welcome home.” 

“Awh! Thanks.” He hung up his tan duster jacket and stepped out of his boots as I bustled about the kitchen. 

“What’s for dinner?” he asked warily. My mother was an imaginative cook, and her experiments weren’t always edible. I was surprised, and sad, that he assumed I’d let her continue to cook after he’d left.

“Steak and potatoes,” I answered, and he looked relieved. He seemed to feel awkward standing in the kitchen doing nothing; he padded into the living room to get on facebook and turn on Netflix while I worked. We were both more comfortable that way. I made a salad while the steaks cooked, and set the table. I called him in when dinner was ready, and he sniffed appreciatively as he walked into the room. 

“Smells good, Boo.” 

“Thanks.” We ate in silence for a few minutes. It wasn’t uncomfortable. Neither of us was bothered by the quiet. In some ways, we were well suited for living together. 

“So…, how did you like school? Have you made any friends?” he asked as he was taking seconds. 

“Well, I have a few classes with a girl named Jessica. I sit with her friends on break. And there’s this boy, Mike, who’s very friendly. Everybody seems pretty nice.” With one outstanding exception. 

“That must be Mike Newton. He’s a bit of a playboy, but he’s nice enough from what I’ve heard. His Pops owns the sporting goods store just outside of town. He makes a good living off all the backpackers who come through here.” 

“Do you know the Cullen family?” I asked hesitantly. 

“Dr. Cullen’s family? Oh god yea, they are HARD. TO. MISS. Dr. Cullen’s a really good doctor, and a total DILF.” I gave him an exasperated look, following it with a hard ‘Bruh’. He looked back at me with wide eyes and a huff. 

“What!? He is!”

“If I hear you call anyone “Daddy“ I swear to god I will throw you out the window.”

He laughed at that, grinning evilly at me but getting another bite. I sat for a moment before I continued.

“They… the kids… are a little different. They don’t seem to fit in very well at school.” I looked up at him again. 

Kain surprised me by looking angry. “People in this town,” he muttered. “They really are a chill family, the doc and his wife do charity events and fundraisers for LGBTQ Youth, and he’s been fighting for the hospital to provide gender confirmation surgery and therapy. A lot of the kids in the youth group I work with go to him because he makes them feel safe.” He almost growled. “And their kids are super polite and quiet, I’ve met the bigger one, Emmet, at a couple parties and he’s a really good dude, helps me and the other guys keep an eye on girls drinks so nobody tries anything stupid. Just because they’re newcomers, n’ pretty, people have to talk.” He must feel strongly about whatever people were saying, and I can imagine it wasn’t great in this pretty conservative town, I backpedaled. 

“They seemed nice enough to me. I just noticed they kept to themselves. They’re all very attractive,” I added, trying to be more complimentary. 

“Seriously, you should see the doctor,” Kain said, laughing. “It’s a good thing he’s happily married. A lot of the nurses at the hospital have a hard time concentrating on their work with him around. Hell, I would have trouble concentrating just glancing at the man.” He put on a dreamy expression and I kicked him under the table. 

“Go to horny jail, Nasty.” We lapsed back into silence as we finished eating. He cleared the table while I started on the dishes. He went back to the TV, and after I finished washing the dishes by hand—no dishwasher—I went to my room unwillingly to work on my math homework. I could feel a tradition in the making. 

That night it was finally quiet. My comfy little reclining reading chair beside my desk was still far too inviting. I pulled my laptop out and got into some joggers and a ratty t-shirt, and finally grabbed the moscato and a glass from the kitchen. 

As I worked on my different classwork and readings, I lost count of how many glasses I’d had--I was a massive lightweight, so when I leaned back to stretch and realized how tipsy I was--I snickered with a grimace. 

“Whoopsie.” 

I settled though, happily buzzed but still pretty awake. I bit my lip as a thought crossed my mind, opening a new tab on my web browser. I tapped in Facebook's URL, scrolling the page. I wasn’t on Facebook much, besides scrolling for the memes and fighting racist long distance relatives. But tonight I was looking for something specific. 

I went to the search bar and looked up the name “Edward Cullen”. Maybe he’d vague-posted about me or something, maybe I could get some insight as to why he was away from class...As I was not friends with him, though, all I could really see was photos. 

There weren’t many, and I was disappointed. A couple of his family, one or two selfies with his adoptive sister, Alice, some staged looking photos of them all in graduation gowns from high school. I frowned unhappily, a reminder of how pretty he was but nothing else didn’t help me at all. I briefly glanced at the “add friend” button, but laughed out loud to myself less than a moment later. As if I had the balls. 

I scrolled back up, clicking around his profile to see if there was anything of use to me. And I paused when I saw he’d linked his Spotify to his Facebook account. He must not have realized it was public. I bit my lip and clicked on his Spotify, pulling up his profile to find out if I could see what he was listening to. My jaw fell open.

I felt like you could tell a lot about a person by what they listened to. However, his music taste was even more frenetic than mine, and enormous. 

I scrolled through his different playlists and followed artists, most of it wasn’t even in english. I looked to his profile picture, a slightly blurry photo of his face. It looked like he’d simply zoomed in on a family photo for it, in fact I think he had. 

I finally sighed, rolling my eyes at myself, my failed attempt at cyber-stalking did seem pretty juvenile, but he’d started it with his attitude. I slapped my laptop shut and set it up to charge, returning the half empty bottle and my empty glass to the kitchen, and finally went to bed. 

I fell asleep quickly, exhausted. The rest of the week was uneventful. I got used to the routine of my classes. By Friday I was able to recognize, if not name, almost all the students in my classes. On break, Angela and Jess finally decided self preservation was more important than making me “feel included” in the game, I played goalkeeper and referee, and happily stayed out of their way. Edward Cullen didn’t come back to school. 

Every day, I watched anxiously until the rest of the Cullens entered the cafeteria without him. Then I could relax and join in the lunchtime conversation. Mostly it centered around a bar crawl in two weeks that Mike was putting together. I was invited, and I had agreed to go, more out of politeness and to hang with Angela and Becca than a desire to binge drink.

By Friday I was perfectly comfortable entering my Biology class, no longer worried that Edward would be there. For all I knew, he had dropped out of school. I tried not to think about him, but I couldn’t totally suppress the worry that I was responsible for his continued absence, ridiculous as it seemed. 

My first weekend passed without incident. Kain, unused to spending time in the usually empty house, went out most of the weekend. I cleaned the house, got ahead on my homework, scrolled facebook and twitter mindlessly, and wrote my mom a more bogusly cheerful email. 

I did drive to the university library Saturday, but it was mostly educational and had very little in terms of fun reading. I would have to make a date to visit Olympia or Seattle soon and find a good bookstore. 

I wondered idly what kind of gas mileage the truck got… and shuddered at the thought. The rain stayed soft over the weekend, quiet, so I was able to sleep well. People greeted me in the parking lot Monday morning. I didn’t know all their names, but I waved back and smiled at everyone. 

It was colder this morning, but happily not raining. In English, Mike took his accustomed seat by my side. We had a pop quiz on Wuthering Heights. It was straightforward, very easy. All in all, I was feeling a lot more comfortable than I had thought I would feel by this point. When we walked out of class, the air was full of swirling bits of white. I could hear people shouting excitedly to each other. The wind bit at my cheeks, my nose. 

“Wow,” Mike said. “It’s snowing.” 

I looked at the little cotton fluffs that were building up along the sidewalk and swirling erratically past my face. 

“Ew.” Snow. There went my good day. He looked surprised. 

“Don’t you like snow?”

“No. That means it’s too cold for rain.” I really didn’t like the cold, chilly was one thing, something a warm sweater and a cute scarf would fix. But cold in the Pacific NorthWest, cold, that was something else entirely. I grimaced and--not caring how dorky I would look-- zipped my parka up to my neck and dug my hand in the chest pocket where I had stashed a thin, simple beanie and mittens just for emergencies, getting them on as quickly as possible. Mike looked at me in shock for a moment, then laughed, the look on my face must betray my trauma. 

And then a big, squishy ball of dripping snow smacked into the back of his head. We both turned to see where it came from. I had my suspicions about Eric, who was walking away, his back toward us—in the wrong direction for his next class. Mike apparently had the same notion. He bent over and began scraping together a pile of the white mush. 

“I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” I kept walking as I spoke. “Once people start throwing wet stuff, I go inside.” 

He glanced back at me, laughing again at my disgusted wave at the ground, clomping off in my boots. Of all the days to go with the black tights and sweater dress look. At least I was wearing my combat boots, I thought with a shudder at the idea of being stuck in this in just sneakers. Throughout the morning, everyone chattered excitedly about the snow; apparently it was the first snowfall of the year. I kept my mouth shut. Sure, it was drier than rain—until it melted in your socks. I walked alertly to the cafeteria with Jessica after Spanish. Mush balls were flying everywhere. I kept a binder in my hands, ready to use it as a shield if necessary. Jessica thought I was hilarious, but something in my expression kept her from lobbing a snowball at me herself. 

Mike caught up to us as we walked in the doors, laughing, with ice melting the spikes in his hair. He and Jessica were talking animatedly about the snow fight as we got in line to buy food. I glanced toward that table in the corner out of habit. And then I froze where I stood. There were five people at the table. Jessica pulled on my arm. 

“Hello? Eva? What do you want?” I looked down; my ears were hot. I had no reason to feel self-conscious, I reminded myself. I hadn’t done anything wrong. 

“What’s with Eva?” Mike asked Jessica. “Nothing,” I answered. 

“I’ll just get a soda today.” I caught up to the end of the line. 

“Aren’t you hungry?” Jessica asked, an odd little frown on her face. 

“Actually, I feel a little sick,” I said, my eyes still on the floor. I waited for them to get their food, noticing Jessica got an extra side and piece of veggie pizza, and three drinks, I only noticed because she broke her typical routine. I was curious, she must be hungry. and then followed them to a table, my eyes on my feet. 

I sipped my soda slowly, my stomach churning. Twice Mike asked, with unnecessary concern, how I was feeling. I told him it was nothing, but I was wondering if I should play it up and escape to the nurse’s office for the next hour. Ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to run away. I decided to permit myself one glance at the Cullen family’s table. If he was glaring at me, I would skip Biology, like the coward I was. I kept my head down and glanced up under my lashes. 

None of them were looking this way. I lifted my head a little. They were laughing. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett all had their hair entirely saturated with melting snow. Alice and Rosalie were leaning away as Emmett shook his dripping hair toward them. They were enjoying the snowy day, just like everyone else—only they looked more like a scene from a movie than the rest of us. 

But, aside from the laughter and playfulness, there was something different, and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what that difference was. I examined Edward the most carefully. His skin was less pale, I decided—flushed from the snow fight maybe—the circles under his eyes much less noticeable. But there was something more. I pondered, staring, trying to isolate the change. 

“Eva, what are you staring at?” Jessica intruded, her eyes following my stare. At that precise moment, his eyes flashed over to meet mine. I dropped my head, letting my hair fall to conceal my face. I was sure, though, in the instant our eyes met, that he didn’t look harsh or unfriendly as he had the last time I’d seen him. He looked merely curious again, unsatisfied in some way. 

“Edward Cullen is staring at you,” Jessica giggled in my ear. 

“He doesn’t look angry, does he?” I couldn’t help asking. 

“No,” she said, sounding confused by my question. “Should he be?” 

“I don’t think he likes me,” I confided. I still felt queasy. I put my head down on my arm. She still looked concerned, but took another bite of her first piece of the pizza, chewing and huffing. 

“The Cullens don’t like anybody… well, they don’t notice anybody enough to like them. But he’s still staring at you.” she glanced back up at him, staring at him back in what looked to be an intimidating way, narrowing her eyes and then looking back down at me, the intimidation gone. I was in awe, I didn’t think I’d have the balls to stare him down like that. My respect for the girl beside me spiked, but I was still bright red.

“Stop fuckin’ looking at him,” I hissed. She snickered, but she looked away. I raised my head enough to make sure that she did, urging her. Mike interrupted us then—he was planning an epic battle of the blizzard in the parking lot after class and wanted us to join. Jessica agreed enthusiastically. The way she looked at Mike left little doubt that she would be up for anything he suggested. I kept silent. I would have to hide in the gym until the parking lot cleared. For the rest of the lunch hour I very carefully kept my eyes at my own table. But I was starting to relax, he didn’t seem upset today...My stomach was suddenly a little less tight, and I realized I regretted not getting anything to eat. I glanced at the extra food on Jessica's tray with a little remorse. She seemed to catch that, perking. 

“Oh, hey, are you still not hungry or could you help me finish off this tray? I hate wasting food and my eyes were totally bigger than my stomach today..” I perked.

“Oh, no if you were hungry you should try-” but a little gurgle in my stomach betrayed me. I glared at it quickly and she snorted, giggling again and pushing one of her drinks and the side at me. It suddenly hit me that she’d gotten those extra things because she knew this would happen and wanted me to eat something. I was touched, but now even more embarrassed than before. I sheepishly opened the drink and tugged the side to me, blushing.

“..Thanks Jess…” I decided to honor the bargain I’d made with myself. Since he didn’t look angry, I would go to Biology. My stomach did frightened little flips at the thought of sitting next to him again. I didn’t really want to walk to class with Mike as usual—he seemed to be a popular target for the snowball snipers—but when we went to the door, everyone besides me groaned in unison. 

It was raining, washing all traces of the snow away in clear, icy ribbons down the side of the walkway. I pulled my hood up, secretly pleased. I would be free to go straight home after Gym. Mike kept up a string of complaints on the way to the science building. Once inside the classroom, I saw with relief that my table was still empty. Mr. Banner was walking around the room, distributing one microscope and box of slides to each table. Class didn’t start for a few minutes, and the room buzzed with conversation. I kept my eyes away from the door, doodling idly on the cover of my notebook. I heard very clearly when the chair next to me moved, but my eyes stayed carefully focused on the pattern I was drawing. 

“Hello,” said a quiet, musical voice. I looked up, stunned that he was speaking to me. He was sitting as far away from me as the desk allowed, but his chair was angled toward me. His hair was dripping wet, disheveled—even so, he looked like he’d just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips. But his eyes were careful. 

“My name is Edward Cullen,” he continued. 

“I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Eva Irving.” My mind was spinning with confusion. Had I made up the whole thing? He was perfectly polite now. I had to speak; he was waiting. But I couldn’t think of anything conventional to say. 

“Uh...hi? how do you know my name?” I stammered. He laughed a soft, enchanting laugh. 

“Oh, I think everyone knows your name. Your older brother is well known at the frat parties on campus, he talks about you quite frequently.” I grimaced. I knew it was something like that. 

“No,” I persisted stupidly. “I meant, why did you call me Eva?” He seemed confused. 

“Do you prefer Evangeline?” 

“No, I like Eva,” I shook my head- “But I think Kain must call me Evangeline behind my back—that’s what everyone here seems to know me as,” I tried to explain, but it was already dying on my lips as I realized he could have heard it from one of the other students at some point. 

“Oh.” He let it drop. I looked away awkwardly, unnerved. Thankfully, Prof. Banner started class at that moment. I tried to concentrate as he explained the lab we would be doing today. The slides in the box were out of order. Working as lab partners, we had to separate the slides of onion root tip cells into the phases of mitosis they represented and label them accordingly, and define the differences between mitosis and cytokinesis. The other two pages in the packet talked about nondisjunction events and how each one could lead to a different chromosomal abnormality, with a few essay questions attached. We weren’t supposed to use our books. In twenty minutes, he would be coming around to see who had it right. 

“Get started,” he commanded. 

“Ladies first, partner?” Edward asked. I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot. “Or I could start, if you wish.” The smile faded; he was obviously wondering if I was dissociating. 

“No,” I jerked to life, flushing. “I’ll go ahead.” I was showing off, just a little. I’d already done this lab, and I knew what I was looking for. It should be easy. I snapped the first slide into place under the microscope and adjusted it quickly to the 40X objective. I studied the slide briefly. My assessment was confident. “Prophase.” 

“Do you mind if I look?” he asked as I began to remove the slide. His hand caught mine, to stop me, as he asked. His fingers were ice cold, like he’d been holding them in a snowdrift before class. But that wasn’t why I jerked my hand away so quickly. When he touched me, it stung my hand as if an electric current had passed through us. I had never felt anything like that, my heart racing just a little. For a second I thought I was being melodramatic, but after a moment, I genuinely felt my fingers tingling where we’d made contact, like I’d applied a menthol paste to the area.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, pulling his hand back immediately. However, he continued to reach for the microscope. I watched him, still staggered, as he examined the slide for an even shorter time than I had. “Prophase,” he agreed, writing it neatly in the first space on our worksheet. He swiftly switched out the first slide for the second, and then glanced at it cursorily. 

“Anaphase,” he murmured, writing it down as he spoke. I kept my voice indifferent. 

“May I?” He smirked and pushed the microscope to me. I looked through the eyepiece eagerly, only to be disappointed. Dang it, he was right. “Slide three?” I held out my hand without looking at him. He handed it to me; it seemed like he was being careful not to touch my skin again. I took the most fleeting look I could manage. 

“Interphase.” I passed him the microscope before he could ask for it. He took a swift peek, and then wrote it down as well. We were finished before anyone else was close, I was now quietly filling in the essay questions, figuring he was too as he didn’t say anything. 

Describing the reactions of different muscle tissues responding to nondisjunction events during mitotic cell division and what different rates of cell division in different tissues and organs would mean in terms of damage to that organ. 

My handwriting was messy compared to his, and I frowned, deciding to ignore it as I continued down the page. I could see Mike and his partner comparing two slides again and again, and another group had their book open under the table. Which left me with nothing to do but try to not look at him… unsuccessfully. I glanced up, and he was staring at me, that same inexplicable look of frustration in his eyes. Suddenly I identified that subtle difference in his face. 

“Did you get contacts?” I blurted out unthinkingly. He seemed puzzled by my unexpected question. 

“No.” 

“Oh,” I mumbled. “I thought there was something different about your eyes.” He shrugged, and looked away. 

In fact, I was sure there was something different. I vividly remembered the flat black color of his eyes the last time he’d glared at me—the color was striking against the background of his pale skin and his auburn hair. 

Today, his eyes were a completely different color: a strange ocher, darker than butterscotch, but with the same golden tone. I didn’t understand how that could be, unless he was lying for some reason about the contacts. 

Or maybe all this time indoors was making me crazy in the literal sense of the word. I looked down. His hands were clenched into hard fists again. What was this guy's deal? I did a vague assessment, he must be one of those “High Horse” types, I mean, with all that money, and what must be a gaggle of fangirls, he was probably full of himself. I was on edge now, curling in on myself.

Prof. Banner came to our table, to see why we weren’t working. He looked over our shoulders to glance at the completed lab, and then stared more intently to check the answers. 

“So, Edward, didn’t you think Evangeline should get a chance with the microscope?” Mr. Banner asked. 

“Eva,” Edward corrected automatically. “Actually, she identified three of the five.” Prof. Banner looked at me now; his expression was skeptical. 

“Have you done this lab before?” he asked. I smiled sheepishly. 

“Not with onion root.” 

“Whitefish blastula?” 

“Yeah.” Mr. Banner nodded, then paused, seeing I’d written in the essay questions, it was only then that I noticed that Edward hadn’t. He looked,...amused. 

“Oh, We weren’t going to move onto those until after the lecture. Did you skip Introduction to biology in Nebraska?” 

“Yes.” I had been in AP bio in highschool, so I’d skipped to Bio 1 in freshman year. 

“Well,” he said after a moment, “I guess it’s good you two are lab partners, I’m wondering why the credit didn’t transfer you to the higher Cellular and Molecular biology Major trajectory.” 

“Oh it did, I’m double majoring in Chemistry and Molecular and Cellular biology. I’m trying to shorten the time it will take to get into Medical school. The faster I can get into a residency the better.” I laughed, trying to joke with him. He nodded and harrumphed, then mumbled something else as he walked away. After he left, I began doodling on my notebook again. 

“It’s too bad about the snow, isn’t it?” Edward asked. I had the feeling that he was forcing himself to make small talk with me. Paranoia swept over me again. It was like he had heard my conversation with Jessica at lunch and was trying to prove me wrong. 

“Not really,” I answered honestly, making a face. I was still trying to dislodge the stupid feeling of suspicion, and I couldn’t concentrate. 

“You don’t like the cold.” It wasn’t a question. 

“Or the sloppy.” 

“Washington must be a difficult place for you to live,” he mused. 

“You have no idea,” I muttered darkly. He looked fascinated by what I said, for some reason I couldn’t imagine. His face was such a distraction that I tried not to look at it any more than courtesy absolutely demanded. 

“Why did you come here, then?” No one had asked me that—not straight out like he did, demanding.

“Well, money honestly,” I sighed “Nebraska was expensive with housing and food costs, my mom was threatening to dig into her retirement to help me out. Since my older brother lives out here and WSU was going to offer me a ton of grants and scholarship money if I transferred, as well as take most of my credits, I couldn’t just let her throw away her money..and then…” I paused for a long moment, and then made the mistake of meeting his gaze. His dark gold eyes confused me, and I answered without thinking. “My mother got remarried,” he was suddenly sympathetic. 

“When did that happen?” 

“Last September.” My voice sounded sad, even to me. 

“And you don’t like him,” Edward surmised, his tone still kind. 

“No, Andrew is fine. Too young, maybe, but nice enough.” 

“Why didn’t you stay with them? Go to CSU LA?” I couldn’t fathom his interest, but he continued to stare at me with penetrating eyes, as if my dull life’s story was somehow vitally important. Again I had the vague feeling this was going to be a trick.

“...She and Andrew really wanted to travel, but my mom is stubborn, she didn’t want to leave me on my own all the time.” 

“And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him.” He said it as an assumption again, not a question. My chin raised a fraction. 

“No, she did not send me here. I sent myself.” His eyebrows knit together. 

“I don’t understand,” he admitted, and he seemed unnecessarily frustrated by that fact. I sighed. Why was I explaining this to him? He continued to stare at me with obvious curiosity. 

“She stayed with me at first, but she was still stuck at work, never taking any time for herself. It made her unhappy, and worried me… so I started the transfer application to WSU.” My voice was glum by the time I finished. 

“But now you’re unhappy,” he pointed out. 

“And?” I challenged. 

“That doesn’t seem fair.” He shrugged, but his eyes were still intense. I laughed without humor. 

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you? Life isn’t fair, or cheap.” 

“I believe I have heard that somewhere before,” he agreed dryly. 

“So that’s it,” I insisted, wondering why he was still staring at me that way. His gaze became appraising. 

“You put on a good show,” he said slowly. “But I’d be willing to bet that there’s a little more to it, you’re struggling with this move more than you let anyone see.” I grimaced at him, resisting the impulse to stick out my tongue like a five-year-old, and looked away. 

“Am I wrong?” I tried to ignore him. 

“I didn’t think so,” he murmured smugly. 

“Why does it matter to you?” I asked, irritated. I didn’t want to tell him anything he could hurt me with,I recognized this feeling, like when I was in middle school and kids would suddenly talk to me, just to make fun of me. The distinct suspicion was a trap, but I didn’t know in what way. I kept my eyes away, watching the teacher make his rounds. 

“That’s a very good question,” he muttered, so quietly that I wondered if he was talking to himself. However, after a few seconds of silence, I decided that was the only answer I was going to get. I sighed, scowling at the blackboard. 

“Am I annoying you?” he asked. He sounded amused. I glanced at him without thinking… and told the truth again. 

“Not exactly. I’m more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book.” I frowned. 

“On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read.” Despite everything that I’d said and he’d guessed, he sounded like he meant it. 

“You must be a good reader then,” I replied. 

“Usually.” He smiled widely, flashing a set of perfect, ultrawhite teeth. Prof. Banner called the class to order, and I turned with relief to listen. I was in disbelief that I’d just explained my life story to this bizarre, beautiful, and rude boy who may or may not despise me. 

He’d seemed engrossed in our conversation, but now I could see, from the corner of my eye, that he was leaning away from me again, his hands gripping the edge of the table with unmistakable tension. 

I tried to appear attentive as Mr. Banner illustrated, with transparencies on the overhead projector, what I had seen without difficulty through the microscope. But my thoughts were unmanageable. When the bell finally rang, Edward rushed as swiftly and as gracefully from the room as he had last Monday. And, like last Monday, I stared after him in amazement. Mike skipped quickly to my side and picked up my books for me. I imagined him with a wagging tail. 

“That was awful,” he groaned. “They all looked exactly the same. You’re lucky you had Cullen for a partner.” 

“I didn’t have any trouble with it,” I said, stung by his assumption. 

“Cullen seemed friendly enough today,” he commented as we shrugged into our raincoats. He didn’t seem pleased about it. I tried to sound indifferent. “I wonder what was with him last Monday.” 

I couldn’t concentrate on Mike’s chatter as we walked to the Rec center, watching him and my other friends play volleyball again today, helping them keep score and call fouls. The rain was just a mist as I walked to the parking lot, but I was happier when I was in the dry cab. 

I got the heater running, for once not caring about the mind-numbing roar of the engine. I unzipped my jacket, put the hood down, and fluffed my damp hair out so the heater could dry it on the way home. I looked around me to make sure it was clear. That’s when I noticed the still, white figure. 

Edward Cullen was leaning against the front door of the BMW, three cars down from me, and staring intently in my direction. I swiftly looked away and threw the truck into reverse, almost hitting a rusty Toyota Corolla in my haste. Lucky for the Toyota, I stomped on the brake in time. It was just the sort of car that my truck would make scrap metal of. I took a deep breath, still looking out the other side of my car, and cautiously pulled out again, with greater success. I stared straight ahead as I passed the BMW, but from a peripheral peek, I would swear I saw him laughing.


	4. Phenomenon

PHENOMENON

When I opened my eyes in the morning, something was different. It was the light. It was still the gray-green light of a cloudy day in the forest, but it was clearer somehow. I realized there was no fog veiling my window. I jumped up to look outside, and then groaned in horror. A fine layer of snow covered the ground, and whitened the road. 

It was barely September! What the hell was with this cold front all of a sudden? But that wasn’t the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid—coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns, and making the driveway a deadly ice slick. I had enough trouble not falling down when the ground was dry; it might be safer for me to go back to bed now. Kain had left for work before I got downstairs. In a lot of ways, living with Kain was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely. 

I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton. I felt anxious to go to school, and that scared me. I knew it wasn’t the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends. 

If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen, see if he was using the information I’d given him to do what I’d assumed he was planning to. 

I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday. And I was suspicious of him; why should he lie about his eyes? I was still frightened of the hostility I sometimes felt emanating from him, and I was still tongue-tied whenever I pictured his face. 

I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch, so why on earth did he seem so interested in me all of a sudden? It didn’t make any logical sense, and it was making me irritated. I didn’t like being fucked with.

It took every ounce of my concentration to make it down the glaze ice sidewalk alive. I almost lost my balance when I finally got to the truck, but I managed to cling to the side mirror and save myself. Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish. Driving to school, I distracted myself from my fear of falling and my unwanted speculations about Edward Cullen by thinking about Mike and Eric, and the obvious difference in how teenage boys responded to me here. 

I was sure I looked exactly the same as I had in LA and Nebraska. Maybe it was just that the boys I’d been around before were used to my weirdness. Maybe I was finally growing into myself and just couldn’t see it. Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress. 

Whatever the reason, Mike’s puppy dog behavior and Eric’s apparent rivalry with him were disconcerting and...new. I wasn’t sure if I didn’t prefer being ignored. 

My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that coated the roads. I drove very slowly, though, not wanting to carve a path of destruction through Main Street. When I got out of my truck in the student parking lot, I saw why I’d had so little trouble. Something silver caught my eye, and I walked to the back of the truck—carefully holding the side for support—to examine my tires. There were thin chains crisscrossed in diamond shapes around them. Kain had gotten up who knows how early to put snow chains on my truck. My throat suddenly felt tight. I wasn’t used to being taken care of, and Kain’s unspoken concern caught me by surprise. 

I was standing by the back corner of the truck, struggling to fight back the sudden wave of emotion the snow chains had brought on, when I heard an odd sound. 

It was a high-pitched screech, and it was fast becoming painfully loud. I looked up, startled. I saw several things simultaneously. Nothing was moving in slow motion, the way it does in the movies. Instead, the adrenaline rush seemed to make my brain work much faster, and I was able to absorb in clear detail several things at once. Edward Cullen was standing four cars down from me, staring at me in horror. His face stood out from a sea of faces, all frozen in the same mask of shock. But of more immediate importance was the dark blue van that was skidding, tires locked and squealing against the brakes, spinning wildly across the ice of the parking lot. It was going to hit the back corner of my truck, and I was standing between them. I didn’t even have time to close my eyes. 

Just before I heard the shattering crunch of the van folding around the truck bed, something hit me, hard, but not from the direction I was expecting. My head cracked against the icy blacktop, and I felt something solid and cold pinning me to the ground. I was lying on the pavement behind the tan car I’d parked next to. But I didn’t have a chance to notice anything else, because the van was still coming. It had curled gratingly around the end of the truck and, still spinning and sliding, was about to collide with me again. A low curse made me aware that someone was with me, and the voice was impossible not to recognize. Two long, white hands shot out protectively in front of me, and the van shuddered to a stop a foot from my face, the large hands fitting providentially into a deep dent in the side of the van’s body. Then his hands moved so fast they blurred. One was suddenly gripping under the body of the van, and something was dragging me, swinging my legs around like a rag doll’s, till they hit the tire of the tan car. A groaning metallic thud hurt my ears, and the van settled, glass popping, onto the asphalt—exactly where, a second ago, my legs had been. It was absolutely silent for one long second before the screaming began. In the abrupt bedlam, I could hear more than one person shouting my name. But more clearly than all the yelling, I could hear Edward Cullen’s low, frantic voice in my ear. 

“Eva? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” My voice sounded strange. I tried to sit up, and realized he was holding me against the side of his body in an iron grasp. 

“Be careful,” he warned as I struggled. “I think you hit your head pretty hard.” I became aware of a throbbing ache centered above my left ear. 

“Oh, shit, ow…” I was stunned, everything still moving in this weird pocket of time between us, my ears ringing. In some far away part of my brain, I noticed how…solid, he was, there was very little give to the skin of his side, my chest and cheek pressed into him. 

“That’s what I thought.” His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter. 

“How the hell…” I trailed off, trying to clear my head, get my bearings. “How did you get over here so fast?” 

“I was standing right next to you, Eva,” he said, his tone serious again. I turned to sit up, and this time he let me, releasing his hold around my waist and sliding as far from me as he could in the limited space. I looked at his concerned, innocent expression and was disoriented again by the force of his gold-colored eyes. What was I asking him? And then they found us, a crowd of people with tears streaming down their faces, shouting at each other, shouting at us. 

“Don’t move,” someone instructed. 

“Get Tyler out of the van!” someone else shouted. There was a flurry of activity around us. I tried to get up, but Edward’s cold hand pushed my shoulder down. 

“Just stay put for now.” 

“But it’s cold,” I complained. It surprised me when he chuckled under his breath. There was an edge to the sound. 

“You were over there,” I suddenly remembered, and his chuckle stopped short. “You were by your car.” His expression turned hard. 

“No, I wasn’t.” 

“I saw you! You were looking back at me-” All around us was chaos. I could hear the gruffer voices of adults arriving on the scene. But I obstinately held on to our argument; I was right, and he was going to admit it. 

“Eva, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.” He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial. 

“No.” I set my jaw. The gold in his eyes blazed. 

“Please, Eva.” He held me closer, speaking into my ear and supporting more of my weight.

“Trust me,” he pleaded, his soft voice overwhelming. I could hear the sirens now. 

“...Will you promise to explain everything to me later?” 

“Fine,” he snapped, abruptly exasperated. 

“Good, don’t- don’t gaslight me.” I trailed off again, feeling a tad woozy. It took six EMTs and two bystanders to shift the van far enough away from us to bring the stretchers in. Edward vehemently refused his, and I tried to do the same, but the traitor told them I’d hit my head and probably had a concussion. I groaned and tried not to picture the whole image in my head when they put on the neck brace. It looked like the entire damn city was there, watching soberly as they loaded me in the back of the ambulance. Edward got to ride in the front. It was maddening. I could hear Mike yelling, asking if I’d broken my neck, I tuned him out to consider the jumble of inexplicable images churning chaotically in my head. When they’d lifted me away from the car, I had seen the deep dent in the tan car’s bumper—a very distinct dent that fit the contours of Edward’s shoulders… as if he had braced himself against the car with enough force to damage the metal frame.… And then there was his family, looking on from the distance, with expressions that ranged from disapproval to fury but held no hint of concern for their brother’s safety. 

I tried to think of a logical solution that could explain what I had just seen—a solution that excluded the assumption that I was insane. Naturally, the ambulance got a police escort to the county hospital. I felt ridiculous the whole time they were unloading me. What made it worse was that Edward simply glided through the hospital doors under his own power. I ground my teeth together. 

They put me in the emergency room, a long room with a line of beds separated by pastel-patterned curtains. A nurse put a pressure cuff on my arm and a thermometer under my tongue. Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn’t obligated to wear the stupid-looking neck brace anymore. When the nurse walked away, I quickly unfastened the Velcro and threw it under the bed. There was another flurry of hospital personnel, another stretcher brought to the bed next to me. I recognized Tyler Crowley from my Foundations Government class beneath the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his head. Tyler looked a hundred times worse than I felt. But he was staring anxiously at me. 

“Dude, I’m so sorry!” 

“I’m fine, Tyler—you look awful, are you all right?” As we spoke, nurses began unwinding his soiled bandages, exposing a myriad of shallow slices all over his forehead and left cheek. He ignored me. 

“I thought I was going to kill you! I was going too fast, and I hit the ice wrong.…” He winced as one nurse started dabbing at his face. 

“Don’t worry about it; you missed me.” 

“How did you get out of the way so fast? You were there, and then you were gone...” 

“Umm… Edward pulled me out of the way.” He looked confused. 

“Who?” 

“Edward Cullen—he was standing next to me.” I’d always been a terrible liar; I didn’t sound convincing at all. 

“Cullen? I didn’t see him… wow, it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay?” 

“I think so. He’s here somewhere, but they didn’t make him use a stretcher.” I knew I wasn’t crazy. What had happened? There was no way to explain away what I’d seen. They wheeled me away then, to X-ray my head. I told them there was nothing wrong, and I was right. Not even a concussion. I asked if I could leave, but the nurse said I had to talk to a doctor first. So I was trapped in the ER, waiting, harassed by Tyler’s constant apologies and promises to make it up to me. No matter how many times I tried to convince him I was fine, he continued to torment himself. Finally, I closed my eyes and ignored him. He kept up a remorseful mumbling. 

“Is she sleeping?” a musical voice asked. My eyes flew open. Edward was standing at the foot of my bed, smirking. I glared at him. It wasn’t easy—it would have been more natural to ogle, pretty bastard. 

“Hey, Edward, I’m really sorry—” Tyler began. Edward lifted a hand to stop him. 

“No blood, no foul,” he said, flashing his brilliant teeth. He moved to sit on the edge of Tyler’s bed, facing me. He smirked again. 

“So, what’s the verdict?” he asked me. 

“There’s nothing wrong with me at all, but they won’t let me go,” I complained. “How come you aren’t strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?” 

“It’s all about who you know,” he answered, giving me a slight smile.

“But don’t worry, I came to spring you.” 

Then a doctor walked around the corner, and my mouth fell open. He was young, he had deep black hair… and he was more gorgeous than any movie star I’d ever seen. He was pale, though, and tired-looking, with circles under his eyes. From Kain’s description, this had to be Edward’s father. 

“So, Miss Irving,” Dr. Cullen said in a remarkably appealing voice, “how are you feeling?” 

“I’m fine,” I said, for the last time, I hoped. He walked to the lightboard on the wall over my head, and turned it on. 

“Your X-rays look good,” he said. “Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard.” 

“It’s fine,” I repeated with a sigh, throwing a quick scowl toward Edward. The doctor’s cool fingers probed lightly along my skull. He noticed when I winced. 

“Tender?” he asked. 

“Not really.” I’d had worse. I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward’s patronizing smile. My eyes narrowed. 

“Well, your brother is in the waiting room—you can go home with him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.” 

“Can’t I go back to class?” I asked, imagining Kain trying to be attentive. 

“Maybe you should take it easy today.” I glanced at Edward. 

“....Does he get to go to class?” 

“Someone has to spread the good news that we survived,” Edward said smugly. 

“Actually,” Dr. Cullen corrected, “most of your class seems to be in the waiting room.” 

“Oh no,” I moaned, covering my face with my hands. Dr. Cullen raised his eyebrows. 

“Do you want to stay?” 

“No, no!” I insisted, throwing my legs over the side of the bed and hopping down quickly. Too quickly—I staggered, and Dr. Cullen caught me. He looked concerned. 

“I’m fine,” I assured him again. No need to tell him my balance problems had nothing to do with hitting my head. “Take some Tylenol for the pain,” he suggested as he steadied me. 

“It doesn’t hurt so bad,” I insisted. 

“It sounds like you were extremely lucky,” Dr. Cullen said, smiling as he signed my chart with a flourish. 

“Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me,” I amended, not turning my eyes to him. 

“Oh, well, yes,” Dr. Cullen agreed, suddenly occupied with the papers in front of him. Then he looked away, at Tyler, and walked to the next bed. My intuition flickered; the doctor was in on it.   
“I’m afraid that you’ll have to stay with us just a little bit longer,” he said to Tyler, and began checking his cuts. As soon as the doctor’s back was turned, I moved to Edward’s side. 

“Can I talk to you, outside...alone?” I spoke under my breath. He took a step back from me, his jaw suddenly clenched. 

“Your brother is waiting for you,” he said through his teeth. I glanced at Dr. Cullen and Tyler. 

“He can wait, I really need to speak with you,” I pressed. He glared, and then turned his back and strode down the long room. I nearly had to run to keep up. As soon as we turned the corner into a short hallway, he spun around to face me.

“What do you want?” he asked, sounding annoyed. His eyes were cold. His unfriendliness intimidated me. My words came out with less severity than I’d intended. 

“You promised me you would explain, I mean, don’t get me wrong, thanks, but...the van, the truck, the dents-” I whispered, staring up into his eyes completely bewildered. 

“I saved your life—I don’t need to explain a thing.” I flinched back from the resentment in his voice. 

“I-...” I sighed and slumped, looking up at him. “I know what I saw...I just want to understan-”

“Eva, you hit your head, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” His tone was cutting. My temper flared now, and I glared defiantly at him. 

“There’s nothing wrong with my head, I told you to lay off with the gaslighting.” He glared back. 

“What do you want from me, Eva?” 

“I want to understand what I know I saw,” I said. “I want to know why I’m lying for you.” 

“What do you think happened?” he snapped. It came out in a rush. 

“All I know is that you weren’t anywhere near me—Tyler didn’t see you, either, so don’t tell me I hit my head too hard. That van was going to crush us both—and it didn’t, and your hands left dents in the side of it—and you left a dent in the other car, and you’re not hurt at all—and the van should have smashed my legs, but you were holding it up...” I could hear how crazy it sounded, and I couldn’t continue. I was so mad I could feel the tears coming; I tried to force them back by grinding my teeth together. He was staring at me incredulously. But his face was tense, defensive. 

“You think I lifted a van off you?” His tone questioned my sanity, but it only made me more suspicious. It was like a perfectly delivered line by a skilled actor. I merely nodded once, jaw tight. 

“Nobody will believe that, you know.” His voice held an edge of derision now. 

“What? I don’t need anyone to believe me- look, I owe you, I’m not going to tell anybody. But I can’t just...forget that.” I said each word slowly, carefully controlling my anger. Surprise flitted across his face. 

“Then why does it matter?” He reset his expression into apathetic annoyance.

“It matters to me,” I insisted. “I don’t like to lie—so there’d better be a good reason why I’m doing it.” 

“Can’t you just thank me and get over it?” 

“Thank you, again.” I waited, fuming and expectant. 

“You’re not going to let it go, are you?” 

“No.” 

“In that case… I hope you enjoy disappointment.” He turned his back on me and walked away. I was so confused, a little scared, and a little... hurt, it took me a few minutes until I could move. When I could walk, I made my way slowly to the exit at the end of the hallway. The waiting room was more unpleasant than I’d feared. It seemed like every face I knew at WSU was there, staring at me. 

Kain rushed to my side; I put up my hands. 

“There’s nothing wrong with me,” I assured him sullenly. I was still aggravated, not in the mood for chitchat. 

“What did the doctor say? Christ, boo, mom would have killed me if you got smeared into peanut butter..” 

“Dr. Cullen saw me, and he said I was fine and I could go home.” I sighed. Mike and Jessica and Eric were all there, beginning to converge on us. 

“Let’s go,” I urged. Kain put one arm behind my back, gently rubbing my shoulder, and led me to the glass doors of the exit. I waved sheepishly at my friends, hoping to convey that they didn’t need to worry anymore. It was a huge relief—the first time I’d felt that way—to get into Kains skunky Nissan. We drove in silence. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely knew Kain was there. I was positive that Edward’s defensive behavior in the hall was a confirmation of the bizarre things I still could hardly believe I’d witnessed. When we got to the house, Kain finally spoke. 

“Um… so...you’ll need to call Mom...and Dad…and possibly auntie April....” He hung his head, guilty. I was appalled. 

“You told them!?” 

“Sorry.” I slammed the car door a little harder than necessary on my way out. My mom was in hysterics, of course. I had to tell her I felt fine at least thirty times before she would calm down. She begged me to come home—forgetting the fact that home was nowhere near school—but her pleas were easier to resist than I would have thought. I was too consumed by the mystery Edward presented. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I wasn’t as eager to escape this bizarre world I’d stepped in as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be. I decided I might as well go to bed early that night. Kain continued to watch me anxiously, and it was getting on my nerves. I stopped on my way to grab three Tylenol from the bathroom. They did help, and, as the pain eased, I drifted to sleep. That was the first night I dreamed of the beautiful, strange asshole that had found his way into my life.


	5. Invitations

INVITATIONS

In my dream it was very dark, what dim light there was seemed to be radiating from Edward’s skin. I couldn’t see his face, just his back as he walked away from me, leaving me in the blackness. No matter how fast I ran, I couldn’t catch up to him; no matter how loud I called, he never turned. 

Troubled, I woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t sleep again for what seemed like a very long time. After that, he was in my dreams nearly every night, but always on the periphery, never within reach. 

The month that followed the accident was uneasy, tense, and, at first, embarrassing. To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of that week. Tyler Crowley was impossible, following me around, obsessed with making amends to me somehow. 

I tried to convince him what I wanted more than anything else was for him to forget all about it—especially since nothing had actually happened to me—but he remained insistent. He followed me between classes and sat at our now-crowded cafe table. Mike and Eric were even less friendly toward him than they were to each other, which made me worry that I’d gained another unwelcome fan. 

No one seemed concerned about Edward, though I explained over and over that he was the hero—how he had pulled me out of the way and had nearly been crushed, too. I tried to be convincing. Jessica, Mike, Eric, and everyone else always commented that they hadn’t even seen him there till the van was pulled away. I wondered to myself why no one else had seen him standing so far away, before he was suddenly, impossibly saving my life. With chagrin, I realized the probable cause—no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did. How pathetic, was I developing a special interest? 

Edward was never surrounded by crowds of curious bystanders eager for his firsthand account. People avoided him as usual. The Cullens and the Hales sat at the same table as always, not eating, talking only among themselves. None of them, especially Edward, glanced my way anymore. When he sat next to me in class, as far from me as the table would allow, he seemed totally unaware of my presence. 

Only now and then, when his fists would suddenly ball up—skin stretched even whiter over the bones—did I wonder if he wasn’t quite as oblivious as he appeared. He was regretting his actions that saved me, I couldn’t come up with another conclusion. He was probably certain I was going to start some cryptic blog or something, but if he was saving lives...I couldn’t think of a reason to go back on my word. 

I wanted very much to talk to him, and the day after the accident I tried. The last time I’d seen him, outside the ER, we’d both been so furious. I was still upset that he’d tried to gaslight my memory to keep me quiet, even though I was keeping my part of the bargain flawlessly. 

But, overnight, the heat of my anger and confusion faded into awed gratitude. He was already seated when I got to Biology, looking straight ahead. I sat down, expecting him to turn toward me. He showed no sign that he realized I was there. 

“Hello, Edward,” I said pleasantly, to show him I was going to behave myself. He turned his head a fraction toward me without meeting my gaze, nodded once, and then looked the other way. And that was the last contact I’d had with him, though he was there, a foot away from me, every day. 

I watched him sometimes, unable to stop myself—from a distance, though, in the cafe or courtyards. I watched as his golden eyes grew perceptibly darker day by day. But in class I gave no more notice that he existed than he showed toward me, I was so anxious that I would make a wrong move, say the wrong thing. Constantly boiling conversations and possible attempts at instigating contact in my head with continuous failure. 

I was absolutely baffled. And the dreams continued. Despite my outright lies, the tenor of my emails alerted my Mom to my depression, and she called a few times, worried. I tried to convince her it was just the weather that had me down. I was honestly starting to just accept that this bizarre, impossible man chose to use his impossible time to prevent my death. Unfortunately the mystery still wriggled in the back of my head like a maggot. 

Mike, at least, was pleased by the obvious coolness between me and my lab partner. I could see he’d been worried that Edward’s daring rescue might have impressed me, given me some kind of hero-worship complex, and he was relieved that it seemed to have the opposite effect. He grew more confident, sitting on the edge of my table to talk before Biology class started, ignoring Edward as completely as he ignored us. His flirting even became obvious enough that I noticed it, and I wondered how many different ways I could say “I’m not interested” before he got the picture.

The snow washed away for good after that one dangerously icy day. Mike was disappointed he’d never gotten to stage his snowball fight, but pleased that the bar crawl would be possible. The rain continued heavily, though, and the weeks passed. Jessica made me aware of another event looming on the horizon—she called the first Tuesday of October to ask my permission to invite Mike to the massive Halloween party at the Phi-Gamma-Delta Fraternity house in two weeks. 

“Are you sure you don’t mind… you weren’t planning to ask him?” she persisted when I told her I didn’t mind in the least. 

“No, Jess, I’m happy just being D.D.,” I assured her. Dancing and pulsing lights and sound, plus alcohol was glaringly outside my comfort zone. 

“Ok, I’m gonna do this, I can ask him!” Her attempt to convince me was halfhearted, I think she was still trying to convince herself.

“You got this Jess, I know you do, any guy would be lucky if you picked him,” I encouraged. The next day, I was surprised that Jessica wasn’t her usual gushing self in Trig and History, not even a new tweet. She was silent as she walked by my side between classes, and I was afraid to ask her why. If Mike had turned her down, I was the last person she would want to tell. My fears were strengthened during lunch when Jessica sat as far from Mike as possible, chatting animatedly with Eric. Mike was unusually quiet. Mike was still quiet as he walked me to class, the uncomfortable look on his face a bad sign. But he didn’t broach the subject until I was in my seat and he was perched on my desk. As always, I was electrically aware of Edward sitting close enough to touch, as distant as if he were merely an invention of my imagination. 

“So,” Mike said, looking at the floor, “Jessica asked me to the Halloween party.” 

“That’s great.” I made my voice bright and enthusiastic. “You’ll have a lot of fun with Jessica.” 

“Well…” He floundered as he examined my smile, clearly not happy with my response. 

“I told her I had to think about it.” 

“....Why would you do that?” I let disapproval color my tone, though I was relieved he hadn’t given her an absolute no. His face was bright red as he looked down again. Pity shook my resolve. 

“I was wondering if… well, if you were gonna be going with anyone.” I paused for a moment, hating the wave of guilt that swept through me. But I saw, from the corner of my eye, Edward’s head tilt reflexively in my direction. 

“Mike, bro, I think you should tell her yes,” I said. 

“Did someone already ask you?” Did Edward notice how Mike’s eyes flickered in his direction? 

I was starting to panic, thinking about Jessica’s face this morning. My brain was absolutely useless when it came to shit like this, and it was taking me longer than it should have to respond.

come on, do something!

“Uh, yea, I already have a date.”

Not THAT you fucking moron!

“What, who?” Mike demanded. I was frantically searching my brain for something to follow that up with. 

“Uh, a friend of mine from Spokane, you don’t know him-” I waved it off like it wasn’t important, desperate for this entire interaction to end.

“Oh…I mean that’s a long drive, are you sure you don’t wanna-”

“Sorry, no,” I interrupted. “So you shouldn’t make Jess wait any longer—it’s rude.” 

“Yeah... you’re right,” he mumbled, and turned, dejected, to walk back to his seat. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push the guilt and sympathy out of my head, I’d never had to friendzone a guy before, it was harder than I expected. 

Not only that, but now I’d gotten myself into an even bigger mess by lying about having a date. Prof. Banner began the lecture. I sighed and opened my eyes. 

And Edward was staring at me curiously, that same, familiar edge of frustration even more distinct now in his black eyes. I stared back, surprised, expecting him to look quickly away. But instead he continued to gaze with probing intensity into my eyes. There was no question of me looking away. My hands started to shake. “Mr. Cullen?” the teacher called, seeking the answer to a question that I hadn’t heard. 

“The Krebs Cycle,” Edward answered, seeming reluctant as he turned to look at Prof. Banner. I looked down at my laptop as soon as his eyes released me, trying to find my place in my notes. Cowardly as ever, I shifted my hair over my right shoulder to hide my face. 

I couldn’t believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me—just because he’d happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks. I couldn’t allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy. 

I tried very hard not to be aware of him for the rest of the hour, and, since that was impossible, at least not to let him know that I was aware of him. When the bell rang at last, I turned my back to him to gather my things, expecting him to leave immediately as usual. 

“Eva?” His voice shouldn’t have been so familiar to me, as if I’d known the sound of it all my life rather than for just a few weeks. I turned slowly, unwillingly. I didn’t want to look at his too-perfect face. My expression was wary when I finally turned to him; his expression was unreadable. He didn’t say anything. 

“What? Are you speaking to me again?” I finally asked, an unintentional note of petulance in my voice. I sucked on the inside of my cheek, squeezing my laptop. His lips twitched, fighting a smile. 

“No, not really,” he admitted. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly through my nose, aware that I was gritting my teeth. He waited. 

“Then what do you want, Edward?” I asked, keeping my eyes closed; it was easier to talk to him coherently that way, and hide the strike of annoyance, or was it rejection? 

“I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere. “I’m being very rude, I know. But it’s better this way, really.” I opened my eyes. His face was very serious. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” I said, my voice guarded. 

“It’s better if we’re not friends,” he explained. “Trust me.” My eyes narrowed. I’d heard that before. 

“Sure, okay, like you’ve trusted me through all of this,” I hissed through my teeth. “You could have just let me get squished if it was such a massive deal to keep shit quiet.” I kept my voice low, nearly a whisper. 

I was having a very shitty morning and he was not. helping. He was astonished. He stared at me in disbelief. When he finally spoke, he almost sounded mad. 

“You think I regret saving your life?” 

“I can’t think of why else you’d be acting like this,” I shrugged. 

“You don’t know anything.” He was definitely mad.

“Yeah! That’s the problem!” I turned my head sharply away from him, clenching my jaw against all the wild accusations I wanted to hurl at him. I gathered my books together, then stood and walked to the door. I meant to sweep dramatically out of the room, but of course I caught the toe of my boot on the door jamb and dropped my books. I stood there for a moment, thinking about leaving them. Then I sighed and bent to pick them up. He was there; he’d already stacked them into a pile. He handed them to me, his face hard. 

“Thank you,” I said icily. His eyes narrowed. 

“You’re welcome,” he retorted. I straightened up swiftly, turned away from him again, and stalked off to the Rec building without a second glance. 

Jess and Angela had coaxed me into a game of pick up basketball, Angela being sweet enough to explain the rules. Her girlfriend, Becca, was taller than some of the guys and loved playing. Today I was worse than usual because my head was so filled with everything that had happened this morning. First my shit lie, then Edward suddenly finding interest in me again, literally just to tell me that he didn’t want to be friends with me. Okay, thanks, I may be autistic but not talking to me for a month made it pretty clear. 

I tried to concentrate on my feet, but he kept creeping back into my thoughts just when I really needed my balance. It was a relief to leave for class. Once the day was over I almost ran to the truck; there were just so many people I wanted to avoid. The truck had suffered only minimal damage in the accident. I’d had to replace the taillights, and if I’d had a real paint job, I would have touched that up. Tyler’s parents had to sell their van for parts. I almost had a stroke when I rounded the corner and saw a tall, dark figure leaning against the side of my truck. Then I realized it was just Eric. I started walking again. 

“Hey, Eric,” I called. 

“Hi, Eva.” 

“What’s up?” I said as I was unlocking the door. I wasn’t paying attention to the uncomfortable edge in his voice, so his next words took me by surprise. “Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the Halloween party coming up with me….y’know, like a date?” His voice broke on the last word. “Wait, what? With me?” I was too startled to be diplomatic. 

“Well, yeah,” he admitted, shamefaced. I recovered my composure and tried to make my smile warm. 

“Thank you, uh, but I’m already...going with someone.”

“Oh,” he mumbled. “Well, maybe next time.” 

“Sure,” I agreed, and then bit my lip. I wouldn’t want him to take that too literally. He slouched off, back toward the school. I heard a low chuckle. Edward was walking past the front of my truck, looking straight forward, his lips pressed together. 

I yanked the door open and jumped inside, slamming it loudly behind me. I revved the engine deafeningly and reversed out into the aisle. Edward was in his car already, two spaces down, sliding out smoothly in front of me, cutting me off. He stopped there—to wait for his family; I could see the four of them walking this way, but still by the cafeteria. 

I considered taking out the rear of his shiny BMW, but there were too many witnesses. 

I looked in my rearview mirror. A line was beginning to form. Directly behind me, Tyler Crowley was in his recently acquired used Buick, waving. I was too aggravated to acknowledge him. While I was sitting there, looking everywhere but at the car in front of me, I heard a knock on my passenger side window. I looked over; it was Tyler. I glanced back in my rearview mirror, confused. His car was still running, the door left open. I leaned across the cab to crank the window down. It was stiff. I got it halfway down, then gave up. 

“I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m stuck behind Cullen.” I was annoyed—obviously the holdup wasn’t my fault. 

“Oh, I know—I just wanted to ask you something while we’re trapped here.” He grinned. This could not be happening, three in one goddamn day?

“Would you wanna join me at the Halloween party?” he continued. 

“I’m going with someone else, Tyler.” My voice sounded a little sharp. I had to remember it wasn’t his fault that Mike and Eric had already used up my quota of patience for the day. 

“Yeah, Mike said that,” he admitted. 

“Then why—” 

He shrugged. “I was hoping you were just letting him down easy.” Okay, it was completely his fault. 

“Sorry, Tyler,” I said, working to hide my irritation. “I really am taken that night.” 

“That’s cool. We still have plenty of parties comin’.” And before I could respond, he was walking back to his car. I could feel the shock on my face. I looked forward to see Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper all sliding into the BMW. In his rearview mirror, Edward’s eyes were on me. He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he’d heard every word Tyler had said. My foot itched toward the gas pedal… one little bump wouldn’t hurt any of them, just that glossy black paint job. 

I revved the engine.   
But they were all in, and Edward was speeding away. I drove home slowly, carefully, muttering to myself the whole way. When I got home, I decided to make chicken enchiladas for dinner. It was a long process, and it would keep me busy. While I was simmering the onions and chilies, the phone rang. I was almost afraid to answer it, but it might be Kain or my mom. It was Jessica, and she was jubilant; Mike had caught her after school to accept her invitation. I celebrated with her briefly while I stirred. She had to go, she wanted to call Angela and Lauren to tell them. I suggested—with casual innocence—that Lauren, a standoffish girl who had always ignored me at the lunch table, could ask Tyler; I’d heard he was still available. Jess thought that was a great idea. Now that she was sure of Mike, she actually sounded sincere when she said she felt awesome about going, and was really excited about her costume. I tried to keep her self esteem up, complimenting her ideas. After I hung up, I tried to concentrate on dinner—dicing the chicken especially; I didn’t want to take another trip to the emergency room. 

But my head was spinning, trying to analyze every word Edward had spoken today. What did he mean, it was better if we weren’t friends? Why pipe up for the first time in so long literally just to say that, was it just to make sure I didn’t ask him out? My stomach twisted as I considered what he must have meant. 

I mean, obviously he was...different, I think. He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must be just trying to make sure I was covering for him. Of course he wasn’t interested in me, I thought, I wasn’t particularly interesting. 

And he was. 

Interesting… and infuriating...and mysterious… and a dick…..and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand. 

Well, that was fine. Some mysteries didn’t need solving, I’d always liked to leave a little magic in the world. That thought made me almost snort, I was notorious for hating vague, unexplained things. 

But considering the possibilities of what could be happening…the X-files theme fell out of my lips before I could stop it, I cringed to myself, shaking my head as though to shake off the idea. 

I could leave him alone. I would leave him alone. I would focus on school, get my BA in Molecular Bio and Chemistry and find a job somewhere tropical. I focused my thoughts on sunny beaches and palm trees as I finished the enchiladas and put them in the oven. 

Kain seemed suspicious when he came home and smelled the green peppers. I couldn’t blame him—the closest edible Mexican food was probably in southern California. But he was a guy, even if a pretty twunky guy, so he was brave enough to take the first bite. He seemed to like it, eyebrows raising in surprise and appreciation. It was fun to watch as he slowly began trusting me in the kitchen. 

“Kain?” I asked when he was almost done. 

“Yeah, Eva?” 

“Um, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to that big Halloween party with the girls at that frat a week from Saturday… if that’s okay?” I didn’t want to ask permission—it set a bad precedent—but I felt rude, so I tacked it on at the end. 

“What, Why?” He sounded surprised, as if he were shocked I’d actually want to go to a party.

“Well, the girls needed a D.D., and I actually have money for a costume this year, I thought it might be...fun. If I’m sober.” I had more money than I was used to having, since, thanks to Kain, I hadn’t had to pay for a car. Not that the truck didn’t cost me quite a bit in the gas department. 

“Are you all going together to stick together? Are you going to watch their drinks?”

“Yes.” 

“Do you want me to come with you? Oh I’d honestly love to help you with your costume, maybe get you talking to someone cute--” I tried to be crafty as I hid my horror. 

“That’s all right, Kain, I’m going to spend nearly all night with Angela and Becca.”

“Oh, okay.” He looked disappointed, sighing with big sad blue eyes.

“Thanks.” I smiled at him, ignoring his puppy dog gaze. 

The next morning, when I pulled into the parking lot, I deliberately parked as far as possible from the black BMW. I didn’t want to put myself in the path of too much temptation and end up owing him a new car. Getting out of the cab, I fumbled with my key and it fell into a puddle at my feet. As I bent to get it, a white hand flashed out and grabbed it before I could. I jerked upright. Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck. 

“How do you do that?” I asked in amazed irritation. 

“Do what?” He held my key out as he spoke. As I reached for it, he dropped it into my palm. 

“Appear out of thin air.” 

“Eva, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.” His voice was quiet as usual—velvet, muted. I scowled at his perfect face and rolled my eyes, brushing past him. So he was bothering me now just to insult me?

“Why the traffic jam last night?” I demanded, still looking away. “And I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not finding new ways to insult me.

“That was for Tyler’s sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance.” He snickered. 

“You…” I gasped. I couldn’t think of a bad enough word. It felt like the heat of my anger should physically burn him, but he only seemed more amused. 

“And I’m not pretending you don’t exist,” he continued. 

“So what exactly are you doing? You save my life, don’t talk to me for a month, and then when you do, it’s to say you don’t want to be friends with me, and that you think I’m an idiot. Why did you save me in the first place if this is all so stressful for you?” Anger flashed in his tawny eyes. His lips pressed into a hard line, all signs of humor gone. 

“Eva, you are utterly absurd,” he said, his low voice cold. My palms tingled—I wanted so badly to hit something. He was lucky there were so many people around. 

I watched his eyes on me, narrowing mine, they followed me in an odd way, even when he was angry. Something clicked in my head as I turned from him to stalk back into the building

“Wait,” he called. I kept walking, sloshing angrily through the rain. But he was next to me, easily keeping pace. “I’m sorry, that was rude,” he said as we walked. I ignored him. “I’m not saying it isn’t true,” he continued, “but it was rude to say it, anyway.” 

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I grumbled. 

“I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me,” he chuckled. He seemed to have recovered his good humor. 

“Do you...actually have a date to the halloween party?” He looked like he was fishing.

I turned on my heel to face him, looking up into his face. This felt, distinctly like when Arthur Collins made fun of me in elementary school because he...had a crush on me. “Why?”

“Considering you looked like you were about to have a panic attack when you’d realized you’d said that, I’d wondered if you might need a little help.”

I stared up at him silently for a moment, setting my shoulders back and humming, searching his eyes again. 

“Okay, Mr. Cullen. What kind of game are you playing exactly? Because I can promise you, you have my attention, but I highly doubt in the way that you want it.”

His eyes snapped open wide in shock, blinking at me, all coyness gone from his expression.

“I’m...not playing any games, Ms. Irving.” He said it quietly but clearly. 

“Then what is it exactly that you want from me?” I responded a little curtly, reaching up to push my ponytail off of my shoulder. Maybe, just maybe, two could play at this game. Annoying, impossible, asshole-

“Because you very clearly said you did not want to be friends, and now you’re following me. What exactly am I missing?”

He stared again, and something seemed to occur to him. Slowly, he took one step closer, leaning over me and looking down into my eyes, casting his shadow over the entirety of me. 

I held my ground, and his gaze.

“It would be more… prudent for you not to...spend too much time with me,” he explained. 

“But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Eva.” His eyes were intense and his voice was low. There was something else in his voice that I couldn’t place, but that sentence had me reeling, my pulse suddenly racing.

“So? Do you?” he asked, still intense.

“...I don’t know how to friendzone guys.” I sighed. “No.”

He smiled briefly, and then his face became serious. 

“You really should stay away from me,” he warned. “I’ll see you in class.” He turned abruptly and walked back the way we’d come.

“What the fuck does that even mean!? Make up your mind!” I yelled after his back, I was...confused but no longer angry. I sighed and muttered under my breath. “Edgelord…”


	6. Blood Type

BLOOD TYPE

I made my way to my English class in a daze. I didn't even realize when I first walked in that class had already started.

"Thank you for joining us, Miss Irving," Prof. Mason said in a disparaging tone.

I flushed and hurried to my seat to yank out my laptop, trying to ignore the other eyes in the lecture hall.

It wasn't till class ended that I realized Mike wasn't sitting in his usual seat next to me. I felt a twinge of guilt. But he and Eric both met me at the door as usual, so I figured I wasn't totally unforgiven.

Mike seemed to become more himself as we walked, gaining enthusiasm as he talked about the weather report for this weekend. The rain was supposed to take a minor break, and so maybe his bar crawl would be possible. I tried to sound eager, to make up for disappointing him yesterday. It was hard; rain or no rain, it would still only be in the high forties, if we were lucky.

The rest of the morning passed in a blur. It was difficult to believe that I hadn't just imagined what Edward had said, and the way his eyes had looked. Maybe it was just a very convincing dream that I'd confused with reality. I was still reeling at this hot and cold game he seemed to be playing. 

So I was impatient and frightened as Jessica and I entered the cafeteria. I wanted to see his face, to see if he'd gone back to the cold, indifferent person I'd known for the last several weeks. Or if I'd really heard what I thought I'd heard this morning. Jessica babbled on and on about her costume plans — Lauren had asked the other boy and they were all going together —completely unaware of my inattention.

Disappointment flooded through me as my eyes unerringly focused on his table. The other four were there, but he was absent. Had he gone home? I followed the still-babbling Jessica through the line, crushed. I'd lost my appetite — I bought nothing but a bottle of lemonade. I just wanted to go sit down and sulk.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," Jessica said, finally breaking through my abstraction with his name. "I wonder why he's sitting alone today."

My head snapped up. I followed her gaze to see Edward, smiling crookedly, staring at me from an empty table across the cafeteria from where he usually sat. Once he'd caught my eye, he raised one hand and motioned with his index finger for me to join him. As I stared in disbelief, he winked.

"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked with obvious astonishment in her voice.

"Maybe he needs help with his Bio lab..," I muttered for her benefit, just as shocked. 

I could feel her staring after me as I walked away.

When I reached his table, I stood behind the chair across from him, unsure.

"Why don't you sit with me today?" he asked, smiling.

I sat down slowly, intensely suspicious, watching him with caution. He was still smiling. Perhaps this wasn’t a trap?

He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.

"This is different," I finally managed.

"Well…" He paused, and then the rest of the words followed in a rush. 

"I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

I waited for him to say something that made sense. The seconds ticked by.

"You know I don't have any idea what the hell you’re talking about," I eventually pointed out.

"I know." He smiled again, and then he changed the subject. "I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you."

"They’re probably more confused than anything, I’m sure they’ll live." I could feel their stares boring into my back.

"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.

I gulped.

He laughed. "You look worried."

"No," I said, but, ridiculously, my voice broke. "Surprised, actually… what brought all this on?"

"I told you — I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up." He was still smiling, but his ocher eyes were serious.

"Giving up?" I repeated in confusion.

"Yes — giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." His smile faltered slightly, a hard edge to the way he looked at me that had my hair standing on end. However, I couldn’t identify if it was fear or...arousal.

"You lost me again, are you...."

“Honestly, I’m pretty lost myself. I keep mentioning too much.”

"Don't worry — I don't understand any of it," I said wryly.

"I'm counting on that."

"So, in plain English, are we...friends now?"

"Friends…" he mused, dubious.

"Or not…?," I muttered.

He grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

Behind his smile, the warning was real.

"You say that a lot," I noted, trying to ignore the sudden trembling in my stomach and keep my voice even.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart, you'll avoid me."

"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too, sir." I muttered, My eyes narrowed.

He grinned, and my hackles raised again.

"So, as long as I'm being… not smart, we'll try to be friends?" I struggled to sum up the confusing exchange.

"That sounds about right."

I looked down at my hands wrapped around the lemonade bottle, not sure what to do now.

"What are you thinking?" he asked curiously.

I looked up into his deep gold eyes, became befuddled, and, as usual, blurted out the truth.

"I'm trying to figure out what you are. What you want from me."

His jaw tightened, but he kept his smile in place with some effort.

"Are you having any luck with that?" he asked in an offhand tone.

"Not too much," I admitted.

He chuckled. "What are your theories?"

I flushed. I had been vacillating during the last month between aliens and mutants. There was no way I was going to own up to that.

"Won't you tell me?" he asked, tilting his head to one side with a shockingly tempting smile.

I shook my head. "Too embarrassing."

"That's really frustrating, you know," he complained.

"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, "I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all —just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic, edgy little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night. Now, why would that be frustrating?"

He grimaced.

"Or better," I continued, the pent-up annoyance flowing freely now, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating."

"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"

"I don't like it when people aren’t clear with their intentions."

We stared at each other, unsmiling.

He glanced over my shoulder, and then, unexpectedly, he snickered.

"What?"

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you — he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight." He snickered again.

"I don't know who you're talking about," I said frostily. "But I'm sure you're wrong, anyway."

"I'm not. I told you, most people are easy to read."

"Except me, of course."

"Yes. Except for you." His mood shifted suddenly; his eyes turned brooding. "I wonder why that is."

I had to look away from the intensity of his stare. I concentrated on unscrewing the lid of my lemonade. I took a swig, staring at the table without seeing it.

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted.

"No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full of butterflies. "You?" I looked at the empty table in front of him.

"No, I'm not hungry." I didn't understand his expression — it looked like he was enjoying some private joke.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked after a second of hesitation.

He was suddenly wary. "That depends on what you want."

"It's not much," I assured him.

He waited, guarded but curious.

"I just wondered… if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared." I looked at the lemonade bottle as I spoke, tracing the circle of the opening with my pinkie finger. “I’m still incredibly confused about what’s happening now.”

"That sounds fair." He was pressing his lips together when I looked up.

"Thanks."

"Then can I have one answer in return?" he demanded.

"One."

"Tell me one theory."

Whoops. "Not that one."

"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," he reminded me.

"And you've broken promises yourself," I reminded him back.

"Just one theory — I won't laugh."

"Yes, you will." I was positive about that.

He looked down, and then glanced up at me through his long black lashes, his ocher eyes scorching.

"Please?" he breathed, leaning toward me.

I blinked, my mind going blank. Holy fuck, how did he do that?

"Er, what?" I asked, dazed.

"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.

"Um, well...are you guys...aliens?" Was he a hypnotist, too? Or was I just a hopeless pushover?

"That's not very creative," he scoffed.

"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," I said, miffed.

"You're not even close," he teased.

"No space ship?"

"Nope."

"And no little grey men?"

"None."

“I’ll have to call Mulder back.” I snarked.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," he chuckled.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"

He struggled to compose his face.

"I'll figure it out eventually," I warned him.

"I wish you wouldn't try." He was serious again.

"Because… ?"

"....What if I'm a bad guy?" He smiled playfully, but his eyes were impenetrable.

"Oh," I said, as several things he'd hinted fell suddenly into place. "...I see."

"Do you?" His face was abruptly severe, as if he were afraid that he'd accidentally said too much.

"You're...dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words.

He was dangerous. He'd been trying to tell me that all along.

He just looked at me, eyes full of some emotion I couldn't comprehend.

"But not bad," I whispered, shaking my head. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

"You're wrong." His voice was almost inaudible. He looked down, stealing my bottle lid and then spinning it on its side between his fingers. I stared at him, wondering why I didn't feel afraid. He meant what he was saying — that was obvious. But I just felt frustrated, on edge… and, more than anything else, fascinated. The same way I always felt when I was near him.

The silence lasted until I noticed that the cafeteria was almost empty.

I jumped to my feet. "We're going to be late."

"I'm not going to class today," he said, twirling the lid so fast it was just a blur.

"Why not?"

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." He smiled up at me, but his eyes were still troubled.

"Well, I'm going," I told him, missing a lecture only meant piles of notes to make up.

He turned his attention back to his makeshift top. "I'll see you later, then."

I hesitated, torn, but then the first bell sent me hurrying out the door — with a last glance confirming that he hadn't moved a centimeter.

As I half-ran to class, my head was spinning faster than the bottle cap. So few questions had been answered in comparison to how many new questions had been raised. At least the rain had stopped.

I was lucky; Prof. Banner wasn't in the room yet when I arrived. I settled quickly into my seat, aware that both Mike and Angela were staring at me. Mike looked resentful; Angela looked surprised, and slightly awed.

Prof. Banner came into the room then, calling the class to order. He was juggling a few small cardboard boxes in his arms. He put them down on Mike's table, telling him to start passing them around the class.

"Okay, guys, I want you all to take one piece from each box," he said as he produced a pair of rubber gloves from the pocket of his lab jacket and pulled them on. The sharp sound as the gloves snapped into place against his wrists seemed ominous to me. "The first should be an indicator card," he went on, grabbing a white card with four squares marked on it and displaying it. "The second is a four-pronged applicator —" he held up something that looked like a nearly toothless hair pick "— and the third is a sterile micro-lancet." He held up a small piece of blue plastic and split it open. The barb was invisible from this distance, but my stomach flipped.

"I'll be coming around with a dropper of water to prepare your cards, so please don't start until I get to you." He began at Mike's table again, carefully putting one drop of water in each of the four squares.

"Then I want you to carefully prick your finger with the lancet…" He grabbed Mike's hand and jabbed the spike into the tip of Mike's middle finger. Oh no. Clammy moisture broke out across my forehead.

"Put a small drop of blood on each of the prongs." He demonstrated, squeezing Mike's finger till the blood flowed. I swallowed convulsively, my stomach heaving.

"And then apply it to the card," he finished, holding up the dripping red card for us to see. I closed my eyes, trying to hear through the ringing in my ears.

"The Red Cross is having a blood drive on campus next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type." He sounded proud of himself. 

He continued through the room with his water drops. I put my cheek against the cool black tabletop and tried to hold on to my consciousness. All around me I could hear squeals, complaints, and giggles as my classmates skewered their fingers. I breathed slowly in and out through my mouth.

"Eva, are you all right?" Prof. Banner asked. His voice was close to my head, and it sounded alarmed.

"I already know my blood type, Professor," I said in a weak voice. I was afraid to raise my head.

"Are you feeling faint?"

"Yes, sir," I muttered, internally kicking myself for not ditching when I had the chance.

"Can someone take Eva to the medic building, please?" he called.

I didn't have to look up to know that it would be Mike who volunteered.

"Can you walk?" Prof. Banner asked.

"Yes," I whispered. Just let me get out of here, I thought. I'll crawl.

Mike seemed eager as he put his arm around my waist and pulled my arm over his shoulder. I leaned against him heavily on the way out of the classroom.

Mike towed me slowly across campus. When we were around the edge of the science building, out of sight in case Prof. Banner was watching, I stopped.

"Just let me sit for a minute, please?" I begged.

He helped me sit on the edge of the walk.

"And whatever you do, keep your hand in your pocket," I warned. I was still so dizzy. I slumped over on my side, putting my cheek against the freezing, damp cement of the sidewalk, closing my eyes.

That seemed to help a little.

"Wow, you're green, Eva," Mike said nervously.

"Eva?" a different voice called from the distance.

No! Please let me be imagining that horribly familiar voice.

"What's wrong — is she hurt?" His voice was closer now, and he sounded upset. I wasn't imagining it. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping to die. Or, at the very least, not to throw up. Oh god please don’t fucking throw up.

Mike seemed stressed. "I think she's fainted. I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger."

"Eva." Edward's voice was right beside me, relieved now. "Can you hear me?"

"No," I groaned. "Go away."

He chuckled.

"I was taking her to the nurse," Mike explained in a defensive tone, "but she wouldn't go any farther."

"I'll take her," Edward said. I could hear the smile still in his voice. "You can go back to class."

"No," Mike protested. "I'm supposed to do it."

Suddenly the sidewalk disappeared from beneath me. My eyes flew open in shock. Edward had scooped me up in his arms, as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and thirty.

"Put me down!" Please, please let me not vomit on him. He was walking before I was finished talking.

"Hey!" Mike called, already ten paces behind us.

Edward ignored him. "You look awful," he told me, grinning.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," I moaned. The rocking movement of his walk was not helping. He held me away from his body, gingerly, supporting all my weight with just his arms — it didn't seem to bother him.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" he asked. This seemed to entertain him.

I didn't answer. I closed my eyes again and fought the nausea with all my strength, clamping my lips together.

"And not even your own blood, yet you want to be a Forensic Pathologist?" he continued, enjoying himself.

I don't know how he opened the door while carrying me, but it was suddenly warm, so I knew we were inside.

"Oh my," I heard a female voice gasp.

I opened my eyes. The grandmotherly nurse looked up from a novel, astonished, as Edward swung me into the room and placed me gently on the crackly paper that covered the brown vinyl mattress on one of the open cots. Then he moved to stand against the wall as far across the narrow room as possible. His eyes were bright, excited.

"She's just a little faint," he reassured the startled nurse. "They're blood typing in Biology."

The nurse nodded sagely. "There's always one."

He muffled a snicker.

"Just lie down for a minute, honey; it'll pass."

"I know," I sighed. The nausea was already fading.

"Does this happen a lot?" she asked.

"Sometimes," I admitted. Edward coughed to hide another laugh.

"You can go back to class now," she told him.

"I'm supposed to stay with her." He said this with such assured authority that — even though she pursed her lips — the nurse didn't argue it further.

"I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear," she said to me, and then bustled out of the room.

"You were right," I moaned, letting my eyes close.

"I usually am — but about what in particular this time?"

"Ditching is healthy." I practiced breathing evenly.

"You scared me for a minute there," he admitted after a pause. His tone made it sound like he was confessing a humiliating weakness. "I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha." I still had my eyes closed, but I was feeling more normal every minute.

"Honestly — I've seen corpses with better color. I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder."

"Poor Mike. I'll bet he's mad."

"He absolutely loathes me," Edward said cheerfully.

"You can't know that," I argued, but then I wondered suddenly if he could.

"I saw his face — I could tell."

"How did you see me? I thought you were ditching." I was almost fine now, though the queasiness would probably pass faster if I'd eaten something for lunch. On the other hand, maybe it was lucky my stomach was empty.

"I was in my car, listening to Spotify." Such a normal response — it surprised me.

I heard the door and opened my eyes to see the nurse with a cold compress in her hand.

"Here you go, dear." She laid it across my forehead. "You're looking better," she added.

"I think I'm fine," I said, sitting up. Just a little ringing in my ears, no spinning. The mint green walls stayed where they should.

I could see she was about to make me lie back down, but the door opened just then, another student nurse stuck her head in.

"We've got another one," she warned.

I hopped down to free up the cot for the next invalid.

I handed the compress back to the nurse. "Here, I don't need this."

And then Mike staggered through the door, now supporting a sallow-looking Lee Stephens, another boy in our Bio class. Edward and I drew back against the wall to give them room.

"Oh no," Edward muttered. "Go out to the entrance, Eva."

I looked up at him, bewildered.

"Trust me — go."

I spun and caught the door before it closed, darting out of the infirmary. I could feel Edward right behind me.

"You actually listened to me." He was stunned.

"I smelled the blood," I said, wrinkling my nose. Lee wasn't sick from watching other people, like me.

"People can't smell blood," he contradicted.

"Well, I can — that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust… and salt."

He was staring at me with an unfathomable expression.

"What?" I asked.

"It's nothing."

Mike came through the door then, glancing from me to Edward. The look he gave Edward confirmed what Edward had said about loathing. He looked back at me, his eyes glum.

"You look better," he accused.

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," I warned him again.

"It's not bleeding anymore," he muttered. "Are you going back to class?"

"Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back."

"Yeah, I guess… So are you going this weekend? To the pubs?" While he spoke, he flashed another glare toward Edward, who was standing against the cluttered counter, motionless as a sculpture, staring off into space.

I tried to sound as friendly as possible. "Sure, I said I was in."

"We're meeting at the Mayfield dorms, at ten, to get the Uber downtown." His eyes flickered to Edward again, wondering if he was giving out too much information. His body language made it clear that it wasn't an open invitation.

"I'll be there," I promised.

"I'll see you on break, then," he said, moving uncertainly toward the door.

"See you," I replied. He looked at me once more, his round face slightly pouting, and then as he walked slowly through the door, his shoulders slumped. A swell of sympathy washed over me. I pondered seeing his disappointed face again, then going to my Entomology class after that, grimacing at the idea of dealing with maggots after all that, my stomach doing a flip.

“Ugh, I still have Entomology after break…”

"I can take care of that." I hadn't noticed Edward moving to my side, but he spoke now in my ear. "Go sit down and look pale," he muttered.

That wasn't a challenge, my recent swoon had left a light sheen of sweat on my face. I sat in one of the creaky folding chairs and rested my head against the wall with my eyes closed.

Fainting spells always exhausted me.

I heard Edward speaking softly at the counter.

"Nurse?"

"Yes?" I hadn't heard her return to her desk.

"Eva has a later class today, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?" His voice was like melting honey. I could imagine how much more overwhelming his eyes would be.

"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" The nurse fluttered. Why couldn't I do that?

"No, I have Professor Goff, she won't mind."

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Eva," she called to me. I nodded weakly, hamming it up just a bit.

"Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" With his back to the nurse, his expression became sarcastic.

"I'll walk."

I stood carefully, and I was still fine. He held the door for me, his smile polite but his eyes mocking. I walked out into the cold, fine mist that had just begun to fall. It felt nice — the first time I'd enjoyed the constant moisture falling out of the sky — as it washed my face clean of the sticky perspiration.

"Thanks," I said as he followed me out. "The idea of cutting up maggots right now does not sit well.”

"Anytime." He was staring straight forward, squinting into the rain.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" I was hoping he would, though it seemed unlikely. I couldn't picture him loading up to carpool with the rest of the kids from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might actually...hang out with people.

"Where are you all going, exactly?" He was still looking ahead, expressionless.

"Downtown, to do a bar crawl, get a feel for the night life." I studied his face, trying to read it. His eyes seemed to narrow infinitesimally.

He glanced down at me from the corner of his eye, smiling wryly. "I really don't think I was invited."

I sighed. "I just invited you."

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes danced; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.

"Mike-schmike." I muttered, preoccupied by the way he'd said "you and I." I liked it more than I should.

We were near the parking lot now. I veered left, toward my truck. Something caught my jacket, yanking me back.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand. I was confused. "I'm going home."

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" His voice was still indignant.

"What condition? And what about my truck?" I complained.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after her last class." He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket. It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He'd probably just drag me along anyway if I did.

"Let go!" I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the BMW. Then he finally freed me — I stumbled against the passenger door.

"You are so pushy!" I grumbled.

"It's open," was all he responded. He got in the driver's side.

"I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!" I stood by the car, fuming. It was raining harder now, and I'd never put my hood up, so my hair was dripping down my back.

He lowered the automatic window and leaned toward me across the seat. "Get in, Eva."

I didn't answer. I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren't good.

"I'll just drag you back," he threatened, guessing my plan.

I tried to maintain what dignity I could as I got into his car. I wasn't very successful — I looked like a half-drowned cat and my boots squeaked.

"This is completely unnecessary," I said stiffly.

He didn't answer. He fiddled with the controls, turning the heater up and the music down. As he pulled out of the parking lot, I was preparing to give him the silent treatment — my face in full pout mode — but then I recognized the music playing, and my curiosity got the better of my intentions.

"Clair de Lune?" I asked, surprised.

"You know Debussy?" He sounded surprised, too.

"Not well," I admitted. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house — I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too." He stared out through the rain, lost in thought.

I listened to the music, relaxing against the light gray leather seat. It was impossible not to respond to the familiar, soothing melody. The rain blurred everything outside the window into gray and green smudges. I began to realize we were driving very fast; the car moved so steadily, so evenly, though, I didn't feel the speed. Only the town flashing by gave it away.

"What is your mother like?" he asked me suddenly.

I glanced over to see him studying me with curious eyes.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier," I said. He raised his eyebrows. "I have too much of my dad in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's really determined and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." I stopped. Talking about her was making me depressed.

"How old are you, Eva?" His voice sounded frustrated for some reason I couldn't imagine. He'd stopped the car, and I realized we were at the apartment already. The rain was so heavy that I could barely see the building at all. It was like the car was submerged under a river.

"I'm twenty-one," I responded, a little confused.

"You don't seem twenty-one."

His tone was reproachful; it made me laugh.

"What?" he asked, curious again.

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." I laughed, and then sighed. "Well, someone had to be the adult between my brother and I, with Cass out and my mom at work." I paused for a second. "You don't seem much like a junior in college yourself," I noted.

He made a face and changed the subject.

"So why did your mother remarry?"

I was surprised he would remember that; I'd mentioned it just once, almost two months ago. It took me a moment to answer.

"My mother… she's very active for her age. I think Phil makes her feel younger, more free. At any rate, she's crazy about him." I shook my head. The attraction was a mystery to me.

"Do you approve?" he asked.

"Does it matter?" I countered. "I want her to be happy… and he is who she wants."

"That's very generous… I wonder," he mused.

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" He was suddenly intent, his eyes searching mine.

"I-I think so," I stuttered. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then," he teased.

I grinned in response. "What do you mean by scary? Body mods, or some wild Frat boy?”

"That's a couple definitions, I suppose."

"What's your definition?"

But he ignored my question and asked me another. "Do you think that I could be scary?" He raised one eyebrow, and the faint trace of a smile lightened his face.

I thought for a moment, wondering whether the truth or a lie would go over better. I decided to go with the truth. "Hmmm… I think you could be, if you wanted to."

"Are you frightened of me now?" The smile vanished, and his heavenly face was suddenly serious.

"No." But I answered too quickly. The smile returned.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family?" I asked to distract him. "It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

He was instantly cautious. "What do you want to know?"

"The Cullens adopted you?" I verified.

"Yes."

I hesitated for a moment. "What happened to your parents?"

"They died many years ago." His tone was matter-of-fact.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them." It wasn't a question. It was obvious in the way he spoke of them.

"Yes." He smiled. "I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?"

He glanced at the clock on the dashboard.

"My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go." I didn't want to get out of the car.

"And you probably want your truck back before your brother gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the Biology incident." He grinned at me.

"I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets with twitter and snapchat." I sighed, imagining someone Facebook Live-ing my ugly spell.

He laughed, and there was an edge to his laughter.

"Have fun at the pubs…try not to pass out outside." He glanced out at the sheeting rain.

"Won't I see you tomorrow?"

"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?" A friend could ask that, right? I hoped the disappointment wasn't too apparent in my voice.

"We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier."

I remembered Kain had said the Cullens went camping frequently.

"Oh, well, have fun." I tried to sound enthusiastic. I don't think I fooled him, though. A smile was playing around the edges of his lips.

"Will you do something for me this weekend?" He turned to look me straight in the face, utilizing the full power of his burning gold eyes.

I nodded helplessly.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people who just attract accidents like a magnet.

So… try not to get kidnapped or get run over or anything, all right?" He smiled crookedly.

The helplessness had faded as he spoke. I glared at him.

"I'll see what I can do," I grumbled as I jumped out into the rain. I slammed the door behind me with excessive force.

He was still smiling as he drove away.


	7. Scary Stories

SCARY STORIES

As I sat in my room, trying to concentrate on the third act of Macbeth, I was really listening for my truck. I would have thought, even over the pounding rain, I could have heard the engine's roar. But when I went to peek out the curtain — again — it was suddenly there.

I wasn't looking forward to Friday, and it more than lived up to my non-expectations. Of course there were the fainting comments. Jessica especially seemed to get a kick out of that story, knowing my major, and I whined at her teasing. Luckily Mike had kept his mouth shut, and no one seemed to know about Edward's involvement. She did have a lot of questions about lunch, though.

"So what did Edward Cullen want yesterday?" Jessica asked in Trig.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "He never really got to the point."

"You looked kind of mad," she fished.

"Did I?" I kept my expression blank.

"You know, I've never seen him sit with anyone but his family before. That was weird."

"Weird," I agreed. She seemed annoyed; she flipped her blonde curls impatiently — I guessed she'd been hoping to hear something that would make a good story for her to pass on.

The worst part about Friday was that, even though I knew he wasn't going to be there, I still hoped.

When I walked into the food court with Jessica and Mike, I couldn't keep from looking at his table, where Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper sat talking, heads close together. And I couldn't stop the gloom that engulfed me as I realized I didn't know how long I would have to wait before I saw him again.

At my usual table, everyone was full of our plans for the next day. Mike was animated again, putting great deal of trust in the local weatherman who promised sun tomorrow. I'd have to see that before I believed it. But it was warmer today — almost sixty. Maybe the outing wouldn't be eventually soaked.

I intercepted a few unfriendly glances from Lauren during lunch, which I didn't understand until we were all walking out of the room together. I was right behind her, just a foot from her slick, silver blond hair, and she was evidently unaware of that.

"…don't know why Eva" — she sneered my name — "doesn't just sit with the Cullens from now on."

I heard her muttering to Mike. I'd never noticed what an unpleasant, nasal voice she had, and I was surprised by the malice in it. I really didn't know her well at all, certainly not well enough for her to dislike me — or so I'd thought. "She's my friend; she sits with us," Mike whispered back loyally, but also a bit territorially. I paused to let Jess and Angela pass me. I didn't want to hear any more.

That night at dinner, Kain seemed enthusiastic about my going out with friends for a night. I think he felt guilty for leaving me home alone on the weekends, but he'd spent too many years building his habits to break them now. Of course he knew the names of all the kids going, and any siblings they might have. He seemed to approve. 

"Kain, do you know a place called Goat Rocks or something like that? I think it's south of Mount Rainier," I asked casually.

"Yeah — why?"

I shrugged. "Some kids were talking about camping there."

"It's not a very good place for camping." He sounded surprised. "Too many bears. Most people go there during the hunting season."

"Oh," I murmured. "Maybe I got the name wrong."

I meant to sleep in, but an unusual brightness woke me. I opened my eyes to see a clear yellow light streaming through my window. I couldn't believe it. I hurried to the window to check, and sure enough, there was the sun. It was in the wrong place in the sky, too low, and it didn't seem to be as close as it should be, but it was definitely the sun. Clouds ringed the horizon, but a large patch of blue was visible in the middle. I lingered by the window as long as I could, afraid that if I left the blue would disappear again.

I was elated, perhaps I could wear something a little nicer tonight after all. I found myself actually excited for tonight, it had been a long while since I’d gone out with friends, I messaged Jess and Angela to ask what they were wearing. I had a habit of over-dressing or under-dressing without some kind of context. When I got photos of their choices, I picked my own. 

Black extra-skinny jeans, a dark grey boatneck sweater that fell off my right shoulder, and my good black push up bra. I knew I’d be wearing my hair up tonight so I left the jewelry at a simple black choker and some gold sun and moon shaped dangling earrings. I laid it all out on my bed and relaxed, doing homework and extra housework until it was time to shower and get ready. I spent a little more time on my makeup, playing up my eyes with cat eye black eyeliner and more mascara than typical. Dabbing some iridescent liquid eyeshadow on my top lids. 

All in all, I was happy, hoping that Jess would agree. She’d been giving me fashion advice since I got here, and at first I was skeptical, but after a few shopping trips together I knew better than to ever distrust her judgement again. I slipped on some low black flats, me, heels, and alcohol were not a good mix.

I went to bang on kains bedroom door, grinning at the sleepy groan from inside. 

“Hey, get up, you promised to drive me to my friends’ dorm!”

I heard him grunt again then yelp at the time. “Oh jesus Eva what the fuck- why didn’t you wake me up!”

Truthfully, I’d tried earlier, Kain also had a date tonight, in about forty-five minutes actually. But all the shaking I did had only gotten me a “Ten more minutes…” and a “Go away.”

“You KNOW I tried.”

“BOO, You whore!” I heard him scrambling to get dressed and rolled my eyes, texting Angela until he came out to rush us out the door, bitching about his hair. I helped him take a comb to it while he focused on the road, straightening his good button down. When he dropped me off he nearly booted me out, foot on the gas as I was swinging the door shut.

“HAVE FUN I LOVE YOU BYEEEE-” Jess and Mike, Angela, Becca, Lauren and Tyler were already there, and Angela and Becca laughed at my brother.

“Hey Eva!” Mike's eyes seemed to be sparkling, perking when he’d noticed my arrival. I winced internally as I saw his eyes dart down and up, VERY glad I’d worn something high cut. 

“Hi Mike, everyone almost here? Do we have an Uber pool yet?” I brushed past any small talk, not wanting to see Jess’ face fall any more than it already had. But I was happy he seemed happy, 

“Oh, uh yea, here what’s your code?” We all fiddled with the app for a bit as the rest of our group arrived, ordering a larger SUV to fit everyone. I hadn’t expected Mike to jump in right behind me to steal the spot beside me, this was going to be a group effort friendzone huh? I shot an uncomfortable look at Angela and Becca, who nodded very slightly at me, Becca winking. 

“Eva you should trade spots with Angela actually, I gotta ask you about that project in Entomology-” Becca's smooth tenor voice called from behind us, it was always beautiful, but just then it sounded like an angels voice. 

“No problem! What was yours on again?” I rearranged the seating with Angela, Becca and Jess, moving one seat back and leaving Mike sandwiched between Jess and Angela. Jessica looked back at Becca and I with wide eyes, the both of us giving her a silent thumbs up in response. I hoped Mike figured this out soon. I saw his disappointment for only a moment before Jess caught his attention with something. 

Finally we were driving, the whole SUV chatting and trying to put the finishing touches on the bar hop map, passing around Mike's phone and dropping pins in different places. I watched silently, just enjoying the atmosphere after the tense last couple days, having no suggestions of my own.

The first bar was the ultimate college sports bar, and Jess and Becca were enraptured pretty instantly to a game playing on one of the bar screens, everyone getting a beer or cider, tipping with each drink. I stuck to cider myself, I hated beer. It tasted like carbonated bread water. I drifted around, checking out the decor and trying to avoid small talk.

As we stopped at each place, the group became progressively more animated, by the third bar buying rounds of shots. I turned them down, deciding getting blackout was a bad idea amongst new friends. As I finished another cider though, I was feeling warm and fuzzy, the buzz making me a little bolder and more talkative. I drifted this bar too, a neon light lit dive bar filled with hipster types and art kids, I walked over to the bulletin board towards the back, something catching my eye.

The poster was screen printed on a large piece of cardstock.

Open Mic Night   
At Southriver Collective!

Back up band and instruments provided for Musicians.

I bit my lip, taking the edge of the poster and humming at it. It had been a long time since I’d done an Open Mic, but there was nothing more freeing. I’d go on my own to just sing my heart out and smash out a few songs on a guitar. I didn’t necessarily need the attention, and typically found places to go where no one knew me. It was for the emotions that filled the venue, those that sung along with the songs they knew, the pain in my fingertips from pressing on the frets too hard, the ache in my throat from holding louder notes…

“Eva! We’re moving!” Angela called with a laugh, I quickly snapped a pic of the poster with my phone, jogging back over to the group.

I linked arms with Angela as we stumbled, giggling, to the next place, my eyes focusing on the sign above the door. 

“The Rose and Thorn”

I blinked and tried to remember where I’d heard that name, screwing my eyebrows together and following the group in, looking around. It was an old Irish pub theme, and it suddenly clicked, remembering what Kain had told me about my truck. There were already several people there, they looked like regulars. An Older man and a much younger man behind the bar making conversation. I realized the older man was in a wheelchair, part of the bar floor raised so he could mix drinks. Our group was welcomed warmly as we approached the bar, and it sounded like Eric was attempting to introduce all of us. I waved when he mentioned my name, and they both turned to me with recognition. We all sat down at the long wooden bar, I chose the far end, and began ordering our drinks, opening tabs. 

“Well, Miss Eva Irving, it has certainly been a while.” The older man rolled up to my end of the bar, and I gave him a smile, hoping I didn’t slur. 

“And you, must be Billy Black.” He had a kind rectangular face, creased with lines. His eyebrows fell heavy over his deep green eyes, and his hair was cropped short, smoothly combed. 

“That I am, and surely you remember Jacob.” I looked up to see the younger man grinning as he approached me, holding out his hand to shake. I did, giving him a smile back. He was tall, slightly tanned, his dark hair pulled into a short ponytail on the back of his head. His eyes were a similar green to his dads, but were much clearer, and he had a bit of a scruffy beard. It flattered him though, showed off a sharp jawline and strong cheekbones. 

“No way you remember me, you probably knew my sister Rachel though.” He laughed, and I perked in sudden recognition.

“Oh yeah! How is she? God it’s been like 15 years..” 

“She managed to make it through WSU on a scholarship and is off being a biochemist.” Damn.

I saw Lauren look at us from across the bar, looking unhappy. 

“Jacob, you know Eva?” He glanced back at her and nodded. 

“Yeah, we kinda grew up together, our dads are friends.” He looked back to me after that, and I saw spite in Laurens expression then, cringing. 

“Aw, how nice.” She didn’t seem to believe that, leaning forward on her elbow on the bar. 

“Shame Edward Cullen never showed.” She sighed dramatically, “Didn’t you think to invite him, Eva?” She looked at me expectantly, and I felt my chest sting, but before I could answer, Billy did.

“Feh! We don’t let “The Cullens” anywhere near this pub.” There was a little murmur in the group as he said that, few people actually paying attention. He rolled back out to the kitchen behind the bar, grumbling, Lauren looking taken aback. She decided to cut her losses then, glancing at me and then turning more fully to Tyler to catch his attention.

My interest was certainly piqued, and I turned back to Jacob, clearing my throat. Maybe I could use this attractiveness I’d discovered to my advantage. 

“So, how old are you now? You were like, two the last time I saw you.” I sipped my cider, giving him what I hoped was a flirtatious smile, looking up at him with my eyelids slightly lowered, arching my back a little. He looked startled, but settled quickly, eyes lighting up.

“I’m 20 now, just turned a couple months ago.” God time sure did fly.

“Happy belated birthday then, Jacob.” I raised my glass to him and he leaned against the bar. I could barely contain my curiosity now, and I shifted a little closer to the bar in my seat. 

“So...why won't your dad allow the Cullens into the bar?” I figured it was maybe something to do with their charity work for the LGBTQ community.

Jake rolled his eyes, putting a few bar glasses through the wash. 

“Oh ignore him, he’s a superstitious old bastard.”

I blinked, kind of shocked at the specificity. Feeling brave I leaned forward on the bar, letting my sweater show off more of my chest, looking up at him from under my eyelashes like I’d seen Jess do to Mike, I wanted him to keep talking.

“Superstitious?” I urged, seeing his eyes widen a little slightly, a slight, almost nervous looking smile touching his lips. He reached up to scratch at the scruff on his chin and jaw, looking down to pick up a glass and a bar rag, an excuse to stay put.

“Well, yeah. Haven’t we ever told you we’re descendants of Irish royalty?” He cocked a brow at me, trying to make his grin suave now. I gave him a giggle for his efforts.

“I don’t remember that, no. What does that have to do with superstition?”

“My family has descended from the royalty of Ossory. Legend says that the men of Ossory were able to transform into gigantic wolves to fight for the King.” He stood up, grinning in mock cockiness and puffing up his chest, buffing his nails on his shirt. “Some say it was a curse from a saint, some say it was a blessing from the gods, some people say it was because someone fucked a wolf, it’s not very clear.” He shook his head and shrugged. I had to laugh again.

“The wolf-fucking theory seems like a shot in the dark.” I snickered, he was grinning back, deep green eyes twinkling. Then he leaned down. 

“Here, let me start a little further back. Have you ever heard of, like, The Fair Folk? Fairies?” He questioned, I raised my eyebrows at that and sat back. 

“Like, two inches tall, butterfly wings, glitter…?” I coaxed, even more confused now, laughing though, holding up my fingers to demonstrate the size. He laughed too, shaking his head and pouring me another cider from the tap.

“I mean, that’s the common interpretation over here, but in Ireland, they’re a lot darker than that.” He leaned a little closer to me, putting on a theatrical voice.

“Headless men with giant mouths on their stomachs to consume human flesh, with no ears to hear their victims. Spirits of infants who died during harsh winters, returning to the place they died to torment the living. Drowning fairies that will yank children underwater from the edge of any body of water and vanish with them. It’s said that if you look through the hole of a hagstone, sometimes you can see them, they’re everywhere according to legend, unseen. They like it that way, they have a habit of brutally murdering anyone who does manage to make eye-contact with one. Some people are born seeing them, they don’t live very long.” He was grinning at the end, obviously trying to spook me. 

I had to say he was doing an okay job, goosebumps raising on my skin. I was enraptured, leaning farther forward and sipping at the cider. 

“Woah, yeah I’d say that’s a bit darker. But what does that have to do with the Cullens?” I blinked and he laughed. 

“I’m getting to it! Now, some fairies are just, humans suffering a curse. The Cullens-” He glanced to the door leading to the kitchen behind the bar, where his dad had wheeled himself out of the room. “My dad thinks that they may be a type of Fae. He’s convinced actually, won’t even go to the hospital and risk getting treated by their Doc. I’ve tried to convince him otherwise, he’s always seemed pretty stable prior, it’s just this one thing he won’t let go of.” He looked troubled then, the smile slowly melting off his face.

“There are stories of beautiful elves, who would seduce humans to drink their blood. Also of Faeries doing something similar. The glaistigs, baobhan sith...We’d been out shopping with a family friend when my dad saw that really pretty blonde girl, one of the daughters, and he went so pale I thought he was having a stroke. I’ve never seen him that scared.” He shook his head, the worry becoming bewilderment. 

“Your dad...thinks the Cullens are vampires?” I questioned, hoping I had enough incredulity in my voice. 

Jacob could only nod. 

“Told you, superstitious old bastard. Also thinks we’re werewolves.” He made a point of that word like I had vampires, and it made me laugh, blinking wide eyed. 

“Well it’s definitely not what I expected.” I laughed and Jacob finally grinned. 

“Shall we offer a toast to the fair folk? It’s always best to stay on their good side.” I shrugged and extended my arms.

“Might as well, would hate to meet that one with the stomach mouth.” 

“Or a Dullahan, avoid those at all costs. Headless death omens.” He pointed that new one out as he poured a shot of Jameson, and I perked as I noticed three shot glasses, one set out in front of him behind the bar. 

“Hey! You’re not twenty-one young man!” I chided, pointing at him, he blinked at me innocently, holding it up and pushing me one of the glasses. 

“What! It’s diet-coke!” I looked to the soda nozzle behind the bar, suspiciously un moved, and then squinted at him. He grinned, holding up his glass.

"May we all be alive at this same time next year." 

We tapped our glasses to the bar, and took our shots.


	8. Open Mic

OPEN MIC

I opened my eyes to a familiar place. Aware in some corner of my consciousness that I was dreaming, I recognized the green light of the forest. I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks somewhere nearby. And I knew that if I found the ocean, I'd be able to see the sun. I was trying to follow the sound, but then Jacob Black was there, tugging on my hand, pulling me back toward the blackest part of the forest.

"Jacob? What's wrong?" I asked. His face was frightened as he yanked with all his strength against my resistance; I didn't want to go into the dark.

"Run, Eva, you have to run!" he whispered, terrified.

"This way, Eva!" I recognized Mike's voice calling out of the gloomy heart of the trees, but I couldn't see him.

"Why?" I asked, still pulling against Jacob's grasp, desperate now to find the sun.

But Jacob let go of my hand and yelped, suddenly shaking, falling to the dim forest floor. He twitched on the ground as I watched in horror.

"Jacob!" I screamed. But he was gone. In his place was a large red-brown wolf with deep green eyes. The wolf faced away from me, pointing toward the shore, the hair on the back of his shoulders bristling, low growls issuing from between his exposed fangs.

"Eva, run!" Mike cried out again from behind me. But I didn't turn. I was watching a light coming toward me from the beach.

And then Edward stepped out from the trees, his skin faintly glowing, his eyes black and dangerous.

He held up one hand and beckoned me to come to him. The wolf growled at my feet.

I took a step forward, toward Edward. He smiled then, and his teeth were sharp, pointed.

"Trust me," he purred.

I took another step.

The wolf launched himself across the space between me and the vampire, fangs aiming for the jugular.

"No!" I screamed, wrenching upright out of my bed.

I threw my phone from my pillow, the sweat from the nightmare sticky on my skin, cooling on my forehead and making my sheets feel damp. I’d kicked them off in the worst of the dream. I exhaled slowly, taking in my surroundings and letting myself ground, slowing my heart. What could I see, what could smell…

Kain knocked on my door, worried by my scream, he sounded sleepy. 

“Eva? You alright?”

“Uh, shit, yea Kain, I’m sorry, it was a nightmare.” 

“Oh, good, sorry boo, hope you sleep better.”

I was no longer frightened, but frustrated, thinking about that dream again, what I could remember at least. Edward, pale and lovely, bloodthirsty eyes. I needed to think. I got up, knowing I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep.

"....What if I'm a bad guy?"

His words kept spinning around my head. He obviously wasn’t human, I knew that at least. I pulled my laptop onto my desk, sitting criss-cross-applesauce in my desk chair. As it started I thought about what I wanted to do, what I wanted to search. 

I started with googling “The Fair Folk.” The first link caught my eye, specifically a phrase within it, that made my eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

“...and may be depicted as an Inhumanly beautiful race.”

Well that seemed a little on the nose.

I clicked and read through, this was mostly a list of TV tropes, the world of science fiction. But there were so many more types of…”fairies” than I’d thought, than even Jacob mentioned. I read about Celtic legends, Fairy Rings, how to communicate with The Fae, how to keep them away from your house, how to piss them off, and why you shouldn’t.

As I researched, I tried to find one that best matched the description of Edwards family, not wanting Jacobs blood drinking theory to taint my bias. 

I sighed at all the results for the show “True Blood”, again it seemed a little too on the nose for me. But I was starting to feel a little queasy. Beautiful, sunlight avoidant creatures that seduce humans in order to drink their blood. Incubi and Succubi, baobhan sith, I finally decided to try to search for vampires and fairies. 

There was an entire website on how The Fae and vampires were so similar, how the legends intertwined with each other all over the world. 

I shut my laptop then, rubbing my face in exasperated frustration. 

I thought back on his other odd behaviors, the way he looked up when he was mentioned like he’d been called to. His glances over my shoulders as he filled in what my friends seemed to be feeling. Ok, so maybe, psychic? No, Telepathic? I kind of felt that had some more scientific backing, and I opened my laptop again to explore that avenue. He didn’t seem to speak into peoples minds, but I couldn’t be sure. He’d known my preferred name on the first day he spoke to me as well. At the time I had brushed it off, thinking someone must have mentioned it to him. But the likelihood of that was actually low. His only friends were his siblings, and he hadn’t even been in school for days. Eva. Not Evangeline, not Evangeline, Eva. I also remembered him mentioning he couldn’t read me very well, how surprised I’d been, and the consideration that maybe he’d meant he couldn’t read my mind made my eyebrows raise.

I marked that down as another hypothesis and leaned back into my chair.

Okay. So. What was I sure of? I thought back on what had happened during the car accident. I shook off the annoyance at him trying to gaslight me and focused on what I had seen.

Speed, he made it across the entire parking lot in less than a second, without anyone noticing him. Strength, He’d lifted that van up with one arm. Resilience, I remembered the dent his shoulders made from the dispersed energy of the impact.

I had to refocus for a moment, it was all starting to sink in, become real. His skin was obscenely cold, and felt close to stone under my fingers. The color shifting in his eyes and his mood swings. And he- his whole family, were nearly flawless. So beautiful it was eerie.

Like a lure, from a predator to its prey. A way to bring them closer.

My blood felt like ice in my veins as I held my head in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees, trying to process this information. I quickly snapped open my laptop again and frantically googled missing persons cases in the area in the last two years. Yet, while there were several, it was not a suspicious amount. In fact, I doubted nearly entirely that what was there could...feed, seven vampires. At least that was my hypothesis. I grabbed the date from when Edward had returned, the day he first introduced himself, the day his eyes were the lightest gold I had seen. 

No one had gone missing--even well outside the county-- close to that timeframe.

I sat back in my chair again, staring at the screen. Maybe I was just losing my mind. Jacob had said it was all superstitious crap, too. Could he be some other type of Fae? One that didn’t drink blood?

These questions spun around my head like flies, and I knew I wouldn’t get answers so easily. In my frustration, I grabbed my guitar, I needed something to help me calm down, and playing would be distracting enough. I played quietly for Kains sake, a song I knew well, Smoke Signals, Phoebe Bridgers. As I strummed the soft song, I closed my eyes and focused on the lyrics, softly singing as I processed everything I’d learned in six measly hours. I remembered something suddenly, perking. I carefully put down my guitar and moved to my phone, scrolling through my photos until I landed on the one I was looking for. I tapped on it and zoomed in, getting the date and address of the Open Mic flyer. I took a deep breath and committed to it. I needed a release, and maybe it would help me clear my head.

Decided, I yawned, tired enough to go to bed again. I slowly crawled back into my bed to curl around my body pillow, squishing it to me, and hoping I didn’t dream about monsters again.

I slept in the next day, shocked to see that it had remained sunny, and a little warm. Kain was going to be out again today I knew, so I was trying to come up with something to do. I padded out to the livingroom in my pajamas and stopped in surprise, Kain was at the kitchen table on his phone, several Thriftway bags taking up the space in front of him.

“Kain? I thought you were going out today…” 

He perked and gave me a massive grin, crossing his feet all proud of himself. 

“Well, since you’re going to that Halloween party without your kind and adoring big brother, I thought we should have our own Halloween party, hang out. Bad Horror movies on Netflix, way too much candy,...a little green stuff..?” He held up a package of pre-rolled joints from a dispensary downtown. The Thriftway bags held large sacs of mixed candies. I was shocked stiff for a moment, then laughed, and nodded. Guess that was my Sunday planned. 

We put the living room together with blankets and pillows. I was honestly touched by Kains idea, both of us finding our comfy spot and lighting one to pass between us. The used ashtray on the table at the ready. We put on Netflix to search for our first bad gore porn flick, making a few passes as we did. I was comfortably buzzed soon enough, my whole body feeling heavy and warm, eyelids drooping a little. We laughed and threw candy wrappers and popcorn at the screen of the TV when the movies got stupid, and we talked here and there about life, I didn’t smoke often, but every once in a while it was an enjoyable experience. I avoided any vampire movies, cringing every time I was reminded about the night before. 

We took a pause closer to evening, both of us stretching and shaking things out, cleaning up a little and taking a break before the next one. We had just finished Paranormal Activity 2, and Kain was coming back with fresh sodas for both of us.

“You know, I still think this place is haunted. Last week, I started hearing footsteps above us at night, like someones pacing! That’s the roof!! Tenants don’t even have access to the roof?” He really believed it too, I could tell. I laughed at him, having another piece of candy and grabbing my soda from him.

He rolled his eyes. “I was hoping you would like, “sense” something or whatever.” He huffed, sipping his own. I looked at him, confused.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Well, the whole “born with a veil” thing!” He blinked at me as though to say “duh”. I was completely lost.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I laughed at him, picking up the Netflix remote again to start clicking through the movies again.

“Didn’t Mom ever tell you that you were born with a veil?” Kain looked surprised, relaxing back into the couch. 

“No, I have no idea what you mean.”

“When you were born, you were still in the like, sac thing. They say it looks like a wedding veil. So was mom, and Nana, it’s like, a generational thing. I missed out cause I’m a guy I guess.” He looked pouty about that, but I was still processing.

“Uh, gross? Also you were like, ten pounds or something.” He waved me off. “What does that have to do with literally anything?”

“People born with a veil are supposed to be super “sensitive”, like to ghosts and other stuff. Like mediums are usually born with a Veil.” I stared at him for a moment and then started laughing pretty hard. He sounded ridiculous.

“Sorry Kain, I haven’t “sensed” any ghosts in the apartment. I don’t see dead people either.” I snickered, finally putting on Paranormal Activity 3. 

As we watched though, I realized he’s not crazy, at least no more crazy than I was googling about vampires and fairies in the middle of the night. Thinking about the concept of anything supernatural being real, I shuddered, frowning deeply. The images on screen didn’t help, hearing them discuss the Demon possessing the home. 

I had always been a skeptic, an atheist. I preferred things that could be provable, tangible. But Edward was...incredibly tangible, and entirely impossible. Could that mean...it was all real? I shook my head at the concept. I finished out the night with Kain, trying to shake off the thoughts about monsters and vampires and ghosts, reminding myself it was just one hypothesis, not proven. I needed to ready myself for the next week, as I went to bed that night I put on some soft piano music to sleep to, hoping it would distract me and allow me to sleep well. 

The next week started well, It was sunny again, I was shocked, I’d never seen the nice weather last like this. But I wasn’t going to complain. However Edward wasn’t in class, at all. I shrugged it off at first, relaxing into Jess and Angela's routine, but when it was still sunny on Wednesday, and there was still no Edward, I was getting worried. I guess he and his brother would be trying to soak up every inch of sun they could as well. 

That night, when I got home from class I headed to my room to drop my bags off. I picked up my guitar and tugged a heavy flannel shirt on over my sweater, grabbing my purse and shoving my phone and wallet into it. I called into Kains room that I was going to be out for the night, he called back an ‘O.K.” and then I was out the door. 

I ordered an Uber to the Art Collective/Dive bar combo, kinda snickering about how hipster that was, good old Washington. I held up my ID to the bouncer and got waved in, immediately comforted by the sound of slam poetry and the smell of cheap cigarettes, old carpet and patchouli. It was an incredibly familiar vibe, every Open Mic I’d ever been to had felt nearly identical. After the poet was a small punk group, with some bizarre, nonsensical name I couldn’t quite catch, they sounded pretty much the same as every small time punk group, throaty and high, harsh guitar riffs and frantic drumming. Screeching about their lives. I didn’t mind punk though, it was far better than country. 

I walked up to a guy with a clipboard to see if he was the one with the signup sheets. 

He looked stoned out of his mind, but happy, his dark hair mostly concealed by his beanie as he took down my name and let me put my acoustic behind the side stage, borrowing one of the communal electric guitars, sitting down to make sure it was in tune, and was still in good enough condition to play. It seemed just fine as I tested a few strums. I had to hunt down the right cables for the Amp, thankfully already set up on stage so I wouldn’t have to drag one up there. Most people that did these said they felt butterflies before they made their way upstairs, I never did. I never felt more hidden than behind a microphone, a guitar, and my voice. Places like this, with so many drifting acts, no one remembered you until you became a regular. Especially when you used the name ‘Eva’. It was about a half hour before it was my go, but soon enough--

“Up next, we got another musical act, Eva, on guitar. She’ll be borrowing our bassist, Jack St. Louis and our drummer, Hayden Cannon, for a cover performance, give it up!”

I was already on stage getting plugged in. I looked back at the bassist and drummer, handing them the printouts I’d made, but I always chose well known songs for these. “Uh, “Time is Running Out”, MUSE.” They nodded in recognition and got themselves ready too. When I got the ok from the drunk guy running the sound and the drummer, he banged out a quick 1-2-1-2-3- And started the slow beat along with the bassist, grinding out the low, odd melody that sat under the song. I couldn’t see anyone in the crowd, couldn’t recognise anyone, the place was cloudy and backlit by neon bar signs and candle light. It was perfect. 

“I think I’m drowning, asphyxiating,   
I wanna break the spell, that you’ve created-”

My voice in my throat felt good, and the beat of the drum and the thrum of the bass through my feet had me in the zone, getting my fingers in the right place to start my coming chords.

“You’re something beautiful, a contradiction,   
I wanna play the game- I want the friction.

And you, will be, the death, of me.  
Yeah, you, will be, the death of me. 

Bury it, I won’t let you bury it,   
I won’t let you smother it,   
I won’t let you murder it-

And our time is running out!”

The release was there in the strength of the chorus, my fingers were tearing apart the frets, my voice was carried to the back of the venue, and his face was in my head. Ethereal and impossible. My chest ached with my breath control, my fingers burned through the calluses on my fingers. 

“I wanted freedom, found I’m restricted,  
I wanna give you up, but I’m addicted,  
Now that you know I'm trapped  
Sense of elation  
You'll never dream of breaking this fixation  
You will squeeze the life out of me-”

The bar was enjoying the performance, several patrons singing along or bobbing their heads, very few people were actually looking at me. My hair was falling into my face as my body followed my voice, helping the power behind it. I was free. Everything was the beat, the rhythm and the chords I was playing.

“Yeah you, will suck, the life out of me-  
Bury it, I won’t let you bury it,   
I won’t let you smother it,   
I won’t let you murder it!”

It was just then, through strands of my hair, through the faded and foggy faces of the rest of the patrons, through the smoky haze of the air between us.

He sat at the bar, golden eyes locked on me. And when we made eye contact, he flashed me a crooked grin.

My stomach dropped through my feet.

I was frozen in place for several seconds, processing several emotions at once. Confusion, anger, fear, humiliation, excitement, curiosity. None of them stuck, they turned into more of a congealed mess of nausea that sat in my stomach like a stone. 

I quickly rushed off the stage, trying not to hyperventilate. Why was he here? How long had he been here? Had he actually recognized me? I grabbed my guitar, intending to slip out a back exit or something, and turned to bolt out of the side stage. I was met with at first what I thought was a wall, it sure felt like stone, but the wall had arms that caught me when I’d stumbled backwards.

“Woah- Are you alright?” 

The voice was so smooth and so clear, even over the chattering and the next band setting up. I looked up at him dazed, still frozen in shock.

“E-Edward?” I blinked up at him like a moron, his cold hands still on my waist, my fingertips braced against his solid, broad chest. I kept forgetting how tall he was, this close I needed to crane my neck to see his face.

He took his hands off my waist, seeming frozen for the same amount of time I was. But he cleared his throat.

“I didn’t mean to startle you, I only wanted to complement your performance. I didn’t realize you were a musician.” He nodded to my guitar, and I looked down, feeling myself turn red. 

“It’s not...generally something I brag about, it’s just a hobby.” I mumbled, but he seemed to hear me, chuckling.

“I also didn’t know you were a fan of Muse. You have excellent taste.” 

I looked up at him again, re-shouldering my guitar. 

“You’re into Muse?” I guess I shouldn’t be terribly shocked, I’d seen his Spotify, he seemed to be into just about everything. 

“Oh of course, they changed the early 2000’s.” He looked happy, pleased, his eyes light like butterscotch as they met mine.

“Um...may I buy you a drink?”

I almost staggered. Why me!?

“U-uh...sure?” I agreed slowly, confused all over again, gripping the strap of my guitar case tightly. He was still spinning me in circles.

He lit up a little bit, letting me past to head to the small wooden bar. I felt like I had whiplash, maybe I did, I was desperately trying to find something to talk about as we both took a couple stools, setting my guitar against the bar underneath me.

He looked at me then, and I realized he was asking what I wanted to drink. I jolted a little bit and snapped my head to the board, scrolling the drinks quickly. 

“Um, Brandy Old Fashioned? With orange?” He looked surprised, what, I couldn’t like brandy? He nodded at the bartender, catching their attention quickly, I wasn’t surprised. 

“Two Brandy Old Fashioned, one with orange.” The bartender nodded quickly, glancing between us with what looked like bewilderment. I met them, and shrugged slightly, I was as confused as he was. 

I noticed what Edward was wearing suddenly, I was used to him in very light colors, white, light grey, sand, taupe, khaki, etc. But tonight he wore a slick black blazer, open in the front, a cream crew neck sweater underneath. Black jeans and dark patent shoes. It was...new. The dark colors offset the coloring in his hair and skin. The neon lights reflected off his eyes and his face. He seemed even more mythical now, almost hypnotic so close. My jaw tensed slightly as the research I’d done crossed my mind again.

“So, what are you doing out here? I thought you were still up camping with Emmet since you haven’t been back in class.” I finally spoke up, noting the bartender set down our drinks. I grabbed mine, slowly using the cocktail straw to mix in my orange slice, taking a sip. 

I watched him stare at his own thoughtfully, holding his cocktail pick, turning the maraschino cherries in the light.

“We got back this evening. I’m glad to see you alive and not kidnapped.” He chuckled at me, sitting back. 

“I told you I’d do my best.” I sniffed, still peeved about that, eating the cherries off of my own pick. Sliding them off using their stems and eating them like that. He seemed to be watching the action out of the corner of my eye, and I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

“That you did.” I watched him still out of the corner of my eye as he seemed to take a gulp of his own drink. But noticed a slight pale blur that moved in the direction of the potted plant beside him by the wall. I moved to face him, eyes flicking to the plant and noting that there were now ice cubes sitting on top of the dirt. I didn’t say anything, but it added on to my list of evidence that only seemed to be getting heavier in the back of my head.

“But still, drinking on a school night?” 

“Hey, you offered to buy it.”

“True, how long have you been playing? You seem pretty skilled.”

I blinked at the change in conversation, but went with it.

“Um, when I was like, five, my Mom was walking with me and we saw a busquer, playing guitar on the sidewalk looking for tips. She saw me, uh,...stim, happily and noticed how I seemed to like the music. It relaxed me, even in a crowd. The next day I had a kid sized guitar and was put in lessons.” I laughed a little, my mom had jumped on anything and everything that seemed to soothe me as a kid after my diagnosis. I was glad she never restricted my stimming.

“...stim?” He questioned, but gently, having noticed my hesitance on the word. 

“...Um, I have ADHD.” I said it quietly, it was not something I was ashamed of, but not something I was terribly fond of talking about or explaining. I sat back and squared my shoulders and took another gulp of my drink, waiting for the jokes at my expense.

“Oh, I see, So you’ve been playing since you were a child, are you into any other instruments?”

I was caught off guard a little, but felt a bit of warmth shoot through my chest as he just seemed to gloss over it.

“Um, piano, but not well, I played clarinet in high school?” I shrugged, I’d never been terribly interested in anything other than guitar. “I wanted to learn the violin, but we couldn’t afford it. But you didn’t answer my first question, this uh, doesn’t seem like your vibe.” I motioned to the room around us, and he smiled slightly.

“I like to come to Open Mics, underground shows, hear what’s new. Some of the greatest bands began in places like this.” He looked up at me again. His shoulders were set, and he was still leaning back from me, just like he did in class. He did have a point, I just wished that he hadn’t come tonight.

“That’s true, The Sex Pistols,” I noted, the english punk scene had been a wild one. He seemed surprised again, and I was getting annoyed. But the feeling faded when I looked at his face, something like almost, wonder, in his eyes. I wasn’t used to being so good at reading someone, or at least feeling this confident about my assessments. And it threw me a little, but I figured I could go with my gut and see where it led.

“What exactly is your major?” My voice startled even me, so did the force of my question. He blinked.

“Neuroscience, Minoring in Biochemistry.”

Christ, he was smart too. 

“Really? What career are you looking into?”

“Neuropsychology.” He said it with a smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes, I got that distinct gaslight-y feeling again, but decided to ignore it. “You’re looking to become a Forensic Pathologist, correct? What brought you to that career path?”

“Well to start with, fuck cops.” My answer was easy, I’d known my path since I was a kid. “I want to be able to bring justice in an unbiased, testable way. If I can help keep the innocent out of prison and convict the actual monsters, I want to be able to do it.” I turned to him, I think he was still stuck on ‘fuck cops.’ 

Blinking at me with a shocked but amused smile. He looked like he struggled for a second, then lifted his half empty glass, I hesitantly tapped mine to his with a clink. “To providing actual justice. And...urm, fuck cops.” He didn’t seem to struggle with the sentiment, but the word ‘fuck’. I giggled at him. 

“You don’t curse much huh?”

“I do not, but, there isn’t a much better way to say that.” He laughed, seeming sheepish. It was easy to forget he might be a monster when he was being...cute. 

I bit my lip and kicked my feet in my barstool, thinking over my next question, wondering if it would piss him off.

“So, what exactly happened, that first day in class? You seem totally cordial now, but that day you were looking at me like I was the creature from “Splice”.” I furrowed my brow at him, and he froze up for a moment, expression becoming a little annoyed.

“I’m serious Edward, you keep going back and forth with your moods so hard I’m getting whiplash here. I may be autistic but these mixed signals seem odd even to me. Save my life one hour, and the next hour you hate me, and then the next month you don’t even acknowledge me, and now...you’re driving me home and buying me drinks.”

I tried outlining it all for him, wondering if laying it all out would help him understand why I was so lost when it came to him.

“I just want some answers, you know?” He kept quiet, staring into his drink for a moment, before looking up at me and rolling his eyes back with a sigh. 

“...Yes, no, to get to the other side, 1.772453-”

“Jesus dude I don’t care about the square root of Pi.” I glared at him, grimacing, resisting the urge to kick his leg under the bar.

“...You knew that?”

“You do realize I’m trying to get into Medical school, right? I’m not an idiot.”

He pursed his lips, and then sighed, looking irritated and ashamed. “It wasn’t you, really. I was annoyed at something else, you had the unfortunate luck of being sat next to me when I thought I would be sitting alone.”

I could actually understand that, but squinted my eyes at him regardless, taking another sip.

“Alright, fair enough. I got other questions, if we’re gonna be friends.” I looked up at him firmly, he didn’t look like a republican, but he was rich and white.

“Alright, shoot.” He guarded his own expression, and I sat straighter.

“Pro-life or Pro-choice?”

“Pro-choice.”

Aight.

“Are you a feminist?”

“If I wasn’t, Alice would kill me.”

“Do Black Lives Matter?”

“Every second of every day, “fuck cops” after all. The justice system needs to be reformed from the ground up.”

“Weed?”

“Legalize it nationally.”

“Are you LGBTQ?”  
He paused a moment, considering his answer.

“I don’t know. I believe currently, I am cisgender and heterosexual. But I advocate for trans lives and equality. Conversion therapy is absolutely diobolical.”

“...Coke or Pepsi?”

“...Coke.” I squinted, I liked Pepsi.

But I shrugged, pleased and impressed with his answers. 

“Okay pretty boy, you’re chill.” He looked at me and raised an eyebrow, incredulous.

“‘Pretty boy’?” He questioned.

“Yeah, you look like you came out of a Calvin Klien commercial. And don’t pull that “I just don’t know it” shit, I don’t believe it.” I took another swig, and he blinked in shock, then acceptance.

“Alright, I’ll...take it.” 

I finished my drink then, looking up at him as I dug in my wallet to put a tip on the bar, he looked like he wanted to stop me, but I raised my eyebrows at him. 

“You bought, I tip.” He didn’t argue then, smiling in exasperation. 

“But I better get home, it is a “school night” after all...will I see you in school tomorrow?” 

“Most likely, would you like me to walk you to your Uber?” He asked it quietly, and I looked up. 

“...Sure.” I ordered it and it came within two minutes, Edward hovering by my side, footsteps silent compared to my clomping boots. 

“See you tomorrow then, it was..nice, talking to you.” I couldn’t understand why that wasn’t a lie. But it wasn’t. He gave me a heartbreakingly handsome crooked grin then. 

“Goodnight Miss Irving. Get home safe.” 

He watched carefully as I got into the Subaru. I looked back to him as we drove away, but he was already gone.


	9. Phantom

PHANTOM

The next day I went to class in a daze, I had dreamt about him all night, but none of it was truly memorable, not a nightmare, not a dream. It was blurry and unclear now, I couldn't quite remember any of them. Angela was the first to notice my dissociative spell, poking me in the cheek as I zoned out on our way to the cafe, waiting to see if he would really be here. 

“Helloooo, earth to Eva, anyone home?”

I snapped back into my body, turning to her and blinking. “Hm?”

“Girl what is with you today? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She gave me a look, raising her eyebrow. Becca caught onto our conversation, then Jessica, the group pausing in our walk. I bit my lip as they all looked at me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to lie, I was honestly terrible at it, and they would see right through me.

“Well...uh...I bumped into Edward Cullen at a bar last night.”

I had all their attention now, each of them turning to face me. 

“What happened?” Jess and Angela almost said it simultaneously, pulling me into an overhang on one of the buildings, sitting me on a bench. 

“Uh, he bought me a drink, we talked about school, and I went home.” I gave them the very edited version, there was way too much other stuff that happened that I didn’t want them to know. 

“That’s it? Was he flirting? What did he ask?” They interrogated me for about ten minutes, trying to claw the answers they wanted out of me, when I continued to be vague, Jess groaned.

“God Eva did you even try to flirt?”

“What? No.” I was surprised shed had to ask.

“Why the hell not? You had a perfect opportunity!” Angela followed her up, seemingly upset as well.

“Wh- guys, are you serious? Edward Cullen? Look at me, I don’t think his league and my league are even in the same hemisphere.” I looked at them incredulously, but still felt my face heating up.

“And anyway he and I already had a conversation, we’re just friends!” All three of them groaned simultaneously and I was taken aback, getting frustrated.

“What!?”

“He bought you a drink girl! That’s like, universal guy speak for “I think you’re hot.’” Jess was frustrated too, holding out her arm in exasperation. 

“She’s right Eva- plus like, we’ve seen him staring at you.” Angela chimed in. 

“And he’s not exactly stealthy about it either, I’ve seen him staring in the parking lot too.” Becca added on top.

I stared at all of them in complete shock.

“I’ll bet you, if he’s here today, we’re gonna catch him looking today, we’ll prove it.” Jess said it confidently, grabbing my arm. Angela grabbed the other and Becca stood behind me imposingly, she was sweet as a button but a good foot taller than me, and something about her expression said there was no way in hell I was escaping this. 

They dragged me to the Commissary, I had to stop protesting when we made it to the door. Staring at the ground, red to my ears as they brought me to our typical table and sat me down. I couldn’t look up, my heart was racing as I thought about what they had said. Was he trying to hit on me? Was this a trick?

“I give it a minute.” Angela whispered in my ear, her and Jess chatting and glancing at the Cullen table, it was even shorter than a minute. Angela elbowed me in the side and I winced but slowly glanced up.

Sure enough, he was staring, as soon as he saw me look over, he looked back to his brother who he seemed to be having a conversation with. Like he didn’t want me to notice. Suddenly the context of our conversation last night changed in my head drastically. Was that his way of flirting? He’d still hella dumped his drink into that poor potted plant. I shook my head a little violently, turning my wide eyes to the girls. They were all looking at me smugly, snickering. 

“Told you. Girl, you need a confidence boost.” Angela elbowed me again when I looked sheepish.

“I’m confident!” I argued, but they all raised their eyebrows at me. Jess sighed and leaned forward onto her arms, crossing them in resignation.

“Ok, sure you are, you’re confident and just friends. With the hottest guy in our class.” She raised an eyebrow at me in challenge, and I felt my chest flare. She knew how to get under my skin.

I slapped the table and stood up then, looking at all of them.

“Fine! I’ll prove it. Just watch.”

As I turned around to face his table, I felt all of my determination dissolve. He looked up at me, and his siblings watched, looking almost angry, some smug. He stood up and nodded to me before I could sit back down, seeming to hesitate before stepping over to a pillar away from their table, waiting for me. 

Shit. How did I back out now?

I took a deep breath and forced myself to march in his direction, feeling the girls eyes watching my every move as I did. When I finally got to him, I faced his front fully, looking up at him, feigning nonchalance. He looked confused, furrowing his eyebrows in the silence and waiting for me to speak.

“Um, so...How are you?”

Cool, great, I’m a fucking moron.

He stared at me for a second, then his face split into a confused smile. 

“I’m...well, you?”

“Good...attempting to convince my friends that we’re chill.” I rocked on my feet, grimacing. 

Sudden understanding crossed his face and he glanced around me to our table, still thoroughly amused.

“Ah. So that’s what’s happening, so we should talk, hm?”

“Yes we should, if I didn’t go entirely blank when it comes to small talk.”

“I’ve got one, I’m still curious what you’re planning to do about the Halloween party, your mysterious ‘date from Spokane.’” I groaned, he’d reminded me I still had nothing for that. 

“Shit. I completely forgot, well, maybe I’ll tell them he ditched me or found a different party, I mean Mike is going with Jess and Taylor’s going with Lauren...god I hope Eric found a date.” I grimaced, rubbing my face then.

“Seems a little obvious that you lied to me, you seem to underestimate how...persistent, guys can be when it comes to women like you.”

I looked up at him, his eyes glittering in amusement, the way he’d said that felt...loaded?

“Women like me?” I blinked, hoping he would explain.

“Fit, tenacious, intelligent. You don’t seem to realize you’re quite a catch, Miss Irving.” He seemed to be teasing me now, and I rolled my eyes at his smirk.

“Maybe I’m not looking to be caught.” I grumbled. I could swear I saw a flicker of something across his expression. 

“...Regardless, I think you should get back to your friends, they look like they’re about combust.”

I turned to see he was right, Jess nearly vibrating over the table, Becca straining to hear. 

“Right, um...see you in class then…”

“See you.” I walked away from him and back to my table, getting yanked down, immediately interrogated. At least my trip had the effect that I’d wanted, they were impressed.

The week felt different than any really prior. Edward was still as intense as ever, but he didn’t ignore me. We talked in bio, and worked well together in the labs. He even helped me with research. The time raced, I felt bizarrely light, confused but happy. Maybe things had finally mellowed out. It didn’t last long though, the Halloween party was coming, and I couldn’t help but feel a knot of anxiety start to build in my stomach. Jess had picked out our costumes and refused to let us know what they were, and it made it worse. As I turned things over and over in my head, I only got more frustrated. Sitting at my desk, I opened my mac and selected facetime, calling my sister Cassandra, needing someone outside of school to talk to. 

My older sister and I had always been close, she was about four years older than me, and while we’d certainly had our fair share of sibling bickering, I still trusted her more than I trusted myself.

She picked up on the third ring, face happy, her curls bouncing. She looked like she was in her kitchen. She looked a lot more like mom than I did, her hair was much more tightly curled, and her skin was a deeper shade than mine.

“Hi Eva! Took you long enough, here let me set my phone up, I’m in the middle of feeding Mady.”

“Show me my niece immediately.” I monotoned at her until she set down the camera so that she and the baby were in frame. Madelyne was only about six months old, and was still breast feeding. She was bloody adorable and I cooed through the camera as she kicked her little feet and ate happily. Cass and I caught up, I told her about school, my new friends, Kain, the friendzoning, but found myself hesitating when it came to Edward.

“...So...there is a guy.” I started, nervous, she raised her eyebrows at me. 

“Oh?”

“All my friends are saying he’s into me, but I can’t see it. He’s like, an 11 out of 10 and smart, seems to like talking to me. I keep talking to him and we’ve established that we’re friends but he’s...god he’s so weird, and irritating.” I sighed, exploding, unable to keep all this to myself anymore.

“Woah, woah, woah, slow down Eva.” Cass laughed, rocking gently back and forth to soothe the little one. 

“Gimme an example.”

“Okay. Um. Well, I bumped into him at a bar earlier this week.” I gave her the story, less edited than the one I gave the girls, but still slightly. I followed up with some of his other odd behavior. Cass looked as bewildered as I felt, which was a relief. 

“Okay, yeah I can see what you mean by weird, I wonder what’s up with his family too, this blonde sounds like fun.”  
She laughed, bringing up Rosalie, and I groaned.

“She’s terrifying!” I rubbed my face. 

“Hey, I love you, trust your gut. You said he’s really pretty right? Hot mysterious guys always get you around their fingers until you know more about them. Invite him out for coffee or something, just to talk. I bet within an hour he’ll stop being hot and mysterious and just be another dudebro edgelord.”

I thought about that, humming under my breath. Maybe she was right, maybe this was just infatuation and I was blowing my feelings way out of proportion. 

“That actually sounds like a good idea. Just coffee.” I nodded to myself, then gave her a smile.

“Alright, enough about me, tell me more about my niece.”

We chatted for another hour or so as my sister caught me up on all of Mady’s successful firsts, both of us cooing over the tiny lump in her arms. But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said. Could it really be so simple?

Friday night Jess had me stay over at her dorm, sleeping on the futon under her lofted bed. We ate cereal for breakfast and both took showers, and she chattered at me about how her dinner had gone with Mike. She was happy, it had gone well, and I was happy for her. Soon enough Angela and Becca showed up, holding grocery bags with what looked to be scraps of fabric in them. 

“Happy let’s get fuckin LIT day!” Angela cheered, beaming at me, kissing my cheek as she went to go set down her stuff. Becca did the same as she passed me, making me blush. Jess disappeared into her closet and came back with two more bags, one seeming newer than the other. 

“Okay so our costumes are themed after our dream careers.” She said excitedly, and I blinked, glancing at the bag full of fabric scraps. She reached in and pulled one out, and it took me a moment to figure out it was an outfit. 

She held up an absolutely tiny khaki button down top, which had been cropped in order to make it a tie front. The collar and chest pockets were nicely pressed, and a pair of khaki..panties. I couldn’t even call them shorts, why did they still have belt loops?

“I also have a sunhat and I’m gonna wear my excavation boots!” She gushed. 

“What...what is it supposed to be?” I was bewildered and Jess pouted. 

“It’s an anthropologists uniform, duh.”

Becca held up her tiny doctors outfit, and Angela held up her tiny vet tech look. I could feel myself draining of blood. 

“This one’s yours, you wanna be a forensic pathologist right?” 

I looked in horror at the bag she pointed out, stepping over to pull it out and assess the damage. It was worse than I’d thought. 

I think it was supposed to be scrubs, but the top was way lower cut, and cropped. And the shorts weren’t much better than Jess’--slightly longer in the thigh. There was also a lab coat, er, a simulacrum of a lab coat, much too short and pinched at the waist. The accessories were a thigh garter, which I realized had a real scalpel--cap on securely-- a swab set, and two plastic beakers. A pair of safety goggles, a pair of nylons with a line running up the backs of the legs, and a pair of blue, latex gloves.

“Absolutely fucking not. There is no way in hell I’m putting this on. Look, I’m so thankful you’re comfortable showing so much skin, but I brought my own costume!”

I loved the outfit I brought, I had spent years putting it together for the renaissance faire I went to with my family every year up until Senior year of High School. I reached into my backpack, pulling out the masses of black fabric. It was a high necked victorian style blouse, a floor length black chiffon circle skirt, a bustle and petticoat, and a black underbust corset. I held it up proud, but the girls all groaned.

“Oh come on! What are you supposed to be!”

“I’m going to be a witch! Look I even painted my nails black!” I showed them my hands, pouting. Angela sighed and shrugged. 

“Alright, if you’re sure.”

Jess helped with my makeup, and it was way more intense than I was used to, she even put fake eyelashes on me, something I’d never done before, and it felt bizarre, like my eyelids were wrong. She also made me put on a dark red matte lipstick, helping me apply it correctly so I wouldn’t look like a clown. 

I put on all my layers, happy because I’d stay warm too, squeezing my corset over my head and tightening it to the firmest comfortable place. I adjusted the skirts and blouse so it fit properly, waiting for the other girls to finish getting ready. At one point Becca needed help tucking, and we all saluted the poor girl and her dedication to her ultra mini skirt. It took us hours, all of us finally ready around eight p.m. 

“Alright, alright, time to see if I can drive in these things.” as we walked out to my truck,I hiked up the skirt and petticoats, everyone piling in. I hopped a bit, and it took me a second to figure out how to place my feet, but I was able to start my truck and pull out, headed towards the greeks.

We were all gaping when we pulled past the house looking for parking, and I managed to wedge myself into a spot nearby. The three story mansion that was repurposed into a Fraternity house. It was pounding with music and people, we saw a guy in a banana costume already passed out on the front lawn. The decorations were mostly lights and cheap ghosts and skeletons from walmart, and they were strewn all over the face of the house. There was a massive wrap around porch that was buzzing with people, costumes and red solo cups. I could smell the sexual tension from here.

We had to shove our way inside, pushing past Deadpool and Jason Vorhees to get to the kitchen where the drinks were. 

“You guys grab what you want, I’ll hold your drink if you need to abandon it for something. Look for the goth lump.” They were nearly bouncing, but I ensured we all got coordinated, our phones fully charged and a panic word decided. Soon they dispersed, looking for a drink and I sighed, looking at all the pockets of conversation and laughter around me. I grabbed a can of mountain dew out of a cooler and headed into the house to wallflower it up like I usually did at these events, starting or joining conversations was not a strong suit of mine, so I just “let the chips fall where they may.” As Edward had put it.

“Eva!” I heard Mike’s voice, looking up and feeling myself relax when Jess was already on his arm, looking happy as a clam with her White Claw.

“Oh, Hey guys!” I smiled, stepping closer. It was hard not to notice Mike’s eyes dip over my body in this costume, his face seeming to fall in disappointment. I held back the relieved smile from my face. He wore a cheap looking pirate costume, a mustache and goatee drawn on in what looked like Magic Marker. 

“Happy Halloween!” He grinned, “These places know how to throw a party huh.” I nodded, chuckling mostly for his benefit. 

“So, a pirate?” I motioned to his costume and he looked down as though to remind himself, this was definitely not his first drink.

“Ah, yeah! I went out to late to get anything better, it’s what they had left at Target, but I think it turned out okay!” he posed a little, holding out his plastic sabre.

“Jus’ call me Captain Morgan!” It made Jess laugh, and I couldn’t help but smile too. He turned back to me, then looked around, his eyes narrowed suddenly.

“So uh, where’s your date? Didn’t you say you were bringing a friend from Spokane?”

I stuttered, cursing my luck. “Uh, yeah he ended up bailing on me, no big.”

Jess gasped and covered her mouth as I felt someone come up beside me, a familiar tenor voice speaking over my head.

“I asked if I could take her in his stead.”

Edward Cullen stood beside me now, smiling cooly at Mike. I was almost shocked to see he was even in costume, a white half mask covering his face, a black suit and gloves under a floor length black cape. His hair had been neatly slicked back, making his dark eyebrows, well, eyebrow, stand out. Ah yes, of course he’d come as the Phantom. 

“Oh, uh, that’s good I guess.” Mike mumbled. Jess made eye contact with me and we shared a brief moment of communication. She suddenly started hustling him off, talking about bobbing for apples and shots. She called back a goodbye and winked at me before she disappeared.

I slowly turned to look up at Edward, raising an eyebrow.

“You asked, did you?” He grinned behind the mask, one gold eye glimmering in the party lights. 

“I figured you wouldn’t mind the excuse.” His eyes drifted lower and his smile faltered, it took me a second to remember what I was wearing, and I felt a blush spike up my neck. 

“I kinda have a thing for the Victorian era…” I grabbed the sides of my skirt as I turned a little to show off the whole look. 

“And I never get a chance to wear it.”

He looked like he found something funny, and I pouted. 

“Is that a real corset?” His eyes were a little dark, and he cocked a brow.

“I mean, steel bone instead of whale bone, but yes, I had it custom made for this costume. I keep missing the renaissance faire with summer classes.”

“Well, you look...lovely…” He trailed off, something in his eyes I couldn’t quite pin down.

“I like yours,” I motioned, “The Phantom, very mysterious.” 

He grinned a little wider, taking my hand in his gloved one to playfully twirl me.

“Why thank you, my angel of music.” He was playful, but I heard something else in his voice then, I could only blush and smile at him, but it was then I noticed people staring at us.

“Um, do you wanna go to the other room?” I nodded to a staring couple who quickly tried to cover their asses. 

“Lets, it’s where they’re playing the music but it’s less crowded.” He chuckled and we both headed towards the bass, staying close to the wall. Currently it was some house, dance music, nothing I recognized, but I did feel like I had to raise my voice to talk to him. 

“So, I didn’t think you were the type for parties like this.” I leaned against a wall, crossing my arms and taking another sip of my mountain dew.

“I go with my brother, Emmett, he’s a bit of a party junkie, likes the atmosphere.” He shrugged slightly, but I was distracted from his answer by how close he was, he faced me, only standing a foot away. If I wasn’t leaning on the wall, I’d probably be eye level with his lapel.

“W-what? Sorry I didn’t hear-” He frowned slightly, I’d meant for him to repeat himself, but instead he came closer, leaning down slightly to speak. He was so close now his breath fanned my face, the scent of him was something I’d never experienced before, floral? Musk? Fresh? I couldn’t come up with a word to describe it, but it made my mouth water and my eyes flutter. He repeated his question above me, and I fought to keep my pulse level and my breathing steady.

“I-I think my brother Kain mentioned seeing him a few times at these, he helps watch girls drinks, that’s rather noble.” I looked up at him then, and my nose nearly touched his chin. His eyes met mine then, and we both froze, lips parted. This was not a tension I recognized, nearly a heat between us, like something was warming the air in our little bubble.

And then it burst.

I looked back down and he stood straight, looking a little stiff. 

“I agree, I’m happy to help him.” His voice was...strained, frustrated, and he seemed to be gritting his teeth. “Speaking of which, I believe he’s looking for me, and I think Angela and Becca are looking for you.” He glanced at the arched doorway then, and I looked too, seeing the two trying to identify my head over the others. He gave me a stiff, incorrect smile, then turned on his heel out of the room, the cape fluttering only briefly as he did. 

Angela and Becca saw me then, and ran over, excited. There were several party games and activities. We bobbed for apples, pinned heads on the horseman, played “spooky” beer pong, danced badly to the monster mash, we avoided the games of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven popping up. I judged some chugging contests between the boys and Angela, who beat them by a mile, Eric ending up with his head in a trashcan.

Even still, I couldn’t get him out of my head, I’d caught a glance of his brother when we all played beer pong, but not him. The tension in my chest didn’t lessen, and the memory of his face so close to mine made me shudder every time it came to mind. I waited until the girls were happily trashed and relaxing on a couch, chatting with Mike and Eric who didn’t look like they could move, Becca stoically standing over all of them without a hint of being buzzed, though she had to be. Woman could hold her liquor. I ducked out, wanting to find him again, wanting to understand this electricity between us. 

It took some hunting, asking a couple people if they’d seen him before I found him outside, standing like a statue in a dark corner of the patio, leaning against the fencing surrounding it. He looked nearly asleep. I approached quietly.

“U-um, Edward?” His eyes snapped up to mine, and held my gaze, relaxing his unmoving stance. 

“Ah, hello Eva, having fun?” He gave me that crooked grin again, masking the frustration I could see in his eyes. 

“I saw you bobbing for apples, I was glad Becca was there. I was worried you were drowning with how long it took.”

I took the teasing, rolling my eyes. “Only I could drown in a bucket sober.” I walked up to him with forced ease, standing across from him on the little deck, leaning my back against the exterior wall to face him. 

“Did you see Mike on the keg stand? I’ve never seen that much beer come out of someone’s nose before.” He laughed at that, shaking his head. “Unfortunately I missed that.” 

The electricity was there again, the tension, as we made eye contact again, I was desperately holding back the urge to step closer, to touch him somehow. His own face was becoming intense, and I straightened my back when he took a shaky step towards me.

He stood close, looking down at me again. 

“What are you thinking?” His voice was low, soft, and I felt myself falling under his hypnosis again.

“I’m trying to see...if you feel this too…” I murmured, we were drifting, growing closer. 

It was like a supporting cable on a bridge snapped.

And then we connected.

It wasn’t like in the movies, no fireworks or explosions. In fact the world was quiet, I could hear a cricket chirp nearby. But instead, with the quiet, with his lips on mine, I felt...relief. A wash of blissful peace I hadn’t ever known. His lips were as cold as the rest of him and his breath carried no heat, they gave, but only slightly, feeling oddly firm against my own. I could feel the heat of my own breath warming the surface of his skin. 

I parted my lips against his then, and he tipped his head, urgency leaking into our kiss now as we came closer, deeper. My hand slipped up to wind into his hair, his other hand wrapped around me and grabbed my hip to pull me even tighter to him, nearly painful, my back hitting the wall behind me.

I gasped.

Suddenly he snarled, a sound more animal than man, and slammed his hand into the brick wall beside my head hard enough that I heard it crumble. I was actually hurting now, with how hard he had me pressed to the brick, breath restricted by the proximity of his chest. He was frozen where he was, starting to tremble. He backed from me slowly and I looked up at him in confusion, my chest still heaving. 

He looked wild, shaken, like he’d committed a murder. Horror etched onto his face as he backed away from me. He covered his mouth with a gloved hand, choking on his words.

“I’m...So, sorry…” And then he was gone, leaving me alone on the moonlit porch, staring out at where he’d been in shock, my heart still thrumming. 

I felt my eyes water, and my chest ache, I mindlessly grabbed the fabric there and closed my eyes against the rejection and fear.

I knew what he was now, I was certain, and the thought made my blood run cold.


	10. Just Coffee

JUST COFFEE

It took all of my focus to get all the girls home safe, it was easy to distract myself when Jess was getting sick and needed some help getting into bed. But when I was in the car home, I felt the panic swelling in my chest. I could feel that this wasn’t going to be one that I could brush off, so I quickly put on my hazards and pulled over to the side of the road, tearing myself out of the car. 

I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing too fast, my eyes were blurry with tears and I rocked myself back and forth on the shoulder of the road, hiding by the front bumper of my car. I tried desperately to remember this was only a panic attack, that I was safe. 

But that wasn’t true. My world had just expanded so far beyond what my more analytical brain ever considered possible. And while it wasn’t a true confirmation, what happened tonight… I forced myself off that train of thought when I started feeling lightheaded.

My bumper, the trees, the metal guard rail, the tire of my truck, the road.

Gasoline, rain, dirt, pine

I was getting my breathing under control. 

I touched the gravel underneath me, focusing on the texture, then the cool metal of my trucks bumper, then the pleather of my boots.

I heard my engine, I heard the wind.

I was finally calming down, eyes closed, leaning back on my bumper. My heart rate fell to a healthy pace.

My eyes opened slowly, and I scrubbed at my face with my sleeve. I had to convince myself, it was simply more evidence. not proof. 

But the feeling of him pulling off me and bolting still stung, and I felt ridiculous for it. This infatuation was getting too intense, but I had no idea how to stop it, how to pull back. I barely knew about him, knew him. 

I stood slowly and sniffed hard, dusting off my butt and trying to clear my runny nose. 

The rest of the ride home was spent in the post-panic-attack apathy that always gripped me like a vice. And I got to the front door of my apartment building, thinking about stairs, I took off my boots. I dragged myself up the four flights, and into the apartment. Calling my arrival to kain before I collapsed into bed, still dressed. 

I pulled into a parking spot on campus on monday, taking a breath to feel ready. I highly doubted he would want to see me today after what happened at the party, and I couldn’t decide if I was unhappy about that or not. I’d felt like shit the next morning, and was blearily attempting to remember it all. 

I focused all day on simple tasks, the shower, the laundry, my homework, making dinner. I was trying so hard not to spiral into bizarre conspiracies. Not to let myself start another panic attack. It went in a blur that I barely processed, and I could see Kain just assumed I had a wild time the night before.

I grabbed my bag and slung it onto my back, starting my route to English class. Jess still looked hungover when I bumped into her, and I tried to mask my very bizarre mood with simple smiles and laughs in the right spots. By lunch I was calm, if he was here, I would hunt him down.

I stepped into the cafe, immediately looking for him, this all was too powerful, too involved. I marched over to his table, all of his siblings looking up at me in surprise, the blonde curled her lip at me in a sneer, and I tried to fight the chill that shot down my back.

“Can we talk?” I addressed Edward now, who had his mouth set into a hard line, looking annoyed, possibly even angry. I didn’t care. 

He sighed and stood, and I led him to the pillar that we’d hidden behind before. 

“Eva, I…” He looked frustrated, looked like he was trying to find the words. 

“What happened saturday…I can’t...that can’t happen, again.”

I felt my chest twinge, but stood my ground, looking into his eyes.

“Because you’re...dangerous?” He seemed to...fluster? And I could swear I heard him growl unhappily. But he then met my eyes, his own dark with something deep and sad.

“Yes…”

I was silent then, trying to think of an answer, I felt him tense after a moment, his fists clenching.

“Being unable to read you is slowly becoming my sisyphean curse.”  
I looked up then.

“What about going out for coffee? Just, coffee.” 

“Just...coffee?”

“You could bring your classwork to work on, we could just...sit and talk…I have...questions.” I straightened my back. “Public Cafe, nice and crowded, broad daylight.”

He stared at me for a tense, immeasurable moment, his eyes narrowing as they searched my eyes, my face for something other than simple determination.

“Would you like my phone number?”

“Um, yes, please. Trade?”

We traded phones, putting our contacts in quietly. When we traded back, I stared at the name and number in the new contact on my screen, feeling my stomach flutter again.

“I’ll text you to decide a date and time...see you in Bio.” He nodded stiffly, shrugging off back to his table, hunching over with his leather messenger bag.

I set his ringtone to something other than the default, wanting to make sure I got every message he sent. We were both quiet in Bio, awkward, unsure of what to say to the other I presumed, at least in this particular space.

His first text lit up my phone as I was washing the dishes, I immediately stripped the dish gloves off and shoved up my sleeves to grab it, sitting down.

‘Hello.’

Well at least it wasn’t a dick pic.

‘Hi Edward. So, time and place, r u free tomorrow after school?’

‘Yes, I will be available.’

Oh dear god he texted like a boomer. 

‘Alright, u know any good local cafes?’

I got a google maps link in response. 

‘Is this suitable?’  
I tapped the link and scrolled through the photos, it was actually cute, lots of raw wood and plants, geometric artwork and modern furniture, with what looked like lots of cozy little corners. 

‘Looks great 🙂’

Lets see what he did with emoji’s. I was bloody fascinated by this wonderful, terrifying man.

It took him a moment, but I got a response.

‘Alright then, I will meet you there at 6:30 pm tomorrow. Goodnight, Eva. 😴”

oh no he was cute. 

‘lol, goodnight Edward. :)’

I held my phone to my chest, exhaling a sigh and slumping slightly. This was getting bad, just texting him had my heart pounding. I shook my head wildly and finished the dishes, but I had a little more pep in my step when I was getting ready for bed.

I woke up to the sound of Edwards ringtone again, surprised and half asleep, I pawed for my phone on my nightstand, squinting at the bright screen when it hurt my eyes.

‘Good morning, Eva.’

I stared at it for a moment. He was sending me...good morning texts? I couldn’t help the smile that touched my face as I replied, my chest warm and fluttering.

‘Good morning to you too, Edward’

It took everything in me not to actually squeal. I sat up and lightly smacked my face repetitively. He was dangerous! You are Twenty-One years old! Not Thirteen! Get a fucking grip bitch, and anyway, once you get to know him, he’ll probably be like every other macho, cis-het man you’ve ever met. You are infatuated! 

I groaned to myself, pulling my hands down my face. I moved to text the group chat, having been keeping them updated on, well, almost everything that was happening. They knew about our coffee date, but not about monsters or the kiss at the party.

The kiss...I touched my lip absently, remembering everything I felt in the moment our lips touched, the desire to melt into his arms…

Again, I was just infatuated...wasn’t I?

The entire school day crawled, but break and Bio were a bit of a relief. I told my group on our way to the commissary that I’d be right back, I wanted to see him, talk to him. When we got there, I looked to him from the doorway until he looked up at me, which was nearly instantly. He stood without a motion from me and came to me nearly immediately.

“Yes?” He cocked an eyebrow, giving me some distance. He was trying to read me again, I could see the frustration building in his face. “Yesterday, you said you had questions for me.”

I nodded, and he still seemed frustrated.

“I do have questions for you, I know you have questions for me, and I have rules.” I tried to stand confidently, pushing my jaw up and out. 

“...Rules?” His voice got low, annoyed, his eyes squinting. I knew he wouldn’t like that.

“Yes.” I nodded to a table against the side wall, moving to go sit there so fewer people could try to eavesdrop. He sat slowly, frustration was becoming annoyance now.

“Rule number one: No asking me about my theories, at all.”   
I ticked it off on my index finger, and he frowned deeply, eyebrows knitting together with upset.

“What? But-”

“I don’t have anything better than X-Files conspiracy theories right now, so you won’t hear anything new. You wanted me to stop trying, didn’t you?” I lied, but followed with a cocked brow and a pointed stare, repeating his own words back to him.

His lip curled slightly, but he sighed and settled again, voice lower with thinly veiled bitterness.

“Number two: Every question you ask me, you have to answer, same for me. If the other person answers, you have to.”

He kept his lips pursed as I counted that one with my middle finger.

“Number 3: either of us can veto any question the other asks, no clarification on why, either. No questions asked.” I was trying to give him an out, should I ask something he couldn’t answer without danger. 

That one made him puff up again for a second, but just a second before he seemed to understand how that might help him later.  
I held up the number three firmly with my fingers, staring at him, waiting for an answer. He thought about it for another minute, before his face and posture relaxed. 

“Alright, those rules seem fair.”

“Thank you, that’s all.” I chirped and stood then, this whole faking it till you made it thing seemed to be working with the confidence, so I just kept doing that. 

“See you in Bio.”

He watched me leave, staring, I could feel his eyes on my back until I sat down with the girls, seeing him sit down with his siblings. The blonde, Rosalie, was staring daggers at him, almost sneering. He was ignoring her completely. Looking at the smaller sister instead.

The girls were disappointed when I told them what I’d just done, just, confirming plans. 

In Bio he was quiet, focusing on the lecture, taking notes silently. I was curious, but understood, save it for a better time, right? The last of the day continued it’s snails pace, I was almost vibrating in entomology, Becca snickering at me the whole time. 

I booked it to my car as soon as class was dismissed, heading straight to the cafe as fast as I dared on the city streets. I made it there at 6:24, and quickly checked my hair and makeup in my rearview mirror. I’d worn something simple and cute, just leggings, a chunky ochre sweater and my boots. When I got in, I scanned the cafe for Edward, trying to see if he was already here. I nearly missed him in a back right corner, his coloring making him blend in almost too well. He wore an Ivory turtleneck and dark jeans, and he looked up to meet my eyes when I spotted him and started in his direction. 

“You actually,...showed.” I was shocked, but, happy? I blinked at him, feeling my face flush.

“Well, yes, I said I would..”

I settled in my seat across from him, the orange and gold lights around us made his skin glow warmly. I noticed his eyes were brighter than yesterday as well, in this light, and smiled inwardly.

“So, what first?” 

I settled my elbows on the table, crossing my arms to hold them and settled forward, giving him a small smile.

He looked down for a moment before finally settling back, leaning against the back of his chair.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Tiffany blue, or seafoam green, depends on the day.”

“That’s specific.”

“I like specificity, your turn.” He raised an eyebrow at me, a smile nearly crossing his lips.

“Emerald green.”

I had to think about my question, but then perked.

“Ah, what are the top five movies you would actively re-watch for fun?”

He thought about that one a moment, seeming to relax more and more into his seat. 

“The Godfather, Hunt for Red October, Dead Poets Society,...Clockwork Orange and the first Matrix.”

I was honestly surprised by a couple of those, but made a face at Clockwork orange, he’d caught it.

“What’s wrong with Clockwork?” I scoffed and wrinkled my nose. 

“It starts with a totally unnecessary rape scene, like I get he was trying to be disturbing with it but if that’s all he can come up with, eugh.”

He snickered, motioning to me then.

“Hm, Silence of the lambs, V/H/S/, Cabin in the Woods, Paranormal Activity, the first one-” He raised an eyebrow and I pointed at him.

“Hey, don’t “at” me, I saw it in theaters when it first released and it changed the horror game, fuck Blair Witch.”

He raised his hands in surrender, finally smiling.

“Hm… and Grave Encounters.”

“All horror movies, are you still coasting on Halloween?” He grinned, as if this amused and mildly surprised him.

“No.” I huffed a little. “I love horror movies, but not like, Saw, you know, Gore Porn?” I made a face. “Gimme some actual tension you know? Gimme a build up!”

He nodded in appreciation at my answer.

This kept up for the full hour I had with him here, tossing questions back and forth, he seemed to want to know every mundane thing about me, colors, smells, did I have any pets, but he never seemed bored with my answers. I followed back with questions to learn more about his personality, desperate to find something to kill this infatuation, but it was only getting worse. He had a taste for the classics, but enjoyed neue metal and punk, alternative, he was like me, he pretty much enjoyed all genres of music but country.

By the time we were packing up to go, we both had more questions for the next day, and we stood together, suddenly bursting our intimate little bubble. It felt awkward, how do we say goodbye? He smiled softly and nodded at me. 

“I’ll...see you tomorrow.”

I watched him leave, but caught his sleeve suddenly.

“Can...can we make this a daily thing? Just,” he finished my sentence for me with a wider smile.

“Coffee. I would… like that. Goodnight Eva.” I let him go then, and my stomach turned. This was bad, but...it was just coffee.”

We met up after school nearly every day after that, still firing questions, and then when we ran out of those, it was scenarios. Often we would trail off into debates or conversations on a topic brought up by the other. It became easier and easier to talk to him, and he seemed to get more and more comfortable around me. Neither of us brought up the Halloween party or theories. He was charming, and protective of his family, he had a bit of a temper, but he controlled it well. His laugh, when it was real, unstrained, was a beautiful sound, low and warm and almost...goofy. It was one of the things I learned about him that made him so much more...human, than I’d considered him before. One day in late november I had set down my latte firmly when I thought of something to ask him.

“Ah! I have one for you! Okay, rank these from one to five, who’s the greatest Diva? Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, Cher, Mariah Carey, and Madonna.” He looked at me in disbelief, slumping back into his chair and screwing up his face. 

“Oh come on! You can’t ask me to choose!”

“Rank em, now.”

He tilted his head back and blew out a frustrated sigh, then finally tipped his head back down to squint his eyes at me.

“Aretha, Whitney, Mariah, Madonna, Cher.”

“EH- Incorrect sir!” I snorted at him in disbelief.

“Whitney is definitely number one, why would you think otherwise?”

“Aretha paved the way for Whitney! She was the original!” He poked the table in argument, and I laughed, 

“But Mariah over Cher?” 

We argued again, trying to defend our sides of the argument, but it only ended in laughter from both of us, the next topic coming easily.

When I glanced at my watch and saw it was nearly nine I grimaced. 

“Shit, I gotta go, I promised Kain I’d make dinner tonight-” I moved to quickly gather my things, I wasn’t expecting him to be leaning against the table when I stood, starting slightly. He chuckled and pushed my glasses up my nose carefully.

“I wanted to ask you, will you be going to California over winter break?” I blinked up at him and thought.

“No, I’m staying here so Kain isn’t alone over the Holidays.” I tugged on my coat, zipping it up.

“Would you...like to continue to meet? We could both work on our thesis proposals.” His voice was quiet, and his eyes flickered like embers when I met them with my own. It had been a common thing, him hypnotizing me on accident, and he seemed to do it on purpose now, much to my chagrin. 

“I..yeah, I would. That sounds great actually, Kain can’t really edit mine.” I smiled at him, trying to ignore my own blush and urge to giggle like a school girl at him.

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” He grinned back at me, expression light. I bit my lip as a bold thought overtook me, he was leaned down just enough for me to reach.

I stepped forward, not letting myself think about it, pressing a quick peck to his cool cheekbone and just as quickly turning to leave.

“Night, Edward.” 

He didn’t follow after me, seeming frozen, I glanced back at him and his face was locked into one of shock, but his hand touched the cheekbone I’d kissed very slightly.

Don’t even think about it.

It was nearly killing me, the goal I had of becoming annoyed with him eventually had failed spectacularly, the more I knew about him, the more I liked him. It was nearly a lost cause at this point, but he certainly wasn’t moving forward, and I could only think about the way he’d said we couldn’t...that what had happened on Halloween couldn’t happen again.

That thought killed my bubbly mood pretty fast, my chest twisting unhappily. I regretted it now, my earlier boldness, I was approaching a breaking point and I knew it. There was no way we could just, do this forever. I felt my eyes well up as I had to remind myself, over and over. 

It was just coffee.

As we worked together through the month, this thought haunted me consistently. I stopped flirting, trying to treat him simply as a trusted colleague, but he was so good at making me laugh at this point I knew I was fighting a losing battle. The way he looked at me made my body warm, the way his hand would brush mine when we were reviewing text sent that familiar electric charge coursing up my arm. My heart ached for the feeling of peace I’d gotten when my lips had touched his.

The girls noticed my falling mood, especially right after Christmas, I had gotten him a small gift, but he’d canceled on the day I was going to give it to him. he’d been cancelling more and more, recently, and I was scared he’d caught on to the fact that I had caught feelings.

The girls had had enough of my moping, New years eve was approaching and Jess had been trolling for the best New Years party. I was going to try to turn it down, but looking at three proved I didn’t exactly have a choice.

“Look, boo, there's nothing better for unrequited caught feelings than getting blackout and looking hot.” Angela assured, patting my shoulder. 

“We need to boost your confidence! You’re coming with us and you’re wearing what I pick out.” Jessica was adamant, and as hard as I tried to argue, the girls had me sat down and being made up, Jess had gotten me a spaghetti strap, cowl neck sequined mini dress in gold. I kept tugging the skirt down as I stumbled along in the ridiculous matching shoes. 

It was going to be a long night, I sighed.


	11. Pre-Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!
> 
> TW/CW: Attempted R*pe, Date r*pe drugs

PRE GAME

“I’ll call the uber, y’all start the pool.” I was holding onto Becca's arm as we walked out of the dorm, and I was incredibly confused when we didn’t grab our jackets. We each had our ID in our bra and our debit cards and our phones tucked into the best places we could on our tiny ensembles.

“Uh, why aren’t we taking our coats, won’t we be fucking freezing like this?” I questioned, watching Becca’s feet walk perfectly in their six inch heels.

“Nope!” Jess popped the “P”.

“A hoe never gets cold~!” Angela chimed in, grinning at me, I could only grin back, still shocked I was even a part of all of this. Part of me hated that they were all right, I felt hot as hell, and why shouldn’t I? I set my back straight and looked up from my feet, more confident in my own shoes as we made it outside.

I wanted to call bullshit immediately. I was a hoe, and I was cold. None of the other girls seemed bothered, and I gave Jess a shivering, bitter look as all of us climbed into the uber together.

When we got to the bar, we were all feeling the adrenaline, clamoring out and adjusting our outfits to head up to the bouncer, showing our ID’s one at a time and getting ushered in. The place was certainly busy, full of bad silver and gold decorations and accessories, everything looked sparkly. The Ball Drop was playing on every TV in the bar, and the champagne was already being poured. Everyone seemed to be in a great mood though, so I took a breath and smiled.

It helped me relax, I tried to shake off thoughts of him for just one night. We all made our way to the bar as a group, and Jess started us off with a round of shots. The plastic shot glasses all had “Happy New Year!” Printed on the sides. I smiled and started in with a cheer as the others did, throwing it back.

About two hours later we had lost track of how many rounds we’d done. We’d been laughing and talking shit the entire time, discussing Thesis proposals briefly before none of us could pronounce our topics. Jessica and Angela played up their outfits to get free drinks, I just stayed on my stool, chatting on and off with them until chatting became slurring. I was far more drunk than I was used to. The whole room seemed dark and I was talking louder than I would normally, they hadn’t been kidding when they said we’d be getting wasted. I was honestly nervous to get down from my stool, but I felt good, free. I was still sipping on a mixed drink while the others did more shots, chickening out for my tolerances sake. But that last round had Jess looking pretty green.

“Oh..fugh…” She seemed to rock a little bit on her feet and Angela sort of caught her.

“Oh sshid, les go to the bathroom boo-” She also sounded pretty slurred, but she grabbed Jess’ shoulders, Becca looking at me, I was grimacing.

“If I see ‘er puke, iss gon’ make me puke..” I thought that was coherent enough. Becca nodded in understanding and headed after the other two to hold Jess’ hair back. I closed my eyes to keep the room from rocking in my vision, giggling to myself at how silly I felt. I sighed and grabbed my drink again, taking another gulp of it. I paused after I did, making a face. I couldn’t place the taste I just got, but it was worse than the rail vodka. I stirred it in the glass and took another sip, but the taste was still there. I mulled over it for several minutes, but my brain was becoming almost sludge from the alcohol. I felt lightheaded now, and I put down the drink, shaking my head to try and clear it a little bit, but it didn’t help. I felt myself falling off my stool, feeling like my muscles were getting weaker. I caught myself with my foot, but rolled my ankle a little when the heel tipped, my glass falling out of my hand and shattering on the floor.

“Oh fuck-” I wanted to bend down and try and clean it up, but I was seeing double, I was getting scared, alcohol had never made me feel like this before. I was getting so tired all of a sudden, it was hard to keep my eyes open. I stumbled a little into the bar, catching myself just barely, worrying my knees were going to give out.

Suddenly, I realized what the flavor had been in my drink that was so off putting, the realization sending a chill through the last of my rational brain as my heavy eyes began winning the fight.

It tasted like salt.

Somewhere, I knew that was bad, but I couldn’t remember how. I felt something around my waist then, but I was so tired, I didn’t fight it. I thought I heard someone nearby mention their girlfriend, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open long enough to see who.

The thing around my waist kept me vertical, but my feet weren’t cooperating. I tried to walk but I couldn’t find the muscles. I tried to whimper at the hard thing on my waist, wanting to just lay on the ground so my head would stop spinning.

A blast of cold air suddenly hit me and cleared my head slightly. And I opened my eyes, I looked at the things holding me up, and the ground. We were outside, and the things were arms. They were hairy arms in a brown leather jacket. I didn’t know those arms. I turned my head up to try and see the owner of the arms, and he looked back at me with a smile that made my stomach turn. I didn’t know that face either. I remembered then what salt meant, and felt my pulse pick up, though my arms and legs felt like lead.

Rohypnol.

I knew I had to fight as I understood what was happening, but I couldn’t find my voice or my hands. I squirmed weakly, seeing my hands and moving them to press against the strangers chest. But he was much stronger than me in that moment. He stuck his hand in the hair at the nape of my neck and gripped it, pulling it up.

“Just play nice doll, it will be over soon, just go to sleep.” The voice was horrible, gravelly and smelled like cigarette smoke, it made me nauseous again. I didn’t have a chance to vomit before I was suddenly shoved into what felt like a hospital bed. I opened my eyes briefly, no, it was the back of a car, it smelled in here too.

The monster crawled up and over me, and turned off the overhead light in the car. I tried pushing at him again, but it did nothing. I felt tears start to pour down my face, the only sound I was able to make being a whimper. I felt his hands on my breasts, my waist, my hips.

I felt him starting to push the skirt of my dress up and I tried to kick out, losing my shoe on the asphalt outside. I felt so helpless, so alone, I couldn’t stop him myself.

I wanted to scream and fight but my head felt like it was underwater. I squeezed my eyes shut, gritting my teeth, crying out weakly as he tore my skirt up my thigh in frustration at being unable to get up far enough, leaving my underwear exposed which he went to grab at next, the sound of his belt unclipping ringing in my ears. No one would save me this time, no one even knew where I was. I choked on a sob as I tried to swing a fist at him, but there were too many of him, my eyes too unfocused. I could only cry out in my head, I didn’t want this, I could only save myself, but I couldn’t help but wish, feeling the monster yank something down my thighs.

_“Edward!”_

It was so sudden I almost thought I’d finally passed out, one moment the weight of the monster was crushing me, pawing at me, and the next it was gone. I heard the strangest sound, like a big dog or a tiger snarling loudly. I managed to open my eyes again, and was absolutely shocked in my haze.

Edward Cullen had the Monster pinned a foot up off the ground, against the brick wall of the alley by his throat. The snarling sound was coming from him I realized as the monster choked and kicked and clawed at his hand uselessly.

But I couldn’t keep my eyes open for long. I tried to sit up, managing to flop, but sobbed, I hated this feeling, I kept trying weakly to crawl out of the backseat. As I rolled again I couldn’t stop it, I coughed as I retched onto the floor of the car, emptying my stomach with a horrid sound, almost choking. I panted in between retches, but suddenly felt a cool hand take my ponytail and hold it out of the way, an angelic, concerned voice quietly soothing me as another cool hand stroked my back.

“It’s okay Eva, get it all up, you’re going to be alright…” I recognized this voice. These arms. That face, and felt myself slump again. Crying weakly as the last of it turned into sad dry heaves. Edward gave me something, some kind of handkerchief, and I immediately held it over my mouth. My head was clearing slightly, but not a lot. Something large and cold was draped over my back, but it smelled amazing compared to the vomit covered back seat, and I was suddenly wrapped in it, being cradled by firm cold arms.

“Just hold on, I’m going to get you somewhere safe, you’re alright now, I’ve got you..” He sounded so worried, and I wished I could soothe him, but I could only whimper in response, hiding my face in his chest, shaking like a leaf. I was placed on a seat in a warm car now, buckled in and leaned back, still wrapped in the lovely smelling thing.

I was finally calming down, and I let myself go limp, falling in and out of consciousness as the warm car made turns and braked and accelerated. I registered being carried again, and I squinted open my eyes, the bright white lights of the hospital almost blinding me.

“Hurry, she’s been drugged-” I heard the angelic voice again, and I was carried more, suddenly I was being placed on something soft, but crinkly, and I heard a new voice.

“Can you hear me? Open your eyes for me sweetheart.” It was a woman's voice now, and I opened my eyes, letting her shine a flashlight in them. She let me close them again after that, and I tried to mumble. “It tasted…like salt…” It didn’t even sound like my own voice, smothered and slurred.

“It’s alright honey, you’re in the hospital.” she assured me. I was so tired…

“She was sick on the way over, emptied her stomach it looked like. She also didn’t finish the drink, she dropped it.” Edward explained, still worried.

“At least that’s something. We’ll run her blood now to see where she’s at. Are you her friend?”

“Yes, ma’am, may I stay with her? She’s very frightened.”

At that I realized they might kick him out, even through my fog my hand reached out and fisted in his sweater weakly.

“P-please don’ go..please let ‘im stay..” I begged, sobbing again, not wanting to be alone. I felt his hand take mine so gently.

“It’s alright Eva, I’m right here, I won’t leave you.”

“Yes, you may follow then. I’ll page your father.” I felt the bed moving then, and we were wheeled into a quiet exam room. Edward never let go of my hand, and I clung to it like a lifeline.

“It’s ok to sleep now, love, you’re safe.” He sounded so sad, so scared. I didn’t like it. But I couldn’t stay awake anymore. As everything faded into black I could still feel his cool hand, and it brought me enough comfort that I was able to let go.

And I drifted.


	12. Hangover

HANGOVER

When I woke up, I was laid out on a hospital bed. I groaned a little, blinking my still heavy eyes and moved my arm to attempt to paw at my face. Something tugged at the inside of my elbow, and I realized I had an IV in. I groaned, a wave of nausea hitting me as I turned my face away from it and shutting my eyes, I fucking hated needles. Last night--or still tonight, I couldn’t tell-- didn’t take any time to come back to me, a lucky break for roofies. But I did need a moment to come to. At my groan, a soft, concerned voice spoke.

“Eva? Does it hurt?”

I fluttered open my eyes again and looked in the direction of the voice, looking up at Edward. He looked mussed, concerned, and I felt a bolt of something shoot through my chest at the fact that he was...still here.

“N-no, I just don’t like needles.” I murmured. “H-how long have I been out?” 

“About 45 minutes, it’s about quarter past ten. You didn’t take in too much of the drug.”

I exhaled in relief. I took my free hand and patted my chest, where I’d kept my phone, but discovered I was now in scrubs, not my dress.

“Oh, where’s my phone?” I perked up again, looking down at myself, feeling much better fully dressed. He held it out quickly, having placed it on the small table beside me with my ID and debit card. 

I smiled at him weakly. “Thank you, Edward..” For more than just my phone, but I had to call the girls. I called Angela first, and she picked up after two rings, her voice still slurred slightly, ah, the joys of IV fluids. It was loud in the background, so I knew they were still out, I bit my lip in worry.

“Eva!? Oh thank god where’re you? We came outta the bathroom n’ you were gone-”

“I’m ok! I’m ok! I’m home, I took an Uber.” I could lie over the phone, not wanting to ruin their night or make them feel guilty about what had happened. Edward looked at me in surprised confusion. I glanced at him before I continued. 

“I got sick too- I was so drunk I just ran outside. It was gross.” I laughed sheepishly. “When I tried to get back in the bouncer refused, basically booted me. I think he didn’t think a girl covered in neon vomit was a good look. I got an Uber home and passed out, I’m so sorry.”

I heard Angela explain what I’d said off the line, hearing yells of relief and Jess leaning closer to the receiver. 

“YASSS BISHhhh! You go’ kicked outta the baaaar!” I had to laugh, she sounded so proud of me. 

“I guess I’m better at partying than I thought!” I agreed, my brow furrowing. They were all cheering and laughing then, Angela finally clear over the line again. 

“Okay, okay, I’m so glad yer alright boo-boo. Ge’ssum sleep ye?”

“I will, make sure you guys stick together ok? I saw some fucking weirdos outside.”

“Roger dodger baby! Happy New Year!” We said our goodbyes and I hung up, sighing in relief that they’d bought my massive fib. 

“Why didn’t you tell them?” Edward asked in confusion. 

“...They really wanted me to have a good time tonight, they were trying so hard. I don’t want them to feel guilty for what happened.” I sighed, rubbing my face and wincing when I felt the makeup I probably smudged.

“It was my fault anyway, I know better! I should have been keeping a closer eye on my drink-”

Edward scoffed, his eyes and voice suddenly enraged.

“Do not dare place the blame for this on yourself!” His voice was nearly a snarl.

“You should not have to stare at your beverage like a damn gargoyle in order to prevent someone from poisoning it! It’s absolutely ridiculous. I should have crushed that rat faced little bastard.” He looked away from me then, grimacing, trembling as though he was trying to prevent himself from breaking something. I stared at him in shock, he’d never been so expressive in front of me. He looked to me then, butterscotch eyes burning, but he calmed quickly, clearing his throat.

“You did nothing wrong. Do not take the actions of a horrible, disgusting little man onto your shoulders. You did not ask for this.”

He was curt, but sat back again, shaking his head unhappily. I still felt drowsy, hungover. My head heavy and aching. I didn’t argue with him, feeling my eyes prick with tears at his defense of me. I nodded quietly, and he looked worried then.

“I-I’m sorry I raised my voice, did I frighten you?” He was much quieter then, and I perked. 

“N-no! No, I’m...really, really grateful. I was...scared.” I didn’t want to admit it. Admitting to not being able to be self sufficient was difficult. 

“I’m also...still, pretty embarrassed. That was not exactly the impression I was hoping to leave on, well, anyone really.” I cringed, looking up at him. He was still as he responded. 

“The only impression you left was that you care about your friends. Enough to even put yourself at personal discomfort. That’s...admirable.”

He looked down on the last word, voice much calmer now. I bit my lip, not knowing how to take that compliment, it made me sound a lot more noble than I actually was.

“Well, regardless, it can’t exactly get much worse...Um, do you like diner food?” I looked up at him, I needed coffee, and grease, and pancakes to sop up the mess in my guts. Maybe placate the low nausea.

“I’m...on a special diet. However if you’re offering, I would be happy to bring you somewhere to eat. It’s been a long night, and you look like you could use a little coffee.”

I smiled at him, noting the ‘special diet’ comment. I was still completely and utterly enraptured, surely the man before me couldn’t be a monster. I’d met a monster tonight, and Edward certainly was not him.

We both looked up suddenly as the man I recognized as Dr. Cullen walked into the room then, offering me a smile and nodding to his son.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake, Miss Irving. How are you feeling? Any memory loss or difficulty breathing?” He looked at my chart, and then leaned down to check my pupils, seeming pleased at the result. I decided to be honest, I had no idea how roofies could have affected me after the drugging part.

“Tired, thirsty, hungover. Nothing too bad, no pain, no memory loss as far as I can tell. A little nauseous, but I can’t tell if that’s the hangover or the...drugs.” I sighed.

“You seem to be very lucky, you didn’t get the whole dose it would seem, and when you got sick you purged what wasn’t processed. You might feel drowsy and low for about eight to twelve hours, but other than that I can’t see anything to be concerned about medically. I’m very, very glad you’re alright.” He gave me the kindest smile I’d ever seen, and it dazzled me for a moment, making me stutter.

“I-I am very lucky, Edward says he’s not, but I think he might be Superman.” I chuckled, and Dr. Cullens eyes sparkled in a way I couldn’t recognise. “And thank you so much, Dr. Cullen. I hope the next time I see you it’s under different circumstances.” I laughed in embarrassment, and he chuckled too. Edward was silent, looking at the ground as the doctor came around to carefully remove my IV, helping me press the cotton down tightly as he removed the needle and bandaged me up. 

“I’ll take her for something to eat, Carlisle.” Edward's voice was nearly inaudible, but he and his father shared a long look before Edward nodded and stood. 

“Sounds like a good idea. Get home safe you two, if you have any problems come back and see us alright?” I nodded, moving to slowly put my feet over the edge of the bed. I was even wearing socks. But I suddenly realized my shoes situation was not exactly great. “Oh, crap. Do you guys have any flip flops or anything in the lost and found?” I cringed again. My feet were tiny, so whatever was there wouldn’t fit well, but at least it was better than pumps. Carlisle chuckled as Edward stood, waving something white at me.

“I figured you’d want different shoes.” They looked brand new. White tennis shoes, I recognized the Keds logo. 

“You...bought me shoes?” I gawked a little, about to protest but he held up a hand.

“They sell them for the nurses, nothing grandiose.” 

“Still..” He knelt down slowly, untying the right one and looking up at me. 

“...May I help?” I went neon again, and clammed up, my heart suddenly racing as his eyes smoldered into mine. He had a strange, longing expression I couldn’t place, but it made me feel...tingly. I gaped like a fish for a moment, then snapped my mouth shut, only nodding in response, I couldn't say no.

Gently he helped me slip my feet into the tennis shoes and tied them for me, offering me an arm to help me up. I took it, and caught my balance, still too shy to say anything. 

“Thank you...again.” For the thousandth time. 

“Um, is it alright if I used the restroom, before we go? Just so I can...clean up a little.” He nodded as though he was surprised I needed to ask.

“Of course, it’s right over here. I’ll wait for you outside the room.” I gave him a small smile that I hoped looked thankful as I stepped into the little bathroom and shut the door. The girl in the mirror looked absolutely ridiculous, hair a massive tangle, makeup smeared with tears. I sighed. Wonderful. That added new context to the conversation I just had. I peeled off the false lashes and tossed them into the garbage, filling my hand with hand soap to scrub as much of the makeup off that I could. 

My skin would be dry, but at that moment I didn’t care. I dried my face once I looked at least semi-presentable. I looked at the pre packaged toiletries that were in a cabinet beside the mirror, a small, cheap, hair brush was my first choice. Tearing the plastic, I untied my hair and wet the brush, pulling it through the knots so I could put it into a ponytail on the back of my head. Leaning back, I felt a lot better. My face still looked like I’d had a rough night, but I had, so I could live with that. I peed and brushed my teeth too, getting the taste of vomit out of my mouth, happy to be minty again. Finally I walked out, where Edward was waiting. He offered me a relieved looking smile, handing me my purse. 

“It was pretty bad, huh.” I grinned back at him, finding myself less and less embarrassed about tonight. He slung something dark over my shoulders, and I realized it was his jacket. 

“Very Helena Bonham Carter.”

“Or Edward Scizzorhands.”

He laughed again, and we walked to the counter to check out and then he led me to his car.

“So, diner food?”

“Have you ever been to Denny’s?”

He grinned and shook his head. 

“I can’t say I have, Denny’s it is then.” The drive was quiet, and shockingly comfortable. I messaged Kain that I was alright and going out to Denny’s, he was most likely out too. The hostess looked completely lost as we walked into the little yellow restaurant, eyes darting between the living ad for Tommy Hilfiger mens sweaters and the escaped mental patient in his jacket. I almost laughed, I felt I’d make the same face were I in her shoes. 

“Could we get a table for two? Somewhere a little private?” He asked warmly, flashing her a smile that almost knocked her backwards.

"U-uh, sure, ah, welcome to Denny’s." She sounded as surprised as I was. She turned and led us around a partition to a small ring of booths — all of them empty. "How's this?"

"Perfect." He flashed his gleaming smile, dazing her momentarily.

"Um" — she shook her head, blinking — "your server will be right out." She walked away unsteadily.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," I criticized. "It's hardly fair."

"Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that — she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

He seemed confused.

"Oh, come on," I said dubiously. "You have to know the effect you have on people. You do it to me constantly at the cafe." I got myself comfy, looking to the menu to pull it closer to me, wondering which Grand Slam looked appetizing to my gurgling stomach.

He tilted his head to one side, and his eyes were curious. "I dazzle people?"

"You haven't noticed?” I looked up at him again, eyebrows raised, he didn’t look like he was aware, I was shocked.

He ignored my questions. "I dazzle you?"

"Yeah, when I’m looking at you like I just forgot my own name? That’s me dazzled.” I smiled at him a little, still sounding hoarse.

And then our server arrived, her face expectant. The hostess had definitely gone back to gush about The Prince and The Frog, and this new girl didn't look disappointed. She stroked her straight blonde hair over her shoulder and smiled with unnecessary warmth.

"Hello. My name is Amber, and I'll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with some..coffee?" She glanced at me at that. I didn't miss that she was speaking only to him.

He looked at me.

“Coffee sounds awesome, can you also bring half n’ half? A lot of it please.” I stayed pleasant, mostly because, well, I was in the same flabbergasted boat she was.

“Two mugs please, half and half for me as well.”

"I'll be right back with that," she assured him with another unnecessary smile. But he didn't see it. He was watching me.

"What?" I asked when she left.

His eyes stayed fixed on my face. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I replied, surprised by his intensity.

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold… ?"

“No, I’m just tired really, but I honestly can’t tell what part about tonight is causing it. Coffee will help.”

"Most likely a blend, Just the same, I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you."

Right on cue, the waitress appeared with our carafe of coffee and a tray with mugs and creamer. She filled the two mugs in front of her and placed the dishes of half n’ half down too. I thanked her quietly, nearly sighing with relief as I grabbed about six packets of sugar and shook them, tearing them open to pour into the black liquid. 

"Are you ready to order?" she asked Edward.

"Eva?" he asked. She turned unwillingly toward me.

I paused in my pouring of the half n’ half, glancing back to the menu beside me. 

“I’ll just have an original Grand Slam, uh, wheat bread, over easy eggs, sausage.” I stammered it out quickly, pulling my spoon out of my roll of silverware to mix my coffee, too anxious to get the warm drink into me to really care about anything else.

"And you?" She turned back to him with a smile.

"Nothing for me," he said. Of course not.

"Let me know if you change your mind." The coy smile was still in place, but he wasn't looking at her, and she left dissatisfied.

I was already sipping my coffee, eyes closed in bliss. I nearly moaned as the warm liquid passed down my throat, warming me up from the inside. He chuckled across the table, watching me shiver involuntarily as the warm started to help my tense muscles relax. 

"Are you cold?"

“A little, I won’t be for long though. There is nothing better than cheap diner coffee.” I praised, taking another slow sip.

I looked across to him then, evaluating, well, us, what we must look like. I glanced down at his clothes. He was wearing an ivory turtleneck sweater. It fit him snugly, emphasizing how muscular his chest was.

He spoke then, interrupting my ogling.

“You clean up surprisingly well for what you’ve gone through tonight.” He chuckled at me, seeming to be doing the same thing I was. “And, very relaxed.” he mused.

"I feel very safe with you," I confessed, looking up at his face again, a little flushed.

That displeased him; his alabaster brow furrowed. He shook his head, frowning.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light," I commented, trying to distract him from whatever thought had left him frowning and somber.

He stared at me, stunned. "What?"

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black — I expect it then," I went on. "I have a hypothesis about that."

His eyes narrowed. "A hypothesis?"

"Mm-hm." I sipped my coffee again, elbows on the table, cradling my cup, trying to sound indifferent.

"I hope you were more creative this time… or are you still stealing from comic books?" His faint smile was mocking; his eyes were still tight.

"Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either," I confessed.

"And?" he prompted.

But then the waitress strode around the partition with my food. I realized we'd been unconsciously leaning toward each other across the table, because we both straightened up as she approached. She set the dish in front of me and turned quickly to Edward.

"Did you change your mind?" she asked. "Isn't there anything I can get you?" I may have been imagining the double meaning in her words.

"No, thank you, but some fresh coffee would be nice." He gestured with a long white hand to the now empty mug I set down.

"Sure." She put on her retail face and grabbed the carafe to pour me another cup. Edward watched me with a bizarre level of interest as I performed my little sugar and cream ritual again.

"You were saying?" he asked.

“Well, like any good hypothesis, I need to test it, and it’s shaky at best, my background research seems lacking.”

I took a sip of my coffee again.

His eyes were holding mine with almost suspicion. “Test, how?”

“Honestly I was just going to ask you some questions, but you have to promise to answer me honestly, I want accurate data points.”

He looked disgruntled then, voice hard. “Alright, I promise. What are your questions?”

“What brought you downtown tonight?”

He looked down, folding his large hands together slowly on the table. His eyes flickered up at me from under his lashes, the hint of a smirk on his face.

"Next."

"But that's the easiest one," I objected.

"Next," he repeated.

I looked down, frustrated. I unrolled my silverware, picked up my fork, and began to cut up my pancakes into triangles.

I took a couple slow bites, also monitoring my stomach, taking another sip of coffee while I considered my next question. I thought back on his odd behavior with others, how he’d mentioned he was good at reading others. This question was just as insane as the others, so I sighed and tossed it out.

"Okay, then." I glared at him, and continued slowly. "Let's say, hypothetically of course, that… someone… could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know — with a few exceptions."

"Just one exception," he corrected, "hypothetically."

"All right, with one exception, then." I was thrilled that he was playing along, but I tried to seem casual.

"How does that work? What are the limitations? How would… that someone… find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he even know she was in trouble?" I wondered if my convoluted questions even made sense.

"Hypothetically?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Well, if… that someone…"

"Let's call him 'John Doe,'" I suggested.

He smiled wryly. "John, then. If John had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." He shook his head, his eyes narrowing and the smile falling from his face. Looking out the window as his jaw tensed.

"How did you know?" I asked, outright, putting down my coffee and leaning towards him, resting my arms on the table.

He seemed to be wavering, torn by some internal dilemma. His eyes locked with mine, and I saw the turmoil between his promise of honesty and his...fear.

"You can trust me, you know," I murmured. I reached forward, without thinking, to touch his folded hands, but he slid them away minutely, and I pulled my hand back.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore." His voice was almost a whisper. "I was wrong — you're much more observant than I gave you credit for."

"I thought you were always right."

"I used to be." He shook his head again. "I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents — that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

"And you put yourself into that category?" I guessed.

His face turned cold, expressionless. "Unequivocally."

I stretched my hand across the table again — ignoring him when he pulled back slightly once more — to touch the back of his hand shyly with my fingertips. They cooled against his skin nearly instantly.

"Thank you." My voice was fervent with gratitude. "That's twice now."

His face softened. "Let's not try for three, agreed?"

I scowled, but nodded. He moved his hand out from under mine, placing both of his under the table.

But he leaned toward me.

"I followed you into town," he admitted, speaking in a rush. "I've never tried to keep a specific person...alive before, and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

He paused. I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure. He stared, maybe wondering why my lips were curving into an involuntary smile. So he was curious too?

"Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?" I speculated, distracting myself. “Like Final Destination?”

"That wasn't the first time," he said, and his voice was hard to hear. I stared at him in amazement, but he was looking down. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

I felt a spasm of fear at his words, and the abrupt memory of his violent black glare that first day… but the overwhelming sense of safety I felt in his presence stifled it. By the time he looked up to read my eyes, there was no trace of fear in them.

"You remember?" he asked, his statuesque face grave.

"Yes." I was calm.

"And yet here you sit." There was a trace of disbelief in his voice; he raised one eyebrow.

"Yes, here I sit… because of you." I paused. "Because somehow you knew how to find me tonight… ?" I prompted.

He pressed his lips together, staring at me through narrowed eyes, deciding again. His eyes flashed down to my full plate, and then back to me.

"You eat, I'll talk," he bargained.

I quickly speared a sausage and popped it in my mouth.

"It's harder than it should be — keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before." He looked at me anxiously, and I realized I had frozen. I made myself swallow, then ate some more pancakes.

"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully — like I said, only you could find trouble in a group of four girls in this town — and at first I didn't notice when you were no longer with them. Then, when I realized that you weren't with the group anymore, I went looking for you inside the bar. I could tell that you had been sitting at the bar, and I saw the bartender sweeping up the glass.”

“I could see…” he grew angry again. “The rohypnol in the spill. I asked the bartender where you’d gone and he told me: “Her boyfriend carried her out of here, she was dead on her feet.” I’d...never been so anxious. But I left the bar, I could tell you’d been going east.” He was lost in thought, staring past me, seeing things I couldn't imagine.

"I started to walk in that direction, touching people's minds to see if they had seen you, and no one had, then I got closer to the alley.”

The rage in his eyes deepened then. It was pure fury, I’d never seen anyone so angry as his fists clenched.

"Then what?" I whispered. He continued to stare over my head.

"I heard your voice, you nearly screamed my name, and I knew you were down the alley. Then I heard what that mongrel was thinking, what he was doing," he growled, his upper lip curling slightly back over his teeth. "I saw your face in his mind." He suddenly leaned forward, one elbow appearing on the table, his hand covering his eyes. The movement was so swift it startled me.

"It was very… hard — you can't imagine how hard — for me to simply take you away, and leave him… alive." His voice was muffled by his arm. "But, you called out to me, you sounded so frightened, and I knew I needed to take you to the hospital. You were sick, and then I carried you to my car.”

I sat quietly, dazed, my thoughts incoherent. My hands were folded in my lap, and I was leaning weakly against the back of the seat. He still had his face in his hand, and he was as still as if he'd been carved from the stone his skin resembled.

Finally he looked up, his eyes seeking mine, full of his own questions.

He was no monster. I saw the disgust in his eyes, in his tone. I felt myself reaching for my coffee then and taking another sip.

“Alright...Thank you, I have another question.”

He steeled himself, again staring at me, as though he was waiting for me to book it screaming. But I only looked up at him, my own eyes hard, my voice low and as quiet as possible.

“Say John Doe was not a member of the genus “Homo Sapiens”.” I saw him flinch, but I needed to know. “How could we tell if he was something...preternatural, or simply an evolution. If he was something, beyond human. What category would he put himself in?”

He stared at me again now, considering the question. “By the definitions of those words, I believe he would put himself in a little bit of both.”

“Now, say that the background research provided information that his species required a…” I used his words, but looked into my coffee, feeling my heart pound as all of this began to come together. “Special diet. And that research provided what that diet consisted of, but you couldn’t find any information that said that he was actually following the diet the background research defined. Not even in a several hundred mile radius. What would you theorize was his diet,..instead?”

His eyes felt like a thunderstorm. The world was gone to us aside from this moment, everything was his face now.

“I would consider what the original diet...provided, and look for alternatives that met those needs, perhaps it would be...Animal based.”

It was clear now, He knew exactly what I was getting at and I put my mug on the table to not let him see how my hands were shaking.

“...Thank you.” I murmured, staring at my coffee, I did a quick once over of myself, I was shocked that there was no fear, no urge to panic and run away. This man was not a monster. This man would have hurt me by now if he wanted to. I was...excited.

I looked him in the eye then, giving him an easy, polite smile, as though I was talking with a colleague.

“I believe I have enough data points to form a complete Hypothesis, but perhaps we should be somewhere even more private for discussion on it.”

“...would you like a ride home, Miss Irving?”

“I would, Mr. Cullen.”

We were so encased in our own little world it was actually a struggle to readjust myself, bring myself back to where we were. Especially how it contrasted with the conversation. Edward stood first, throwing down a bill on the table, I tried to protest but he waved me along. I had to jog to catch up, turning to see the waitress gaping at the hundred dollar bill in her hand. 

When I got outside, he was already by the car, leaning against the hood. He opened the passenger door for me silently. His expression was entirely unreadable. I slid in, and he was in the driver's seat before I was even able to shut the door, starting the car. We pulled out, and onto the road, moving far faster than we needed too. I felt myself grow anxious.

"Now," he said significantly, "Explain your hypothesis."

"...Can I ask just one more question?" I was still nervous to say it out loud, regardless of how much evidence I had, as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street.

He didn't seem to be paying any attention to the road.

He sighed.

"One," he agreed. His lips pressed together into a cautious line.

"Well… how did you know where he’d brought me? You said you could tell I had left the club, and not alone...that you could tell something more than alcohol was involved..”

He looked away, deliberating.

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," I gently urged, wrapping my arms around my own waist, clutching his jacket tighter around me.

He almost smiled.

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." He looked at the road, giving me time to compose my face. I couldn't think of an acceptable response to that, but I filed it carefully away for future study. I tried to refocus.

I wasn't ready to let him be finished, now that he was finally explaining things.

"And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…" I stalled.

He looked at me with disapproval. "Which one?"

"How does it work — the mind-reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family… ?" I felt silly, asking for clarification on something so outside the realm of what I had, only this morning, thought to be fantasy.

"That's more than one," he pointed out. I tightened my grip on the jacket, I didn’t want to admit to hoping to keep him talking for as long as possible. I stared at him, hesitant to defend myself but also hoping he would answer.

"...No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's… 'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." He paused thoughtfully. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum — a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear.”

"Most of the time I tune it all out — it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem normal" —he frowned as he said the word — "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?" I asked softly, feeling confusing relief wash over me.

He looked at me, his eyes enigmatic.

"I don't know," he murmured. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." He grinned at me, suddenly amused.

"...I guess that figures, but, surely there have been others on the spectrum around you before..." The words bothered me more than they should — probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.

"You’re right, I have been able to hear others on the spectrum, so I don’t believe it’s that. It’s an untested theory certainly..." he laughed, then glanced at me, his face tightened. "Which brings us back to you."

I sighed. How to begin?

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" he reminded me softly.

I looked away from his face for the first time, trying to find words. I happened to notice the speedometer.

"Holy shit Edward!" I shouted. "Slow down!"

"What's wrong?" He was startled. But the car didn't decelerate.

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" I was still shouting. I shot a panicky glance out the window, but it was too dark to see much. The road was only visible in the long patch of bluish brightness from the headlights. The forest along both sides of the road was like a black wall — as hard as a wall of steel if we veered off the road at this speed.

"Relax, Eva." He relaxed into his seat and chuckled, glancing at me with something like mirth in his eyes, still not slowing.

"Look, I’m all for an adrenaline rush, but tonight has been a LOT and I am NOT looking for another near death experience!" my knuckles were white, gripping onto the sides of my seat, nearly hyperventilating now. 

He seemed to slow almost immediately as he noticed my breathing and anxiety, my wet eyes slightly opening to be sure that he had, slowing my breath when we were going a far more rational speed. It was only then I noticed my leg was bouncing doubletime, almost jumping in an effort to keep me from melting down. I glanced to him and his eyes were upset, worried, watching me, his hand outstretched as though to try and help.

“I-I apologize, I’m just, that’s how I always drive..” I was finally able to regulate my breathing again, pulling his coat tight enough to squeeze myself in it, slumping into my seat.

“Normally I’d be thrilled, just...not, tonight.” I gave him an apologetic wince, and his face fell further, but he turned his eyes back to the road, letting me collect myself a little more.

"I'm still waiting for this hypothesis."

The distraction put another pit into my stomach. I bit my lip. He looked down at me, his honey eyes unexpectedly gentle. We sat in silence for another moment before he turned to me again.

"I won't laugh," he promised.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me."

"Is it that bad?"

"I mean, it’s as bad as aliens."

He waited. I was looking down at my hands, so I couldn't see his expression.

"Go ahead." His voice was calm.

"I don't know how to start," I admitted.

"Why don't you start at the beginning… you said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No."

"What got you started — a book? A movie?" he probed.

"No — it was at the bar crawl, at a pub." I risked a glance up at his face. He looked puzzled.

"I ran into an old family friend —Jacob Black," I continued. "His dad and my dad have been friends since I was a baby."

He still looked confused.

"His dad owns the Rose and Thorn...on 5th?" I watched him carefully. His confused expression froze in place.

"He was bartending, and your family name came up.. —" I edited all my scheming and terrible attempts at flirting out of the story "— and he was telling me some old Irish legends — trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" I hesitated.

"Go on," he said.

".....About Fair Folk that drank human blood, vampires." I realized I was whispering. I couldn't look at his face now. But I saw his knuckles tighten convulsively on the wheel.

He was silent, staring at the road.

I was worried suddenly, worried about protecting Jacob.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," I said quickly. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it."

It didn't seem like enough; I had to confess. "R-really it was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?"

"Lauren said something about you — she was trying to provoke me. And his father got upset, said your family didn’t come around his pub, only it sounded like he meant something different. I’d had a couple drinks and got...courageous, I...I flirted at him until he finally gave in," I admitted, hanging my head.

He was silent for a moment, then laughed, but his eyes remained steely.

"I'd like to have seen that." He chuckled darkly. "And you accused me of dazzling people — poor Jacob Black."

I blushed and looked out my window into the night.

"What did you do then?" he asked after a minute.

"I did some research, looked up folklore about...the Fair Folk.."

"And did that convince you?" His voice sounded barely interested. But his hands were clamped hard onto the steering wheel.

“Not quite, I’m such a skeptic. I made a list of things that I knew...about you, and found what fit the best. It still wasn’t...perfect. But, I saw you toss out your drink at the bar, you never eat at lunch, didn’t touch your coffee...the...evidence seemed to be piling up in that hypothesis’ favor.”

I mumbled, spilling my guts. 

“I um...wondered if there was other evidence. The legends said these...beings...drank human blood. All the legends say the person they drank from would die, so I made the logical leap, er, well, as logical as any of this is, that if that were the case, there would be an odd amount of missing humans in a hundred mile radius of Pullman. I looked it up and...there wasn’t. I could only assume if this hypothesis was correct, that you must use...an alternative.”

The confidence in my voice faltered entirely, I fiddled with my hands now.

“That..fit better. That was the point I think...I knew. I knew you were not...human. But you’re also not a monster, so in the end it...it didn’t matter.” I whispered.

"It didn't matter?" His tone made me look up — I had finally broken through his carefully composed mask. His face was incredulous, with just a hint of the anger I'd feared.

"No," I said softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not human!"

"No." I shook my head just slightly, eyes searching his, shrinking a little back into my seat, not out of fear of him, but fear of...rejection? 

He was silent, staring straight ahead again. His face was bleak and cold.

"...I knew you’d be upset...I should have kept my mouth shut…” It came out as a lament, my eyes stinging.

"No," he said, but his tone was as hard as his face. "I'd rather know what you're thinking — even if what you're thinking is insane."

"....So I'm wrong?" I looked up at him, still nervous, but inquisitive.

"That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" he quoted, gritting his teeth together.

"I'm...right?” I couldn’t help but widen my eyes, my world now expanding immeasurably.

"Does it matter?"

I took a deep breath.

"...No...Not really." I paused. "But I am curious." My voice, at least, was composed.

He was suddenly resigned. "What are you curious about?"

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-Two," he answered promptly.

"And how long have you been twenty-two?"

His lips twitched as he stared at the road. "A while," he admitted at last.

"Okay." I smiled, pleased that he was still being honest with me. He stared down at me with watchful eyes, much as he had before, when he was worried I would go into shock. I smiled wider in encouragement, and he frowned.

"Don't laugh — but um...how can you come out during the daytime?"

He laughed anyway. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." He hesitated for a moment, and a peculiar tone entered his voice. "I can't sleep."

It took me a minute to absorb that. "At all?"

"Never," he said, his voice nearly inaudible. He turned to look at me with a wistful expression. The golden eyes held mine, and I lost my train of thought. I stared at him until he looked away.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." His voice was hard now, and when he looked at me again his eyes were cold.

I blinked, still dazed. "Which one is that?"

"Would you like confirmation on your “alternative diet” theory?" he asked sarcastically.

"Oh," I murmured, "that."

"Yes, that." His voice was bleak. "Don't you want to know if I drink human blood?"

“Yes, I do, but our earlier conversation, and my small amount of digging have me pretty convinced of the answer...You drink from animals instead.” I looked at him firmly. He remained silent, looking out at the road. But his shoulders relaxed.

I took it as a confirmation.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," he warned me. "The Black family is right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try," he explained slowly. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a...mistake?" I heard the sadness in my voice, but I didn't know if he could as well.

"A very dangerous one," he murmured.

We were both silent then. I watched the headlights twist with the curves of the road. They moved too fast; it didn't look real, it looked like a video game. I was aware of the time slipping away so quickly, like the black road beneath us, and I was hideously afraid that I would never have another chance to be with him like this again — openly, the walls between us gone for once. His words hinted at an end, and I recoiled from the idea. I couldn't waste one minute I had with him.

"Tell me more," I asked desperately, not caring what he said, just so I could hear his voice again.

He looked at me quickly, startled by the change in my tone. "What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation. I realized my eyes were wet, and I fought against the grief that was trying to overpower me, but I couldn’t stop a tear from falling, quickly reaching up to try and scrub it from my face. He hesitated, something like anxiety in his expression.

"I don't want to be a monster." His voice was very low.

"But animals aren't enough?"

He paused. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger — or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." His tone turned ominous. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?" I asked.

He sighed. "Yes."

"But you're not hungry now," I stated, not asking.

"Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes. I-...I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people — men in particular — are crabbier when they're hungry."

He seemed to blink at that, then chuckled. "You are observant, aren't you?"

I didn't answer; I just listened to the sound of his laugh, committing it to memory.

"Were you hunting this week, with Emmett?" I asked when it was quiet again.

"Yes." He paused for a second, as if deciding whether or not to say something. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

"It makes me… anxious… to be away from you." His eyes were gentle but intense, and they seemed to be making my bones turn soft. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to stay out of trouble. I was distracted all week, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole week unscathed." He shook his head, and then seemed to remember something.   
"Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands," he reminded me. I looked down at my palms, at the almost-healed scrapes across the heels of my hands. His eyes missed nothing.

"I fell," I sighed.

"That's what I thought." His lips curved up at the corners. "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse — and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." He smiled ruefully at me.

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Wednesday."

"Then why weren't you responding to my texts?" I was confused, and a little miffed, remembering how disappointed I’d been.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight in public — at least, not where anyone can see."

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime," he promised.

I thought about it for a moment.

"You could have texted me," I decided.

He was puzzled. "But I knew you were safe."

"But I didn't know where you were. I —" I hesitated, dropping my eyes.

"What?" His velvety voice was compelling.

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too. Especially when it feels like you just...ghosted me." I blushed to be saying this out loud.

He was quiet. I glanced up, apprehensive, and saw that his expression was pained.

"Ah," he groaned quietly. "This is wrong."

I couldn't understand his response. "What did I say?"

"Don't you see, Eva? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." He turned his anguished eyes to the road, his words flowing almost too fast for me to understand. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way." His voice was low but urgent. His words cut me. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Eva — please, grasp that."

"I understand that, but-”

"I'm serious," he growled.

I bit my lip as I winced, wringing my hands in my lap and was glad he couldn't know how much that hurt. I stared out at the road. We must be close now.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice still raw. I just shook my head, not sure if I could speak.

I could feel his gaze on my face, but I kept my eyes forward.

"Are you crying?" He sounded appalled. I hadn't realized the moisture in my eyes had brimmed over again. I quickly rubbed my hand across my cheek, and sure enough, traitor tears were there, betraying me.

"No," I said, but my voice cracked.

I saw him reach toward me hesitantly with his right hand, but then he stopped and placed it slowly back on the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry." His voice burned with regret. I knew he wasn't just apologizing for the words that had upset me.

The darkness slipped by us in silence.

"Tell me something," he asked after another minute, and I could hear him struggle to use a lighter tone.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? You were...I know you couldn’t have been focused, but you were...It seemed like you were getting ready to do something.”

I cringed, at the memory, his foggy face once again filling my head, the feeling of helplessness, the desperation.

“I..I was trying to build up my courage to try and fight him off…My mace wasn’t with me.” 

His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.

“You didn’t...scream. You didn’t try to tell anyone where you were, but you were going to...try to punch him? What exactly was your plan after?” He looked frustrated, as though I’d answered wrong. I felt my temper flare a little. 

“I wasn’t exactly thinking straight you know? I just wanted him off of me, you try getting...roofied.” I started bouncing my leg again, the anger in my voice audible now, turning my attention back out the window. I felt sick now, trying to shove the memory away again.

I could feel him slump beside me, and hear his hand run through his hair. I turned to him again, remorse and anger in his face. 

“I’m...sorry. That was...I don’t want you to think that it was your fault…of course you’d try to fight him,” He groaned, running his hand through his hair again. 

“You had every right to defend yourself...I’m...frustrated with...myself that you’d...had to.” I stared at him as he threw me an apologetic glance.

“You can’t protect me from everything. You and I both know that would be impossible.” I mumbled.

He was silent then, unable to look at me. We were slowing, passing into the boundaries of the suburbs, It had taken less than twenty minutes.

I was jarred when we were in front of the apartment building. The lights were on in the fourth floor windows, my truck in its place, everything utterly normal. It was like waking from a dream. He stopped the car, and I hesitantly grabbed the door handle.

I got out of the car, and he came to my side immediately, walking me to the door. As we stood outside, I realized I could hear the faint countdown from several TV’s in the building. I pulled his jacket off, taking one last whiff.

"You can keep it — you don't have a jacket for tomorrow," he reminded me.

I handed it back to him. "I don't want to have to explain to Kain."

"Oh, right." He grinned.

I hesitated, my hand on the door handle, trying to prolong the moment.

"Eva?" he asked in a different tone — serious, but hesitant.

"Yes?" I turned back to him too eagerly.

"Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," I said, and instantly regretted my unconditional agreement. What if he asked me to stay away from him? I couldn't keep that promise.

“Bring your mace next time.”

I had to laugh, looking up at him.

“Hey.”

He looked surprised, finally meeting my eyes.

“Quit it...with the self flagellation. You’re going to give yourself wrinkles.” I half grinned at him, his eyes widening in shock, I could swear his jaw almost went slack. He finally blinked and then slumped, giving me a slight chuckle that turned into a laugh. When he looked back at me, his eyes almost sparkled.

"Sleep well," he said. His breath blew in my face, stunning me. It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form.

I was unable to move, and he didn’t seem to be able to either, both of us listening as the numbers counted down through the single digits, finally erupting in cheers loud enough to hear. I couldn’t look away from his eyes in the low light, and only vaguely registered the fact that we were drifting together. 

I heard the sound of fireworks in the distance as our lips were now only centimeters apart, our breath mixing, eyes glassy. We couldn’t close this distance, and my chest ached as he pulled back slowly, his own eyes flaring with something pained. 

Carefully, watching my every movement, waiting for me to refuse, he reached for my hand. I gave it to him, placing my much smaller fingers into his icy ones. He slowly raised my knuckles to place a soft, featherlight kiss to the back of my hand. It was such a small point of contact, but the sensation seemed to consume me.

“Happy New Year, Miss Irving.”

“...Happy New Year, Mr. Cullen.”

He seemed to disappear, and I heard his engine quietly rev, turning to watch the dark car disappear around the corner. I realized it was very cold very suddenly, and shivered hard, digging in my sparkly purse.

I reached for the key mechanically, unlocked the door, and stepped inside, leaning against the glass door and using all of my strength to keep my knees from giving out now.

I managed to make it up to the fourth floor, unlocking the door to the dimly lit apartment and closing it behind me, pausing to lock both the door and the deadbolt, then the chain as well, that last click finally settling my stomach.

I turned to face the room, feeling the weight of the evening finally settling over my shoulders, how filthy I felt. I limped to the bathroom, turning the shower on as hot as it could possibly go. Stripping down in silence and leaving my ragged outfit and borrowed scrubs on the bathroom floor, I slipped inside and into the stream of the hot water, not even able to stand as I slumped to the floor of the shower, feeling what was left of my makeup run as I stared at the tile on the wall, unseeing. 

Nothing seemed clear at first, but as I counted the sets of four, and breathed in the steam, a few certainties became evident.

About three things I was absolutely positive. 

First, Edward Cullen was a vampire. 

Second, part of him, and I was unsure how large a part, wanted my blood.

And third, I finally started to understand. 

I was desperately, overwhelmingly in love with him.


	13. Complicated

COMPLICATED

I slept fairly well that night, the chemicals still in my system certainly aiding that, but all night I dreamt of Edward, dreamt of him coiled over me like a tiger, snarling and preparing to spring at some invisible threat, his teeth were sharpened to points, but I felt no fear, instead feeling protected as he guarded me from whatever was after my life next.

When I awoke however, I was anxious to see that he hadn’t texted me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that last night he’d been trying to tell me goodbye, trying to ready himself to leave.

I messaged the girls, checking in on them, then Kain, getting hungover good mornings from each of them as I started to slowly pull myself out of bed.

Staring at Edward's contact, I bit my lip, sending him a ‘Good Morning Mr. Cullen.” Trying to seem playful and open, I just wanted confirmation that he hadn’t up and left.

We’d bared so much to each other last night, and I still had questions, admissions I needed to make.

When he hadn’t answered in six hours I was nearly pacing a hole into my bedroom floor, fighting whether or not to call him. I was frustrated, and terrified, continuing to pick up, unlock, then relock and set down my phone.

_"Don't you see, Eva? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved."_

I slumped onto my bed, face first, his words ringing in my head. I had to call him. I had to make him hear me.

My hands trembled as I opened my contacts and tapped the call button beside his name, shakily holding it up to my ear.

It rang, and rang, my heart pounding double time until I heard the click of the beginning of the voicemail message.

“You’ve reached Edward Cullen.” And then the beep, I stammered.

“Edward fucking Cullen, I swear if you ghost me again after last night-...” I closed my eyes, trying to reign in my frustration.

“I know, now, Edward. And I’m not afraid. Honestly I…” I bit my lip, my eyes welling up as I built up my courage.

“I seem...to have fallen in love with you. Just…please...please stop saying goodbye…” my voice cracked on the last word, and I had to hang up, leaning my head forward into my hands and tossing my phone behind me.

I’d done it. I’d said the words. Whatever happened now, at least I’d been able to tell him.

I don’t know how long I sat there on my bed, rocking myself quietly, just trying to breathe through my anxiety. But a firm knock on my window made me actually fall off my bed, when you’re four stories up, that isn’t exactly a common sound.

I peeked over my bed at the window, nearly falling over in shock again when I saw a familiar pair of golden eyes gleaming at me through it. I scrambled up and over to it, quickly unlocking it and shoving it open.

“What in the fuck are you doing!?” I hissed, still panicking at how high up he was, but he slid past me into my room, moving to stand beside me.

“I figured, now that you knew, I didn’t exactly have to pretend to be human anymore.” He murmured, his eyes were hard, defensive, but he simply stood facing me, eyes burning into my own.

“...you listened to the message?” I whispered it, feeling my anxiety spike again as I wrapped my arms around myself on instinct, preparing for the worst.

“I did.” I was shocked at how soft his voice was then, and he lowered his eyes, moving to sit down on my bed. I joined him, sitting slowly beside him, giving him some space still.

“I don’t know...how to do this...how to do any of this.” He lamented now, quiet. “How to balance my feelings for you and the danger I put you in. It’s excruciating…” he grit his teeth.

“You should absolutely be afraid of me Eva, I am more dangerous to you than anyone else.” His eyes were ancient then, unfathomably deep as they searched mine, pain and resignation warring in his features.

“Wh-what do you mean?” I held myself tighter, not understanding his phrasing.

“You’re my singer, Eva.” He murmured, lips turning up into a sad smile, hand reaching out to stroke a lock of hair behind my ear. When I looked confused, he continued.

“Your blood is more potent to me, than anyone else. The first day...when I got a gust of your scent…” he grimaced, ashamed, unable to look me in the eye. “It took a century of practice and every speck of willpower I had not to...not to kill you in front of that entire classroom.”

I swallowed, stunned, a cold chill running down my back as more and more of his behavior clicked for me, and realizing how close I’d been to death.

“But I can’t keep trying to make these choices for you, I cannot keep...running away. While you...still smell as intense as you did then, I’ve been managing it, handling it, wrestling with my more horrific instincts. Getting to know you...see you for who you are was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Because I’m afraid...that I have fallen in love with you too.”

He met my eyes then, and for once, I could believe that mine were nearly as intense, the electricity that seemed to exist between only us began to grow once more.

“My world...it will hurt you, Eva. I could...hurt you.” He shuddered. “I couldn’t...bare it, if I harmed you now. Selfishly I believed that I could run from this, how intense this is. I believed I could make the choice to preserve your wellbeing, to protect you. But...I can’t, imagining leaving you, never seeing you again, it’s so-...goddamn overwhelming.” He growled, hanging his head into his hands.

“I have lived over 100 years and I have never once felt anything like this, like I can only be at peace when you’re with me, when I can...see you…” anguish tinged his voice, and I was startled by his admission of his age. Again, it hit me that the man before me was not human, that this impossible man was now explaining that he too had fallen into this bizarre magnetism.

I lifted my hand cautiously, watching his face as I reached out to gently cup my hand over his frigid cheek. He let me, searching my eyes, leaning his face into my palm.

“Well, I do have a thing for older men…” I tried to joke with him, but I knew my smile was sad, nervous. He gave me a slight smile in response, still letting me gently hold his face.

“I...I don’t think I would be able to walk away from this if I wanted too, Edward…” I mumbled my confession, feeling my face redden deeply.

“I can’t bring myself to feel anything other than...safe. Beside you. Even as your…”singer”...you haven’t once harmed me, you’ve even saved my life. You have a temper, sure, but your heart is so...warm. When we were finally able to talk freely...I fell so hard, so fast...you have no idea.” I chuckled in chagrin, he looked at me with what I could only describe as tenderness now, carefully placing his much larger, chilled hand over my own on his cheek.

“If you’re asking me if I accept the risks,...I do. I’ve seen you, the one you choose to be, and it almost seems...criminal, to let go of something so precious. We can...work together, right? I can do what I need to to make sure you’re at your most comfortable, you mentioned it’s becoming more manageable…” I trailed off, his smooth hand gently taking mine from his cheek to press a featherlight kiss to my fingertips.

“I would burn for eternity if it meant I could remain at your side.” The emotion in his voice, the firm way he held my gaze as he stated his feelings out loud made me go limp, my eyes watering. The intensity of it was like a sunburst, I didn’t know how to respond. But I tried.

“...I-...” My eyes brimmed over finally, and I took his hand now to place it against my cheek, the energy between us suddenly felt as though it had bloomed, massive and all encompassing like a peony flower bursting open in the sunlight. It had a depth, layers I couldn’t see before, and I knew in that moment he felt it too, as he carefully rest his forehead against mine, both my tiny hands holding his to my cheek, nosing into the cold palm.

“I love you, Evangeline.”

“I love you too, Edward.”

We sat like that for what seemed like hours, eventually we laid down on our sides, keeping still as Edward stroked my face and features with his cool hands, as though trying to memorize it, and I did the same, just visually, trying to lock this moment into my memories. It still didn’t feel real. An archangel, dangerous and beautiful was telling me he loved me as he traced my lips with his thumb. I nearly started crying every time I thought about it. It must have been hours later when he broke the spell, having been gently stroking my hair back.

“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow, while the weather is nice.” He murmured.

“Where?” I looked up at him, still melting under his touch.

“A place that is rather important to me. However, mainly, I want to break down the last of the secrecy. I want to show you what I become in the sunlight.” I could see the fear in his expression, though he tried to hide it.

I placed two fingers against my lips, and then his. He seemed to realize after a moment what that was, gently pressing his lips more firmly against my indirect kiss.

“Of course I’ll come, when I said I wanted to know all of you, I meant it…”

“I’ll come in the morning, you would probably like some time to prepare and sleep, hm?” His voice now was so gentle, so sweet, I closed my eyes as he stroked my cheek almost sadly.

“As...much as I don’t want you to leave…” I sighed, I did need a shower, to shave, to eat…

He leaned forward, slowly, carefully placing his lips to my forehead.

“Dress for the outdoors, sleep well, love. I’ll be here at seven.”

I felt a gust of air, and he was gone, my window left cracked enough that my curtains blew gently in the breeze from outside.

I sat on my bed for several minutes, stunned into a limp amazement, staring at the ceiling. My stomach grumbled unhappily, and I suddenly realized I hadn’t left my room all day. I slowly stood, walking out to the kitchen to make myself something to eat, in a daze as I did.

I thought over the last three days slowly as I ate, processing them to try and make them seem like less of a dream. How on earth could any of this be real?

I went to bed still considering this question, and slept surprisingly well considering my nonsensical and confusing dreams. When I got up the next morning, it took me several minutes to realize that the day before had in FACT happened, and that the clock beside my bed currently read 6:32 A.M.

“Shit!”

I immediately jumped to my closet. I started piling clothes onto my bed, trying to come up with something to wear...the outdoors hm? I googled and looked at some inspiration, growling and clicking through image results until I had an outfit in mind.

Black Athletic leggings, my special occasion soft cup bra that matched my skin tone, and a loose, blousy button down with a cropped white cami underneath. Keep it simple and make sure I didn’t sweat. I could pull off just tennis shoes right? Yeah. I laid that out, then nearly ran to the bathroom.

“KAIN IF YOU HAVE TO PEE DO IT NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PISS.” I yelled into the apartment, hearing a groan as he knew that meant I would be commandeering the bathroom.

I took a shower, scrubbing every inch of myself and shaving my legs, underarms and bikini line, just in case. It at least made me feel sexier. Shampoo, conditioner, wash my face. I even took the time to blow out my hair, carefully using a round brush to accent my curls. I tucked it into a careful bun, putting on deodorant liberally and a spritz of my favorite perfume. Once I’d taken a couple breaths in the mirror I went back to my room, I couldn’t tell if I was excited or nervous, maybe both? I knew for a fact I couldn’t wait to see him again.

I paced and pondered this, continuing to look out the living room window for his black BMW. I pulled on my outfit, making sure it sit right, and waited impatiently for his text.

The second I heard his ringtone my heart exploded into a gallop.

I flew down the stairs with my bag; I yanked the glass door of the buildings entrance open at last, and there he was. All the agitation dissolved as soon as I looked at his face, calm taking its place. I breathed a sigh of relief — yesterday's fears seemed very foolish with him here.

He wasn't smiling at first — his face was somber. But then his expression lightened as he looked me over, and he laughed.

"Good morning," he chuckled.

"What's wrong?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important, like shoes, or pants.

"We match." He laughed again. I realized he had a white button down on, with a white V-neck collar showing underneath, and black slim fit jeans. I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?

I followed him to the BMW, and he opened the passenger door for me. We sat in silence at first as the engine purred to life and he pulled out of our apartment parking lot, getting onto a highway going south. Once again he was driving at a speed I didn’t recognize, but instead of filling me with fear, now it excited me, made my heart pulse.

We were soon out of the town limits. Thick underbrush and green-swathed trunks replaced the lawns and houses.

I was surprised at how far south we were going, watching mountains rise up around us as he drove into an even deeper wilderness

"Now we drive until the pavement ends."

I could hear a smile in his voice, and I looked to him, confirming the soft turn of his lips.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" I wondered.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" Thank god I'd worn tennis shoes.

"Is that a problem?" He sounded as if he'd expected as much.

"No." I tried to make the lie sound confident. But if he thought my truck was slow…

"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

Five miles. I didn't answer, so that he wouldn't hear my voice crack in panic. Five miles of treacherous roots and loose stones, trying to twist my ankles or otherwise incapacitate me. This was going to be humiliating.

We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the coming horror.

"What are you thinking?" he asked impatiently after a few moments.

I lied again. "Just wondering where we're going."

"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." We both glanced out the windows at the thinning clouds after he spoke. “Did you tell Kain we were going on a trip together?”

“Oh, no.” I looked at him again, explaining I was going on a date to Kain would have made things ten times more difficult than they had to be. And knowing what he was, I didn’t want to leave a trail that could lead back to him.

“Oh, then your friends?”

“No.”

"No one knows you're with me?" Angrily, now.

"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Eva," he snapped.

I pretended I didn't hear that.

"Are you so depressed by the weather that it's made you suicidal?" he demanded when I ignored him.

"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," I reminded him.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me— if you don't come home?" His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.

I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road.

He muttered something under his breath, speaking so quickly that I couldn't understand.

We were silent for the rest of the drive. I could feel the waves of infuriated disapproval rolling off of him, and I could think of nothing to say.

And then the road ended, constricting to a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker. He parked on the narrow shoulder and stepped out, It was warm now, warmer than it had been in Pullman since the day I'd arrived, almost muggy under the clouds. I pulled off my blouse and knotted it around my waist, glad that I'd worn the cami — especially if I had five miles of hiking ahead of me.

I heard his door slam, and looked over to see that he'd removed his button down, too. He was facing away from me, into the unbroken forest beside his car.

"This way," he said, glancing over his shoulder at me, eyes still annoyed. He started into the dark forest.

"The trail?" Panic was clear in my voice as I hurried around the car to catch up to him.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."

"No trail?" I asked desperately.

"I won't let you get lost." He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp. His white undershirt was short sleeved, the V neck so sharp that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. I felt myself grow hot as I tried to peel my eyes off of him. How on earth had this man chosen me, of all people?

He stared at me, bewildered by my tortured expression.

"Do you want to go home?" he said quietly, a different pain than mine saturating his voice.

"No." I walked forward till I was close beside him, anxious not to waste one second of whatever time I might have with him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice gentle.

"I'm not a good hiker," I answered dully. "You'll have to be very patient."

"I can be patient — if I make a great effort." He smiled, holding my glance, trying to lift me out of my sudden, unexplained dejection.

I tried to smile back, but the smile was unconvincing. He scrutinized my face.

"I'll take you home," he promised. I couldn't tell if the promise was unconditional, or restricted to an immediate departure. I knew he thought it was fear that upset me, and I was grateful again that I was the one person whose mind he couldn't hear.

"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," I said dejectedly. He frowned at me, struggling to understand my tone and expression.

He gave up after a moment and led the way into the forest.

It wasn't as hard as I had feared. The way was mostly flat, and he held the damp ferns and webs of moss aside for me. When his straight path took us over fallen trees or boulders, he would help me, lifting me by my waist, and then releasing me instantly when I was clear. His cold touch on my skin never failed to make my heart thud erratically. Twice, when that happened, I caught a look on his face that made me sure he could somehow hear it.

I tried to keep my eyes away from his face and chest as much as possible, but I slipped often. Each time, I quickly darted my eyes away before he could catch my gaze.

For the most part, we walked in silence. Occasionally he would ask a random question that he hadn't gotten to in the past months of our coffee dates. He asked about my birthdays, my grade school teachers, had a quick debate about whether or not hot pockets were ravioli--I won that one, but pissed him off when I also suggested Pop tarts were ravioli.

The hike took me most of the morning, but he never showed any sign of impatience. The forest spread out around us in a boundless labyrinth of ancient trees, and I began to be nervous that we would never  
find our way out again. He was perfectly at ease, comfortable in the green maze, never seeming to feel any doubt about our direction.

After several hours, the light that filtered through the canopy transformed, the murky olive tone shifting to a brighter jade. The day had turned sunny, just as he'd foretold. For the first time since we'd entered the woods, I felt a thrill of excitement — which quickly turned to impatience.

"Are we there yet?" I teased, pretending to scowl.

"Nearly." He smiled at the change in my mood. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

I peered into the thick forest. "Um, should I?"

He smirked. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."

"Time to visit the optometrist," I muttered. His smirk grew more pronounced.

But then, after another hundred yards, I could definitely see a brightening in the trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I picked up the pace, my eagerness growing with every step. He let me lead now, following noiselessly.

I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers — violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. I halfway turned, wanting to share this with him, but he wasn't behind me where I thought he'd be. I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm.

Finally I spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me with cautious eyes. Only then did I remember what the beauty of the meadow had driven from my mind — the enigma of Edward and the sun, which he'd promised to illustrate for me today.

I took a step back toward him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were wary, reluctant. I smiled encouragingly and beckoned to him with my hand, taking another step back to him. He held up a hand in warning, and I hesitated, rocking back onto my heels.

Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun.


	14. Confessions

CONFESSIONS 

When the light hit his skin, I felt my eyes sting as I winced away from the bright shock. It seemed to erupt into red and gold, glimmering and offcasting a bright reflection from the most angular points in his skin. For a moment, I’d thought he’d burst into flame.

“Edward!”

I shrieked his name, terror for him erupting in my chest, my fight or flight response triggering automatically as I nearly tore my blouse off of my waist and began to run towards him, to cover him from the light I had thought had caused him to combust in front of me. My foot caught a rock but I managed to catch my balance. I saw his eyes flash open when I had cried his name, but he stopped me, his hand coming up in a flash, palm facing me.

My sudden shaky stop didn’t stop my heart from pounding, still trying to make sense of the incredible vision in front of me. At first what looked like flame now came more into focus as my eyes adjusted, it was as though he had been coated in a thin layer of...my only comparison was a liquid highlighter I had seen a girl on youtube use once. I could barely understand what was happening, but what he’d said before, about not being able to be seen in the sun, made perfect sense now.

The gleam was mostly soft gold, like champagne bubbles, but now that I could see without the light hurting my eyes it was nowhere near as blinding.

I wanted to get closer, try and understand this foreign and beautiful reaction with the light that cast his auburn hair with matching glistening reds and ginger gold, something I never saw on the cloudy days around campus. I tried to compare who stood before me with anything I had seen, in art history, in history books, online. 

Nothing held a candle to this beauty, but I understood now how people had believed in angels, how those angels had introduced themselves with, ‘be not afraid.’

I automatically stumbled forward in that quest, still dumbfounded, but I froze when he stepped back.

“Does that...hurt you?” my voice cracked on the last word, eyes still locked on his face, set in a hard, if not confused frown.

“...No.” He whispered it, as though trying not to frighten me. 

I slowly stepped forward again, letting him hear my movement, still trying to understand the refraction. He stared back at my face, seemingly reading my expressions, I doubted he’d see anything but awe. I began to circle him slowly, watching the position of the light change,keeping the same distance as before, for him, but he dropped his hand, unmoving. Almost as if he’d locked down into a perfect statue. I grew used to this faster than I’d anticipated, slowly beginning to grin in exasperation. 

Now I knew where the fire myths came from. 

My pulse slowed as I slowly approached his front again, looking up into his eyes to give him a slow, easy smile, still trying to read his features in case I needed to back off for his sake. As I did, I pressed my arm into my chest, curling my fingers into a fist in order to prevent myself from reaching out to...touch him. See if his skin still felt like cool marble even though it refracted like roiling magma. I could see it reflecting its lights onto me and my front.

“...Edward...I…” I could barely speak above a breath. 

“Are you frightened now?” He mumbled it, eyebrows twisting just barely together in frustration...or, anxiety? Regardless, the question threw me. 

“Wh- no?” I stammered, incredulous. “You’re standing in front of me glowing like....” I struggled to find a comparison. “Helios himself, I have to be honest, fear is not the first thing I can think to feel.”

He screwed up his expression again, as though he didn’t believe me. I tried to put myself in his shoes, tried to understand why he seemed to believe himself so monstrous. I shook my head to myself, meeting his eyes and slowly, without fear, reached out to his still arm. I placed my fingertips against the smooth stone of his forearm, then let them slowly trace down, over the tendons in his wrist and the back of his hand. He watched me with a fierceness, but not anger, not hunger, but something...else. I slipped my fingers over the web of his thumb and grasped his hand gently, moving to try and lift it. He let me, watching me turn his palm up to the sun, tracing my fingers across the veins still raised there in his inner wrist, feeling his bizarre, sluggish pulse there.

“What are you thinking?” He urged quietly, frustration in his voice, but again, no anger. 

“I’m...trying to figure out how to convince you that I’m not going to bolt into the woods like the jumpy little rabbit you seem to think I am...” I chuckled gently, looking back up into his eyes now. He seemed shocked, his lips parting in almost an awed gape, it quickly vanished though, as quickly as his hand did from my own, though his fingers had almost curled around mine.

“It is...strange though…” he murmured.

“I mean of course I’ve never seen anything like it, but if anything...I really do find it...truly beautiful.” I mumbled the last word, fighting the blush that ran up and heated my face, “I’m trying to understand how you couldn’t..”

“You’re not...repulsed by my flagrant lack of humanity?”

I did understand then, he had said he was over a century old, how someone raised as he was could be horrified by the appearance of something like him in the world. But...I knew true monsters, human or not, he had chosen to make himself not a threat to me, even worked at it, it seemed like. Of all the...men I had ever faced, this one, this one who was literally something of a predator to humans,...I had never once, truly believed he was a monster. I was never truly threatened by his presence. I knew he would respect it if I refused his advances. He listened when I spoke, respected my boundaries...most of the time, when he wasn’t being a dork. I had felt more threatened by human men than I ever had been..him.

“You talk about humanity like it’s...free of sin, the best possible kind of being…” I frowned at him, slowly stepping back, but held my hand out to him, to show him I wasn’t running, just trying to face him more fully, more openly. “I have...known what being afraid of someone...something feels like. Humans are just as capable of anything you could do to me, and I have felt...been...afraid of a man before. You know that. You ask me how I don’t fear you when I was nearly raped by a human and had my life saved by a vampire. And while you have been, totally frustrating and vague, and threw me for a massive loop the first day we met with how...angry, you seemed-” I huffed, and softened my face when I saw a flash of pain cross his. “I have never actually...felt threatened by you.”

He had simply stared at me in silence as I spoke, seeming as though he was attempting to process this information. I stepped closer to him, knowing there was a risk, but I wanted to read his eyes. I tipped my head up to him, close enough to feel his cool breath, and nearly held my own, watching his reaction as the sun hit my skin. 

It was so fast I almost didn’t catch it. His eyes had snapped to the side of my neck and then he was gone, 15 feet from me, holding up his hand in warning again. I was shocked, and worried, worried I had overstepped his boundaries now. I stammered an apology, barely audible.

“I-I’m...sorry…”

I watched him close his eyes and square his shoulders, then take a long silent inhale.

“Give me a..moment.” His voice was deep, controlled. I wouldn’t argue, wanting him to feel safe as I did. Wanting him to see me trust him, trust his judgement now. I didn’t want to make this difficult for him, only to get him to understand why I felt the way I did.

I nodded and watched him, holding still. He slowly, deliberately walked to the center of the clearing, then slowly sank into the grass. He locked down once again, from organic to inorganic there in the light, the only motion being his hair in the light breeze and the steady movement of his shoulders as he breathed. 

I took a step towards him, then held that distance, looking for any indication I was not to come closer now, but received none. I stepped again hesitantly, then again, finally beginning a slow walk to his side, placing myself in the grass behind him and crossing my legs to wait. 

“I-Is this...alright?”

He nodded to me, barely turning his head.

“Just let me...concentrate…”   
I settled there in the sun, carefully adjusting one of the straps of my tank top. I couldn’t help but look to the back of his neck and shoulders, the backs of his arms. The white V-neck he wore fit him..too well, and I swallowed against the pulse of electricity from my stomach to my core. Broad, strong looking shoulders, I could see the muscles in his tricep, highlighted by the glimmering effect of the sun. I closed my eyes then, taking a deep breath myself and resisting the urge to slap rhythmically on my arm, bouncing my knee gently instead. I focused on the stimming, the soft sound of his breathing, the gentle rustling of the tall grass. If he could control himself, so could I. I wouldn’t press him like that again, but I’d gotten my answer.

Eventually the urge to stim passed, my emotions leveling out as I relaxed into the soft warmth of the meadow, I leaned back onto my hands, legs still crossed, keeping my face tipped down to cover my throat. I was nearly taking a nap, but I was very much enjoying the warmth, the texture of the grass and soil under my hands, the sound my knee made with it’s bouncing. I heard a shifting in the grass and opened my eyes, seeing Edward slowly lean back into the grass and place a hand behind his head, the other on his chest, the light dancing and reflecting onto the blades he displaced. I couldn’t help but stare, my chest now warm with something else, seeing...peace in his expression. It was the loveliest expression he’d ever held. My eyes caught a slight movement of his lips, almost like they were trembling, moving so quickly I couldn’t catch the words. 

“D-Did you say something?”

“Just...singing, to myself.”

I couldn’t help but smile, another thing we had in common. After a few more minutes, watching his relaxed form, I spoke.

“May I...touch, you?” I spoke barely above a whisper, but all of this, in the silence, the beauty of the meadow, it was all so dreamlike, I wanted to affirm that this was real. 

“...yes.”

Hesitantly, almost bashfully, I moved onto my knees and gently placed my outstretched fingers to the back of his hand. I ran my fingertips slowly up his wrist, to his forearm, marvelling again at his satin smooth, cool skin. My own freckled, blotchy arm in comparison almost made me giggle. When I looked up again, his eyes were open, watching me. Butterscotch today, lighter, warmer after hunting. His quick smile turned up the corners of his lips.

"I...really don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could hear the real curiosity in his soft voice.

"No.”

He smiled wider; his teeth flashed in the sun.

As I continued to stroke up his arm and back down to his knuckles, I saw that my fingers trembled, and knew it wouldn't escape his notice.

"Do you mind?" I asked, for he had closed his eyes again.

"No," he said without opening his eyes. "You can't imagine how that feels." He sighed.

I lightly trailed my hand over the muscles of his bicep, down now from his shoulder, followed the faint pattern of bluish veins inside the crease at his elbow. With my other hand, I reached to turn his hand over. Realizing what I wished, he flipped his palm up in one of those blindingly fast, disconcerting movements of his. It startled me; my fingers froze on his arm for a brief second.

"Sorry," he murmured. I looked up in time to see his golden eyes close again. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

I lifted his hand, turning it this way and that as I watched the sun glitter on his palm. I held it closer to my face, trying to see anything there to explain how this reaction occurred. It still felt impossible, unreal, all of this. I once again noticed the difference between our skin, and felt my brow furrow. How would we...move forward after this? Where was this going? I couldn’t imagine leaving him now.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching me, suddenly intent.

"It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"Try being autistic, it took years for me to be able to label just expressions."

"It's a hard life." Did I imagine the hint of regret in his tone? "But you didn't tell me."

"I was wishing I could know what you were thinking…" I hesitated.

"And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't...so anxious."

"I don't want you to be afraid." His voice was just a soft murmur. I heard what he couldn't truthfully say, that I didn't need to be afraid, that there was nothing to fear.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

So quickly that I missed his movement, he was half sitting, propped up on his right arm, his left palm still in my hands. His angel's face was only a few inches from mine. I might have — should have — flinched away from his unexpected closeness, but I was unable to move. His golden eyes held mine firmly, but he seemed to notice my discomfort with the hard eye contact and moved his gaze to my chin...my mouth.

"What are you afraid of, then?" he whispered intently.

His breath fanned my face again, so sweet, so soft, my eyelids fluttered. He was so close now, the tips of our noses nearly touching, our breath mixing in the space between us, my eyes falling to his lips now. Surely, surely he could make a “no” clear to me. I slowly, hesitantly tipped my head, my nose brushing his, leaning further-

And he was gone, his hand ripped from mine. In the time it took my eyes to focus, he was twenty feet away, standing at the edge of the small meadow, in the deep shade of a huge fir tree. He stared at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his expression unreadable.

I could feel the hurt and surprise on my face. My empty hands stung.I had been wrong. The no was...certainly clear.

"I'm...sorry… Edward," I whispered. I knew he could hear.

"Give me a moment," he called, just loud enough for my less sensitive ears. I sat very still, but couldn’t help but grip the pendant of my necklace in guilt.

After ten incredibly long seconds, he walked back, slowly for him. He stopped, still several feet away, and sank gracefully to the ground, crossing his legs. His eyes never left mine. He took two deep breaths, and then smiled in apology.

"I am so very sorry." He hesitated. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

I was a little surprised, and then embarrassed, of course I should have tested that moment before pushing at him, realizing exactly what had just happened. 

“N-no, I should have...we were so close..and I just…” I was whispering, but nearly jolted as I heard him scoff and then growl low, smiling ruefully.

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I? Everything about me invites you in — my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I need any of that!" 

Unexpectedly, he was on his feet, bounding away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second.

"As if you could outrun me," 

He reached up with one hand and, with a deafening crack, effortlessly ripped a two-foot-thick branch from the trunk of the spruce, his fingers buried into the wood. He balanced it in that hand for a moment, and then threw it with blinding speed, shattering it against another huge tree, which shook and trembled at the blow.

And he was in front of me again, standing two feet away, still as a stone.

"As if you could fight me off," he said gently.

I had cringed from the sound of the tree’s making contact, covering my ears and looking up at him in shock, but realization dawned as I saw the rage, the frustration, the...desperation in his eyes. A lion trying to understand the rabbit, trying to understand how not to harm it when every instinct shouted at him to.

“W-What did that tree ever do to you?” I was terrified of him in that moment, but what happened earlier...I knew better. I knew I wouldn’t need to fight him off. He never wanted me to have to fight him off, and that want was...painful. I understood him more in that one look, in that one moment than I had ever understood anyone in my entire life. In his wild, bright eyes, his wind tousled hair, his chest flexed and almost heaving with the excitement of the moment. I felt my hands slip from over my ears, slow, almost reaching out to him on instinct, wanting him to understand I knew how this felt, to be so overwhelmed, so full of conflicting thoughts and emotions and stimuli that It fell from me in destruction. I understood.

However, as the seconds passed, his eyes dimmed.

His expression slowly folded into a mask of ancient sadness.

"Don't be afraid," he murmured, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive. "I promise…" He hesitated.

"I swear not to hurt you." He seemed more concerned with convincing himself than me.

"Don't be afraid," he whispered again as he stepped closer, with exaggerated slowness. He sat sinuously, with deliberately unhurried movements, till our faces were on the same level, just a foot apart.

“Be not afraid.” the angel spoke.

He stared at the ground for a moment, and I unfolded my posture, everything quiet now, even the birds gone. But I didn’t break my gaze from his face, his lips, the bridge of his nose. My chest ached, but I waited for him.

"Please forgive me," he said formally. "I..can control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

I hesitated, unsure what to say, but I smiled very slightly.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." He winked.

At that I had to laugh, though the sound was shaky and breathless.

"Are you all right?" he asked tenderly, reaching out slowly, carefully, to place his marble hand back in mine.

I looked at his smooth, cold hand, and then at his eyes. They were soft, repentant. I looked back at his hand, and then deliberately swallowed and slowly brought his palm to my cheek, very gently leaning my face into it, keeping my eyes on him. Sometimes, doing, was better than saying.

His answering smile was dazzling.

"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" he asked in the gentle cadences of an earlier century.

"I honestly can't remember."

He smiled, but his face was ashamed. "I think we were talking about why you were...anxious, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?"

I stroked my thumb against the back of his hand, feeling his thumb lift, pause, and then lightly as a stroke of a feather trace my cheekbone. My teeth went to my lip, attempting to figure out the correct phrasing to avoid another misunderstanding.

"How easily frustrated I am," he sighed. 

"I was afraid… because,...I want to stay…” I couldn’t look at him now, feeling my eyes water, cursing the faucets behind them. “And if I stay..I’m hurting you. If I want to...be...with you, I couldn’t...stay...not like you.” 

"Yes," he agreed slowly. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

I frowned.

"I should have left long ago," he sighed. "I should leave now. But I don’t believe I could."

“For who’s good?” I looked up at him. “Regardless of should have or could have,...we’re here now. I’m...here now...”

He gave another rueful, but...accepting chuckle.

“...Don't worry. I'm an incredibly selfish creature. I crave your company too much to change my path now."

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" He withdrew his hand, more gently this time; his voice was harsher than usual.

“Give your hand back, and listen to me. I’m not a child, I may not have the amount of experience you do, but this...this is too strong, too all encompassing for me to feel anything else.”

He looked back at me and, after a moment of staring at my stern face, calmed again, slowly slipping his hand into mine, letting me continue to play with his fingers as his shoulders slightly slumped. He eventually sighed and then smiled.

He looked at our hands, watching my thumbs trace his knuckles, trying to see if, though stonelike, I could massage them like I did my own, hoping it felt nice to him. So en pointe that I questioned whether or not he could read my mind again, he spoke.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth." He sighed.

A moment passed as he assembled his thoughts.

"You told me yesterday, that I was your...singer..Does that happen often?" I asked.

He looked across the treetops, thinking through his response.

"I spoke to my brothers about it." He still stared into the distance. "To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." He glanced swiftly at me, his expression apologetic.

"Sorry," he said.

"I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. I know the struggle of trying to explain your thought process, but I am following. Just explain however you can."

He took a deep breath and gazed at the sky again.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as" — he hesitated, looking for the right word — "appealing as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?"

"Never."

The word hung there for a moment in the warm breeze.

"What did Emmett do?" I asked to break the silence.

It was the wrong question to ask. His face grew dark, his hand clenched into a fist inside mine. He looked away. I waited, but he wasn't going to answer.

"I guess I know," I finally said.

He lifted his eyes; his expression was wistful, pleading.

"Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

I almost slumped, feeling the dull ache pulse through my chest again, trying to understand what this meant for...us.

“I-is...is there, no hope, then?” I sounded more pathetic than I wanted to, the sadness in my voice unmistakable.

"No, no!" He was instantly contrite. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" He left the sentence hanging. His eyes burned into mine. "It's different for us. Emmett… these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as… practiced, as careful, as he is now."

He fell silent and watched me intently as I thought it through.

“This...this explains what happened...the day we met...your reaction.”

He glanced at me grimly, both of us remembering. "You must have thought I was possessed."

"I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

"To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

He looked up then at my staggered expression as I tried to absorb his bitter memories. His golden eyes scorched from under his lashes, hypnotic and deadly, and so resentful, but not to me.

“And I would have been as depraved as any Human man you could think of. If not more so. It’s...disgusting to me, thinking about that, remembering thinking of..anyone like that...of you like that.”

He had dropped his face in angry shame, then raised it to look at me.

"You would have come," he promised.

“..you didn’t.” I hoped he could see my point there. That I could see he was trying to protect me. That the choice, the disgust he held in regard to taking someone's autonomy like that...I could see it.

He frowned down at my hands, releasing me from the force of his stare. "And then, as I tried to rearrange my schedule in a pointless attempt to avoid you, you were there — in that close, warm little room, the scent was maddening. I so very nearly took you then. There was only one other frail human there — so easily dealt with."

Hearing this now through his eyes, I felt myself shiver involuntarily. The way he described it was...alarming. And I did have a new...respect for the danger...for the man in front of me. Even then, he’d...

"But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to wait for you, not to follow you from the school.

It was easier outside, when I couldn't smell you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision. I left the others near home — I was too ashamed to tell them how weak I was, they only knew something was very wrong — and then I went straight to Carlisle, at the hospital, to tell him I was leaving."

I stared in surprise.

"I traded cars with him — he had a full tank of gas and I didn't want to stop. I didn't dare to go home, to face Esme. She wouldn't have let me go without a scene. She would have tried to convince me that it wasn't necessary…

"By the next morning I was in Alaska." He sounded ashamed, as if admitting a great cowardice. "I spent two days there, with some old acquaintances… but I was homesick. I hated knowing I'd upset Esme, and the rest of them, my adopted family. In the pure air of the mountains it was hard to believe you were so irresistible. I convinced myself it was weak to run away. I'd dealt with temptation before, not of this magnitude, not even close, but I was strong. Who were you, an insignificant little girl" — he grinned suddenly — "to chase me from the place I wanted to be? So I came back…" He stared off into space.

I couldn't speak.

"I took precautions, hunting, feeding more than usual before seeing you again. I was sure that I was strong enough to treat you like any other human. I was arrogant about it.”

"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He frowned at the  
memory.

"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions… and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again…” he trailed off, but the look in his eyes was changing, something soft, and sad.

"Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted at that moment — because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had been  
spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are.”

But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'"

He closed his eyes, lost in his painful confession. 

I felt multiple things at once, fear, sadness, compassion...this jumble was a lot, but more than anything I wanted to offer comfort. It was irrational,he had been fighting so hard at first for his family, I was surprised to hear that it was at that point, in an effort to...protect me. I rarely looked at him as a young man, in his early twenties, he’d always seemed older than that. But the arrogance he mentioned, and the struggle between nature and nurture...he really was totally new to any of this. A worse man would have kept this to himself. Would not have admitted to these things to keep me mindlessly trusting. A lamb. But he wanted me to know, he didn’t want an advantage over me, over this. 

I finally was able to speak, though my voice was faint. "In the hospital?"

His eyes flashed up to mine. "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power — you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched as that word slipped out. 

"But it had the opposite effect," he continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time… the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." He grimaced when he said her name. I couldn't imagine why. "Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." He shook his head indulgently.

"All that next day I eavesdropped on the minds of everyone you spoke to, shocked that you kept your word. I didn't understand you at all. But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair… it hit me as hard as the very first day."

He met my eyes again, and they were surprisingly tender.

"And for all that," he continued, "I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here — with no witnesses and nothing to stop me — I were to hurt you."

I was confused at his phrasing. “In...what way?”

"Evangeline." He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. His hands moved to gently wrap around my own.

"Eva, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down, ashamed again. 

"The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." He lifted his agonized, defenseless eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

My head was spinning at the sudden declaration, my heart seeming to swell and ache in my chest. I looked back at him, making the eye contact firm, fighting the discomfort. I wanted him to hear this. 

“Would you understand what I meant if I said...even knowing all of this...I would still choose to eat from the pomegranate?” I felt like Persephone, attempting to convince Hades that she understood, that she would stay.

His posture seemed to fall limp in surprise, staring back into my eyes, searching them so hard for any sign of deception, of fear. I knew he would find none.

“...You are the oddest being I have ever known, little rabbit.” He murmured, reaching up so slowly to stroke his fingertips down my cheek. “But also...the most wonderful…”

I grinned at him, and we laughed quietly together, My own hand raised to cup the back of it, keeping his cool palm on my cheek. 

“And you are a very strange lion, falling in love with a rabbit.”

My eyes met his, searching the gold. His face seemed to glow, his hand staying now on my cheek on it’s own, stroking it achingly slow. I was relieved, what had happened before hadn’t been what I’d thought. I looked down, then back up at him.

“What...what can I do? To make any of this easier? B-before, when I...when you needed to run from me…”

He contemplated for a moment. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness… I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." He stopped short, looking to see if he'd upset me.

"Okay, then," I said flippantly, trying to alleviate the suddenly tense atmosphere. I tucked my chin again, trying to be goofy. "No throat exposure."

It worked; he laughed. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

He raised his free hand and placed it featherlight on the side of my neck. I sat very still, the chill of his touch sent a thrill through me, not of fear but something else, it only got worse when he carefully readjusted my tank top strap for me, stroking my bare shoulder.

"You see," he said. "Perfectly fine."

My blood was racing, and I wished I could slow it, sensing that this must make everything so much more difficult — the thudding of my pulse in my veins. Surely he could hear it.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," he murmured. He gently freed his other hand. My hands fell limply into my lap. Softly he brushed my cheek, then held my face between his marble hands.

"Be very still," he whispered, as if I wasn't already frozen.

Slowly, never moving his eyes from mine, he leaned toward me. Then abruptly, but very gently, he rested his cold cheek against the hollow at the base of my throat. I was quite unable to move, even if I'd wanted to. I listened to the sound of his even breathing, watching the sun and wind play in his bronze hair, more human than any other part of him.

With deliberate slowness, his hands slid down the sides of my neck. I shivered, and I heard him catch his breath. But his hands didn't pause as they softly moved to my shoulders, and then stopped.  
His face drifted to the side, his nose skimming across my collarbone. He came to rest with the side of his face pressed tenderly against my chest.

Listening to my heart.

"Ah," he sighed.

I don't know how long we sat without moving. It could have been hours. Eventually the throb of my pulse quieted, but he didn't move or speak again as he held me. I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end — so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldn't make myself be afraid. I couldn't think of anything, except that he was touching me.

And then, too soon, he released me.

His eyes were peaceful.

"It won't be so hard again," he said with satisfaction.

"Was that very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?"

I almost laughed, he had to see the flush in my face, smell the change in my body. 

“I...don’t know if it would be very polite of me to mention how I handled that, out loud.”

His eyes widened slightly at my confession, at my breathlessness, and I saw his own breathing increase. I could swear by his expression, if he could blush, he would be, but he reached over to me, placing his hand on the top of my head to ruffle my hair again. 

“P-perhaps.” He coughed to cover his stutter, and I felt a spark of shock. I hadn’t...expected him to react in a similar way. But we let the embarrassed, if not flattered silence fall for a moment, his hand soon falling from my hair.

"Here." He took my hand and placed it against his cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

And it was almost warm, his usually icy skin. But I barely noticed, for I was now touching his face, his lips upturned at the corners as my thumb rested on his high cheekbone.

"Don't move," I whispered.

No one could be still like Edward. He closed his eyes and became as immobile as stone, a carving under my hand.

I moved even more slowly than he had, careful not to make one unexpected move. I caressed his cheek, delicately stroked his eyelid, the purple shadow in the hollow under his eye. Just as he had done with me the day before, I traced the shape of his perfect nose, and then, so carefully, his flawless lips. His lips parted under my hand, and I could feel his cool breath on my fingertips. I wanted to lean in, to inhale the scent of him. So I dropped my hand and leaned away, not wanting to push him too far.

He opened his eyes, and they were hungry. Not for blood, but rather a hunger I knew well in this moment, a hunger to tighten the muscles in the pit of my stomach and send my pulse hammering through my veins again.

"I wish," he whispered, "I wish you could feel the… complexity… the confusion… I feel. That you could understand."

He raised his hand to my hair, then carefully brushed it across my face.

"Tell me," I breathed.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger — the thirst — that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though" — he half-smiled — "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely…”

"But…" His fingers touched my lips lightly, making me shiver again. I couldn’t help but let my own eyes flutter closed, that touch once again sending a shockwave to my core, my lips parting as he did. 

I could hear a note of...strain, to his voice as he spoke again. "There are other...hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand that better than you think." My eyes finally opened, and I carefully took his hand, before he could drive me mad.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" I paused. "No, never. Never before this." 

He moved to hold my hands between his. They felt so feeble in his iron strength.

"I don't know how to be close to you," he admitted. "I don't know if I can."

I leaned forward very slowly, cautioning him with my eyes. I placed my cheek against his stone chest.

I could hear his breath, and once again that slow, heavy pulse that sounded so foreign.

"This...is enough," I sighed, closing my eyes.

In a very human gesture, he put his arms around me and pressed his face against my hair. Holding me so gently. I carefully adjusted myself into a more comfortable position, my eyelashes brushing against his stone chest.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," I noted.

"I have human instincts — they may be buried deep, but they're there."

We sat like that for another immeasurable moment; I wondered if he could be as unwilling to move as I was. But I could see the light was fading, the shadows of the forest beginning to touch us, and I sighed.

"You have to go."

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

"It's getting clearer." I could hear a smile in his voice.

He took my shoulders and I looked into his face.

"Can I show you something?" he asked, sudden excitement flaring in his eyes.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how I travel in the forest." He saw my expression. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile that made my knees turn into jello and my own lips spread into a smile back.

"Will you turn into a bat?" I asked warily.

He laughed, louder than I'd ever heard. "Like I haven't heard that one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

I waited to see if he was kidding, but, apparently, he meant it. He smiled as he read my hesitation, and reached for me. My heart reacted; even though he couldn't hear my thoughts, my pulse always gave me away. He then proceeded to sling me onto his back, with very little effort on my part, besides, when in place, clamping my legs and arms so tightly around him that it would choke a normal person. It was like clinging to a stone.

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," I warned.

"Hah!" he snorted. I could almost hear his eyes rolling. I'd never seen him in such high spirits before.

He startled me, suddenly grabbing my hand, pressing my palm to his face, and inhaling deeply.

"Easier all the time," he muttered.

And then he was running.

I couldn’t hold back my loud whoop as we took off, tucking my head behind his and snapping my mouth closed. He streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, like a ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at deadly speeds, always missing us by inches.

I was thrilled, I had ridden on the back of my dad's motorcycle so many times, but this, this was something else, and I could feel it in him as well. 

Then it was over. We'd hiked hours this morning to reach Edward's meadow, and now, in a matter of minutes, we were back to the BMW.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" His voice was high, excited.

He stood motionless, waiting for me to climb down. I tried, but my muscles wouldn't respond. My arms and legs stayed locked around him while I tried to come down from that high, but the sudden stop made my stomach seem to turn inside out.

"Eva?" he asked, anxious now.

"I think I need to lie down," I gasped.

"Oh, sorry." He waited for me, but I still couldn't move.

"I think I need help," I admitted.

He laughed quietly, and gently loosened my stranglehold on his neck. There was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. Then he pulled me around to face him, cradling me in his arms like a small child.

He held me for a moment, then carefully placed me on the springy ferns.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

“Like I absolutely do not want to vomit on you.”

"Put your head between your knees."

I tried that, and it helped a little. I breathed in and out slowly, keeping my head very still. I felt him sitting beside me. The moments passed, and eventually I found that I could raise my head. There was a hollow ringing sound in my ears.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," he mused.

“It was insane, I’ve never moved that fast on anything besides a rollercoaster in my life, how on earth do you miss the trees?!” My voice was louder than it should have been, and I attempted to readjust my volume to the moment.

He laughed at me, beaming, his mood still radiant. I gently nudged his shoulder to push him playfully, but it was like trying to shove a boulder, then rolled my eyes and closed them, leaning my head against the tree behind me.

"Show-off," I muttered.

"Open your eyes, Eva," he said quietly.

And he was right there, his face so close to mine. It stunned me for a moment, my breath hitching in my throat.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" He paused.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope."

"Silly," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show-off," I muttered again.

He smiled.

"No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." And he took my face in his hands again.

It was like time stood still in that moment.

He hesitated — not in the normal way, the human way.

Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received. Perhaps he would hesitate to prolong the moment, that ideal moment of anticipation, sometimes better than the kiss itself.

Edward hesitated to test himself, to see if this was safe, to make sure he was still in control of his need.

And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.

What neither of us was prepared for was my response.

I had been so pent up, so under control all day, so scared to do anything like this. It was like a firecracker went off in my chest. The peace was there, but now, there was joy, elation, relief-

and I burst.

Blood boiled under my skin, burned in my lips. My arms snapped around his back, fingers catching the material of his shirt. My chest pressed to his, hard, his hips met mine as he held his position over me. My head tipped automatically as my lips parted to deepen this kiss. For a fraction of a second, his hand went to the back of my neck, fingers weaving into my hair.

But then I felt him turn to unresponsive stone beneath my lips. His hands gently, but with irresistible force, pushed my face back. I opened my eyes and saw his guarded expression.

"Oops," I breathed.

"That's...an understatement."

His eyes were wild, his jaw clenched in acute restraint, yet he didn't lapse from his perfect articulation.

He held my face just inches from his. The moment hanging like fog over my head, still trying to pull myself back together again.

"Should I… ?" I tried to disengage myself, to give him some room.

His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.

"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." His voice was polite, controlled.

I kept my eyes on his, watched as the excitement in them faded and gentled.

Then he smiled a surprisingly impish grin.

"There," he said, obviously pleased with himself.

"Tolerable?" I asked.

He laughed aloud. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You are only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," I said, my voice acerbic.

He was on his feet in one of his lithe, almost invisibly quick movements. He held out his hand to me, an unexpected gesture. I was so used to our standard of careful non-contact. I took his icy hand, needing the support more than I thought. My balance had not yet returned.

"Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" How lighthearted, how human he seemed as he laughed now, his seraphic face untroubled. He was a different Edward than the one I had known. And I felt all the more besotted by him. It was something else entirely to see him happy, see him open and...warm.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy," I managed to respond. "I think it's some of both, though."

“It’s a good thing I’m driving.” he laughed, squeezing my hand

"Hey! I’m a very good driver!" I protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," he teased. "You have much slower reflexes."

“Rude! I can prove it, you just don’t like my truck!”

I started to step around him, heading for the driver's side. He might have let me pass if I hadn't wobbled slightly. Then again, he might not have. His arm created an inescapable snare around my waist.

"Eva, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk," he quoted with a chuckle. I could smell the unbearably sweet fragrance coming off his chest.

"Drunk?" I objected.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." He was grinning that playful smirk again.

"I can't argue with that," I sighed. There was no way around it; I couldn't resist him in anything. 

"Very sensible," he approved.

"And are you not affected at all?" I asked, nearly pouting, maybe I had misjudged earlier. "By my presence?"

Again his mobile features transformed, his expression became soft, warm. He didn't answer at first; he simply bent his face to mine, and brushed his lips slowly along my jaw, from my ear to my chin, back and forth. I trembled, unable to stop a soft sigh.

"Regardless," he finally murmured, "I have better reflexes."


	15. Mind Over Matter

MIND OVER MATTER

He could drive well, when he kept the speed reasonable, I had to admit. Like so many things, it seemed to be effortless to him. He barely looked at the road, yet the tires never deviated so much as a centimeter from the center of the lane. He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat.

Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes he glanced at me — my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together.

He glanced at the cable hanging out of the cars dash console, and looked to me.

“What do you normally listen to in the car?” He was once again earnestly curious, his eyes wide on mine.

“Um, usually I hook up my phone with spotify, here…” I’d left it on Hozier’s discography, and Edward seemed to perk, then slowly smile. He leaned back in his seat then, singing quietly along to the song, he knew every word.

I knew it too, “Work Song” was one of my favorites, I sang along too, the joy in my chest making it hard not to. And I couldn’t help but enjoy singing these words to him.

“No grave could hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her.”

After a couple moments, I heard him trail off, then stop entirely. I did as soon as he did, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. He looked like he was glowing. He lifted our hands and pressed a kiss to my knuckles.

“You have a beautiful voice, you know..”

“Says the Virtuoso.” I mumbled, feeling my blush go to my ears, I was frantic to change the subject then.

“U-um, what’s your favorite decade for music?” He chuckled at the subject change, but let me escape.

"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" He shuddered.

"The eighties were bearable."

“Not a fan of Disco?” I giggled at him, squeezing his hand.

“Not at all, and the choices in mens fashion were...unfortunate.” He grimaced, and I imagined him in tight denim bell bottoms, starting to laugh at the mental image.

We trailed off into an amicable silence, and I bit my lip on my next question.

“So, you said, last night, you were over a century old...You know all about my past, but I know very little about yours…”

He sighed, and then looked into my eyes, seeming to forget the road completely for a time. Whatever he saw there must have encouraged him. He looked into the sun — the light of the setting orb glittered off his skin in a ruby-tinged gleam — and spoke.

"I was born in Chicago in 1896." He paused and glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. My face was carefully unsurprised, patient for the rest. He smiled a tiny smile and continued. "Carlisle found me in a hospital in the summer of 1918. I was twenty-two, and dying of the Spanish influenza."

He heard my intake of breath, though it was barely audible to my own ears. He looked down into my eyes again.

"I don't remember it well — it was a very long time ago, and human memories fade." He was lost in his thoughts for a short time before he went on. "I do remember how it felt, when Carlisle saved me. It's not an easy thing, not something you could forget."

"Your parents?"

"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."

"How did he… save you?"

A few seconds passed before he answered. He seemed to choose his words carefully.

"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." He paused. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."

I could tell from the set of his lips, he would say no more on this subject. I suppressed my curiosity, though it was far from idle. There were many things I needed to think through on this particular issue, things that were only beginning to occur to me. No doubt his quick mind had already comprehended every aspect that eluded me.

His soft voice interrupted my thoughts.

"He acted from loneliness. That's usually the reason behind the choice. I was the first in Carlisle's family, though he found Esme soon after. She fell from a cliff.

They brought her straight to the hospital morgue, though, somehow, her heart was still beating."

"So you must be dying, then, to become…" We never said the word, and I couldn't frame it now.

"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice." The respect in his voice was profound whenever he spoke of his father figure. "It is easier he says, though," he continued, "if the blood is weak." He looked at the now-dark road, and I could feel the subject closing again.

"And Emmett and Rosalie?"

"Carlisle brought Rosalie to our family next. I didn't realize till much later that he was hoping she would be to me what Esme was to him — he was careful with his thoughts around me." He rolled his eyes.

"But she was never more than a sister. It was only two years later that she found Emmett. She was hunting — we were in Appalachia at the time — and found a bear about to finish him off. She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." He threw a pointed glance in my direction, and raised our hands, still folded together, to brush my cheek with the back of his hand.

"But she made it," I encouraged, looking away from the unbearable beauty of his eyes.

"Yes," he murmured. "She saw something in his face that made her strong enough. And they've been together ever since. Sometimes they live separately from us, as a married couple. But the younger we  
pretend to be, the longer we can stay in any given place. Pullman seemed perfect, so we all enrolled in Washington State." He laughed. "I suppose we'll have to go to their wedding in a few years, again."

"Alice and Jasper?"

"Alice and Jasper are two very rare creatures. They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance. Jasper belonged to another… family, a very different kind of family. He became depressed, and he wandered on his own. Alice found him. Like me, she has certain gifts above and beyond the norm for our kind."

"Really?" I interrupted, fascinated. "But you said you were the only one who could hear people's thoughts."

"That's true. She knows other things. She sees things — things that might happen, things that are coming.

But it's very subjective. The future isn't set in stone. Things change."

His jaw set when he said that, and his eyes darted to my face and away so quickly that I wasn't sure if I only imagined it.

"What kinds of things does she see?"

She saw Jasper and knew that he was looking for her before he knew it himself. She saw Carlisle and our family, and they came together to find us. She's most sensitive to non-humans. She always sees, for example, when another group of our kind is coming near. And any threat they may pose."

"Are there a lot of… your kind?" I was surprised. How many of them could walk among us undetected?

"No, not many. But most won't settle in any one place. Only those like us, who've given up hunting you people" — a sly glance in my direction — "can live together with humans for any length of time. We've only found one other family like ours, in a small village in Alaska. We lived together for a time, but there were so many of us that we became too noticeable. Those of us who live… differently tend to band together."

"And the others?"

"Nomads, for the most part. We've all lived that way at times. It gets tedious, like anything else. But we run across the others now and then, because most of us prefer the North."

"Why is that?"

We were parked in front of my apartment building now, and he'd turned off the truck. It was very quiet and dark; there was no moon. The apartment lights were off so I knew my brother wasn't home yet.

"Did you have your eyes open this afternoon?" he teased. "Do you think I could walk down the street in the sunlight without causing traffic accidents? There's a reason why we chose the Olympic Peninsula, one of the most sunless places in the world. It's nice to be able to go outside in the day. You wouldn't believe how tired you can get of nighttime in eighty-odd years."

"So that's where the legends came from?"

"Probably."

"And Alice came from another family, like Jasper?"

"No, and that is a mystery. Alice doesn't remember her human life at all. And she doesn't know who created her. She awoke alone. Whoever made her walked away, and none of us understand why, or how, he could. If she hadn't had that other sense, if she hadn't seen Jasper and Carlisle and known that she would someday become one of us, she probably would have turned into a total savage."

There was so much to think through, so much I still wanted to ask. But, to my great embarrassment, my stomach growled. I'd been so intrigued, I hadn't even noticed I was hungry. I realized now that I was ravenous.

"I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from dinner."

"I'm fine, really."

"I've never spent much time around anyone who eats food. I forget."

"I want to stay with you." It was easier to say in the darkness, knowing as I spoke how my voice would betray me, my hopeless addiction to him.

"Can't I come in?" he asked.

"Would you like to?" I couldn't picture it, this godlike creature sitting in my shabby kitchen chair.

"Yes, if it's all right." I heard the door close quietly, and almost simultaneously he was outside my door, opening it for me.

"Very human," I complimented him.

"It's definitely resurfacing."

He walked beside me in the night, so quietly I had to peek at him constantly to be sure he was still there.

In the darkness he looked much more normal. Still pale, still dreamlike in his beauty, but no longer the fantastic sparkling creature of our sunlit afternoon.

He reached the door ahead of me and opened it for me. Using a key to unlock our apartment door. Then he passed me my key ring, letting me walk through.

“....Wait.” I turned on my heel, blinking at him. “How did you know which apartment I was in?” The number wasn’t on the key.

"I was curious about you."

"You...spied on me?" But somehow I couldn't infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered, but also concerned.

He was unrepentant. “Not exactly. Sometimes I would come by to check on you, I would listen through the roof.”

I let it go for the moment and went down the hall to the kitchen. He was there before me, needing no guide. He sat in the very chair I'd tried to picture him in. His beauty lit up the kitchen. It was a moment before I could look away.

I concentrated on getting my dinner, taking last night's lasagna from the fridge, placing a square on a plate, heating it in the microwave. It revolved, filling the kitchen with the smell of tomatoes and oregano. I didn't take my eyes from the plate of food as I spoke.

"How often?" I asked casually.

"Hmmm?" He sounded as if I had pulled him from some other train of thought.

I still didn't turn around. "How often did you come here?"

"A few times a week, never for more than a few minutes.."

I whirled, stunned. "Why?"

"You're interesting when you sleep." He spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk."

"No!" I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. I gripped the kitchen counter for support. I knew I talked in my sleep, of course; my mother teased me about it. I hadn't thought it was something I needed to worry about here, though.

His expression shifted instantly to chagrin. "Are you very angry with me?"

"That depends!" I felt and sounded like I'd had the breath knocked out of me.

He waited.

"On?" he urged.

"What you heard!" I tried to think of the last time I masturbated and felt myself go pale.

Instantly, silently, he was at my side, taking my hands carefully in his.

"Don't be upset!" he pleaded. He dropped his face to the level of my eyes, holding my gaze. I was embarrassed. I tried to look away, still thinking about what he could have heard while I wasn’t asleep.

"You miss your mother," he whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'"

He laughed softly, hoping, I could see, not to offend me further.

"Anything else?" I demanded.

He didn’t know what I was getting at. "You did say my name," he admitted.

I stared hard at him now. ”......In what way did you hear me say it? Did I say it...a lot?”

"How much do you mean by 'a lot,' exactly?"

"Oh god-” I was mortified, covering my face. “Answer the first question.”

He pulled me against his chest, softly, naturally.

"Don't be self-conscious," he whispered in my ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."

“S-so you only heard me say it in my sleep?” I asked quietly, biting my lip.

Then we both heard the sound of the keys in the front door, I stiffened in his arms.

"Should your brother know I'm here?" he asked.

"I'm not sure…" I tried to think it through quickly.

"Another time then…"

And I was alone.

"Edward!" I hissed.

I heard a ghostly chuckle, then nothing else.

My brother's key turned in the door.

"Eva?" he called. It had bothered me before; who else would it be? Suddenly he didn't seem so far off base.

"In here." I hoped he couldn't hear the hysterical edge to my voice. I grabbed my dinner from the microwave and sat at the table as he walked in. His footsteps sounded so noisy after my day with Edward.

"Can you get me some of that? I'm exhausted." He stepped on the heels of his boots to take them off, holding the back of Edward's chair for support.

I took my food with me, scarfing it down as I got his dinner. It burned my tongue. I filled two glasses with milk while his lasagna was heating, and gulped mine to put out the fire. As I set the glass down, I noticed the milk trembling and realized my hand was shaking. Kain sat in the chair, and the contrast between him and its former occupant was comical.

"Thanks," he said as I placed his food on the table.

"How was your day?" I asked. The words were rushed; I was dying to escape to my room.

"Good. Alex is a real sweetheart, Did you get everything done that you wanted to?"

"Not really — it was too nice out to stay indoors." I took another big bite.

"It was a nice day," he agreed. What an understatement, I thought to myself.

Finished with the last bite of lasagna, I lifted my glass and chugged the remains of my milk.

Kain surprised me by being observant. "In a hurry?"

"Yeah, I'm tired. I'm going to bed early."

"You look kinda keyed up," he noted. Why, oh why, did this have to be his night to pay attention?

"Do I?" was all I could manage in response. I quickly scrubbed my dishes clean in the sink, and placed them upside down on a dish towel to dry.

"It's Saturday," he mused.

I didn't respond.

"No plans tonight?" he asked suddenly.

"No, Bro, I just want to get some sleep."

"None of the guys in town your type?" He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.

"No, none of the boys have caught my eye yet." I was careful not to over-emphasize the word boys in my quest to be truthful with Kain.

"I thought maybe that Mike Newton… you said he was friendly."

"He's just a friend, Kain, Jess is into him."

"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway." He huffed, as though trying to give me an ego boost.

"Sure I am bro." I agreed as I headed down the hall.

"'Night, Boo," he called after me.

"See you in the morning."

I worked to make my tread sound slow and tired as I walked down the hall to my room. I shut the door loud enough for him to hear, and then sprinted on my tiptoes to the window. I threw it open and leaned out into the night. My eyes scanned the darkness, the impenetrable shadows of the trees.

"Edward?" I whispered, feeling completely idiotic.

The quiet, laughing response came from behind me. "Yes?"

I whirled, one hand flying to my throat in surprise.

He lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of ease.

"Oh!" I breathed, sinking unsteadily to the floor.

"I'm sorry." He pressed his lips together, trying to hide his amusement.

"Just give me a minute to restart my heart."

He sat up slowly, so as not to startle me again. Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, grabbing my waist and carefully lifting. He sat me on the bed beside him.

"Why don't you sit with me," he suggested, putting a cold hand on mine. "How's the heart?"

"You tell me — I'm sure you hear it better than I do."

I felt his quiet laughter shake the bed.

We sat there for a moment in silence, both listening to my heartbeat slow. I thought about having Edward in my room, with my brother in the house.

Then I thought about Edward in my bed.

"Can I have a minute to be human?" I asked.

"Certainly." He gestured with one hand that I should proceed.

"Stay," I said, trying to look severe.

"Yes, ma'am." And he made a show of becoming a statue on the edge of my bed.

I hopped up, grabbing my pajamas from off the floor, my bag of toiletries off the desk. I left the light off and slipped out, closing the door.

I could hear the sound from the TV from the living room. I banged the bathroom door loudly, so Kain wouldn't come to bother me.

I meant to hurry. I brushed my teeth fiercely, trying to be thorough and speedy, removing all traces of lasagna. But the hot water of the shower couldn't be rushed. It unknotted the muscles in my back, calmed my pulse. The familiar smell of my shampoo made me feel like I might be the same person I had been this morning. I focused very carefully on shaving my legs, I know I’d shaved this morning, but I didn’t want prickles.

Being next to him had me anxious, I also, after glancing at it, shaved my bikini line. Just in case. I tried not to think of Edward, sitting in my room, waiting, because then I had to start all over with the calming process. Finally, I couldn't delay anymore. I shut off the water, toweling hastily, rushing again. I pulled on my tank top and tattered sleep shorts. Too late to regret not packing the Victoria' Secret silk pajamas my mother got me two birthdays ago, which still had the tags on them in a drawer somewhere back in LA.

I rubbed the towel through my hair again, and then yanked my wide tooth comb through it with difficulty, my curls fighting valiantly. I threw the towel in the hamper, flung my comb and toothpaste into my bag. Then flew into my room, closing the door tightly behind me.

Edward hadn't moved a fraction of an inch, a carving of Adonis perched on my faded quilt. I smiled, and his lips twitched, the statue coming to life.

His eyes appraised me, taking in the damp hair, the tattered shorts. He raised one eyebrow. "Nice."

I grimaced.

"No, it looks good on you."

"Thanks," I whispered. I went back to his side, sitting cross-legged beside him. I looked at the lines in the wooden floor.

"What was all that for?"

"Kain probably thinks I’m getting into drugs or something, apparently, I look a little overexcited."

He lifted my chin, examining my face.

"You look very warm, actually."

He bent his face slowly to mine, laying his cool cheek against my skin. I held perfectly still.

"Mmmmmm…" he breathed.

It was very difficult, while he was touching me, to frame a coherent question. It took me a minute of scattered concentration to begin.

"It seems to be… much easier for you, now, to be close to me."

"Does it seem that way to you?" he murmured, his nose gliding to the corner of my jaw. I felt his hand, lighter than a moth's wing, brushing my damp hair back, so that his lips could touch the hollow beneath my ear.

"Much, much easier," I said, trying to exhale.

"Hmm."

"So I was wondering…" I began again, but his fingers were slowly tracing my collarbone, and I lost my train of thought.

"Yes?" he breathed.

"Why is that," my voice shook, embarrassing me, "do you think?"

I felt the tremor of his breath on my throat as he laughed.

"Mind over matter." The sensation sent a jolt through my entire body.

“You don’t...still want a taste?” He slowed in his exploration, leaning back and looking down at me. I met his eyes, moving to press my weight a little more fully into his shoulder, it was almost instinctual. Needing to be against him right now.

“Yeah..” He smirked a little, flirting with his voice, but a little confused. I reached up slowly, touching my fingertip to his lower lip. His skin was still something to get used to. Cold to the touch like he’d been standing outside too long, but so incredibly smooth. There was a stone-like solidity to the top of his skin, but, with a bit more pressure, it would give very slightly.

His lips parted under my careful touch, and his breath, like a cool breeze, very gently blew over my fingers. My heart hammered as I considered the urge that had brought on my question, I wanted to know what his tongue felt like.

Slowly, my pulse loud in my ears, I pressed my index finger a little more firmly into his mouth, careful of his teeth. His eyes were on me, I could feel them, but I was currently hyper-focused on his lips.

His mouth opened just a bit more, and I placed my index finger on the bed of his tongue.

It was like touching an ice cube. His mouth was still wet, but lacked the heat of breath or flowing blood. The texture was still the same, but, softer somehow.

His breath picked up as much as mine had, and he shifted, just slightly forward. I glanced up at him, meeting his eyes, moving to pull back slightly just in case I was going too far. But his eyes were dark, the gold obscured by the current dilation of his pupils.

I felt his lips close around my finger, stopping my retreat gently. His tongue curled around the pad of it just slightly, the pressure pulling me closer. His hand rose to rest at my elbow, slowly stroking up to my wrist, then gently cupping the heel and side of my hand, grasping it.

His teeth, that he’d kept so carefully away, put no pressure on my knuckle, but I felt them immediately. They were like dull knives, cutting if you pulled against the edge, but a slight pressure wouldn’t break the skin.

He grinned around my finger, and featherlight pressure made a slight jolt of pain shoot up my arm. His mouth had opened before I’d jolted away, gasping at it.

“Ow…” I pouted at him, but he was still grinning, eyes still wildly excited. I placed the sore digit into my own mouth, on instinct, but the taste of him was still on my finger, and sent a pulse through me.

“You are far too fragile to be playing so close to my teeth, little rabbit…” His voice was husky, and his breath fanned my face. I wanted to taste him directly, press my lips to his and suck on his tongue. I wanted to throw my leg over his hip and press us closer. The electricity that thrummed between us had reached a fever pitch, he wasn’t pulling away, maybe…-

I pulled back; as I moved, he froze — and I could no longer hear the sound of his breathing. I knew I must look a little frazzled, moving then to place a pillow in my lap, scared he could smell it. My entire body felt hot.

We stared cautiously at each other for a moment, and then, as his clenched jaw gradually relaxed, his expression became puzzled.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No — the opposite. You're driving me up a wall," I explained breathlessly.

He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased. "Really?" A triumphant smile slowly lit his face.

"Would you like a round of applause?" I asked sarcastically, still a little lightheaded.

He grinned.

"I'm just pleasantly surprised," he clarified. "In the last hundred years or so," his voice was teasing, "I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with… in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…"

"You're good at everything," I pointed out.

He shrugged, allowing that, and we both laughed in whispers.

"But how can it be so easy now?" I pressed. "This afternoon…"

"It's not easy," he sighed. "But this afternoon, I was still… undecided. I am sorry about that, it was unforgivable for me to behave so."

"Not unforgivable," I disagreed.

"Thank you." He smiled. "You see," he continued, looking down now, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough…" He picked up one of my hands and pressed it lightly to his face. "And while there was still that possibility that I might be… overcome" — he breathed in the scent at my wrist —

"I was… susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would… that I ever could…"

I'd never seen him struggle so hard for words. It was so… human.

"So there's no possibility now?"

"Mind over matter," he repeated, smiling, his teeth bright even in the darkness.

"Wow, that was easy," I said.

He threw back his head and laughed, quietly as a whisper, but still exuberantly.

"Easy for you!" he amended, gently booping my nose with his fingertip.

And then his face was abruptly serious.

"I'm trying," he whispered, his voice pained. "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."

I scowled. I didn't like the talk of leaving.

"And it will be harder tomorrow," he continued. "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though, I think."

"Don't go away, then," I responded, unable to hide the longing in my voice.

"That suits me," he replied, his face relaxing into a gentle smile. "Bring on the shackles — I'm your prisoner." But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke. I had to tease back, pulling his arms closer.

“Oh, is that what you’re into?” He laughed his quiet, musical laugh. He'd laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd spent with him.

"You seem more… optimistic than usual," I observed. "I haven't seen you like this before."

"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" He smiled. "The glory of falling in love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"

"Very different," I agreed. "More..intense than I'd imagined."

"For example" — his words flowed swiftly now, I had to concentrate to catch it all — "the emotion of jealousy. I've read about it a hundred thousand times, seen actors portray it in a thousand different plays and movies. I believed I understood that one pretty clearly. But it shocked me…" He grimaced.

"Do you remember the day that Mike asked you to the party?"

I nodded, though I remembered that day for a different reason.

"The day you started talking to me again."

"I was surprised by the flare of resentment, almost fury, that I felt — I didn't recognize what it was at first. I was even more aggravated than usual that I couldn't know what you were thinking, why you refused him. Was it simply for your friend's sake? Was there someone else? I knew I had no right to care either way. I tried not to care.”

"And then the line started forming," he chuckled. I scowled in the darkness.

"I waited, unreasonably anxious to hear what you would say to them, to watch your expressions. I couldn't deny the relief I felt, watching the annoyance on your face. But I couldn't be sure.”

"That was the first night I came here. I wrestled all night, pacing the roof while you slept, with the chasm between what I knew was right, moral, ethical, and what I wanted. I knew that if I continued to ignore you as I should, or if I left for a few years, till you were gone, that someday you would say yes to Mike, or someone like him. It made me angry.

"And then," he whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more, and sighed.”

“The feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." He was silent for a moment, probably listening to the suddenly uneven pounding of my heart.

"But jealousy… it's a strange thing. So much more powerful than I would have thought. And irrational!”

“Just now, when Kain asked you about that vile Mike Newton…" He shook his head angrily.

"I should have known you'd be listening," I groaned. "That made you feel jealous, though, really?"

"I'm new at this; you're resurrecting the human in me, and everything feels stronger because it's fresh."

"But honestly," I teased, "for that to bother you, after I have to hear that Rosalie — Rosalie, the incarnation of pure beauty, Rosalie — was meant for you. Emmett or no Emmett, how can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition." His teeth gleamed. He drew my trapped hands around his back, holding me to his chest. I kept as still as I could, even breathing with caution.

"I know there's no competition," I mumbled into his cold skin. "That's the problem."

"Of course Rosalie is beautiful in her way, but even if she wasn't like a sister to me, even if Emmett didn't belong with her, she could never have one tenth, no, one hundredth of the attraction you hold for me."

He was serious now, thoughtful. "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything,  
because you weren't alive yet."

"....It hardly seems fair," I whispered, my face still resting on his chest, listening to his breath come and go, his slow pulse. "I haven't had to wait at all. Why should I get off so easily?"

"You're right," he agreed with amusement. "I should make this harder for you, definitely." He freed one of his hands, released my wrist, only to gather it carefully into his other hand. He stroked my wet hair softly, from the top of my head to my waist. "You only have to risk your life every second you spend with me, that's surely not much. You only have to turn your back on nature, on humanity… what's that worth?"

"With what I’ve been feeling...the strength of it, so far, I don’t feel deprived..."

"Not yet." And his voice was abruptly full of ancient grief.

I tried to pull back, to look in his face, but his hand locked my wrists in an unbreakable hold.

He slowly laid us both down, pulling the quilt over my head. Then Edward's cool arm was around me, under the covers, his lips at my ear.

"I’m..sorry. I keep making the topic too heavy, hm."

My heart was crashing in my chest, feeling his body pressed flush  
against my back, his legs tangling a little with mine.

“Th-that’s alright, it’s all still new right?” I was once again attempting to fight the electric pulses from my chest to the rest of my body, the heat of my skin rising.

He hummed a melody I didn't recognize; it sounded like a lullaby.

He paused. "Should I sing you to sleep?"

"Right," I laughed. "Like I could sleep with you here!"

"You do it all the time," he reminded me.

"But I didn't know you were here," I replied icily, then paused, nearly in pain as I pulled myself from his arms and turned to face him.

“S-speaking of which, you can’t come here unannounced anymore.” I scolded, pouting out my lips. He sat up beside me, his muscles seeming to freeze, I recognized anxiety, his tawny eyes tight.

“...You are very upset.”

“Not very, just,....look. I’m a modern woman, and sometimes I need some...privacy.” God I had to be fucking neon, feeling my ears burn.

“I’m letting this one slide because, well, you’re not human, and it was out of concern for my safety. But maybe I’d like to prepare for you to see me.” I huffed, not wanting to be too obvious about the biggest reason I didn’t want him to see me when I didn’t know.

His eyes widened, and then he looked pained, seeming to be thinking, frowning silently.

“That is absolutely reasonable...I...apologize for my trespassing. A lady deserves nothing less.” He looked...sheepish, grimacing as though he was starting to realize how extra he was being.

“Ok, that’s all.” I nodded curtly, and then attempted to bury myself into his chest to hide my face, climbing into his lap, grateful at least for the lack of arousal now, hoping I smelled normal.

He seemed surprised, but then sighed, wrapping his arms tightly around me.

"...So if you don't want to sleep…" he suggested. My breath caught.

"If I don't want to sleep… ?"

He chuckled. "What do you want to do then?"

My head nearly imploded, could he really be that above board? Did he really not hear what he just said in context? I didn’t want to press, but the reminder of how pent up I was snapped me right back to before.

"...I'm not sure, what I’d like." I finally said.

"...Hm...Tell me when you decide."

I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling. He seemed to have relaxed fully now.

"...I thought you were desensitized."

"Just because I'm resisting the wine doesn't mean I can't appreciate the bouquet," he whispered. "You have a very floral smell, like Jasmine, or...Gardenia," he noted. "....It's mouthwatering."

"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."

He chuckled, and then sighed.

"I've decided what I want to do," I told him. "I want to hear more about you." Anything to distract from how his breath on my neck gave me goosebumps.

"Ask me anything."

I sifted through my questions for the most vital. "Why do you do it?" I said. "I still don't understand how you can work so hard to resist what you… are. Please don't misunderstand, of course I'm glad that you do. I just don't see why you would bother in the first place."

He hesitated before answering. "That's a good question, and you are not the first one to ask it. The others — the majority of our kind who are quite content with our lot — they, too, wonder at how we live. But you see, just because we've been… dealt a certain hand… it doesn't mean that we can't choose to rise above — to conquer the boundaries of a destiny that none of us wanted. To try to retain whatever essential humanity we can."

I lay unmoving, locked in awed silence.

"Did you fall asleep?" he whispered after a few minutes.

"No."

"Is that all you were curious about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not quite."

"What else do you want to know?"

"Why can you read minds — why only you? And Alice, seeing the future… why does that happen?"

I felt him shrug in the darkness. "We don't really know. Carlisle has a theory… he believes that we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified — like our minds, and our senses. He thinks that I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was."

"What did he bring into the next life, and the others?"

"Carlisle brought his compassion. Esme brought her ability to love passionately. Emmett brought his strength, Rosalie her… tenacity. Or you could call it pigheadedness." he chuckled. "Jasper is very interesting. He was quite charismatic in his first life, able to influence those around him to see things his way. Now he is able to manipulate the emotions of those around him — calm down a room of angry people, for example, or excite a lethargic crowd, conversely. It's a very subtle gift."

I considered the impossibilities he described, trying to take it in. He waited patiently while I thought.

"So where did it all start? I mean, Carlisle changed you, and then someone must have changed him, and so on…"

"Well, where did you come from? Evolution? Creation? Couldn't we have evolved in the same way as other species, predator and prey? Or, if you don't believe that all this world could have just happened on its own, which is hard for me to accept myself, is it so hard to believe that the same force that created the delicate angelfish with the shark, the baby seal and the killer whale, could create both our kinds together?"

"Let me get this straight — I'm the baby seal, right?"

"Right." He laughed, and something touched my hair — his lips?

I wanted to turn toward him, to see if it was really his lips against my hair. But I had to be good; I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was. The fact that I was unbearably horny was not as important as that.

"Are you ready to sleep?" he asked, interrupting the short silence. "Or do you have any more questions?"

"Only a million or two."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next…" he reminded me. I smiled, euphoric at the thought.

"Are you sure you won't vanish in the morning?" I wanted this to be certain. "You are mythical, after all."

"I won't leave you." His voice had the seal of a promise in it.

“Maybe..one more?”

I bit my lip then, his closeness still stirred me, and I wanted to know, surely he had thought about it at least once,...right? I grimaced. I wasn’t convincing myself.

"What is it?"

"No, forget it. I changed my mind."

"Eva, you can ask me anything."

I didn't answer, and he groaned.

"I keep thinking it will get less frustrating, not hearing your thoughts. But it just gets worse and worse."

"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleep-talking."

"Please?" His voice was so persuasive, so impossible to resist. So soft against the back of my ear.

I shivered as I shook my head.

"If you don't tell me, I'll just assume it's something much worse than it is," he threatened darkly.

"Please?"

Again, that pleading voice.

"Well," I began, glad that he couldn't see my face.

"Yes?"

"You said that Rosalie and Emmett will get married soon… Is that… marriage… the same as it is for humans?"

He laughed in earnest now, understanding. "Is that what you're getting at?"

“I-it’s difficult to not..be curious..”

"Yes, I suppose it is much the same," he said. "I told you, most of those human desires are there, just hidden behind more powerful desires."

"Oh," was all I could say.

"Was there a purpose behind your curiosity?"

“Well…” I moved to roll over and bring my eyes to his, if we were going to be in a relationship, and he was going to drive me insane every time we were this close, we needed to talk about this. I could be an adult about this.

“...could it be that way for us? Could we...be intimate?”

He was instantly serious, I could tell by the sudden stillness of his body. I froze, too, reacting automatically.

"I don't think that… that… would be possible for us."

"Because it would be too hard for you, if I were that… close?"

"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Eva, simply by accident."

His voice had become just a soft murmur. He moved his icy palm to rest it against my cheek. "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."

“...That would certainly be a problem..” I sighed then, I couldn’t say I wasn’t disappointed. I ran my palms up his chest,very lightly, eyes cast down. It was kind of a pipe dream anyway.

“I...I was concerned you could...smell me…” I wanted to test my hypothesis, biting my lip and finally meeting his eyes, my voice incredibly quiet.

“Smell you?” He seemed confused, and I swallowed, trying to get my courage back.

“When I’m...with you like this...when you’re touching me...does my scent change?”

He had to think about it for a moment, his brow still furrowed before it seemed to click, his eyes going a little wide.

“Oh.”

“Oh god you can can’t you-” I groaned, covering my face. He seemed to chuckle.

“I mean, I hadn’t realized that scent meant you were...aroused, until now..” his voice had a huskiness to it now that made me shudder again, peeking at him.

He seemed to deliberate for a moment. "I'm curious now, though," he said, his voice light again.

"Have you ever… ?" He trailed off suggestively.

I had been hoping he wouldn’t ask that, but I tried to swallow the shame, sitting up slightly. My reaction must have given me away without speaking, but I did anyway, holding my knees.

“I-I...I have.” I couldn’t meet his eyes. “I don’t regret it, I thought I loved him. He felt the same. Of all the ways I could have lost it, it certainly wasn’t the worst way.” I sighed, risking a glance to his face.

It was unreadable, he was still again, and I felt shame well up in my stomach again.

His voice was impossibly gentle when he spoke.

“You...thought, you loved him?”

I nodded, shoulders falling a little. I could meet his eyes to say this.

“I thought I knew...what that felt like, until you.” I murmured. “You’ve kind of...changed the definition of the word ‘love’ for me. It felt nothing close to this.”

He reached for me again, pulling me back into his arms under the covers. “Don’t be ashamed,...You didn’t do anything wrong. I certainly don’t think anything less of you. It is 2020 after all…” He whispered it to me, holding me as though to comfort. “If it’s a decision you made, and chose, then all is well.”

I finally let out a shaky exhale, feeling my eyes burn at the relief.

“A-And you...?”

“..No. I haven’t...I honestly don’t remember being even, interested in sex before...this.” He spoke against my hair, his tone light. I kind of perked, a little surprised.

"Your human instincts…" I began. He waited. "Well, do you find me attractive, in that way?"

He laughed and lightly squeezed me to him.

"I may not be a human, but I am a man," he assured me, I felt goosebumps prickle my skin.

I yawned involuntarily.

"I've answered your questions, now you should sleep," he insisted.

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" I said too loudly.

He laughed, and then began to hum that same, unfamiliar lullaby; the voice of an archangel, soft in my ear.

More tired than I realized, exhausted from the long day of mental and emotional stress like I'd never felt before, I drifted to sleep in his cold arms.


	16. The Cullens

THE CULLENS

The muted light of yet another cloudy day eventually woke me. I lay with my arm across my eyes, groggy and dazed. Something, a dream trying to be remembered, struggled to break into my consciousness. I moaned and rolled on my side, hoping more sleep would come. And then the previous day flooded back into my awareness.

"Oh!" I sat up so fast it made my head spin.

"Your hair looks like a haystack, but I like it." His unruffled voice came from my reading chair beside my desk, him leaning back in it comfortably.

"You stayed!" I beamed, and thoughtlessly I clambered out of bed to straddle his lap, hands on either side of his jaw, about to kiss him. In the instant that my thoughts caught up with my actions, I froze, shocked by my own uncontrolled enthusiasm.

I stared up at him, afraid that I had crossed the wrong line.

But he laughed.

"Of course," he answered, startled, but seeming pleased by my reaction. His hands fell on my hips at first, and I felt his fingers seem to tense there, but I felt them quickly loosen, slipping up to rub my back.

I laid my hands softly against his chest, letting them slip from the sides of his jaw, still embarrassed, settling a little more of my weight into his lap.

"I was sure it was a dream."

"You're not that creative," he scoffed.

"Kain!" I remembered, thoughtlessly jumping up again and heading to the door.

"He left an hour ago.”

I deliberated where I stood, wanting to return to him badly, but  
afraid I might have morning breath. 

"You're not usually this confused in the morning," he noted. He held his arms open for me to return. A nearly irresistible invitation.

"I need another human minute," I admitted.

"I'll wait."

I skipped to the bathroom, my emotions unrecognizable. I didn't know myself, inside or out. The face in the mirror was practically a stranger — eyes too bright, hectic spots of red across my cheekbones- and then I nearly fell over.

My tank top seemed to have shifted in the night, and one of my boobs was in a rather precarious position against the edge of my top. For a moment I considered how this would have gone in something like a porno, and then I considered the fact that I doubted I could be any more un-sexy than I looked in that moment, and I was immediately disappointed. I came back to the room and peeked in at him, mildly horrified, eyes narrowed at him.

“......Did you see my boob?”

He had mastered the art of settling his face into nonchalance, but I could see the mirth in the slight wrinkle in the corners of his eyes, and how he struggled holding the edges of his mouth straight. 

“If I had, and said nothing, That would be terribly impolite of me, Miss Irving.”

I groaned miserably, disappearing back into the bathroom. 

“You absolutely almost saw my boob.” I trusted him in all honesty to tell me if I’d actually flashed him, and judging by his tinkling laugh in the other room, I was right to do so. 

After I brushed my teeth, I worked to straighten out the tangled chaos that was my hair. Straightened my tank top and sleep shorts, and did a quick sniff test on my underarms. I washed my face, moisturized, and tried to breathe normally, with no noticeable success. When that didn’t work, I swiped on some mascara and I half-ran back to my room.

It seemed like a miracle that he was there, his arms still waiting for me. He reached out to me, and my heart thumped unsteadily. I padded quickly over to where he sat.

"Welcome back," he murmured, taking me into his arms.

He held me and stroked my hair for a while in silence, and I tipped my head to gaze up at him until I noticed that his clothes were changed, his hair smooth.

"You left?" I accused, touching the collar of his fresh shirt.

"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in — what would the neighbors think?"

I pouted.

"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything." His eyes gleamed. "The talking came earlier."

I groaned. "What did you hear?"

His gold eyes grew very soft. "You said you loved me."

"You knew that already," I reminded him, leaning up slowly to press a kiss to his icy jaw.

I felt him tense for a moment, then exhale softly, his hand running gently over the small of my back, fingertips barely caressing over the bare skin from where my top rode up. 

"It was nice to hear, just the same."

I tucked my face to his shoulder then, pressing my forehead against the side of his cool neck. Biting my lip, my fingertips dipped into the collar of his shirt, tracing gentle patterns on his collarbone.

"I love you," I whispered. I was still wondering at how, new, the words felt on my lips.

"You are my life now," he answered simply.

There was nothing more to say for the moment. He rocked us back and forth as the room grew lighter.

"Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually — to prove, I'm sure, that he remembered all my human frailties.

So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes. Shock crossed his face.

"Kidding!" I snickered. "Where’s my Oscar?”

He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny."

"It was very funny, and you know it." I grinned, climbing out of his lap carefully, letting him up, But I examined his gold eyes carefully, to make sure that I was forgiven. Apparently, I was.

"Shall I rephrase?" he asked. "Breakfast time for the human."

"Ohhh, okay." I couldn’t help my grin, happy to get him for a change, but it didn’t last more than a moment.

He threw me over his stone shoulder, gently, but with a swiftness that left me breathless with a quick squeak. I protested as he carried me easily down the hallway, but he ignored me. He sat me right side up on the island. My face must have been funny when he did, because he laughed at it, pressing his fingertip to the tip of my nose just once, I stuck my tongue out at him. 

The kitchen was bright, the windows actually seeming to light it up rather nicely today. I let him step back.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked pleasantly.

That threw him for a minute.

"Er, I'm not sure. What would you like?" His marble brow puckered.

I grinned, hopping down from the island then.

"That's all right, I fend for myself pretty well. Watch me hunt."

I found a bowl and a mug, and a box of cereal. I could feel his eyes on me as I poured the milk into the bowl and popped a keurig pod in, tapping the buttons and pushing down the mechanism to start my cup brewing. I put in my favorite mug, happy it was clean. He seemed amused by my choice as I came back over. I sat my food on the island, my spoon already full as I’d nearly brought it to my mouth, and then paused.

"...Can I get you anything?" I asked, not wanting to be rude.

He rolled his eyes. "Just eat, Eva."

I stood at the island, watching him as I took a bite. He was gazing at me, studying my every movement. It made me self-conscious. I cleared my mouth to speak, to distract him.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I asked.

"Hmmm…" I watched him frame his answer carefully. "What would you say to meeting my family?"

I gulped.

"Are you afraid now?" He sounded hopeful.

"Yes," I admitted; how could I deny it — he could see my eyes.

"Don't worry." He smirked. "I'll protect you."

"I'm not afraid of them," I explained. "I'm afraid they won't… like me. Won't they be, well, surprised that you would bring someone… like me… home to meet them? Do they know that I know about them?"

"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know" — he smiled, but his voice was harsh — "on whether I'd bring you back, though why anyone would bet against Alice, I can't imagine. At any rate, we don't have secrets in the family. It's not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that."

"And Jasper making you feel all warm and fuzzy about spilling your guts, don't forget that."

"You paid attention," he smiled approvingly.

"I've been known to do that every now and then." I grimaced. "So did Alice see me coming?"

His reaction was strange. "Something like that," he said uncomfortably, turning away so I couldn't see his eyes. I stared at him curiously.

"Is that any good?" he asked, turning back to me abruptly and eyeing my breakfast with a teasing look on his face. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."

"Well, it's no wild animal…" I murmured, ignoring him when he glowered. I went to go grab and put some creamer into my coffee, inhaling happily and gently blowing on the steam, letting the mug warm my hands. I was still wondering why he responded that way when I mentioned Alice. I hurried through my cereal, speculating.

He stood in the middle of the kitchen, the statue of Adonis again, staring out the window, but noticed me checking him out. Then his eyes were back on me, and he smiled his heartbreaking smile.

"And you should introduce me to your brother, too, I think."

"He already knows you," I reminded him.

"As your boyfriend, I mean."

I stared at him with suspicion. "Why?"

"Isn't that customary?" he asked innocently.

"I don't know," I admitted. My dating history gave me few reference points to work with. Not that any normal rules of dating applied here. "That's not necessary, you know. I don't expect you to… I mean, you don't have to pretend for me."

His smile was patient. "I'm not pretending."

I watched the steam rise out of my mug, biting my lip.

"Are you going to tell Kain I'm your boyfriend or not?" he demanded.

“Well of course, I just...it doesn’t feel like the right word…god it’s really early to say something like that huh…” I fretted, feeling myself flush. I stepped a little shyly up to him, looking to reassure him, he grabbed my waist again, leaning against the counter to hold me loosely.

"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details." He reached to lift my chin with a cold, gentle finger. "But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want your big brother getting a restraining order put on me."

"Will you be?" I asked, suddenly anxious. "Will you really be here?" I set my coffee down beside him on the counter, so I could be a little closer, just resting my warmed hands on his chest.

"As long as you want me," he assured me.

"I'll always want you," I warned him. "Forever."

He went silent then, then achingly slowly he reached out to touch his fingertips to my cheek. His expression was unfathomable.

"Does that make you sad?" I asked.

He didn't answer. He stared into my eyes for an immeasurable period of time.

"Are you finished?" he finally asked.

“U-um, yeah I am.”

"Get dressed — I'll wait here."

It was hard to decide what to wear. I doubted there were any etiquette books detailing how to dress when your vampire sweetheart takes you home to meet his vampire family. It was a relief to think the word to myself. I knew I shied away from it intentionally.

But my closet seemed endless and entirely unhelpful. I groaned and shut my eyes, taking a deep breath and deciding business casual should work, grimacing. I chose a forest green chiffon dress that had a collar to my neck, and an ivory open front knit cardigan that fell to the hem of the A line skirt to dress it down a little. It was cold, but not too cold for a skirt. I layered on a simple brown infinity scarf and some pearl stud earrings. I glanced down to him as I ducked to the bathroom, seeing him still patient, flashing me a grin. I did my easy eye makeup routine and brushed my hair into an at least...purposefully messy bun, tugging some strands that I felt held a pretty natural curl out of it. I did one big once over, hoping I didn’t look over or underdressed, and decided to grab my white keds and brown leather cross-body bag. I felt as ready as I’d ever be, tucking my phone and wallet into my bag.

"Okay." I skipped down the hall. "I'm decent."

He was waiting at the end of it, leaning against the entrance to the living room, closer than I'd thought, and I bounded right into him. He steadied me, holding me a careful distance away for a few seconds before suddenly pulling me closer.

"Wrong again," he murmured in my ear. "You are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."

"Tempting how?" I asked. "I can change…"

He sighed, shaking his head. "You are so absurd." He pressed his cool lips delicately to my forehead, and I sighed, unable to help my slight grin at his teasing.

"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?” His voice had a husky edge to it that set my skin on fire. I fought desperately to hold myself in check as he came closer, eyes locked with mine. broad, chilled hands slid over the curve of my waist, feeling it as he pulled me closer, the wall at my back. He was testing again, slow, double checking his control while I fought similarly to control my own, my heart pounding so hard I could feel it thrumming into his own chest. His lips were parted, and his pupils were the widest I’d ever seen them. I could feel his cool breath, coming as fast as mine now as the tip of his nose stroked against the edge of the bridge of mine, drifting closer still, my eyes fluttering shut as I held my breath, determined not to ruin this one with an overeager return of desire. His hand slid to the curve of my spine as he finally closed the distance between us, just a touch at first, his lips icy and smooth. But then he bowed me closer. He slanted his lips to mould them with mine, his sweet breath filled my mouth and nose as his palm slid up my back, feeling the curve of it and pulling me even tighter against his chest in the process. I couldn’t help the shaky, soft sound that escaped me as he kissed me harder, as my lips parted naturally against his. And his response was enthusiastic, moving his lips against mine, inhaling my gasp, still so very careful. 

And then I collapsed.

"Eva?" His voice was alarmed as he caught me and held me up.

"You… made… me… faint," I accused him dizzily.

"What am I going to do with you?" he groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"

I laughed weakly, letting his arms support me while my head spun.

"So much for being good at everything," he sighed.

"That's the problem." I pouted breathlessly. "You're too good. Far, far too good."  
“Do you feel sick?” 

“No, that wasn’t the same kind of fainting at all. I don’t know what happened.… I think I forgot to breathe.” I muttered, certainly not feeling like a potential PH.D. Candidate at that moment.  
"I can't take you anywhere like this." He grumbled at me, still supporting me. I stood up fully, taking a deep breath and shaking off the fainting spell. I really should be taking an iron supplement.

"I'm fine," I insisted. "Your family is going to think I'm insane anyway, what's the difference?"

He measured my expression for a moment. "I'm very partial to that color with your skin," he offered unexpectedly, fingering the hem of my dress. I flushed with pleasure, and looked away.

“The longer we wait the more anxious I’m going to be to meet them.” I bit my lip, looking up at him sheepishly.

“And this anxiety is not the fear of entering a den of vampires, but, that those vampires may not like you.”

“Exactly.”

He shook his head. "You're incredible."

I realized, as he drove my truck out of the main part of town, that I had no idea where he lived. We passed over the bridge at the Calawah River, the road winding northward, the houses flashing past us growing farther apart, getting bigger. And then we were past the other houses altogether, driving through misty forest. I was trying to decide whether to ask or be patient, when he turned abruptly onto an unpaved road. It was unmarked, barely visible among the ferns. The forest encroached on both sides, leaving the road ahead only discernible for a few meters as it twisted, serpentlike, around the ancient trees.

And then, after a few miles, there was some thinning of the woods, and we were suddenly in a small meadow, or was it actually a lawn? The gloom of the forest didn't relent, though, for there were six primordial cedars that shaded an entire acre with their vast sweep of branches. The trees held their protecting shadow right up to the walls of the house that rose among them, making obsolete the deep  
porch that wrapped around the first story.

I don't know what I had expected, but it definitely wasn't this. The house was timeless, graceful, and probably a hundred years old. It was painted a soft, faded white, three stories tall, rectangular and well proportioned. The windows and doors were either part of the original structure or a perfect restoration.

My truck was the only car in sight. I could hear the river close by, hidden in the obscurity of the forest.

"Wow."

"You like it?" He smiled.

"It’s beautiful, and uh, massive."

He tugged one of the curls on the side of my face and chuckled.

"Ready?" he asked, opening my door.

"Not even a little bit — let's go." I tried to laugh, but it seemed to get stuck in my throat. I smoothed my hair nervously.

"You look lovely." He took my hand easily, without thinking about it.

We walked through the deep shade up to the porch. I knew he could feel my tension; his thumb rubbed soothing circles into the back of my hand.

He opened the door for me.

The inside was even more surprising, less predictable, than the exterior. It was very bright, very open, and very large. This must have originally been several rooms, but the walls had been removed from most of the first floor to create one wide space. The back, south-facing wall had been entirely replaced with glass, and, beyond the shade of the cedars, the lawn stretched bare to the wide river. A massive curving staircase dominated the west side of the room. The walls, the high-beamed ceiling, the wooden floors, and the thick carpets were all varying shades of white.

Waiting to greet us, standing just to the left of the door, on a raised portion of the floor by a spectacular grand piano, were Edward's parents.

I'd seen Dr. Cullen before, of course, yet I couldn't help but be struck again by his youth, his outrageous perfection. At his side was Esme, I assumed, the only one of the family I'd never seen before. She had the same beautiful features as the rest of them. Something about her heart-shaped face, her billows of soft, caramel-colored hair, reminded me of the ingénues of the silent-movie era. She was small, slender, yet less angular, more rounded than the others. They were both dressed casually, in light colors that matched the inside of the house. They smiled in welcome, but made no move to approach us. Trying not to frighten me, I guessed.

"Carlisle, Esme," Edward's voice broke the short silence, "this is Eva."

"You're very welcome, Eva." Carlisle's step was measured, careful as he approached me. He raised his hand tentatively, and I stepped forward to shake hands with him.

"It's nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen, and finally under different circumstances!" I gave him an embarrassed laugh, and he smiled.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

"Carlisle." I gave him a bright smile, my sudden confidence surprising me. I could feel Edward's relief at my side.

Esme smiled and stepped forward as well, reaching for my hand. Her cold, stone grasp was just as I expected.

"It's very nice to know you," she said sincerely.

"Thank you. I'm really glad to meet you, too." And I was. It was like meeting a fairy tale — Snow White, in the flesh.

"Where are Alice and Jasper?" Edward asked, but no one answered, as they had just appeared at the top of the wide staircase.

"Hey, Edward!" Alice called enthusiastically. She ran down the stairs, a streak of black hair and white skin, coming to a sudden and graceful stop in front of me. Carlisle and Esme shot warning glances at her, but I liked it, I couldn’t help but smile a little wider at her. It was natural — for her, anyway.

"Hi, Eva!" Alice said, and she bounced forward to squeeze me tightly and kiss my cheek. If Carlisle and Esme had looked cautious before, they now looked staggered. There was shock in my eyes, too, but I was also very pleased that she seemed to approve of me so entirely. I was startled to feel Edward stiffen at my side. I glanced at his face, but his expression was unreadable. I hugged her back though, laughing a little at the other reactions in the room. 

“Hi Alice!”

"You do smell nice, I never noticed before," she commented, to my extreme embarrassment.

No one else seemed to know quite what to say, and then Jasper was there — tall and leonine. A feeling of ease spread through me, and I was suddenly comfortable despite where I was. Edward stared at Jasper, raising one eyebrow, and I remembered what Jasper could do.

"Hello, Eva," Jasper said. He kept his distance, not offering to shake my hand. But it was impossible to feel awkward near him.

"Hello, Jasper." I smiled at him shyly, and then at the others. "It's nice to meet you all — you have a very beautiful home," I added conventionally.

"Thank you," Esme said. "We're so glad that you came." She spoke with feeling, and I realized that she thought I was brave.

I also realized that Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere to be seen, and I remembered Edward's too-innocent denial when I'd asked him if the others didn't like me.

Carlisle's expression distracted me from this train of thought; he was gazing meaningfully at Edward with an intense expression. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward nod once.

I looked away, trying to be polite. My eyes wandered again to the beautiful instrument on the platform by the door. I stroked my fingers over the enameled surface, marvelling in its care. I suddenly remembered my mother and I sitting beside each other at the antique wooden piano my mother kept in our home, playing chopsticks and practicing the scales.

Esme noticed my preoccupation.

"Do you play?" she asked, inclining her head toward the piano.

“A little,” I turned and smiled sheepishly. “But I am much better with my guitar, this is a beautiful piece, is it yours?”

"No," she laughed. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"

"No." I glared at his suddenly innocent expression with narrowed eyes. "Although I should have known, I guess."

Esme raised her delicate eyebrows in confusion.

"Edward has been better than me at everything so far. I’m hoping one day I can impress him." I explained, teasing him.

Jasper snickered and Esme gave Edward a reproving look.

"I hope you haven't been showing off— it's rude," she scolded.

"Just a bit," he laughed freely. Her face softened at the sound, and they shared a brief look that I didn't understand, though Esme's face seemed almost smug.

"He's been too modest, actually," I corrected.

"Well, play for her," Esme encouraged.

"You just said showing off was rude," he objected.

"There are exceptions to every rule," she replied.

"I'd like to hear you play, you already heard me." I reminded him, poking him in the side.

"It's settled then." Esme pushed him toward the piano. He pulled me along, sitting me on the bench beside him.

He gave me a long, exasperated look, and I smiled at him innocently, before he turned to the keys.

And then his fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room was filled with a composition so complex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe only one set of hands played. I felt my chin drop, my mouth open in astonishment, and heard low chuckles behind me at my reaction.

Edward looked at me casually, the music still surging around us without a break, and winked. "Do you like it?"

"You…wrote this?" I gasped, understanding.

He nodded. "It's Esme's favorite."

“It’s...incredible, Edward...and to think I thought I might be able to impress you with my own musical skill.” I sighed, slipping my arm into his to lean into his shoulder, almost feeling as though I was floating.

The music slowed, transforming into something softer, and to my surprise I detected the melody of his lullaby weaving through the profusion of notes.

"You inspired this one," he said softly. The music grew unbearably sweet.

“...I love you…” It was the only thing I could think to say, almost melting beside him.

"They like you, you know," he said conversationally. "Esme especially."

I glanced behind me, but the huge room was empty now.

"Where did they go?"

"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose."

I sighed. "They like me. But Rosalie and Emmett…" I trailed off, not sure how to express my doubts.

He frowned. "Don't worry about Rosalie," he said, his eyes wide and persuasive. "She'll come around."

I pursed my lips skeptically. "Emmett?"

"Well, he thinks I'm a lunatic, it's true, but he doesn't have a problem with you. He's trying to reason with Rosalie."

"What is it that upsets her?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.

He sighed deeply. "Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. It's hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth. And she's a little jealous."

"Rosalie is jealous of me?" I asked incredulously. I tried to imagine a universe in which someone as breathtaking as Rosalie would have any possible reason to feel jealous of someone like me.

"You're human." He shrugged. "She wishes that she were, too."

"Oh," I muttered, still stunned. "Even Jasper, though…"

"That's really my fault," he said. "I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."

I thought about the reason for that, and shuddered.

"Esme and Carlisle… ?" I continued quickly, to keep him from noticing.

"Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid that there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me… She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."

"Alice is a ball of sunlight."

"Alice has her own way of looking at things," he said through tight lips.

"And you're not going to explain that, are you?"

A moment of wordless communication passed between us. He realized that I knew he was keeping something from me. I realized that he wasn't going to give anything away. Not now.

"So what was Carlisle telling you before?"

His eyebrows pulled together. "You noticed that, did you?"

I shrugged. "Of course."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering. "He wanted to tell me some news — he didn't know if it was something I would share with you."

"Will you?"

"I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective next week — or over the next few weeks — and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, exactly. Alice just sees some visitors coming soon. They know we're here, and they're curious."

"Visitors?"

"Yes… well, they aren't like us, of course — in their hunting habits, I mean. They probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."

I shivered.

"Finally, a rational response!" he murmured. "I was beginning to think you had no sense of self-preservation at all."

I let that one pass, looking away, my eyes wandering again around the spacious room.

He followed my gaze. "Not what you expected, is it?" he asked, his voice smug.

"No," I admitted.

"No coffins, no piled skulls in the corners; I don't even think we have cobwebs… what a disappointment this must be for you," he continued slyly.

I ignored his teasing. "It's so light… so open."

He was more serious when he answered. "It's the one place we never have to hide."

The song he was still playing, my song, drifted to an end, the final chords shifting to a more melancholy key. The last note hovered poignantly in the silence.

"Thank you," I murmured. I realized there were tears in my eyes. I dabbed at them, embarrassed.

He touched the corner of my eye, trapping one I missed. He used his thumb to gently press it from my cheek, leaning down to kiss my other cheek, still slightly damp.

"Do you want to see the rest of the house?"

"No coffins?" I verified, the sarcasm in my voice not entirely masking the slight but genuine anxiety I felt.

He laughed, taking my hand, leading me away from the piano.

"No coffins," he promised.

We walked up the massive staircase, my hand trailing along the satin-smooth rail. The long hall at the top of the stairs was paneled with a honey-colored wood, the same as the floorboards.

"Rosalie and Emmett's room… Carlisle's office… Alice's room…" He gestured as he led me past the doors.

"Have you always stayed with Carlisle, then?" I wondered.

"Almost always." He put his hand lightly on my waist and pulled me with him as he walked through the door. I stared back at the wall of pictures, wondering if I would ever get to hear the other stories.

Edward didn't say any more as we walked down the hall, so I asked, "Almost?"

He sighed, seeming reluctant to answer. "Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence — about ten years after I was… born… created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of  
abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."

"Really?" I was intrigued, rather than frightened, as I perhaps should have been.

He could tell. I vaguely realized that we were headed up the next flight of stairs, but I wasn't paying much attention to my surroundings.

"That doesn't repulse you?"

“I mean give me some details, you weren’t massacerring children, were you?”

He barked a laugh, more loudly than before. We were at the top of the stairs now, in another paneled hallway.

"From the time of my new birth," he murmured, "I had the advantage of knowing what everyone around me was thinking, both human and non-human alike. That's why it took me ten years to defy Carlisle — I could read his perfect sincerity, understand exactly why he lived the way he did.

"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision. I thought I would be exempt from the… depression… that accompanies a conscience. Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil. If I followed a murderer down a dark alley where he stalked a young girl — if I saved her, then surely I wasn't so terrible."

I shivered, imagining only too clearly Edward as he hunted, terrible and glorious as a young god, unstoppable.

Would she have been grateful, that girl, or more frightened than before?

"But as time went on, I began to see the monster in my eyes. I couldn't escape the debt of so much human life taken, no matter how justified. And I went back to Carlisle and Esme. They welcomed me  
back like the prodigal. It was more than I deserved."

We'd come to a stop in front of the last door in the hall.

"My room," he informed me, opening it and pulling me through.

His room faced south, with a wall-sized window like the great room below. The whole back side of the house must be glass. His view looked down on the winding Sol Duc River, across the untouched forest to the Olympic Mountain range. The mountains were much closer than I would have believed.

The western wall was completely covered with shelf after shelf of CDs. His room was better stocked than a music store. In the corner was a sophisticated-looking sound system, I had to step closer, I’m sure my eyes glittered as I took in the array of sound controls. Beside it was an ipad on a stand, spotify left open. It didn’t look like it moved much. There was no bed, only a wide and inviting black leather sofa. The floor was covered with a thick golden carpet, and the walls were hung with heavy fabric in a slightly darker shade.

"Good acoustics?" I guessed.

He chuckled and nodded.

He walked over to the ipad and scrolled through Spotify, hitting play and stepping back. It was quiet, but the soft jazz number sounded like the band was in the room with us. I went to look at his mind-boggling music collection.

"How do you have these organized?" I asked, unable to find any rhyme or reason to the titles.

He wasn't paying attention.

"Ummm, by year, and then by personal preference within that frame," he said absently.

I turned, and he was looking at me with a peculiar expression in his eyes.

"What?"

"I was prepared to feel… relieved. Having you know about everything, not needing to keep secrets from you. But I didn't expect to feel more than that. I like it. It makes me… happy." He shrugged, smiling slightly.

"I'm glad," I said, smiling back. I'd worried that he might regret telling me these things. It was good to know that wasn't the case.

But then, as his eyes dissected my expression, his smile faded and his forehead creased.

"You're still waiting for the running and the screaming, aren't you?" I guessed.

A faint smile touched his lips, and he nodded.

“I don’t understand...what kind of excuses you must be making up for my behavior. How...can you excuse what I’ve done so easily?” His voice was...vulnerable, searching, and he hovered in the shadow as if it would...protect him.

I stepped forward and slowly took his hand, tugging him towards the couch.

“That is a...very big question which needs a very big answer, sit with me? I need to think for a moment.” He looked surprised, but sat beside me on the couch slowly, watching my face.

“...I’m assuming you’re looking at this on the angle of morality?”

“I...I am, you seem to have a very strong sense of Justice...I wonder why you don’t seem to apply that to me.”

I nodded thoughtfully again, and he looked more confused. 

Alright.

“Personally...I can’t argue with the choices you made. You were a twenty two year old facing down eternity and it sounds like you weren’t even enjoying it.” 

He snorted, but I held up a finger so he’d let me continue.

“I can’t relate but I can understand. You still made the active choice not to hurt innocent people. Am I pleased to hear that you ate people? Not particularly, but I’m not displeased with who you chose, or especially the fact that you, knowing all sides, returned to this lifestyle and have obviously stuck with it for quite some time.”

He seemed to consider that, and so did I, looking down at his carpet and poking at it with my toe, squeezing his hand.

“Your choices weren’t perfect, but mine haven’t been either, we’re all just monkeys with depression trying to figure out a reason to be here. And as we come from, well, wildly different worlds, the situations you are faced with are going to be different than the one’s I am faced with. Can I say I wouldn’t have done the same in your shoes? No, I don’t think I could. You and I have a very similar outlook on right and wrong.” I shrugged.

“I suppose the simple answer is, that...I love you.”

I took a deep breath, my cheeks already flushing, but I didn’t look at him, I needed to keep my cool.

“If you had made different choices--gone down a different path--I can’t guarantee that I would love that person, because it wouldn’t be you. The Edward sitting beside me now. The Edward that saved me from getting squished, the Edward that drives me up a wall-- in more ways than one,” I blushed deeper, glancing at him, his face was unreadable now, but his eyes weren’t pained.

“The Edward with excellent taste in music and questionable taste in movies. I’m certain others would have problems with my choices, consider me immoral, but at the end of the day it’s still easy to look at the girl in the mirror.” 

I finally looked up at him, embarrassed, desperately hoping I got my point across. 

“You’re...you. You’re Edward. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you weren’t...you.”

His shoulders were limp, and he was staring at me, still unreadably, eyes glimmering with something I couldn’t place. Surprise?

“Does that...make sense?” I coaxed.

He didn’t respond for a moment, but reached out and pulled me into his lap, holding me close and burying his face in my hair.

“...It does.”

I tried to be playful again, he sounded overwhelmed with emotion, and I didn’t want to upset him.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m really no saint either, Edward.” I saw him blink, then tip his head in question. Shit.

“What are you talking about?” I shouldn’t have said anything, biting my lip.

“I...had a bit of a rebellious phase too...that...never really turned out to be a phase.” I grimaced, standing to go busy myself looking at his music collection, too embarrassed to sit in his lap right then, he was going to find out eventually.

“Like I said, I’m no saint. I’ve done my fair share of...civil disobedience…” I tempered the term, hoping to make my anarchist views a little easier to swallow. He approached me then, eyebrows raised. He put his hands on my hips, gently turning me to face him. I couldn’t look him in the eye, tipping my shoulders in an attempt to look innocent. 

“Civil disobedience?” He echoed, trailing off, looking for an explanation, the frustrated look he got when he couldn’t read my mind once again crossing his pretty features. 

“...So, uh...I went to a couple protests, well, a lot of protests, and I may have flipped a cruiser and thrown a brick at a cop...or two, maybe threw dog shit at the mayors house...maybe got arrested once for being out past curfew...the charges never stuck.” I tried to shrug nonchalantly.

“You...you what?” 

“I’m passionate about what I believe in!” I raised my eyebrows and extended my arms defensively. “And I was tired of seeing cops killing kids!” Now I was feigning innocence, the look on his face absolutely priceless. His expression attempting to process his tiny, human girlfriend throwing bricks at crooked cops. 

“They started it, they were throwing tear gas…” I turned from him then, going back to examining his music. 

“...Alright, I fell in love with an anarchist.”

“And an antifascist. So, yeah, killing rapists and murderers?” I shrugged, finally glancing back to him.

“I kinda...it’s kinda hot that you went out of your way to hunt them down. Very vigilante.”

He shook his head in absolute disbelief, then finally started laughing breathlessly. 

“I guess I’ll take it.” I felt him wrapping his arms around my waist again to turn me around. “My tiny anarchist and her vigilante vampire boyfriend.”

I stood up on my toes to kiss his cheek. 

“Told you, I really don’t think you’re scary at all my love.” I shrugged again, grinning.

He stopped, raising his eyebrows. Then he flashed a wide, wicked smile.

"You really shouldn't have said that," he chuckled.

He growled, a low sound in the back of his throat; his lips curled back over his perfect teeth. His body shifted suddenly, half-crouched, tensed like a lion about to pounce.

I backed away from him, suddenly glaring.

"You wouldn't."

I didn't see him leap at me — it was much too fast. I only found myself suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into the wall. All the while, his arms formed an iron cage of protection around me — I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to right myself.

He wasn't having that. He had me pinned against the seat of the couch then, his hand holding my wrists above my head, his firm knee pressed between my thighs to keep my hips from moving from him, his nose just a hair's breadth from my own as that low rumbling growl in his chest became nearly a purr. I felt his wide hand cup the side of my rib cage, my back arched at this angle. I glared at him in alarm, but he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, leaning forward to press an achingly slow and gentle kiss just under my ear, his hand curving around my side, his eyes bright only with humor.

"You were saying?" he growled playfully into my ear, I heard his purr get louder when he felt me shiver hard, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up at the sensation of his cool breath.

"That you are...the most vicious monster I’ve ever met?," I coaxed, hoping beyond hope he couldn’t smell what this sudden onslaught was doing to me, to my body, I could feel myself getting hotter against his knee as my pulse hammered, an electric current running through every point of contact of our bodies.

"Much better," he approved.

But he didn’t let me up, I was a little surprised when his purring sound trailed off, instead his lips peppered cool kisses onto my jaw, my throat, the hollow under my ear. I couldn’t stop my eyes from slipping closed as his grip never loosened, his other hand didn’t release my waist, only pulled it closer to him as his unbearably sweet lips met mine so lightly.


	17. Family

FAMILY

I snapped, aching for this contact, aching for it to be firmer, I arched my back, having the added benefit of grinding against his thigh.

There was no way he could ignore the heat there now. I felt the hand on my waist slip down to grip my hip tightly, his breath coming faster, his own hips settling between my thighs. I couldn’t help it, I trembled and sighed a moan at the pressure, at the press of his body against mine.

His reaction to the noise I made was unexpected, growling low and loud against my skin, I could feel his own hips twitching forward, something firm and new pressing to my core over my panties, almost grinding. 

His hands suddenly released my wrists and were on my hips in an instant. I felt his grip move over my ass slightly, lifting me up to press my back against the armrest of the couch, grinding harder against me. I threw my arms around his neck, gripping him closer.

But he froze immediately. He was panting too, almost shaking. I hesitated myself, holding still aside from my own panting. I realized what just happened, slowly pulling back from him. His eyes were clenched shut and his jaw was locked, he looked like he was in physical pain.

“E-Edward?” 

He didn’t respond, still quiet and unmoving. After what felt like an eternity, our hips locked together, his breath on my shoulder, he started to move, removing his hips from mine slowly and holding my waist with both arms. He pressed his face to my sternum, just above the swell of my breasts. 

“Damn it, Eva…”

I couldn’t lie and say I wasn’t getting a serious case of pussy-blue-balls. Blue clit? I also settled back, closing my eyes to try and calm myself down. 

“So much for self control.” He muttered darkly, obviously upset. I honestly couldn’t bring myself to regret that, or be frightened.

“I mean...I certainly didn’t help the situation.” I murmured, relaxing back into the cushion. I moved my fingers into his hair, stroking it, trying to make him feel better. He sat up slightly, taking my face in his hands terribly gently, looking into my eyes. 

“Miss Irving, you will be the death of me.”

“Oh how the tables have turned…” I sighed, I was trying to calm myself down too, but I was certain the scent still hung heavy in the air, I squirmed a little uncomfortably underneath him, and he sat up slowly, bringing me with him to sit on his lap now, leaning against his shoulder. We both sat and relaxed for a moment, just holding each other. When I looked up, Edwards brow was furrowed in thought, face pensive. He stroked his hand down my back slowly.

“I don’t know...how to do, ‘this’”.” he murmured, frustrated. “I’ve not felt these...hungers...in a century. It’s overwhelming…” He murmured, looking down at me then, reaching up to gently stroke his thumb over my lower lip. I was trying so hard to be good, shivering.

“However, I’m certain that, even today, it’s wrong to sate those hungers without even truly courting you first…” He pulled back then, smiling crookedly.

“We’re already breaking the rules, aren’t we?” His eyes met mine, and seemed to glimmer. His hand slipped from mine and grabbed my chin gently to tip it, kissing me softly. This one lacked the need of before, while that one lit a fire in me, this one made me melt. I was shocked when he pulled back and I wasn’t a puddle.

“Mmm, patience, little rabbit.” I saw the depth in his eyes then.

I moved so his hand cupped my face, giving him a gentle sigh and closing my eyes.

“If you’re asking me on a date, there’s no way I would refuse.” I hummed, enjoying his cool palm.

“I’ll plan a date for next weekend then, I want to do at least this correctly, I don’t exactly have many excuses.” He chuckled at that. 

“So you’ll need to hunt this coming week?” I was a little sad, but trusted that it was necessary. He nodded.

“Emmett wants to get at the bears before they’re all hibernating, he’s been planning another trip.” He grinned that lopsided grin that made me weak, and I had to kiss the heel of his hand. 

“Next weekend, it’s a date then.”

I still couldn’t get over his new mood, that smile made my own match his, and I had to laugh, embarrassed. I still couldn’t believe this was real, this was happening. I had been so afraid to hope for such an impossible dream as getting to be in the arms, in the affections of this impossible man. It would take me some time to get used to all of this. I laid my head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me, happy to tuck his face into my hair again.

“You’re...my boyfriend.” I said it in wonder, letting the words sit on my brain, attempting to get them to sink in. I felt his chest shake with a bright laugh, almost giddy.

“And you’re my girlfriend.” He kissed my temple as though to punctuate it, holding me closer to just enjoy the rest of the day like this, our perfect day.

He brought me home that night, both of us still floating on bliss, but that cloud was going to dissipate soon as we had to part. On one hand, letting him go was nearly painful, like if I stopped touching him the clock would strike midnight and everything would fall apart into gourds and rats. 

On the other hand I had a lot to process, the last two days had been incredibly intense, and I was tired. I needed some time to myself. Ground myself again. 

He looked more upset than I expected about the parting, looking hesitant and unhappy at the front door of my building, he’d even driven the speed limit. I squeezed his hand, grabbing my purse and climbing out of my truck, letting him walk me to the door. I placed my hand on his bicep, looking up at his face to try and sear it into my memory for the night. He caught my waist, nearly lifting me off the ground to kiss me goodbye, leaving me breathless as he always did. 

“...Please don’t get hit by any meteors. And be careful going up the stairs.” I laughed at how earnest he sounded, kissing his cheek, still marveling at all of this. 

“I always do my absolute best.” He finally smiled and stepped back, taking my hand to lean down and kiss my knuckles, fingers slipping out of his as he stepped away from me. 

“Goodnight, Miss Irving. Rest well.”

“Goodnight to you too, Mr. Cullen. Have a safe..run.” I blinked and he was gone, hearing a ghost of his laugh. 

I nearly floated up the stairs. My head pretty empty as I went through my routine for bed, finally slumping down into it, flopping onto my back to stare at the ceiling. Every dumb love song I’d always found achingly sweet, but utterly exaggerated, didn’t seem exaggerated anymore. I had never known this feeling, I thought it would be two halves becoming whole, but this was different, two whole people coming together to become something intensely more powerful. We fit together in ways I couldn’t describe. 

I fell asleep to these thoughts, dreaming about strong, cold arms and smouldering golden eyes. 

The next couple of days were, interesting, to say the least, we had no idea how to act at school. It wasn’t like I could climb into his lap and kiss him senseless in Bio. It only made the electricity arcing between us intensify, almost needy. We managed to behave, and when mid-day break came on monday, I had taken his hand and brought him over to my other table. Hoping he might get to know my friends more authentically. Of course, Jess wanted every detail, and Edward came up with a sweet story about Seattle. I couldn’t focus, as he had his arm around my waist, long fingers stroking up and down my side.

Against my better judgement, I glanced at my previous “suitors”. Mike looked utterly depressed. I could almost hear Sound of Silence playing over his head. Eric didn’t look much happier, nor did Tyler. I grimaced slightly, and looked up at Edward, feeling badly, I just couldn’t bring myself to be truly guilty about leaving them pretty firmly in the friendzone.

This routine repeated, both of us tentative and dancing around each other at school like nervous teenagers, before he had to leave for his...camping trip with Emmett. We’d decided I’d spend the night before he left, Edward as anxious for me to do so as I was, and excited. This flushed, giggly, bubbly affection was really settling in now, and I knew within days we’d be driving our family and friends insane. I also knew I’d need to introduce him to Kain soon, staying out late was fine, but he was getting suspicious of my sudden aversion to being home.

Edward walked us into the living room as we got home from class, holding my hand. Emmett and Jasper were playing some incredibly massive and elaborate game of, what I could guess was chess? Eight adjoining boards lay between them and they looked incredibly focused. Carlisle looked up from his laptop as we walked in, giving me a kind smile.

“I’m glad you’ve come to visit again, Eva, welcome.”

“As am I, thank you Carlisle.” I flushed, giving him a shy smile, I was still nervous being around his family so casually.

“The girls will be returning soon, Edward.” Edward seemed to grumble something, and suddenly a white chess piece flew like a bullet at his head. He ducked, and snapped his head to Emmett. They made faces at each other and I huffed, realizing Edward must have said something derogatory towards his sister.

“Hey, Edward,” I scolded. “Don’t be mean. She’s within her right to not like me. You know that.” He glanced to me, and his face fell slightly, but I heard him very quietly apologize to Emmett.

I looked quickly at Emmett, and he looked at me surprised, his shoulders dropped as though he wasn’t expecting my defense.

“Well, she is, I’m...sad, of course, but she doesn’t owe me anything. None of you do.” I mumbled at Emmetts shocked expression, and his face relaxed, his lips turning up into a...relieved smile. I figured he must have been worried.

I shook my head, not wanting to think about that, leaning myself into Edwards body again. He stroked his fingers up and down the back and side of my neck and jaw, seeming unable to stop touching me. I didn’t complain.

I almost climbed him like a tree when his sister was at my side, chirping happily.

“Eva! You’re back!”

“AH- Alice! Hi!” I took a breath to calm my heart from her sudden jumpscare.

“C’mon! No one will play games with Edward and I anymore because of our powers, but we can make you play cause Edward can’t read your mind!” I was frozen for a moment, before I laughed.

“What games, cause I can guarantee I will still lose regardless of his ability to mind read.” I laughed, but let them sit me down. Carlisle got a few texts from Esme as Edward and his sister destroyed me at nearly every game besides Poker, we made Alice the dealer in a blackjack game because we knew she’d cheat. Edward won scrabble with the words “Sthenia” and “Qapik” which I made him google to confirm were legal plays. I still impressed him and Alice with my play of “Ew”.  
Emmett and Jasper were watching us play by now, and they let out a frustrated growl when the win was confirmed, rolling their eyes. I laughed, but was genuinely thinking now, what couldn’t he win at? I perked suddenly, remembering my Switch in my bag.

“Okay, okay, so you’re obviously gonna beat me at board games, but how are you at video games?” I cocked a brow at Edward, who made a face. 

“I’ve...never really had an interest-”

“Oh so you’re too chicken?” I interjected immediately, raising both of my eyebrows at him. He froze at that, slowly raising his eyebrows at me and staring incredulously. 

“If you think you’re going to get me to play-”

Emmett coughed under his breath. “Little bitch.”

Jasper coughed too. “Pussy.”

Alice was trying so hard not to laugh behind Edward, who narrowed his eyes at me, growling and tapping his fingers on his knee in irritation at his brothers who were now just doing shit to make me laugh.

“What exactly will we be playing?” He spoke through gritted teeth, throwing an angry sneer at his brothers. Jasper turned to face me and coughed again. 

“Emo twink.” I almost lost it, but I sucked on my lips to keep quiet.

“I dunno boys, whaddyou think? SSBB or MarioKart?” Jasper and Emmett spoke at the same time.

“Super Smash Brothers.” We all stared at Edward, waiting, who rolled his eyes in annoyance. 

“Okay, Okay, go get this…”Smash brothers’.”

Emmett almost looked giddy, “I’mma get my switch! Oh SHIT I’m gon beat ya ass boy!” I laughed and followed him out with Jasper, who had the most intense look on his face I’d ever seen.

They came back with both of our consoles, and we set up all four switch controllers to my console, booting up the game. Edward was examining the tiny controller that I’d handed him, trying to figure out how to hold it. I never looked at him as his actual age, but he’d never looked more like a frustrated old man than he did just then.

“Here, babe, hold it like this.” I showed him, and he carefully adjusted his hands to match mine.

“This is ridiculous.” He grumbled, trying out the trigger buttons.

“You’re just annoyed cause you’re about to embarrass yourself in front of your girlfriend.” Emmett scoffed, pulling up the controller diagram for Edward. He took in the information quickly, looking even more cranky with Emmett, sitting forward and staring at the screen intensely.

“We’ll see, won’t we?” He cocked a brow at Emmett, and he grinned.

“Oh...OH...YES!” I jumped, pumping my fist as I finished Jasper off the edge of the platform, the loud “GAME” playing over the TV speakers as I stood and spun, holding my index and middle fingers to Jasper and then my own eyes.

“Look at me, I am the captain now.” I quoted at him in a bad accent, Emmett threw up his hands.

“That’s bullshit! Best 3 out of 4!” Edward was busy researching the controls on his phone, and Jasper was furiously hitting the A button to push through the end of game stats to play the next one. 

“Maybe you’re not as good at Little Mac as you thought!” I shrugged, and Emmett scoffed.

“Maybe Kirby is just fuckin’ OP!” 

“KIRBY IS OP!?” I laughed hard, holding my stomach and fwumping back onto the couch. I yawned loudly, and Edward paused in his research, reaching out automatically to stroke my hair.

“Are you tired, love?” He murmured, pushing a strand behind my ear. 

“Yeah, I should probably get some sleep.” He hummed at me and stood. Emmett and Jasper whined, but sat back. 

“We’re having a damn rematch!” Emmett pointed at me, and I laughed, pointing back. 

“Git gud scrub.” They yelled and booed at me as I let Edward bring me back to the guest room. There was a full bed in there, a recent, quick acquisition it looked like, and I was suspicious despite Edward’s insistence that they’d already had the bed. I stretched hard and dragged Edward to bed with me, holding his cold hand.

In an instant, with a quick scoop and a rush of air, I was curled into bed again, Edward stroking my hair out of my face and down it’s length, my head in his lap. I shifted and put a pillow over his legs to lay more comfortably. 

“I’m...really happy I’m fitting in, at least a little…Jasper and Emmett remind me of my own brother.” I smiled up at him, reaching up to run my fingers down his cheek. He smiled happily, grabbing my hand to kiss my fingers gently. 

“They’re already looking at you like a little sister, they’re still trying to balance the fact that I’m dating a human in their heads though, it’s a little funny, seeing their juxtapositions.” 

“Yeah, I bet our friends are confused trying to put us next to each other too.”

“Not really, honestly, we look...good, together.” He said that quietly, a warmth and happiness in his eyes that made my stomach flutter. I sat up slowly to kiss him, smiling into it.

“Speaking of your brother…” He started, and I sighed, thinking about how to introduce them. 

“I know, he’s getting nosy. I’m just concerned that hes going to try and pull a “dad” thing. He is completely ridiculous when he wants to be. But also shockingly observant.”

Edward considered that for a moment. 

“Perhaps after our date this weekend?” 

“That should work fine, though there is no way in hell I’m leaving you two alone together, he knows way too much embarrassing shit about me.” I gave him a stern look, and he laughed, kissing me again.

“You should still sleep, my love.” He chuckled as I tried to tilt my head into it, and I pouted, sighing.

“Mm, fine. But you have to stay with me.” I mumbled, he snorted in response.

“Oh whatever shall I do? Curled up with my love, warm in bed, hearing her happily sigh my name over and over…” He teased, and I groaned, cringing, hiding under the comforter. 

“Is it really that bad?” He laughed, hearing my muffled little reply, wrapping his strong arms around the lump I created in the blankets to squeeze me gently.

“Usually.” He was smiling, I could hear it, and I had to smile too, biting my lip.

“I love you…” I dug myself out a little, pressing a little more firmly back into his chest. He pressed his nose into my hair, pressing a cold kiss there, and locked his arms securely.

“I love you too.”

The next day, I rushed to say goodbye to him at the end of class, nearly running out to my truck, but searching for his black BMW. He snatched me around the waist when I got within grabbing distance, holding me a little away from him before slowly moving his face into my hair, readjusting to my scent. 

“I’ll miss you…” I murmured, pressing my nose into the crook of his neck, slipping my arms around his waist and holding my own wrist, letting my forearms rest on his hips. 

“I’ll miss you too.” He sighed it, pressing a kiss to my scalp. “I’ll be home on Saturday, and I will spoil you senseless.” He leaned back to grin at me, and while my knees went weak, I squeezed his waist slightly, giving him a little pout. 

“I’m gonna have to figure out how to spoil you too...nothing too expensive, okay? It makes me anxious when I feel like I can’t repay you.” He leaned down to kiss me, smiling. 

“I already feel terribly spoiled…” 

Suddenly I heard a wolf whistle behind us, turning slightly in his arms to see Emmett, grinning at us with a smug look I recognized on my own older brother as he teased us.

“Damn, man let her breathe, she has to, you know.” I heard Edward growl low, but it was… huffy more than it was angry. Emmett's voice was even lower than Edwards, just as gorgeous. The white light out here made his perfect features jump out too. His skin looked even richer than the last time I saw him, like the petals of Calla lilies now that he was better fed. His eyes a bronzy gold rather than black. Edwards hands tightened on my waist but I squirmed around to face his brother. 

“Hi Emmett!”

“Hey lil’ miss.” Edward growled again. But Emmetts smile only got warmer, almost goofy to me. His locs, tied up into a ponytail onto the back of his head, bounced when he moved he was so expressive.

“Let her go man, I wanna talk to her right.”

I could almost feel Edward roll his eyes as he released me, and I flushed, carefully approaching his brother.

“There we go!” He walked up to me easy, ruffling my hair with one massive hand, still grinning. “I really am glad he finally found a mate, since he met you he’s been in a much better mood, if not a clingy one.” He looked to Edward then, and I heard Edward sneer at him. “And you are pretty cute, never expected him to have good taste.”

I went red at that, his vibe was entirely different from the others. It was still seductive, no denying that, like facing Chris Hemsworth or Idris Alba, but also, lighter in some way. I could see why Kain liked him, I already felt an affection towards Edwards’ large older brother with his bouncy laugh and personality.

“And you are WAY more buff up close, Edward wasn’t kidding when he said you were the strongest huh?” I grinned at him.

“Awh! What, this?” He stretched, flexing his arms and chest for me comically, showing off just a bit, grinning wider. It made me laugh, and that seemed to please him. 

“Alright Ma, I’ll be stealing your prince charming, but I promise to bring him back in one piece and better fed.” Emmett held up three fingers in a mock salute. “Scouts honor.” He ruffled my hair as he walked past me, and I turned to see the two brothers shoving each other around and Emmett teasing Edward. They looked so...human like this. Edward was able to get his head up for just a moment, calling out to me. 

“Goodbye love!” and then he was gone, a large dark hand atop his head and shoving him into the car.

I watched them leave, giving a little wave. I experimented a little bit, remembering what Edward had said about Alice and decisions, and turned, deciding to look for Alice and give her my phone number. I perked when my phone vibrated in my back pocket, and smiled, it was eerie but, very cool, pulling out my phone and opening the text from the new number. 

‘Edward told you about me, hm?’

‘He did, show off. Can I come over to the house? Will Edward be there?’

‘Lol, no he won’t, and pls do! I am delighted you’d think of me for a makeover!!”

I lit up, so she already knew what I was going to ask, and had agreed. 

I texted Kain next, heading to my truck, telling him I was going to go visit a new friends place and not to wait up. Alice dropped a pin on google maps and texted it to me, and I opened it thankfully, needing the help.

By the time I was pulling into the hidden drive, my leg was bouncing, nervous. I knew she seemed happy, but I still barely knew her. She had seemed to like me on Sunday though...I got out of my truck after parking, smoothing my hair and going up to the front door to knock, waiting only a half second before it swung open, Alice beaming at me, eyes sunflower gold. 

“You have absolutely come to the right place, girls night is going to be amazing! I got wine and cheese and chocolate ice cream-”

“You had me at wine.” I laughed, stepping into the door. She looked so excited to have a girls night with a human.

“Come on, we should have Esme help too! Trust me.”

“Wait, your Mom?” Oh god, there were the nerves again.

“Oh please, she loves you already, come on!”

I was pulled into the house, dropping my bag in the entryway and pulling off my shoes so I didn’t stain the carpet, getting pulled into the living room to where Esme was waiting. I was a little thrown, realizing she would have heard Alice mention her name. She gave me a warm smile, looking honestly surprised. 

“I’m so happy to see you’ve come to visit again Eva! Though a little surprised, what is it exactly I can help with?” She raised an eyebrow at Alice. 

“Eva wanted to have some help prepping for her date with Edward on saturday! I’m making it girls night!”

Esme seemed to light up, suddenly smiling. 

“Ah, I see! I guess we would know him the best, hm?” Esme laughed easily then, seeming very pleased.

“Alright, lets see your waltz, if I know my Edward, he’ll want to take you dancing.” Esme let Alice sit beside her, looking at me expectantly.

I went pale at that.

“Er...I don’t...know how to dance.” I admitted, sheepish. It hadn’t exactly been a goal of mine either. Alice and Esme both gasped, horrified. Alice spoke first.

“Absolutely not! We are rectifying this. I’ll get the shoes and the great room set up.” She was gone in a flash, and I looked to Esme as she took my arm in hers, concerned.

“‘The Shoes’?” She gave a tinkling laugh.

I got my answer soon enough, Alice returned with a pair of kitten heeled pumps, shockingly my size, and told me to put them on. I was relieved at the height of the heel, nothing too impressive. By the time I looked up, The room in front of me had been emptied of furniture, and a large Gramophone was placed in the corner of the room. Alice stood in the center, and Esme stood a couple feet away.

“Alright Eva, step forward and place one of your hands on Alice’s shoulder, and the other in her left hand.”

I did as I was told nervously, feeling a little stiff, Alice was only slightly shorter than I was, and we stood nearly eye to eye. 

“Relax Eva, I’m an excellent lead!” She chirped. Esme stepped over slowly, very gently placing her hand on my shoulder and then Alices.

“Now the Waltz is simple. The tempo is a 1-2-3 motion, the end of your steps will always end in 3, you should also be moving in a circle with your partner.”

Alice was trying to lead me, thank god she was made of stone as otherwise her toes would be mush. Esme clapped the tempo as we repeated the steps over and over again, Alice eventually adding more flourish as I got the rhythm down. 

Esme put the needle on the record in the gramophone then, letting the music become the tempo. I didn’t want to admit that I was starting to have fun. 

Alice was making me laugh with twirls and lifts, her feet still the most graceful thing I’d ever seen, especially compared to mine. I didn’t know how long we practiced, getting tsked at and scolded whenever I was looking down at my feet and not Alice’s face. It was near impossible to remember that the two women with me now were, well, vampires. The song ended again, and Esme removed the needle from the record, clapping happily. 

“Much better! I did tell you you could do it. But perhaps it’s time to introduce a more realistic experience.” Her eyes gleamed with a little mischief, and I raised my eyebrows. 

“Realistic?”

“Carlisle?” Esme simply spoke his name as though he was standing next to her, and suddenly he was, arm around his wife. He smiled at me and then looked to his wife. 

“How can I help, darling?”

It hit me then what was happening, and I could feel myself go pale, shaking my head. Alice laughed.

“We’re teaching Eva how to Waltz love, would you mind terribly taking over as lead?” Alice was laughing at my stunned face.

“Of course not, Eva?” He looked to me then, smile polite and pleasant, he stepped up to me, extending his hand. I was hesitant, scared to make an idiot of myself in front of my new boyfriends father, but I reluctantly placed my hand in his and placed my other on his shoulder. Carlisle placed his hand on my mid back rather than my waist to help me keep my posture, and I gulped as Esme was at the gramophone. 

“Don’t worry, my toes are pretty tough.” Carlisle was smiling brightly, and he gave me a playful wink. It really did feel like dancing with my father. 

We all talked and laughed and teased my grace until I was sore in my legs. However, at the end, I felt like I was walking on air. I had had fun, in all honesty, being around them, and I was nearly glowing at how happy that made me. Maybe, just maybe, I could really pull this off.

Finally Carlisle let me go with a gentle flourish, beaming at me, and I couldn’t hold back my laughter. I hadn’t realized we had gained another member to our audience.

Jasper watched silently, but smiled, Alice tucked against his side. I grew shy again, but, curtsied poorly to Carlisle in gratitude. 

“Well at least now I feel like I wont look like a total idiot when he wants to dance with me.” I laughed, and the group smiled too, Alice coming over to grab my arm in her own. 

“I may know you pretty well, but Edward kidnapped you so quickly the last time you came that we never really got to meet you thoroughly! Esme, Carlisle, we should have a bonfire on the patio! That way Jasper can join us.” She was beaming, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

It was a little difficult to get used to how quickly they all moved, but it wasn’t long before we were all seated around a beautifully designed fire pit in their backyard. I had a glass of white wine courtesy of Alice, sipping on it as the others settled. 

“So, you’re in school. What career path are you hoping to follow?” Carlisle started, pleasant and relaxing across the roaring flames.

“Well, I’m hoping to become a forensic pathologist. So currently I’m aiming for my Bachelors in Science so I can start applying to Medical schools, when I’m finished with that, I am finally hoping to specialize in Toxicology and Anthropology.” I was a little shy, Carlisle being a doctor would know my path pretty well, but it was still odd to choose to work with corpses.

Carlisle looked impressed, sitting a little straighter. “You’re quite ambitious. Where are you hoping to complete your residency?”

“I don’t really have any preference, but the University of Washington Medical Center has incredible programs in pathology, so I would be thrilled to be accepted there.” I smiled, scratching the back of my neck.

“It’s an excellent environment for a resident. Why Pathology, why not get your M.D. and become a doctor?” He questioned. It wasn’t the first time I’d been asked this, so I knew my answer easily.

“The justice system is in need of reform, and even if I can aid that change even slightly, I’d like to do my part. I also erm...have a difficulty relating to the living,-”

I realized what I said was a pun exactly as Alice started laughing, the rest of the family doing so as well. I could only laugh along, grimacing.

“Present company, well, I guess included., and I love solving puzzles. So it seemed like the best course of action for me. Now if I could only get over my fear of needles and erm, blood.”

“You have Hemophobia?” Carlisle asked with a laugh, and I nodded, chagrined. 

“Unfortunately, I’m trying to force myself to get over it, but as Edward knows, I’m a bit of a fainter.” I sighed miserably at that, but shrugged, sipping my wine. Esme spoke next, patting Carlisles shoulder.

“You mentioned before you played guitar? I’m so pleased to see Edward with someone else musical, what do you like to play?”

“A little bit of everything I suppose, I’m really a fan of everything besides, er, “Truck and Dog country.”

Jasper turned then, and I was caught off guard by his voice. He had a slight southern drawl, and I was immediately curious.

“Truck and Dog country’?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know, ‘I have a truck and a dog and I like beer’ country. I prefer the gothic stuff, tell me about selling your soul to the devil at the crossroads or beautiful mysterious women.” I shrugged, Jasper thought about it for a moment and seemed to accept that. 

“Fair enough.” Alice bounced suddenly, clapping her hands. 

“Oh! I have an idea! You should play for us! We have a guitar in the garage!” She was already gone before I could stammer out that it wasn’t necessary, and Esme lit up.  
“Oh that would be wonderful! Please, Eva, wont you?” She looked too excited, too pleased, there was no way I could refuse.

“O-okay, I’m not sure what to play…”

“Try some country gothic.” Jasper suggested, sitting up as Alice came back with a beautiful acoustic guitar, handing it to me with a pick and a capo. I set my wine down and sat up in my seat, settling the instrument and giving it a precautionary strum. It was only slightly out of tune. As I tuned it I chewed on my lip, thinking about a song.

“Okay, okay, I got one for you. This is “The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie.” I started the beat with my foot, fingers playing the twangy chords of the intro, I settled slightly as I got comfortable with the new guitar, adding some flourish. Jasper already looked appreciative, and Alice kept the beat with a gentle patting on her leg.

I took a deep inhale and started to sing, closing my eyes to let my nerves settle. The others were quiet, but I heard some more tapping to the beat around me. I started to smile, gaining confidence when they all looked pleased, even Jasper, my self consciousness melting away. I got more into it, and Jasper stood, pulling Alice with him to dance to the rhythm of the song, both of them grinning. Esme was just glimmering, nodding her head to the beat, and Carlisle tapped his foot along with me. 

I took some more song requests, Alice and others singing along with me to the ones they enjoyed, their voices so hauntingly beautiful I was absolutely enraptured. But eventually I yawned, the wine getting to me as I played a quiet, wordless melody now, just enjoying the peace of the evening. 

After all of this, looking around to the others, it was so incredibly difficult to look at any one of them like monsters. Already, I felt so...right. So comfortable, like they’d always been my family. Like I’d known them for years rather than days.

“Bed time for the human! You need your beauty sleep!” Alice stood then, singsong. Esme kissed my cheek on her way in, and Carlisle gave me a smile. I nodded to Jasper and smiled at him too, he looked very happy, almost proud. Alice pulled me inside and to Edwards room, I was expecting to be put up on his couch. I nearly thought we’d entered the wrong room for a moment when I saw that his large leather couch had been replaced with a queen sized bed. A tall wrought iron headboard and footboard with thick horizontal bars, a deep charcoal grey duvet with gold and ivory accented sheets and an ivory throw tucked neatly over the foot of the bed.

“Uh-”

“I told him he should get a bed if he wanted his human girlfriend spending the night~” Alice winked at me, grinning. I sighed happily, heading over to flop onto the bed. 

“You’re brilliant.”

“I know!” She chirped and giggled. “Bathroom is down the hall to the left! I put your bag in there too~”

“Thank you Alice.” I gave her a happy smile, sitting up to face her, she was grinning back at me.

“No problem! But tomorrow night, you’re all mine!”

I didn’t know if I should be scared or excited.

When I woke up the next morning, my legs were actually sore. I grimaced as I sat up in bed, massaging at my tender thighs. I guess that was one of the consequences of dancing with vampires. But I couldn’t help but smile, it felt so good to know at least most of his family--I swallowed hard thinking about Rosalie-- liked me. 

I drove myself to school, it felt bizarre to pad around his home. I tried to be as quiet as possible, brushing my teeth and pulling on the hoodie and jeans I’d brought for school.

“Hi Alice, good morning.” I laughed, and she nodded. “Good morning to you too, so are you going to introduce me to the girls?” She grabbed my arm, looking at me expectantly.

“Well, since I’m assuming you’ve already seen it, I guess I am.” I laughed. “Meet me outside the Cafe at mid-day?”

She grinned at me and kissed my cheek again, seeming to lope to her own class. I was still a little starstruck by how much she seemed to like me, and how much I seemed to like her. I already felt close to her, we’d only met, what, twice? And hung out yesterday, but I felt as close with her as I did Angela, Becca and Jess.

As I had expected, Alice was waiting for Jessica and I outside the Cafe, and I smiled, looking to Jess, who looked a little nervous. 

“I asked her if she wanted to sit with us today, she’s really a sweetheart.” I vouched for Alice. Jess gave me a look but seemed to relax a little. I hugged Alice when we finally were close enough, trying to ease Jess further, and it seemed to work. Alice then turned to her, holding her hand out. I had noticed she was wearing mittens for this, and smiled internally. Jess shook it after a brief second of consideration.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Alice.”

“Um, Jessica, everyone calls me Jess though.” She was already won over by the inescapable beauty that was Alice’s face and voice. 

“Oh! Eva’s mentioned you! You’re into fashion right? What did you think of NY fashion week this year? I was pretty disappointed with the Versace line up-”

And they were off, Jessica immediately easing into discussing the details of the different designers runway looks this year. I should have expected it would be this easy for Alice. I chuckled and followed after them to our table, Alice winning over Becca and Angela nearly as quickly. Soon all four of us were laughing like old friends, Angela of course wanting embarrassing stories about my new boyfriend. While I chided her, I was curious myself. Alice grinned evilly.

“Bet you wouldn’t peg him as the kind to sing in the shower, sometimes it’s even showtunes.” The group, including me, were instantly hooked.

“No fuckin’ way. Which musicals??”

With Alice around, it was easier to not miss Edward, but I couldn’t help but feel sad when I walked into Bio to sit alone. Mike looked torn, probably whether or not he wanted to talk to me, and I didn’t blame him. I was glad when he chose not to, I had no idea what to say.

I was going home with Alice tonight, to spend the night at the Cullens in prep for this date. And to get some girl time for Alice, who nearly begged me. I really wasn’t able to focus on anything other than the impending ride to the big house once again. 

All too soon I was walking out to the parking lot, trying to calm my breathing. I couldn’t decide if I was nervous about tomorrow or excited, it seemed to be a mixture of an intense amount of both. 

Alice met me at her car, laughing at my face. 

“You’re gonna love it.” She answered before I could ask, and more excitement was added to the mixture. I laughed in embarrassment, nodding. A soft clearing of someone's throat behind me made me ridgid. 

I turned, trying not to look scared. 

She didn’t speak, just stared at me with piercing gold eyes. Her blonde hair fell down her shoulders in flawless loose curls, face beautiful even pressed into a scowl. I decided a greeting from right where I was felt just fine. 

“U-um, hello! You must be Rosalie, right?” I tried to smile at her, but I knew it trembled a little. She responded by huffing and flipping her hair over her shoulder, walking around me to get into the drivers seat. 

“Keep your window open.” Her sirensong voice ordered me, barely holding a change in intonation. Alice was in the passenger seat quickly, glowering at her sister. I saw her lips tremble, but if there was any sound it never made it to my ears. I slid into the backseat as quietly as possible, plugging in my seatbelt and immediately rolling down my window, tugging my beanie tighter over my ears. While I remembered what Edward had said about his sister’s feelings about me, I still didn’t want to upset her. I was sad she was so cold. Alice put on a Spotify playlist so the ride wasn’t silent, bless her, Rose drove faster than her brother even, and I sunk into my seat as I felt the G force put pressure on my chest. 

That meant we got to the Cullen home much faster, and as soon as we were in the garage, Rosalie was gone, vanished, the car door simply closing. Alice rolled her eyes with a huff, suddenly outside my door and opening it for me.

“Ignore her, she will get over it.” I gave her a smile as I grabbed my overnight bag and my messenger bag, standing and heading inside with her. She brought me to the living room, and I dropped my overnight bag on the couch. 

“So, what’s the plan for the night? Netflix and...well, I brought wine but you don’t drink...wine. Hm.” I made a face, wondering why that hadn’t occurred to me earlier. Alice giggled like soft bells.

“We’re having spa night! I also need to figure out what you’re going to wear tomorrow so I can coordinate your makeup.”

“Spa night? What exactly does that entail?”

“You’ll find out!”

I did find out, Alice didn’t forget a single possible thing. I had my hair deep conditioned and shine treated, we did a facial, face masks, eye treatments, lip treatments, manicure, pedicure-- not professionally done of course, I scrubbed at my feet with the products Alice provided, refusing to let her do that-- body masks and lotions, I even waxed my legs and eyebrows. I don’t think there was a single inch of me left un polished. We sat on the couch now, stereo playing some kind of pop/dance mix quietly. I was getting my hair combed and carefully rolled into curlers I was going to be sleeping in. She’d been feeding me glasses of wine all night, and I was feeling fuzzy now, curious.

“...You don’t get to do this much, do you?” I finally piped up, not moving my head as another piece of hair was selected and combed smooth.

“Try never, I know we don’t need it, but I am honestly so sad I can’t really participate in any of this Self-Care Culture. Face masks on me just never absorb, it’s not like stone is terribly absorbent.” She sighed bitterly, pouting. “I was so excited to try all these things, I wanna see if they really work, how do you feel??” She asked excitedly then, and I laughed. 

“Like I’ve been buffed and polished from head to toe. But, in a good way.” I grinned, Alice beaming. 

“From what I can tell, you’re going to love how it all turns out tomorrow, though i still can’t decide on an outfit, when your hair’s done, let’s go play dress up, okay?” I could only nod, looking at the clock, it was only ten p.m., how long could this take?

Once my head felt totally bizarre and I was in the pajamas Alice had bought me-- apparently she’d seen my ratty tank and shorts and refused to let me wear them, I had to convince her not to throw them away. I was honestly grateful for them, it was a satiny shorts and tank set, in a deep burgundy with black lace at the edges. It was low cut, maybe lower than I would have picked, but at least I had something else to wear when Edward spent the night. She pulled me into her bedroom and straight to the closet doors, flinging them open with a flourish. I gaped.

I should have expected no less, the thing was the size of her bedroom, hell, my bedroom, easily. It was organized by decades, then seasons, then colors, then styles, she went straight to a back corner, pulling off two handfuls of hangars. 

Each hand held different cocktail dresses, and Alice tossed them onto the bed, chattering nearly too fast for me to understand.

“So, I had some trouble, I’ve narrowed it down to these ten, but I won’t be sure sure until I see them on you. Do you have a preference? Dark colors look great with your skin, but so would saturated, and you should show off your legs more-”

I stared at the pile of dresses, Versace, Ted Baker, Ralph Lauren, other designer names I couldn’t recognize. These dresses probably cost more than my cellphone. 

I took a long gulp of my wine, finishing the glass.

“Uh, I’ll leave it up to you?” I almost asked, feeling as though she’d prefer it that way. 

“Oh good! Alright, Strip down and put on this strapless bra, I had to guess your cupsize.” I blushed and did as she said, hauling myself into the new bra. I was shocked that I actually felt supported. 

“Where did you get this bra?” I asked in amazement, giving a little jump to see if it would still hold strong even then, laughing impressed when it did.

“I got it from Soma! They have cute stuff, now, lift your feet.” 

It took us a while, the alcohol was hitting me now and I was giggly and a little tippy, but as she zipped up what I thought was the seventh one, and I turned to look in the mirror, we both gasped.

It was a solid black, A line cut dress, the skirt fluffing out from my waist. It had a sweetheart neckline that came low on my chest, showing off my cleavage, and long sleeves that had a small puff at the shoulder. The skirt cut perfectly at my knees, and I twisted in the mirror to see it from all sides.  
“Holy fuck.” I mumbled, I was in love with it, Alice nodded behind me, just as awed as I was it seemed.   
“This is the one. Hold still I have matching shoes and jewelry.” She was gone and back in what felt like an instant, holding up the patent black louboutin spike heeled shoes. I recognized the name, but couldn’t remember from where until she turned them slightly, the red bottoms near impossible to miss.

“Oh my god “These is bloody shoes”,” I mumbled. “Don’t give those to me I will hurt them…” I looked to Alice in distress, and she laughed, poking my forehead. 

“I’ll just buy a new pair, thank god we’re both petite. You’re a 7 ½ right?”

“I’m just, borrowing this right? Like I’m going to give it back?” I desperately didn’t want to keep the lavish look, it was far too much. 

“If you would like to, you can absolutely return it.” I blew a sigh of relief.

“Okay, now out of it so I can hang it.” I stood still again, T-posing firmly as I felt her unzip the back. I was barely able to get out a   
“Yes, ma’am.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about the next day now, what would Edward be wearing? Where were we going!? What exactly had I signed up for? I worried on my lower lip as I was brought back down into the living room, Alice holding my hand so I didn’t fall down the stairs, she was so sweet. My mind began to drift as I considered her suddenly, realizing she might be able to answer some of the questions I was too nervous to ask Edward. We settled on blankets on the floor, turning on Forensic Files for background noise. I poured myself another glass of wine, considering my question as I listened to the deep, soothing voice of the narrator.

“Hey, Alice?”

“Hm?” she smiled, looking to me easy. I knew she knew, but was being gentle with my tipsy brain. I crossed my legs, turning to face her fully, focused on her face.

“Can I...ask you some things?” She raised her eyebrow, smirking, turning to face me as well.

I hesitated again, but the alcohol had loosened the anxiety that would have been gripping me sober.

“Oh, fuck it, En vino veritas right? Look, I’m too fucking embarrassed to ask Edward about this stuff but I...I have absolutely no idea how vampires can have sex. Can he even...get an erection? How?”

Alice was immediately howling with laughter. 

“Oh my god, yes, he can get an erection, just like a human guy. So, anatomically speaking,...” She paused, thinking.

“We have to drink blood because it’s the only thing our bodies can convert to Serum, we don’t have blood, we have Serum. It’s what lubricates our cells and allows us to move, but it gets absorbed quickly. If we were to stop drinking entirely, we wouldn’t die. However, We would eventually burn off all of the serum, and when that happens, we can’t move, we become living statues.”

“Well that is an absolutely terrifying concept.” I was enraptured, eyes on her face.

“In the case of sex, the serum acts just like blood.” She shrugged.

“Even in vampires with vaginas?” 

“Yes, everything down there works nearly exactly like yours does.” she chuckled.

“Can vampires...masturbate?” I was too curious to stop.

“Yes, and it is an absolute curse with our hearing, never any privacy. I’m not answering your second question, gross, I don’t want to hear that. And he’s a very private guy.” She made a face, and I realized it would be like me considering Kain in the same situation, and I couldn’t help being repulsed. I made a face too.

“That’s fair.” I sighed, slumping. “I just- we haven’t done anything, and I can’t help thinking about it. I know it’s dangerous but, holy shit.” I whined.

“You realize he could shatter your pelvis, right?” She laughed at my whining, raising an eyebrow.

“I want Edward to shatter my pelvis!” I whined again, hanging my head.

“Oh dear god Eva!” Alice was laughing as she whined, holding her stomach.

“I want him to break my fucking baaaack.” I banged my fist lightly and repeatedly on my knee in mock frustration. 

“Look, I get you don’t wanna think about it but holy shit it’s been eating me alive and who the fuck else am I supposed to talk to?” I stressed to her, and she tried to stop laughing.

“You’re a horny drunk aren’t you?” She was still giggling with the accusation.

I sighed.

“Just with wine, wine makes me horny, tequila makes me take my clothes off, vodka makes me cry and whiskey makes me love everybody.” I counted them off on my fingers, dejected.

“Tequila makes you take your clothes off?” Alice questioned, I assumed to humor me and let me tell my story, and I couldn’t help but snicker in embarrassment when I remembered the night I learned that, well, remembered what people had told me about that night.

“My friends took me out for my twenty-first, and we did waaay too many tequila shots, like, waaay to many.” I stressed it with my hands. 

“Apparently, a song came on at the bar, have you heard “Buttons” by the Pussycat Dolls?” I gave her an embarrassed smile, and she looked at me in mirth laced horror.

“You didn’t.”

“Oh, I did, I even table danced.” I hung my head again in shame, but I was laughing, as embarrassing as it was, it was still kinda funny, and it was hard not to laugh when Alice was.

“Oh!” I perked up then, thinking about my bra again.

“...I have another question.” I looked up at her seriously again, holding my glass up to point at her. She was still snickering, nodding at me.

“Dude I’ve been so fucking curious, are your boobs actually like, soft? Your skin feels so solid, I just, do you need to wear bras? Are they like sculpture tits?” I gushed, pleading. 

Alice dissolved into laughter again, and grabbed my hand to put it on her boob.

“You tell me!”

There was a squish, they were firm, but they were still soft enough to give under the pressure I placed on them. I pulled back, my amazed expression was stupid, Alice was nearly in pain giggling.

We compared my tits to hers animatedly gossiped and discussed other shit until the wine made me sleepy, Alice helping me up to Edwards room to collapse into bed.


	18. Courtship

COURTSHIP

The next day, I woke up relatively late in the day. The bed Edward had purchased was just perfect, heavy fluffy comforter keeping me warm in the cool house, a fluffy body pillow for me. I snuggled in deeper, sighing, but nearly jumped when I felt something cold stroke my cheek. 

“Good morning, my love.” His voice was like warm caramel, he was spooning me over the comforter his head supported by his arm. I beamed then, rolling over to face him, snuggling into his chest.

“You’re hoooome~” I yawned, sighing as I looked up at his face. He grinned at me, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of my head.

“And you seem to like the bed…” He cooed, his firm arms digging me out of the covers, pulling me close and putting his freezing hand on the skin of my stomach. I jolted, squirming, the sensation snapped me wide awake.

“Ah hey! Okay, okay, I’m up! I’m up!” I wriggled fruitlessly as he laughed, taking his hand off me and letting me sit up, disgruntled.

“That was rude.” I grumbled, sounding out of sorts even to myself.

“I didn’t want you to sleep through our date tonight.” He gave me his playful grin, but I noticed his eyes dip down my body. I remembered then I was wearing the pajamas that Alice had gotten me, and I glanced down to make sure everything was in proper order this time. Luckily it was, and I exhaled in relief.

“That looks lovely on you…” He murmured, a heat in his eyes that sent a similar heat to my groin.

“Yeah? You like it?” I took advantage of his distraction, sitting up on my knees slightly and showing it off a little more. I shivered when I saw him press his teeth into his lower lip and his hands flex slightly. He really liked it, I felt a little high with the pleasure his appreciation brought me. 

“Mmm.” he hummed his response, and I felt his cold fingertips slide over the skin of my upper thigh. “But the effect is slightly ruined by whatever Alice did to your head…” He grinned again, looking up at me. I blanched, reaching up to my head. 

“Oh, crap, the curlers.” I grimaced, moving to the mirror in his room to start unrolling them. Edward came up behind me to help, his hands much faster than mine, and gently pulled his fingers through the curls to loosen them, make them a little more natural. His hands in my hair nearly had me purring, my eyes slipping closed.

“Much better…” His voice was a breathy low hum in my ear, making me shudder and lean back into him, his hands sliding to my waist. He moved to turn me around to face him, tipping my face up to press his lips gently to mine. Unfortunately my stomach chose then to make its empty presence known, and I huffed a little whine.

“Time to feed the Human.” He chuckled, pulling back from my lips. “There will be plenty of time for that later.” He handed me a satin robe that Alice had left hanging on the back of his door, letting me slip it on before he scooped me up suddenly, running me into the kitchen. I could smell something cooking and could hear the food network playing, making me perk.

He set me down at the kitchen island very suddenly, and I was startled, nearly his whole family was in the kitchen...cooking?

“Good morning Eva.” Esme chirped, standing in front of the stove. Emmett stood next to her, waving his big kitchen knife at me with a grin. Carlisle was whisking something in a glass bowl. I was shocked.

“Hope you don’t mind us taking the chance to actually use our kitchen.” Esme chuckled, glancing to the iPad on the counter as she needed to follow the next steps. Edward was grinning at me, leaning on the island as he passed me a cup of coffee and some cream.

“No! Absolutely not, it smells fantastic…” I smiled, trying to see what Carlisle was tapping cinnamon into. “Oh! French toast!” Carlisle grinned at me, pleased.

“I’m glad it’s recognizable.” 

“I love cooking for people.” I admitted. “When Edward told me he didn’t enjoy human food I was so bummed, fastest way to a mans heart is his stomach and all that-” I froze, only then realizing the secondary implication of my words, holding my breath. My expression made the family laugh, Edward rolled his eyes. 

“I...guess I have that covered after all…” I looked up at him, giving him a sheepish grin and chuckling. He only pressed a kiss to my temple. Soon Esme made a successful sound, putting together a plate. 

A veggie omelet, bacon, sausage, french toast, pancakes. I stared at the spread, slightly intimidated, that was a LOT of food. But one glance to his family's faces as they waited for me to try it filled me with determination to at least give it my best shot. I made sure to try everything, which was delicious, of course, and was happy at how pleased his family seemed that I liked it. I didn’t finish it all, not even close, but I didn’t want to be bloated for Edward and I’s date later. I listened to Jasper and Emmett bicker about who cooked the bacon better, and I wouldn’t pick a side. This lead to a debate that nearly ended in a wrestling match, and Edward pulled me close with an exasperated expression. 

Alice came and peeled me from Edward eventually, hissing at him until he finally left me, to go get ready himself. 

She sat me down in front of her vanity and spread out an incredible amount of makeup products, I saw some brands I recognized and felt my eyes widen.

“Jesus Alice I think your makeup collection is worth more than my car…”

She grabbed my chin to start applying a primer to my face, and I closed my eyes.

“Probably~” 

I really hadn’t gotten a chance to look in the mirror yet, again I was made to have things glued to my eyelids, I would never understand the necessity of this. 

There was a lot of blending and smoothing, and I was trying to be good, even though I got lightly bapped for fidgeting.

“Okay, pucker your lips out.” She was holding lipstick now, and I pursed them out in an exaggerated way, getting bapped again, I had to snicker as she gripped my jaw and scolded me.

“Honestly! You’re almost done.” I held back my giggle as she painted on the red lipstick. Finally backing off my face to start in on my hair. I looked at my face now, and was startled by my own reflection. Jess had done my makeup before, but never like this. All of my best features were highlighted, and made sultry. My eyes were gently shaded with browns and golds, smoked out at the creases. I had a gentle contour applied, and only light foundation, my freckles still visible. My cupids bow was highlighted flawlessly.

“Damn…” I breathed, and Alice laughed, carefully twisting my hair up into an elegant loose bun, slipping a long hairpin in it to keep it in place. 

“Careful of this, if you take it out your hair will come out, I’m not gonna cram a thousand bobby pins into your head.” She was stern, and I nodded.

“Yes ma’am, thank you ma’am.” I gave her a salute and she snorted.

“You’re such a bisexual, jeez.” I had to laugh at that, but she was making me get up to go get the outfit on. She chose some black, sheer tights to wear under the dress, and I got into them, the bra and let her pull the dress over my head. She organized it while I stared at the shoes she had chosen again. 

Poor Edward. His poor toes. 

I jolted when she suddenly swung something over my face, clipping a delicate gold chain around my neck, a small diamond pendant resting on my collarbone. 

“Alice!” I turned to her, frustrated. 

“Shush! It’s cubic zirconia.” She quickly clipped matching studs into my ears. I couldn’t argue too hard, but pouted at her.

“Get your shoes on! C’mon, Edwards waiting!” That started me moving again, and sent my heart racing. I had her help stepping into the heels, and tried a couple cautious steps. When I didn’t land flat on my face, I felt better, even though I stumbled a little on my way to the stairs. 

“He’ll be waiting outside! Your clutch is on the entryway table.”

She sounded giddy, and I gave her what I hoped was a grateful expression, but I think it was more of a deer in the headlights look. I carefully made my way downstairs and grabbed the clutch and the black wool shawl she’d left me. I had to take a breath before I opened the front door.

I nearly turned around and walked right the fuck back in.

“What the hell is that?” Edward looked incredible, as he always did, black slacks and a deep red button down under a black blazer. He left his top buttons undone, shiny black shoes crossed over one another as he leaned against the most expensive looking car I’d ever seen.

“A 2001 Aston Martin Vanquish.” He answered cooly, grinning at me. 

“Well I recognized 2001 and Aston Martin.” I mumbled, carefully coming down from the porch to approach him and the pearlescent white sports car.

“You realize I borrowed my entire outfit, and the nicest dress I own is from H&M right?” I questioned him, stepping up to him to kiss him. 

He seemed distracted for a moment, and I realized he hadn’t been able to see me very well from his angle until now. I couldn’t help the rush of smug pleasure I felt, distracting him for once. It took him a moment to respond.

“Are you sure you can’t keep it?” He murmured, slipping his hands around my waist to rest them on my lower back, leaning his face down to press a kiss under my ear, exhaling softly against my skin.

I shivered, turning my eyes upwards in frustration. He was entirely unfair. 

“Yes, it’s too expensive.” He chuckled at that, kissing me on the lips then. He opened the passenger side door for me, helping me slide into the car. The interior was just as insane as the exterior, and I felt like I needed to get out before I damaged something. 

He slid into the drivers seat then, tossing me an excited grin as he turned the key and revved the engine, making me squeak. Okay, okay, it was hot. Bastard.

He pulled us out of the “driveway” getting us through the forest and onto the main straightaway. When we’d settled into our lane his grin turned slightly evil, and I was about to ask him what he was doing when he was suddenly rocketing up the gears, pushing the car from 45 to 145 in less than 5 seconds, the speed making me reach up to grab the oh shit handle and squeal, getting pressed hard into the seat. I couldn’t help the grin that spread my lips as the adrenaline hit and I started laughing. He was having a great time, I could tell, eyes sparkling and face bright. 

“You’re gonna give me a thing for fast cars!” I yelled, unable to keep the scolding tone I wanted to keep. He laughed aloud at me.

“Oh dear, that would be just awful.” He accelerated a little harder for a moment, making me yelp and laugh again, before finally giving me a moment to catch my breath, slowing to a far more reasonable 100 mph. 

“Didn’t James Bond have an Aston Martin?” I turned to him, the name finally clicking to a memory.

He nodded, looking to me then.

“He had this exact one in Die Another Day.” He beamed at my recognition, pleased.

“In most of the movies it was a DB5 or a DBS.” He nodded, and I made a mental note to google that later.

“Which is your favorite Bond?” I relaxed into my seat, feeling fantastic. 

“Sean Connery.” He smirked at me, doing a near perfect impression of his accent, and I had to laugh again. 

“See, I knew you had very good taste. Shame they didn’t cast Idris Alba as the next one though.”

“Oh he would have made a fantastic 007.” He looked disappointed, our conversation continued easily as the car moved silently to the first destination he had planned. When we got to Spokane and turned in front of a massive stone and marble building, I knew I chose correctly when I’d had Alice dress me. 

He pulled into the Valet parking and hopped out of the driver's seat, bringing his key to the stunned and gaping guy handling the valet stand. I couldn’t help but snicker, letting Edward carefully help me get out of the car, using his arm as support. I worked incredibly hard to keep my focus on my feet, and Edward seemed absolutely fine with needing to walk a little slower for me.

“It’s unbelievably fun getting to show you off.” He murmured into my ear, and I flushed, looking up at him. 

“Oh come on, if anyone here is arm candy, it’s definitely you.” 

“It still baffles me how you can be so oblivious to exactly how many people in the room can’t take their eyes off you.” I held back a scoff and an eyeroll, but I leaned heavier against his arm, resting my head against his shoulder. He pressed a kiss to the crown of my head, and I was able to look up when we made it to the host stand. 

“Reservation for Cullen, please.” The older man seemed unfazed, as though he was used to indescribably beautiful people coming through the doors.

“Right this way Mr. Cullen.” He had a french accent, and I perked. It was definitely Francaise and not Canadienne. I hoped I might get to show off a little tonight myself. 

We were led through the incredible restaurant, the ceilings were incredibly high, and I could only compare the interior to the pictures I’d seen of the Palace of Versailles. I was surprised when we left the main dining room and entered a smaller space. From the ceiling draped heavy velvet curtains in a deep red, acting as privacy curtains for the few tables that populated the room. It seemed lit very gently by chandeliers and candles. Again I nearly rolled my eyes, this was excessive, but Edward only gave me a smug grin, pulling out my chair for me and helping me sit as the host bowed and sped off. 

I just stared at him, my expression summed up as “Really?”, but I couldn’t help my slight exasperated smile. 

“I told you, I was going to spoil you senseless.”  
“You don’t even eat!” I mouthed at him, and he chuckled, smirking.

“It’s alright, they have a special for...clients like me.” He watched me perk and look alarmed, laughing again.

“It’s a simple soup, but it makes it easy on us.” He chuckled. 

“There’s also no prices on the menu.” He smirked again and I groaned, letting my head fall back.

“Of course not.”

He reached across the table then, gently taking my fingers and stroking his thumb across the backs of them, his expression softened to one of gentle, pleased disbelief, and I had to turn my eyes down, my cheeks warming significantly.

“You really do look beautiful tonight, love. Remind me to thank Alice.” 

“I will, though I find I’m running out of ways to call you beautiful, as well.” I gave him a sheepish smile, finally letting myself really look at him. The top buttons of his shirt exposed the top of his chest and his collarbones, the slope of his neck, the curve of his Adam's apple. 

Lord have mercy.

A server approached then and handed me a menu. Edward murmured in french. 

“le spécial s'il vous plaît.” “The special, please.” I smirked behind my menu, doing a quick scan of the text, Edward looked to me as though he was waiting for me to ask a question, reaching out.

“Donnez-moi le Coq au Vin s'il vous plaît, et un verre de moscato aussi.” Oh the stunned look on Edwards face nearly had me giddy, but I kept my face masked in calm civility. 

“Absolument, madame.” The server took my menu and nodded, bowing slightly before stepping from the table.

“Merci beaucoup.” I nodded back to him, then finally turned my eyes back to Edward, who had settled back with his eyebrows raised. I had finally impressed him.

“Tu parles français?” He chuckled.

“Ah, oui.” I smiled at him, almost grinning like the cheshire cat. He shook his head, pursing his lips in his smile, still surprised. 

“Good to know.” He went back to english now. “I can’t tease you in french.” 

“Nope~” I popped the P, but sat back as the server came back with the moscato, pouring me a taste. I thanked him again, pretending I knew what I was doing, swirling the wine in the glass and taking a small sniff before I sipped. My eyebrows almost shot up. Okay, so there was a definite difference between the cheap and expensive stuff. I nodded and let him fill the glass, thanking him again as he stepped off once more.

“You have no idea how to actually taste wine, do you?” 

“Not in the slightest.”

He laughed.

We spent most of dinner chatting about school and classes, how midterms were coming and what I needed to study. He was served a “soup” Which looked like a slightly reddish cloudy water. 

“Water mixed with fresh venison blood.” He’d explained incredibly quietly. I made a bit of a face and he grinned sassy at me. 

“So, where do you think I’ll be taking you next, Ms. Irving?” He raised an eyebrow when I was finished eating and had my dishes removed. 

“Mmm.” I hummed, I had a feeling I knew where, but I didn’t want to spoil that I’d somewhat learned how to at least follow someone’s dancing. 

“Transylvania?” I put on an innocent face, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Are you quite finished?”

“With dinner, yes, with the jokes? No.” I let him come to me and pull out my chair, offering his arm. I took it and stood, I’d never seen him sign a check, but apparently we had already paid. He escorted me out of the restaurant, his arm moved to my waist, supporting some of my weight so I wasn’t walking so hard in my heels. We turned down the sidewalk, and I took in the lights of the city. The night was shockingly clear, if not cold, and I hiked up my shawl to keep warm, leaning into him happily.

“You know, when I was your age, this would be quite scandalous.” He turned his face to me slightly, smirking.

“Oh? How so?” 

“Well first of all, an unwed woman in public, with no chaperone? With an unmarried man no less.” He shook his head, putting on a mocking air of aristocracy. I snorted.

“A chaperone? What did that entail, not even a woman in her 20’s could go alone?”

“It would probably be your brother or your father, and no, absolutely not. Although, I can’t say I miss anything about that.” He grinned, tugging my waist closer. I giggled, but bapped at his chest.

“That’s ridiculous, fuck the patriarchy.” I chirped curtly, huffing. He could only laugh raucously, and I felt myself melt like ice cream.

We arrived at some kind of bar and lounge, but I perked when I realized I heard swing music coming from inside. The building was furnished in dark woods and bronze accents, deep blue curtains and chairs, barstools made the place feel almost cozy, if it weren’t for the massive dance floor in the center of the room.

Edward must have seen my terrified face and leaned down to whisper to me. “It’s all in the leading my love.” 

“Your toes better hope so.” I mumbled, and let him pull me inside. He nodded to the host who led us in and to a small curtained table in the back. I placed my shawl and my purse down, trying to get a read on the songs, I recognized this wasn’t classic swing but techno swing, modern swing. I saw others on the dance floor and watched them, awed. Some of the pairs were obvious professionals, or at least hobbyists, but there were amateurs too, just having fun. I could understand now why they called it swing dancing, watching couples use their momentum to toss each other around.

I perked when I noticed Edward kneeling in front of me, and nearly had a heart attack until I saw a shoe box. He grinned up at me, taking my calf. 

“As lovely as you look in these shoes, there’s no way I can ask you to dance in them. I figured Alice would choose fashion over function, so I brought these.”

He opened the shoebox, showing me a pair of black satin kitten heeled shoes. I fought for a moment between being upset about gifts and being excited to get these deathtraps off my feet. 

“...God yes get these things off me.” He laughed and stopped me as I leaned down to take off the heels, holding my calf gently and taking off my shoes for me. His eyes smouldered up at me as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to the side of my knee, a smirk gracing his face as he felt me shudder and my head go fuzzy. He slipped on the next pair of shoes, putting the heels in the empty box.

He stood and slipped off his suit jacket, hanging it with my shawl, and rolled up the sleeves of his button down. He looked even better like that, relaxed and slightly mussed. I was getting used to this playful, coy, exuberant version of him, it didn’t feel like he’d changed, however. He felt relaxed, like he was being himself now. He trusted that I trusted him. He gave me his crooked smile as he held out his hand to me.

“Would you do me the honor of dancing with me, Miss Irving?” I bit my lip, but smiled back, unable to refuse him in anything that brought him this much joy.

“Of course I would, Mr. Cullen.” I stood in the new shoes, relieved at the ease of walking now, as he led me onto the floor, pulling me into his arms. I tried very hard to remember what Carlisle and Alice had taught me about being led in a dance, but as he caught the rhythm, it all flew out of my head.

However, it was easier than I’d thought, he caught some momentum in a spin and let me turn away, then come back to him, continuing the motion. I began mimicking some of his footwork, and before I knew it, his wide grin was putting one on my face. I laughed as he twirled me, then pulled me close, holding my waist to his with his hand against my lower back, his other hand holding mine between our chests.

“Told you it was in the leading. How about some more intermediate moves, hm?” He looked devilish now, and I almost saw his horns. He suddenly spun me away from him and pulled me back, grabbing my waist and lifting me in one smooth motion. I squeaked, hands going to the tops of his shoulders, a quick spin, and I was back on my feet, breathless, but perfectly on beat. He laughed triumphantly when I managed to catch my footing as he set me down, able to let him keep swinging me.

I was having an absolute blast. I never imagined dancing could be this fun. We took moments to the side of the floor where I showed him the few “moves” I knew, doing the Bernie and the funky chicken to make him laugh, then flossed at him until he picked me up again to drag me onto the floor.

Eventually the music slowed in tempo and he pulled me close. I recognized the song immediately, La Vie en rose. I tipped my head back, feeling utterly fantastic, I softly sang along, watching his face. He seemed to melt, slowing our dance to a simple rocking, taking my hand to kiss my knuckles.

“And Edith Piaf? Ms. Irving if I could fall any more in love with you I think I’d just have to start dropping to my knees.” He spoke low and soft against my fingertips, his eyes warm and so enraptured. I leaned my head into his chest then, slowly, and he wrapped his arms around me tight enough for me to feel the chill of his skin through my dress.

Again, a moment in time I wished I could freeze, wrapped safely in his arms, comfortably tired, and so in love with the man in front of me. I’d never even imagined something this incredible could exist. 

But sadly, we heard last call, and had to go pack up, him leading me out and back to the restaurant. I leaned into him the whole walk, not breaking the comfortable silence as the valet returned his car. 

I didn’t worry about the kid getting a decent tip, happy to see him holding some bill in shock as I slid into the passenger seat. He took us home, playing soft indie music as he did, holding my hand when he wasn’t changing gears. When we made it back, his home was silent, and he dropped me off at the front step. It took him less than a minute to park and come back to my side, almost immediately taking me into his arms again. He seemed as unwilling to let go as I was.

We went up to his room quietly, and he closed the door behind us, turning on the stereo with a flick of his wrist. I turned to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my chin on his chest.

“Well, I think it’s quite official.” I sighed, murmuring very quietly. “I am unequivocally head over heels in love with you…” I watched his eyes sparkle at that, and he leaned down to slowly press his lips to mine. 

The peace swept through me like warm honey dripping down the side of a glass, filling me to the ends of my fingers. I tipped my head, letting myself melt. There was no urgency in this, no frantic want, no fear. His arms slipped tighter around my back as we deepened our kiss, and he stroked his hands up my spine.

I moved my own arms around his neck, leaning my weight into him. His breath made my head swim, his hands made me shiver, I was full of him. I barely noticed when he slowly unzipped the back of my dress, gently pulling me into the room. My fingers went after his shirt buttons as I dropped the dress around my feet, kicking off my shoes. When I’d gotten it open I pressed my hands to his chest, feeling every plane, every angle, dragging my nails over his hips as if I could grip him closer. 

I was utterly incoherent at the sound he made in reaction to my nails, a mix between a growl and a moan. My fingers moved faster, going after his belt, and I felt his cold hands go after my bra. He was obviously trying to be careful and unclasp it, making me giggle at his frustrated low sound. He got it then, and I let it fall from my body, catching his lips again as his hands chilled over my shoulderblades, my spine, my hips, the sides of my waist. Suddenly we were horizontal, and I realized he’d fallen backwards onto the bed, me atop him. I kissed him again, I needed to, it didn’t feel right not kissing him. 

He rolled us over, not breaking the kiss until I was settled. His lips left a cold, damp trail down my jaw and then my neck, his hands cupping either side of my ribcage as he hunted down my body, making me arch.

“God…” He growled, leaning back to look at my body, I nearly went to cover myself on instinct, but he caught my arms and pinned them too my sides briefly. Immediately they cupped my breasts, and I felt his cold fingers gently squeeze, pressing over their tips with his thumbs. Once again I arched, my brain dissolving under his hands as I let out a soft high sound. I tried to be good, keep my hands at my sides, but when the pad of his icy tongue pressed over my left nipple, they coiled into his hair.

I heard him groan again, moving to kiss the center of my sternum, his hands moving down my body to grip at my hips again, then down my thigh to my knee. He hitched my knee up over his hip, making my breath stutter. I got bold, kissing him on the mouth again, my hand sneaking down his chest and stomach. 

I slipped it over the visible bulge in his boxer briefs, and he gasped, nearly purring and bucking his hips into my hand. He was getting frantic now, and I used my feet to push his slacks off of his hips, meeting his urgency with a fervor. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and dug my nails, at least tried to, into his shoulder blades, and he pressed into my hips, grinding against my core. He groaned as though he felt relief, and I squeezed his hips with mine, pressing my need harder into his erection. I felt him brace himself against the headboard, gasping.

Then I heard an awful creaking and the sound of metal folding. Our heads snapped up at the same time, the iron headboard of the bed was mangled in his grasp.

I saw his expression crumble into one of agony, and suddenly he was up and off of me, looking over my body. I realized after a moment it was for injuries.

I grabbed his face then, sitting up.

“Hey-- I’m alright, I’m fine. It’s okay, it was only the headboard.” I couldn’t help the wave of grief that hit me now. I knew the moment was shattered. I closed my legs, the cold air making me uncomfortable.

He searched my eyes for a moment, panic in his, before they calmed, and then he pulled me close. I tucked his face against my shoulder very slowly, and he only resisted a moment before I felt him take a deep breath. I remained in silence with him and stroked his hair gently, trying to soothe him. 

“I...I’m so sorry…” He murmured against my skin, voice strained like he was in pain. 

“Don’t be.” I took a breath myself, nosing into his hair. 

“There are other forms of intimacy than that, you know. As...well, desperately turned on by you as I am, I can survive without sex. Just...like this. Does this worry you?” I squeezed him gently, he was cold, and I felt my front chill, but my back was cozy in our bed. 

He was silent for a moment, before he slowly wrapped his arms around me, settling against my front and between my knees. He was heavier than he looked, and I tried not to giggle about it. 

“...No. It doesn’t...but-”

“Shh. This is enough, my love, we have all the time in the world.” 

I whispered, stroking my hands through his hair and down his back. He slowly relaxed, and I finally felt him lift off of me carefully and pull the blanket over us both, kicking his pants and socks off of the bed. He wrapped me in the comforter, and then his arms, pressing slow, soft kisses to the top of my head, pulling my hair pin out all the way to release my bun, combing his fingers gently through my curls. 

“The sounds you make drive me absolutely mad.” He growled it into my ear, making me shiver. I had to smile and move my head to give him a gentle, but slow kiss. 

“I love making you growl.” I gave him a smug little smile, biting my lip. He kissed the tip of my nose and squeezed me to him again.

“You’re very good at it, now, go to sleep you bloody succubus.”

I giggled, but snuggled in deeper, letting sleep take me soon after.


	19. Cloud Nine

CLOUD NINE

“So uhm, when am I going to meet this mysterious secret boyfriend of yours?” Kain asked casually, and I choked on my coffee, coughing as I tried to clear my windpipe.

Edward and I had only been dating for a couple weeks now, though it still only felt like days. And I had thought I’d been excellent at keeping my brother unaware enough, yet again he was way too observant when I didn’t want him to be. He was worse than Alice when it came to treating me like a doll, and the last thing I needed was another person that wanted to glue shit to my eyes.

“Who told you!?” I cried at him, offended even as I coughed.

“I don’t reveal my sources!” Kain snipped, looking back at me and pointing his butter knife at me.

“Jessica.” I growled, looking at my phone.

“Of course it was Jessica, who else? Regardless, is that where you’ve been spending all these nights out?” He accused, and he wasn’t wrong, but I huffed.

“It’s not what you think!”

“Hah, bull.” He turned from me, going back to buttering his toast, voice attempting to sound casual.

“So, who is it?”

I went red and gulped, but sat back crossing my legs, playing his fake casual game.

“Edward Cullen.”

My brother nearly fell over.

“You’re dating Edward fucking Cullen and you didn’t tell me?!” He was absolutely scandalized, staring at me like I hadn’t invited him to my wedding. 

“Cause I knew you’d do this! I didn’t wanna jinx it, okay?”

He groaned dramatically and rolled his eyes.

“Well fuck that, call him, I wanna meet him, as your big brother it is my sworn duty to validate whether or not your man is one of quality.” He sniffed.  
“Kain the last guy you dated snorted cocaine off of his grandma's hand mirror while you were having dinner with them.”

“But he wasn’t your boyfriend!”

I sighed and grumpily snagged my phone. I texted a quick “You’re dead to me” to Jessica before calling Edward. I was still nervous, but Edward had seemed like he’d wanted to be introduced to my family. He picked up on the first ring.

“Well hello my love, what is it you need?” He sounded surprised and pleased at my call, and I couldn’t help but smile. Damn honeymoon phase.

“Are you free today?”

There was a quiet rustling, then he returned.

“I am now, what’s going on?”

“Would you like to come over and meet my brother?” I was a little chagrined, and he seemed stunned for a moment before responding. 

“As…?”

“My boyfriend, you dork.” I snickered. I heard another rustle and the edge of excitement in his voice. 

“I’ll be there in ten.”

“I’ll time you.”

He hung up and I chuckled, looking at Kain who stared back, expectant. 

“You have ten minutes to get pants on.”

“Oh- SHIT! Really Eva!?”

He booked it to his room to make himself presentable. I skipped into mine to throw on a hoodie and skinny jeans, yanking a brush through my hair quickly. I could hear Kain crashing around his bedroom, swearing, and I giggled evilly, moving to the living room to wait.

Kain burst out a couple minutes later, a button down and nice jeans on, he'd rolled up the sleeves and was attempting to smooth his hair, giving me a dirty look. He hated making a bad first impression. 

I buzzed Edward in, and giggled imagining him trying so hard to force himself to walk at a normal pace up the stairs as not to startle Kain. Soon enough there was a knock on the door, Kain posed in a lounge seat, trying to look nonchalant. I rolled my eyes and snorted, opening the door to beam at Edward.

I let him in, standing on my tiptoes to hug him around his neck. He chuckled and hugged me back, kissing my head. 

“Hello, love.” He looked into the apartment then as Kain stood, putting on his best butch face.

“You must be Edward.” He approached, even lowering his voice to sound more “masculine”, he still wasn’t even slightly intimidating. Edward lifted a nice looking bottle of whiskey with a bow on it, a gift for Kain I realized, and pulled his hand out of his pocket--where he’d been keeping a hand warmer--and extended it to my brother, giving his most charming smile. 

“Hello, I’m glad to meet you, you must be Kain.” 

He was stunned for a moment before he reached forward and shook Edwards hand firmly, nearly harrumphing. 

“Come in.” He gestured to Edward and he stepped forward, glancing back at me. I smiled at him until I noticed kain checking out his ass. I smacked at him, glaring. Kain just looked at me and mouthed the words:

“Oh. My. G o d.”

I gave him a shrug, I didn’t know how I roped him either, but I wasn’t going to complain. I went to plop next to Edward on the couch, letting Kain sit across from us. He picked up the whiskey and cracked a smile. 

“This is actually lovely, thank you. So, how did my complete dork of a sister manage to rope you in?” 

I gave him another dirty look as Edward chuckled. 

“Like attracts Like I suppose. She has certainly accused me of being a “dork” plenty of times.” He glanced at me, patting my knee.

“S’cause you are.” I followed up, hugging his arm. 

Kain gave him the big brother interrogation, how old was he, what were his goals, etc. But I vetoed anything dumb. By the end I could see Kain had nothing bad to say about him, but Edward suddenly shifted, a smirk he was trying to hide touching his lips as he kissed my forehead and stood.

“Excuse me a moment, where is the restroom?”

“Oh! Down the hall, to the left.”  
I watched Edward walk away, bewildered, before Kain suddenly slammed himself beside me,staring at me firmly. 

“How?”

“You think I know? I’m just as confused as you are.” I whispered back, fully aware of why Edward excused himself now.

“Bitch I swear to god if you don’t put a ring on that, I will. He’s genuinely in love with you. I may be an idiot but you know I know how to read people.” He stressed his point, and I flushed, he was right.

“Also that is a $300 bottle of scotch. So yeah, I approve.”

“Oh come on, he bought you with booze?”

“Really good booze!” He whispered back, both of us hearing the toilet flush and the sink running. Kain snuck back into his chair, trying to look like he never left as Edward returned, sitting beside me now. Edward looked up and gave him a smile.

“Would you be terribly offended if I stole your sister for the rest of the day?”

Kain shrugged. “We didn’t have any plans.” 

“Excellent, Eva?” He looked to me then, to confirm if I would like to come with him.

“Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you to lunch, then I thought we could relax at my home.” I nodded happily, standing.

“Sure! Lemme go change.”

I put my hair in a ponytail and traded my hoodie for a cute V neck sweater, tucking it into my waistline and pulling a brown belt on. I grabbed my purse and shoved my feet into my brown ankle boots, skipping out. I felt like I was walking on air, I was honestly looking forward to next semester now, knowing Edward would be with me. I wondered when this Honeymoon feeling would pass, in the moment, I didn’t think it would.

My brother and my boyfriend were making easy small talk until I came out, Edward stood then, holding his hand out to me which I took readily.

“See you later Kain~” My brother shot jealous daggers at me with his eyes, and I beamed my brightest, smug grin right back.  
The drive was spent as it typically was, Edward freaking me out by never looking at the road, kissing my knuckles, bickering lightly about which System of a Down song was the best. I was partial to Aerials, Edward liked Toxicity. We both agreed Chop Suey still slapped, though he made me explain what “Fucking slaps” meant in context.

We took 270 going east, heading towards Idaho, the clouds were thick enough that it wasn’t freezing. The nearest decent mall was the Palouse Mall, I liked getting to make it over there for the Bed Bath and Beyond, I always had a coupon from them somewhere. Today he took me there for the little grille that stood outside the mall, taking me inside to sit down. We had a quiet lunch, well at least I did, and I kicked him lightly under the table until he let me pay for my own meal. I was still trying to feel like I had made up for our last date. 

I glanced up slightly to the front door of the restaurant when I saw something glint out of the corner of my eye, and perked.

“Oh! Jacob! Billy!” I was happily surprised, I certainly hadn’t expected running into anyone today. Edward followed my gaze and suddenly locked down. Jacob saw me first, a big grin lighting his face as he waved at me. 

“Ah! Eva, dang! It’s been a minute.”

He turned his father in his wheelchair to come say hello. I watched Billy's hand wrap tightly around Jacob’s wrist. His face was white as a sheet, eyes brimming with an emotion I could only label as…

Terror.

My own smile faltered as I made the connection, that’s right, he feared the Cullens. I gulped as I realized he’d nearly hit the nail on the head, but I smacked my smile back on, standing to give Jacob a hug. Billy watched me like a hawk, as though examining my features for anything wrong with me. Jacob hugged me back, noticing Edward now too, suddenly realizing the same thing I had. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. 

“Hi, I’m Jacob Black.” He very pointedly held out his hand to Edward, glancing at his father with annoyance. Billy looked like he wanted to rip it away, but he was frozen. 

Edward stood and took Jacobs hand after a moment, connecting it firmly and shaking. 

“Edward Cullen. Good to meet you.” Edwards voice was a little flat, but he smiled without his teeth, and I glanced between him and Billy nervously.

“Sorry to interrupt your date.” Jacob chuckled, but there was an edge to his voice, like he was hoping we’d contradict his statement. 

“No, it’s good to see you, sorry I haven’t been out to the pub recently, with Thesis Proposals coming due soon I was pretty focused on staying sober.” I joked, and Jacob’s smile twitched, falling slightly.

“I get it, I hope to see you soon though, maybe you can come with your friends again, I made awesome tips that night.” He chuckled.

“Which Pub is that?” Edward asked cooly, a voice I recognized suddenly, it was the same calm, edged voice he used with Mike and Eric. 

“Oh,...The Rose and Thorn.” Did I imagine the edge there? Billy was becoming more anxious, especially as Edward slipped his arm around my waist to pull me to his side.

“He’s not much of a drinker, but perhaps we’ll see you around.” I patted Edwards chest, now anxious to get away from this tension. I’d noticed Edward had tossed a bill on the table behind us.

“Yes. Perhaps.” Billy stared at me now, eyes boring into mine with an incredible intensity that made me straighten my back. Jacob noticed our movement to exit and faltered a little, glancing at his dad and sighing.

“I hope I do. Uh, have a good day then. Good to meet you.” He looked at Edward again, who nodded, then tugged my waist towards the exit.

“You too Jake, I’ll erm, come and visit!” We were out the door then, Jacob and I exchanging a tense glance just before I was pulled outside. Edward was growling, tucking me tighter to him. I swore I heard him mutter something along the lines of “damn dogs”.

I stayed quiet, unsure what to say. I started with:

“So, on to the Cullen house?” I tried to toss him a smile, and he noticed the nervousness in my voice, and actively relaxed, grabbing my hand again. 

“Correct.” He gave my knuckles another kiss, giving me a slight smile. I relaxed then too, and the drive was quiet from there, his spotify playing a mix of the Killers, Muse, and Placebo.

We made it back to the Cullen house and I was immediately met by Alice at the door, it scared me, making me jump. 

“Jesus- Oh god Alice you might see me coming but I don’t see you!” I whined, and she was pouting at me.   
“I’m just happy you came to visit! Edward you better share her this time, I want to try out another face mask on her.” She chirped sternly at her brother.

“Ma’am, yes ma’am.” he gave her an exaggerated, bored salute. I giggled, letting him zip me upstairs to wander around the second floor. I noticed the art again, and tugged him with me to examine it all, humming softly to myself. We got to the end of a hall and I froze, my eyebrows shooting up, staring incredulously at the ornament hanging on the wall above my head. Edward chuckled at my bewildered expression.

"You can laugh," he said. "It is sort of ironic."

I didn't laugh. My hand raised automatically, one finger extended as if to touch the large wooden cross, it's dark patina contrasting with the lighter tone of the wall. I didn't touch it, though I was curious if the aged wood would feel as silky as it looked. 

"How old is it?," I asked, noticing the slight petrification of the wood.

He shrugged. "Early sixteen-thirties, more or less."

I looked away from the cross to stare at him.

"Where is it from? Is there a special reason it’s been kept?”

"Nostalgia. It belonged to Carlisle's father."

"He collected antiques?" I suggested doubtfully.

"No. He carved this himself. It hung on the wall above the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached."

I wasn't sure if my face betrayed my shock, but I returned to gazing at the simple, ancient cross, just in case. I quickly did the mental math; the cross was over three hundred and seventy years old. The silence stretched on as I struggled to wrap my mind around the concept of so many years.

"Are you all right?" He sounded worried.

"How old is Carlisle?" I asked quietly, ignoring his question, still staring up.

"He just celebrated his three hundred and seventy-fifth birthday," Edward said. I looked back at him, a million questions in my eyes.

He watched me carefully as he spoke.

"Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway. It was just before Cromwell's rule, though."

I kept my face composed, aware of his scrutiny as I listened. I was still trying to conceptualize that long of an existence, especially with how much had changed in the world since the 1640’s, now far more in awe of his father.

"He was the only son of an Anglican pastor. His mother died giving birth to him. His father was an intolerant man. As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions. He also believed very strongly in the reality of evil. He led hunts for witches, werewolves… and vampires." I grew very still at the word. I'm sure he noticed, but he went on without pausing.

"They burned a lot of innocent people — of course the real creatures that he sought were not so easy to catch.

"When the pastor grew old, he placed his obedient son in charge of the raids. At first Carlisle was a disappointment; he was not quick to accuse, to see demons where they did not exist. But he was persistent, and more clever than his father. He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt. In those days, when monsters were not just myths and legends, that was the way many lived.

"The people gathered their pitchforks and torches, of course" — his brief laugh was darker now — "and waited where Carlisle had seen the monsters exit into the street. Eventually one emerged."

His voice was very quiet; I strained to catch the words.

"He must have been ancient, and weak with hunger. Carlisle heard him call out in Latin to the others when he caught the scent of the mob. He ran through the streets, and Carlisle — he was twenty-five  
and very fast — was in the lead of the pursuit. The creature could have easily outrun them, but Carlisle thinks he was too hungry, so he turned and attacked. He fell on Carlisle first, but the others were close behind, and he turned to defend himself. He killed two men, and made off with a third, leaving Carlisle-”

He paused. I could sense he was editing something, keeping something from me.

"Carlisle knew what his father would do. The bodies would be burned — anything infected by the monster must be destroyed. Carlisle acted instinctively to save his own life. He crawled away from the alley while the mob followed the fiend and his victim. He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days. It's a miracle he was able to keep silent, to stay undiscovered.

"It was over then, and he realized what he had become."

I'm not sure what my face was revealing, but he suddenly broke off.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm fine, just, kind of finding more reason to be awed by Carlisle." I assured him. And, though I bit my lip in hesitation, he must have seen the curiosity burning in my eyes.

He smiled. "I expect you have a few more questions for me."

"A few."

His smile widened over his brilliant teeth. He started back down the hall, pulling me along by the hand.

"Come on, then," he encouraged. "I'll show you."

He led me back to the room that he'd pointed out as Carlisle's office. He paused outside the door for an instant.

"Come in," Carlisle's voice invited.

Edward opened the door to a high-ceilinged room with tall, west-facing windows. The walls were paneled again, in a darker wood — where they were visible. Most of the wall space was taken up by  
towering bookshelves that reached high above my head and held more books than I'd ever seen outside a library.

Carlisle sat behind a huge mahogany desk in a leather chair. He was just placing a bookmark in the pages of the thick volume he held. The room was how I'd always imagined a college dean's would look — only Carlisle looked too young to fit the part.

"What can I do for you?" he asked us pleasantly, rising from his seat.

"I wanted to show Eva some of our history," Edward said. "Well, your history, actually."

"We didn't mean to disturb you," I apologized.

"Not at all. Where are you going to start?"

"The Waggoner," Edward replied, placing one hand lightly on my shoulder and spinning me around to look back toward the door we'd just come through. Every time he touched me, in even the most casual way, my heart had an audible reaction. It was more embarrassing with Carlisle there.

The wall we faced now was different from the others. Instead of bookshelves, this wall was crowded with framed pictures of all sizes, some in vibrant colors, others dull monochromes. I searched for some logic, some binding motif the collection had in common, but I found nothing in my hasty examination.

Edward pulled me toward the far left side, standing me in front of a small square oil painting in a plain wooden frame. This one did not stand out among the bigger and brighter pieces; painted in varying tones of sepia, it depicted a miniature city full of steeply slanted roofs, with thin spires atop a few scattered towers. A wide river filled the foreground, crossed by a bridge covered with structures that looked like tiny cathedrals.

"London in the sixteen-fifties," Edward said.

"The London of my youth," Carlisle added, from a few feet behind us. I looked back to him, eyes wide, I hadn't heard him approach. Edward squeezed my hand.

"Will you tell the story?" Edward asked. I twisted a little to see Carlisle's reaction.

He met my glance and smiled. "I would," he replied. "But I'm actually running a bit late. The hospital called this morning — Dr. Snow is taking a sick day. Besides, you know the stories as well as I do," he added, grinning at Edward now.

It was a strange combination to absorb — the everyday concerns of the town doctor stuck in the middle of a discussion of his early days in seventeenth-century London. It was also unsettling to know that he spoke aloud only for my benefit. After another warm smile for me, Carlisle left the room. I stared at the little picture of Carlisle's hometown for a long moment.

"What happened then?" I finally asked, staring up at Edward, who was watching me. "When he realized what had happened to him?"

He glanced back to the paintings, and I looked to see which image caught his interest now. It was a larger landscape in dull fall colors — an empty, shadowed meadow in a forest, with a craggy peak in the distance.

"When he knew what he had become," Edward said quietly, "he rebelled against it. He tried to destroy himself. But that's not easily done."

"How?" I didn't mean to say it aloud, but the word broke through my shock.

"He jumped from great heights," Edward told me, his voice impassive. "He tried to drown himself in the ocean… but he was young to the new life, and very strong. It is amazing that he was able to resist… feeding… while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything. But he was so repelled by himself that he had the strength to try to kill himself with starvation."

“Did he become...frozen?."

"Mm, Alice mentioned. But no, he grew very hungry, and eventually weak. He strayed as far as he could from the human populace, recognizing that his willpower was weakening, too. For months he wandered by night, seeking the loneliest places, loathing himself.

"One night, a herd of deer passed his hiding place. He was so wild with thirst that he attacked without a thought. His strength returned and he realized there was an alternative to being the vile monster he feared. Had he not eaten venison in his former life? Over the next months his new philosophy was born. He could exist without being a demon. He found himself again.

"He began to make better use of his time. He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn. Now he had unlimited time before him. He studied by night, planned by day. He swam to France and —"

"He swam to France?"

"People swim the Channel all the time, Eva," he reminded me patiently.

"That's true, I guess. It just sounded funny in that context. Go on. I won’t interrupt again."

"Swimming is easy for us because, technically, we don't need to breathe."

"You —"

"No, no, you promised." He laughed, putting his cold finger lightly to my lips. "Do you want to hear the story or not?"

"You can't spring something like that on me, and then expect me not to say anything," I mumbled against his finger.

He lifted his hand, moving it to rest against my neck. The speed of my heart reacted to that, but I persisted.

"You don't have to breathe?" I demanded.

"No, it's not necessary. Just a habit." He shrugged.

"How long can you go… without breathing?"

"Indefinitely, I suppose; I don't know. It gets a bit uncomfortable — being without a sense of smell."

"A bit uncomfortable," I echoed.

I wasn't paying attention to my own expression, but something in it made him grow somber. His hand dropped to his side and he stood very still, his eyes intent on my face. The silence lengthened. His  
features were immobile as stone.

"What is it?" I whispered, touching his frozen face.

His face softened under my hand, and he sighed. "I keep waiting for it to happen."

"For what to happen?"

"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go." He smiled half a smile, but his eyes were serious. "I won't stop you. I want this to happen, because I want you to be safe. And yet, I want to be with you. The two desires are impossible to reconcile…" He trailed off, staring at my face. Waiting.

"I'm not running anywhere," I promised.

"We'll see," he said, smiling again.

I frowned at him. "So, go on — Carlisle was swimming to France."

He paused, getting back into his story. Reflexively, his eyes flickered to another picture — the most colorful of them all, the most ornately framed, and the largest; it was twice as wide as the door it hung next to. The canvas overflowed with bright figures in swirling robes, writhing around long pillars and off marbled balconies. I couldn't tell if it represented Greek mythology, or if the characters floating in the clouds above were meant to be biblical.

"Carlisle swam to France, and continued on through Europe, to the universities there. By night he studied music, science, medicine — and found his calling, his penance, in that, in saving human lives." His expression became awed, almost reverent. "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control. Now he is all but immune to the scent of human blood, and he is able to do the work he loves without agony. He finds a great deal of peace there, at the hospital…" Edward stared off into space for a long moment. Suddenly he seemed to recall his purpose.

He tapped his finger against the huge painting in front of us.

"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."

He touched a comparatively sedate quartet of figures painted on the highest balcony, looking down calmly on the mayhem below them. I examined the grouping carefully and realized, with a startled laugh, that I recognized the golden-haired man.

"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods," Edward chuckled.

"Aro, Marcus, Caius," he said, indicating the other three, two black-haired, one snowy-white.

"Nighttime patrons of the arts."

"What happened to them?" I wondered aloud, my fingertip hovering a centimeter from the figures on the canvas.

"They're still there." He shrugged. "As they have been for who knows how many millennia. Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to 'his natural food source,' as they called it.

They tried to persuade him, and he tried to persuade them, to no avail. At that point, Carlisle decided to try the New World. He dreamed of finding others like himself. He was very lonely, you see.

"He didn't find anyone for a long time. But, as monsters became the stuff of fairy tales, he found he could interact with unsuspecting humans as if he were one of them. He began practicing medicine. But the companionship he craved evaded him; he couldn't risk familiarity.

"When the influenza epidemic hit, he was working nights in a hospital in Chicago. He'd been turning over an idea in his mind for several years, and he had almost decided to act — since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one. He wasn't absolutely sure how his own transformation had occurred, so he was hesitant. And he was loath to steal anyone's life the way his had been stolen. It was in that frame of mind that he found me. There was no hope for me; I was left in a ward with the dying. He had nursed my parents, and knew I was alone. He decided to try…"

His voice, nearly a whisper now, trailed off. He stared unseeingly through the west windows. I wondered which images filled his mind now, Carlisle's memories or his own. I waited quietly.

When he turned back to me, a gentle angel's smile lit his expression.

"And so we've come full circle," he concluded.

“Carlisle is...incredible.” I breathed, imagining his timeline once again. Edward chuckled beside me.

“That he is. I couldn’t really have asked for a better father.”

We meandered back to his room, and I thought more about Carlisle and his long life, wondering at his incredible control and knowledge. Could I help people like he has? Could I gain that level of self control and use the time I was being, well, potentially offered, to do good?

Edward took my waist then, humming against my ear as he pulled my back to his chest. 

“Alice still isn’t ready for you, she better hurry or I am certainly not going to let you go.” I could hear the grin in his voice, and my knees faltered. 

“You’re going to make me explode if you keep doing this stuff to me, you realize that right? A girl can only take so much.”

“Well lets hope it doesn’t come to that, darling.” He scooped me up princess style and carried me over to his bedroom, dumping me unceremoniously onto the bed and making me laugh. He ditched his jacket and growled playfully, mock pouncing onto the bed to pin me down and get at my sides, his light fingers tickling me in the worst possible way. I was squealing and kicking, desperate to get away from his cold, evil fingers, but he was unrelenting, purring and smirking at me like a demon.


	20. The Game

THE GAME

The next three months followed an incredibly similar pattern, and the two of us only grew more comfortable. Word had gotten around the school as well as the town that the mysterious Edward Cullen was dating a girl from the university, and I was getting stared at more in school than I had been when I’d been a new face. That or they were staring at Edward, as it was near impossible to separate us by that point. 

I had convinced him and Alice to sit with my friends and I, and neither of them argued, Jasper sitting on the far end and talking quietly with Becca, who he’d seemed to begin a rapport with. While at first the girls had been intimidated, it was pretty impossible to not be utterly charmed by a Cullen. Kain had learned that as well, when Alice began inviting herself over to my apartment, he and Alice were talking like old friends now, and she was always coming over for Ru Paul night.

Tonight I was headed with Edward back to the cullen house, a very familiar drive now, my hand in his when he wasn’t switching gears.

“Hey Em, Hey Jazz.” I called to them as we stepped in the front door and headed upstairs, the two distracted by an intense game of what looked to be Mortal Kombat. Alice was snuggled up to Jasper, and she whined at me for not greeting her.

“Hey you already saw me coming!” I teased her, sticking my tongue out at her, a gesture she returned. The boys had merely grunted in response, Rosalie refusing to look at me as always. I wondered if she’d ever warm up to me, she seemed to be softening, not quite hatred as much as vague avoidance of me.

I hopped up on Edwards bed, putting on my glasses and pulling out my laptop, starting my homework for that night, while Edward silently placed himself behind me, beginning his daily efforts to entirely pull my attention away from my work. 

His fingers caressed over my ear, twisting a lock of my hair around his finger as he did. Then they stroked down the back of my neck, making me shiver. As much of a struggle that it was to study like this, I loved it. Loved feeling him just enjoy touching me, his victorious grin when he finally successfully turned me into a puddle and needed to kiss him.

He now curled around my back, resting his chin on my shoulder to look at my work, considering the studying I was doing for my Entomology midterm. I rest there against his chest, enjoying the quiet. He still let me get some work done, considering. 

But I was only able to get about an hours worth of studying in before his lips were grazing up and down my neck, just behind my ear, his purring growl against the shell of my ear making me nearly moan, grinning and biting my lip at the pleasant shiver. 

“Excuse me Mr. Cullen but I am in fact a little busy defining all of the differences between first and second instar blowfly larvae.” I teased, and he growled a little louder.

“While that sounds terribly interesting I must admit that this little spot behind your ear--” He very lightly stroked his tongue against the small spot where the shell of my ear met the back of my neck, and I jolted, feeling like someone had just plugged me into a car battery.

“Is so much more interesting to me at the moment…” He hummed quietly, and I heard his smirk as I melted back into him to let him have at me, huffing at him as he started necking at me with playful growls, pulling me into his lap to kiss me deeply.

"Can we come in?" a soft voice sounded from the hall.

I struggled to free myself, but Edward merely readjusted me so that I was somewhat more conventionally seated on his lap. I could see it was Alice, then, and Jasper behind her in the doorway. My cheeks burned, but Edward seemed at ease.

"Go ahead." Edward was still chuckling quietly.

Alice seemed to find nothing unusual in our embrace; she walked — almost danced, her movements were so graceful — to the center of the room, where she folded herself sinuously onto the floor.

Jasper, however, paused at the door, his expression a trifle shocked. He stared at Edward's face, and I wondered if he was tasting the atmosphere with his unusual sensitivity.

"It sounded like you were having Eva for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced.

I made a face at her, and Edward was grinning — whether at her comment or my response, I couldn't tell.

"Sorry, I don't believe I have enough to spare," he replied, his arms holding me recklessly close.

"Actually," Jasper said, smiling despite himself as he walked into the room, "Alice says there's going to be a real storm tonight, and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?"

The words were all common enough, but the context confused me. I gathered that Alice was a bit more reliable than the weatherman, though.

Edward's eyes lit up, but he hesitated.

"Of course you should bring Eva," Alice chirped. I thought I saw Jasper throw a quick glance at her.

"Do you want to go?" Edward asked me, excited, his expression vivid.

"Sure." I couldn't disappoint such a face. "Um, where are we going?"

"We have to wait for thunder to play ball — you'll see why," he promised.

"Will I need an umbrella?"

All three laughed aloud.

"Will she?" Jasper asked Alice.

"No." She was positive. "The storm will hit over town. It should be dry enough in the clearing."

"Good, then." The enthusiasm in Jasper's voice was catching, naturally. I found myself eager, rather than scared stiff.

"Let's go see if Carlisle will come." Alice bounded up and to the door in a fashion that would break any ballerina's heart.

"Like you don't know," Jasper teased, and they were swiftly on their way. Jasper managed to inconspicuously close the door behind them.

"What will we be playing?" I asked, bewildered.

"You will be watching," Edward clarified. "We will be playing baseball."

I stared at him incredulously. "Vampires like baseball?"

"It's the American pastime," he said with mock solemnity.

It was just beginning to drizzle when Edward turned into the parking lot. Up until that moment, I'd had no doubt that he'd be staying with me while I spent some time getting ready.

And then I saw the black car, a weathered Ford, parked in front of our apartment building, in Edwards usual spot— and heard Edward mutter something unintelligible in a low, harsh voice.

Leaning away from the rain under the shallow awning in front of the main door, Jacob Black stood behind his father's wheelchair. Billy's face was impassive as stone as Edward parked the BMW next to my truck. Jacob stared down, his expression mortified.

Edward's low voice was furious. "This is crossing the line, he is not to be involved."

"He came to...warn Kain?" I guessed, more horrified than angry.

Edward just nodded, answering Billy's gaze through the rain with narrowed eyes.

I felt weak with relief that Kain wasn't home yet.

"Let me deal with this," I suggested. Edward's black glare made me anxious.

To my surprise, he agreed. "That's probably best. Be careful, though. The child has no idea."

I bridled a little at the word child. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am," I reminded him.

He looked at me then, his anger abruptly fading. "Oh, I know," he assured me with a grin.

I sighed and put my hand on the door handle.

"Get them inside," he instructed, "so I can leave. I'll be back around dusk."

"You don't have to leave," I said wistfully.

He smiled at my glum expression. "Actually, I do. After you get rid of them" — he threw a dark glance in the Blacks' direction — "Kain is going to have more questions for me.” He grinned widely, showing all of his teeth.

I groaned. "Thanks a lot."

"I'll be back soon," he promised. His eyes flickered back to the porch, and then he leaned in to swiftly kiss me just under the edge of my jaw. My heart lurched frantically, and I, too, glanced toward the porch. Billy's face was no longer impassive, and his hands clutched at the armrests of his chair.

"Soon," I stressed as I opened the door and stepped out into the rain.

I could feel his eyes on my back as I half-ran through the light sprinkle toward the porch.

"Hey, Billy. Hi, Jacob." I greeted them as cheerfully as I could manage. "Kain's gone for the day —I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Not long," Billy said in a subdued tone. His black eyes were piercing. "I just wanted to bring this up."

He indicated a brown paper sack resting in his lap.

"Thanks," I said, though I had no idea what it could be. "Why don't you come in for a minute and dry off?"

I pretended to be oblivious to his intense scrutiny as I unlocked the door, and waved them in ahead of me.

"Here, let me take that," I offered, turning to shut the door. I allowed myself one last glance at Edward.

He was waiting, perfectly still, his eyes solemn.

"You'll want to put it in the fridge," Billy noted as he handed me the package. "It's some of Harry O’Cleary's homemade fish fry — Kain's favorite. The fridge keeps it drier." He shrugged.

"Thanks," I repeated, but with feeling this time. "I was running out of new ideas for dinners."

"Working tonight?" Billy asked with a subtle gleam in his eye. "Down at his temp job? Maybe I'll run by and see him."

"No," I quickly lied, my face going hard. "He was headed out with some friends to a college party… but I have no idea where."

He took in my changed expression, and it made him thoughtful.

"Jake," he said, still appraising me. "Why don't you go get that new picture of Rebecca out of the car? I'll leave that for Kain, too."

"Where is it?" Jacob asked, his voice morose. I glanced at him, but he was staring at the floor, his eyebrows pulling together.

"I think I saw it in the trunk," Billy said. "You may have to dig for it."

Jacob slouched back out into the rain.

Billy and I faced each other in silence. After a few seconds, the quiet started to feel awkward, so I started to rock on the balls of my feet, looking at his tense hand on the wheel of his chair.

I held the bag. His deeply lined face was unreadable.

"Kain won't be back for a long time." My voice was almost rude.

He nodded in agreement, but said nothing.

"Thanks again for the fish fry," I hinted.

He continued nodding. I sighed and folded my arms across my chest.

He seemed to sense that I had given up on small talk. "Eva," he said, and then he hesitated.

I waited.

"Eva," he said again, "Kain is a very good kid, and your dad and I are still very close friends."

"Yes."

He spoke each word carefully in his rumbling voice. "You've been spending time with one of the Cullens."

"Yes," I repeated curtly.

His eyes narrowed. "Maybe it's none of my business, but I don't think that is such a good idea."

"You're right," I agreed. "It is none of your business."

He raised his graying eyebrows at my tone. "You probably don't know this, but the Cullen family has an unpleasant reputation around the family."

"Actually, I did know that," I informed him in a hard voice. This surprised him. 

"But that reputation couldn't be deserved, could it? Because the Cullens never set foot near your pub or farm, do they?" I could see that my less than subtle reminder of the agreement that both bound and protected his tribe pulled him up short.

"That's true," he acceded, his eyes guarded. "You seem… well informed about the Cullens. More informed than I expected."

I stared him down. "Maybe even better informed than you are."

He pursed his lips as he considered that. "Maybe." he allowed, but his eyes were shrewd. "Is Kain as well informed?"

He had found the weak chink in my armor.

"Kain likes the Cullens a lot," I hedged. He clearly understood my evasion. His expression was unhappy, but unsurprised.

"It's not my business," he said. "But it may be Kain's."

"May, be. When I feel like he’s ready. Which is still my business."

He thought about it while the rain picked up against the windows, the only sound breaking the silence.

"Yes," he finally surrendered. "I guess that's your business, too."

I sighed with relief. "Thanks, Billy."

"Just think about what you're doing, Eva," he urged.

"Okay," I agreed quickly.

He frowned. "What I meant to say was, don't do what you're doing."

I looked into his eyes, filled with nothing but concern for me, and there was nothing I could say.

Just then the front door banged loudly, and I jumped at the sound, then moved to the front door to let him in again.

"There's no picture anywhere in that car." Jacob's complaining voice was gruff, annoyed. The shoulders of his shirt were stained with the rain, his hair dripping, when he rounded the corner.

"Hmm," Billy grunted, suddenly detached, spinning his chair around to face his son. "I guess I left it at home."

Jacob rolled his eyes dramatically. "Great."

"Well, Eva, tell Kain" — Billy paused before continuing — "that we stopped by, I mean."

"I will," I muttered.

Jacob was surprised. "Are we leaving already?"

"Kain's gonna be out late," Billy explained as he rolled himself past Jacob.

"Oh." Jacob looked disappointed. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, then, Eva."

"Sure," I agreed.

"Take care," Billy warned me. I didn't answer.

Jacob helped his father out the door. I waved briefly, glancing swiftly toward the now empty parking space, and then shut the door before they were gone.

I stood in the hallway for a minute, listening to the sound of their car as it backed out and drove away. I stayed where I was, waiting for the irritation and anxiety to subside. When the tension eventually faded a bit, I headed upstairs to change out of my dressy clothes.

I tried on a couple of different tops, not sure what to expect tonight. As I concentrated on what was coming, I found myself worrying about how much Billy knew, about Jacob. I remembered when he’d mentioned Harry. The Blacks and the O’Cleary’s were a massive Irish catholic family that lived in the area, they owned some farmland and several houses in the same small area outside of the city, had for generations. The stories I was told as a kid were coming back. They were very close knit, I remembered the massive BBQ’s and birthday parties on the farm.

As I was trying on some things and messaging the girls asking for advice, getting made fun of as usual, I heard Kain's key in the door, I walked out to the kitchen, leaving my outfit on the bed. The front door slammed and I could hear him banging around in the entryway.

"Hi there, kiddo!" Kain called as he walked into the apartment. I waved at him.

"Hey, Kain," I said. He was scrubbing his hands in the sink. "How was brunch, seemed like it took a while?"

“It was laaame!” He whined it, slouching dramatically. “All catty superficial drama, and Ryan wasn’t even there!”

“Ryan is…”

“The dirty blonde with the gauged ears, brown eyes, really perky bu-—”

“Ah, kay, yup, stop, I remember now. Billy dropped off some of Harry O’Cleary's fish fry this afternoon." I worked to sound enthusiastic.

"He did?" Kain's eyes lit up. "That's my favorite."

Kain cleaned up while I got dinner ready. It didn't take long till we were sitting at the table, eating in silence. Kain was enjoying his food. 

"What did you do with yourself today?" he asked, snapping me out of my reverie.

“Edward took me back to his place after class and I hung out with Alice while I studied for midterms.” I did my absolute best to sound nonchalant, Kain wouldn’t believe me if I told him the truth, that we weren’t having sex.

Kain gave me a look over his fork.

"Dr. Cullen's place?" 

I pretended not to notice his reaction. "Yeah. I got to talk to Dr. Cullen about some things for the internship I’m applying to over the summer at the Medical Examiner’s office.”

He gave me a disparaging look as he chewed.

“We’re actually going out tonight, his family invited me to their family game night.”

"When is he coming over?"

"He'll be here in a few minutes."

"Where is he taking you?"

I groaned loudly. "I hope you're going to get used to this soon Kain, we're going to play baseball with his family."

His face puckered, and then he finally chuckled. "You're playing baseball?"

"Well, I'll probably watch most of the time."

"You are fucked boo.” He started laughing. “I never thought you would be that whipped.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes for his benefit.

I heard the roar of an engine pull up in front of the building, but didn’t think much of it. I stood and started cleaning my dishes.

"Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much."

The doorbell rang, and Kain stood to answer it and buzz Edward in. I was half a step behind him.

When he made it up and knocked, I opened the door. I hadn't realized how hard it was pouring outside. Edward stood in the Hallway looking like a male model in an advertisement for raincoats.

"Come on in, Edward."

"Thank you Kain," Edward said in a respectful voice.  
“Let me take your jacket-”

“Oh it’s alright, I don’t think we’ll be staying long.”

Kain hmmphed and waved him in, I went to go get my purse and my own raincoat.

Edward sat down fluidly in the only chair, forcing me to sit next to my brother on the sofa when I came back out. I quickly shot him a dirty look. He winked behind Kain's back.

"So I hear you're getting my sister to watch baseball." Only in Washington would the fact that it was raining buckets have no bearing at all on the playing of outdoor sports.

"Yes, that's the plan." He didn't look surprised that I'd told my father the truth. He might have been listening, though.

"Well, more power to you, I guess."

Kain laughed, and Edward joined in.

"Okay." I stood up. "Enough humor at my expense. Let's go." I walked back to the hall and pulled on my jacket. They followed.

"Lemme walk y’all out, Eva you have me in your pinned messages, right?” Kain looked at me, behind Edwards back, mouthing the word “Ducktails” at me. Our panic word in case things went sideways and I needed saving. I smiled at him. 

“Yes, no worries.”

"Don't worry, Kain, I'll have her home early," Edward promised.

"You take care of my baby sister, all right?"

I groaned, but they ignored me.

"She'll be safe with me, I promise."

Kain couldn't doubt Edward's sincerity, it rang in every word.

I stalked out. They both laughed, and Edward followed me.

I stopped dead on the porch. There, in Edwards parking spot, was a monster Jeep. Its tires were higher than my waist. There were metal guards over the headlights and tail-lights, and four large spotlights attached to the crash bar. The hardtop was shiny red.

Kain let out a low whistle.

"Wear your seat belts," he choked out.

Edward followed me around to my side and opened the door. I gauged the distance to the seat and prepared to jump for it. He sighed, and then lifted me in with one hand. I hoped Kain didn't notice.

As he went around to the driver's side, at a normal, human pace, I tried to put on my seat belt. But there were too many buckles.

"What's all this?" I asked when he opened the door.

"It's an off-roading harness."

"Uh-oh."

I tried to find the right places for all the buckles to fit, but it wasn't going too quickly. He sighed again and reached over to help me. I was glad that the rain was too heavy to see Kain clearly on the porch.

That meant he couldn't see how Edward's hands lingered at my neck, brushed along my collarbones. I gave up trying to help him and focused on his face, staring at him in tortured exasperation.

Edward turned the key and the engine roared to life. We pulled away from the house.

"This is a… um… big Jeep you have."

"It's Emmett's. I didn't think you'd want to run the whole way."

"Where do you keep this thing?"

"We remodeled one of the outbuildings into a garage."

"Aren't you going to put on your seat belt?"

He threw me a disbelieving look.

Then something sunk in.

"Run the whole way? As in, we're still going to run part of the way?" My voice grew excited, but I worried about having the same reaction I’d had last time.

He grinned tightly. "You're not going to run."

"What if I get sick again?"

"Keep your eyes closed, you'll be fine."

He leaned over to kiss the top of my head, and then groaned. I looked at him, puzzled.

"You smell so good in the rain," he explained.

"In a good way, or in a bad way?" I asked cautiously.

He sighed. "Both, always both."

I don't know how he found his way in the gloom and downpour, but he somehow found a side road that was less of a road and more of a mountain path. For a long while conversation was impossible, because I was bouncing up and down on the seat like a jackhammer. He seemed to enjoy the ride, though, smiling hugely the whole way.

And then we came to the end of the road; the trees formed green walls on three sides of the Jeep. The rain was a mere drizzle, slowing every second, the sky brighter through the clouds.

"Alright, Eva, we have to go on foot from here."

"Maybe we should hike it...I really don’t wanna be sick on you...."

”C’mon little coward, I thought you were more brave than this."

"I haven't forgotten the last time yet." 

He was around to my side of the car in a blur. He started unbuckling me.

"I'll get those, you go on ahead," I protested.

"Hmmm…" he mused as he quickly finished. "It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."

Before I could react, he pulled me from the Jeep and set my feet on the ground. It was barely misting now; Alice was going to be right.

"Tamper with my memory?" I asked nervously.

"Something like that." He was watching me intently, carefully, but there was humor deep in his eyes.

He placed his hands against the Jeep on either side of my head and leaned forward, forcing me to press back against the door. He leaned in even closer, his face inches from mine. I had no room to escape.

"Now," he breathed, and just his smell disturbed my thought processes, "what exactly are you worrying about?"

"Well, um, hitting a tree —" I gulped "— And then getting sick."

He fought back a smile. Then he bent his head down and touched his cold lips softly to the hollow at the base of my throat.

"Are you still worried now?" he murmured against my skin.

"Yes." I struggled to concentrate. "About hitting trees and getting sick."

His nose drew a line up the skin of my throat to the point of my chin. His cold breath tickled my skin. 

"And now?" His lips whispered against my jaw.

"Trees," I gasped. "Motion sickness."

He lifted his face to kiss my eyelids. "Eva, you don't really think I would hit a tree, do you?"

"No, but I might." There was no confidence in my voice. He smelled an easy victory.

He kissed slowly down my cheek, stopping just at the corner of my mouth.

"Would I let a tree hurt you?" His lips barely brushed against my trembling lower lip.

"No," I breathed. I knew there was a second part to my brilliant defense, but I couldn't quite call it back.

"You see," he said, his lips moving against mine. "There's nothing to be afraid of, is there?"

"No," I sighed, giving up.

Then he took my face in his hands almost roughly, and kissed me in earnest, his unyielding lips moving against mine.

There really was no excuse for my behavior. Obviously I knew better by now. And yet I couldn't seem to stop from reacting exactly as I had the first time. Instead of keeping safely motionless, my arms reached up to twine tightly around his neck, fingers burying in his hair, and I was suddenly welded to his hips. I sighed, and my lips parted.

He staggered back, breaking my grip effortlessly.

"Damn it, Eva!" he broke off, gasping. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will."

I leaned over, bracing my hands against my knees for support.

"I can’t help it when you’re turning my brain to paste! I swear if you keep riling me up like this I’m just gonna melt!" I gasped, trying to catch my breath, and trying to stop imagining him taking me up against the hood of the car. Good god I was so happy he couldn’t see my thoughts. I leaned back against the door. 

“You won’t be able to just seduce me into doing whatever you want forever, you know.” I huffed.

"But it’s still working at the moment. Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," he growled.

He threw me across his back as he had before, and I could see the extra effort it took for him to be as gentle as he was. I locked my legs around his waist and secured my arms in a choke hold around his  
neck.

"Don't forget to close your eyes," he warned severely.

I quickly tucked my face into his shoulder blade, under my own arm, and squeezed my eyes shut.

And I could hardly tell we were moving. I could feel him gliding along beneath me, but he could have been strolling down the sidewalk, the movement was so smooth. I was tempted to peek, just to see if he was really flying through the forest like before, but I resisted. It wasn't worth that awful dizziness. I contented myself with listening to his breath come and go evenly.

I wasn't quite sure we had stopped until he reached back and touched my hair.

"It's over, Eva."

I dared to open my eyes, and, sure enough, we were at a standstill. I stiffly unlocked my stranglehold on his body and slipped to the ground, landing on my backside.

"Oh!" I squeaked as I hit the wet ground.

He stared at me incredulously, evidently not sure whether he was still too mad to find me funny. But my bewildered expression pushed him over the edge, and he broke into a roar of laughter.

I picked myself up, ignoring him as I brushed the mud and bracken off the back of my jacket. That only made him laugh harder. Annoyed, I began to stride off into the forest.

I felt his arm around my waist.

"Where are you going, Eva?"

"To watch a baseball game. You don't seem to be interested in playing anymore, but I'm sure the others will have fun without you."

"You're going the wrong way."

I turned around without looking at him, and stalked off in the opposite direction. He caught me again.

"Don't be mad, I couldn't help myself. You should have seen your face." He chuckled before he could stop himself.

“That’s mean! You’re really tall, that drop hurt. Are you the only one allowed to get cranky?” I huffed at him, though I knew I was neon red.

I tried to turn away from him again, but he held me fast.

"You were mad," I insisted.

"Yes. But I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Eva?" He was suddenly intense, all trace of teasing gone.

"Don't you understand?"

"See what?" I blinked, confused by his sudden mood swing as much as his words.

"I'm never angry with you — how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are."

"I thought I kept telling you to stop it with the self deprecation.” I murmured.

He put his hands carefully on both sides of my face. "I infuriate myself," he said gently. "The way I can't seem to keep from putting you in danger. My very existence puts you at risk. Sometimes I truly hate myself. I should be stronger, I should be able to —"

I placed my hand over his mouth. "Don't."

He took my hand, moving it from his lips, but holding it to his face.

"I love you," he said. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

It wasn’t the first time he'd said he loved me — but it was the first time he’d said it in so many words. He might not realize it, but I certainly did.

"Now, please try to behave yourself," he continued, and he bent to softly brush his lips against mine.

I held properly still. Then I sighed.

"You promised Kain that you would have me home early, remember? We'd better get going."

"Yes, ma'am."

He smiled wistfully and released all of me but one hand. He led me a few feet through the tall, wet ferns and draping moss, around a massive hemlock tree, and we were there, on the edge of an enormous open field in the lap of the Olympic peaks. It was twice the size of any baseball stadium.

I could see the others all there; Esme, Emmett, and Rosalie, sitting on a bare outcropping of rock, were the closest to us, maybe a hundred yards away. Much farther out I could see Jasper and Alice, at least a quarter of a mile apart, appearing to throw something back and forth, but I never saw any ball. It looked like Carlisle was marking bases, but could they really be that far apart?

When we came into view, the three on the rocks rose.

Esme started toward us. Emmett followed after a long look at Rosalie's back; Rosalie had risen gracefully and strode off toward the field without a glance in our direction. My stomach quivered uneasily in response.

"Was that you we heard, Edward?" Esme asked as she approached.

"It sounded like a bear choking," Emmett clarified.

I smiled at Esme. "That was him."

"Eva was being unintentionally funny," Edward explained, quickly settling the score.

Alice had left her position and was running, or dancing, toward us. She hurtled to a fluid stop at our feet.

"It's time," she announced.

As soon as she spoke, a deep rumble of thunder shook the forest beyond us, and then crashed westward toward town.

"Eerie, isn't it?" Emmett said with easy familiarity, winking at me.

"Let's go." Alice reached for Emmett's hand and they darted toward the oversized field; she ran like a gazelle. He was nearly as graceful and just as fast — yet Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle.

"Are you ready for some ball?" Edward asked, his eyes eager, bright.

I tried to sound appropriately enthusiastic. "Go team!"

He snickered and, after mussing my hair, bounded off after the other two. His run was more aggressive, a cheetah rather than a gazelle, and he quickly overtook them. The grace and power took my breath away.

"Shall we go down?" Esme asked in her soft, melodic voice, and I realized I was staring after him. I quickly reassembled my expression and nodded. Esme kept a few feet between us, and I wondered if she was still being careful not to frighten me. She matched her stride to mine without seeming impatient at the pace.

"You don't play with them?" I asked, looking to her and then the others again.

"No, I prefer to referee — I like keeping them honest," she explained.

"Do they like to cheat, then?"

"Oh yes — you should hear the arguments they get into! Actually, I hope you don't, you would think they were raised by a pack of wolves."

"You sound like my mom," I laughed, surprised.

She laughed, too. "Well, I do think of them as my kids in most ways. I never could get over my mothering instincts — did Edward tell you I had lost a child?"

"No," I murmured, stunned, scrambling to understand what lifetime she was remembering.

"Yes, my first and only baby. He died just a few days after he was born, the poor tiny thing," she sighed.

"It broke my heart — that's why I jumped off the cliff, you know," she added matter-of-factly.

"Edward just said you f-fell," I stammered.

"Always the gentleman." She smiled. "Edward was the first of my new sons. I've always thought of him that way, even though he's older than I, in one way at least."   
She smiled at me warmly. "That's why I'm so happy that he's found you, sweetheart." 

The endearment sounded very natural on her lips. "He's been the odd man out for far too long; it's hurt me to see him alone."

"You don't mind, then?" I asked, hesitant again. "That I'm… human?"

"No." She was thoughtful. "You both carry a connection I’ve only really noticed in other mated couples. The way you move together, even though you’re human, is still subconsciously synchronized." she chuckled, though her forehead creased with worry. 

“...Have you ever wanted children of your own, Eva?” She didn’t look at me, but the question sent a javelin through my middle. I’d hoped that something like this wouldn’t come up. I fidgeted slightly, mulling over my next words.

“Um, I’ve been...infertile, since I was 15.” I murmured, knowing she would hear, I hoped my voice wouldn’t carry across the field. I still didn’t feel ready to tell Edward.

Her head snapped to me, and I gave her a gentle smile, trying to let her know she hadn’t said anything wrong.

“Endometriosis.” I explained, looking at the ground now, my hand subconsciously fell to my lower stomach. “We caught it too late, and by then my fallopian tubes were pretty much non-functional because of the scarring. I chose to have them cut, so the risk of ectopic pregnancy wouldn’t be an issue. I’ve had...years now, to accept it, and understand it, but I still find it terrifying to tell any male partners.” I laughed a little embarrassed.

“When I found out that um, vampires couldn’t...become pregnant, or get people pregnant, I was honestly...relieved. I wouldn’t be...taking a potential future from him, you know? Is that horrible?”

I cringed, but Esme carefully rest her hand on my shoulder. 

“I think Edward would understand better than you think, Evangeline.” Her smile was sad but deeply warm.

Another peal of thunder began.

Esme stopped then; apparently, we'd reached the edge of the field. It looked as if they had formed teams. Edward was far out in left field, Carlisle stood between the first and second bases, and Alice held the ball, positioned on the spot that must be the pitcher's mound.

Emmett was swinging an aluminum bat; it whistled almost untraceably through the air. I waited for him to approach home plate, but then I realized, as he took his stance, that he was already there — farther from the pitcher's mound than I would have thought possible. Jasper stood several feet behind him, catching for the other team. Of course, none of them had gloves.

"All right," Esme called in a clear voice, which I knew even Edward would hear, as far out as he was.

"Batter up."

Alice stood straight, deceptively motionless. Her style seemed to be stealth rather than an intimidating windup. She held the ball in both hands at her waist, and then, like the strike of a cobra, her right hand  
flicked out and the ball smacked into Jasper's hand.

"Was that a strike?" I whispered to Esme.

"If they don't hit it, it's a strike," she told me.

Jasper hurled the ball back to Alice's waiting hand. She permitted herself a brief grin. And then her hand spun out again.

This time the bat somehow made it around in time to smash into the invisible ball. The crack of impact was shattering, thunderous; it echoed off the mountains — I immediately understood the necessity of the thunderstorm.

The ball shot like a meteor above the field, flying deep into the surrounding forest.

"Home run," I murmured.

"Wait," Esme cautioned, listening intently, one hand raised. Emmett was a blur around the bases, Carlisle shadowing him. I realized Edward was missing.

"Out!" Esme cried in a clear voice. I stared in disbelief as Edward sprang from the fringe of the trees, ball in his upraised hand, his wide grin visible even to me.

"Emmett hits the hardest," Esme explained, "but Edward runs the fastest."

The inning continued before my incredulous eyes. It was impossible to keep up with the speed at which the ball flew, the rate at which their bodies raced around the field.

I learned the other reason they waited for a thunderstorm to play when Jasper, trying to avoid Edward's infallible fielding, hit a ground ball toward Carlisle. Carlisle ran into the ball, and then raced Jasper to first base. When they collided, the sound was like the crash of two massive falling boulders. I jumped up in concern, but they were somehow unscathed.

"Safe," Esme called in a calm voice.

Emmett's team was up by one — Rosalie managed to flit around the bases after tagging up on one of Emmett's long flies — when Edward caught the third out. He sprinted to my side, sparkling with excitement.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"One thing's for sure, I'll never be able to sit through dull old Major League Baseball again."

"And it sounds like you did so much of that before," he laughed.

"I am a little disappointed," I teased.

"Why?" he asked, puzzled.

"Well, it would be nice if I could find just one thing you didn't do better than everyone else on the planet."

He flashed his special crooked smile, leaving me breathless.

"I'm up," he said, heading for the plate.

He played intelligently, keeping the ball low, out of the reach of Rosalie's always-ready hand in the outfield, gaining two bases like lightning before Emmett could get the ball back in play. Carlisle knocked one so far out of the field — with a boom that hurt my ears — that he and Edward both made it in. Alice slapped them dainty high fives.

I looked at Esme then, giving her a cheeky smile, touching my chest. 

“Ma’am.” I said pointedly, nodding my head at Carlisle. She laughed in the sweetest tinkle, eyes glinting. 

“Oh, there is an excellent reason I am so very happy.” I could swear she was smirking, and I had to laugh.

The score constantly changed as the game continued, and they razzed each other like any street ballplayers as they took turns with the lead. Occasionally Esme would call them to order. The thunder rumbled on, but we stayed dry, as Alice had predicted.


	21. Curiosity

CURIOSITY  
Carlisle was up to bat, Edward catching, when Alice suddenly gasped. My eyes were on Edward, as usual, and I saw his head snap up to look at her. Their eyes met and something flowed between them in an instant. He was at my side before the others could ask Alice what was wrong.

"Alice?" Esme's voice was tense.

"I didn't see — I couldn't tell," she whispered.

All the others were gathered by this time.

"What is it, Alice?" Carlisle asked with the calm voice of authority.

"They were traveling much quicker than I thought. I can see I had the perspective wrong before," she murmured.

Jasper leaned over her, his posture protective. "What changed?" he asked.

"They heard us playing, and it changed their path," she said, contrite, as if she felt responsible for whatever had frightened her.

Seven pairs of quick eyes flashed to my face and away.

"How soon?" Carlisle said, turning toward Edward.

A look of intense concentration crossed his face.

"Less than five minutes. They're running — they want to play." He scowled.

"Can you make it?" Carlisle asked him, his eyes flicking toward me again.

"No, not carrying —" He cut short. "Besides, the last thing we need is for them to catch the scent and start hunting."

"How many?" Emmett asked Alice.

"Three," she answered tersely.

"Three!" he scoffed. "Let 'em try and start something." The steel bands of muscle flexed along his massive arms.

For a split second that seemed much longer than it really was, Carlisle deliberated. Only Emmett seemed unperturbed; the rest stared at Carlisle's face with anxious eyes.

"Let's just continue the game," Carlisle finally decided. His voice was cool and level. "Alice said they were simply curious."

All this was said in a flurry of words that lasted only a few seconds. I had listened carefully and caught most of it, though I couldn't hear what Esme now asked Edward with a silent vibration of her lips. I only saw the slight shake of his head and the look of relief on her face.

"You catch, Esme," he said. "I'll call it now." And he planted himself in front of me.

The others returned to the field, warily sweeping the dark forest with their sharp eyes. Alice and Esme seemed to orient themselves around where I stood.

"Take your hair down," Edward said in a low, even voice.

I obediently slid the rubber band out of my hair and shook it out around me.

I stated the obvious. "The others are coming now."

"Yes, stay very still, keep quiet, and don't move from my side, please." He hid the stress in his voice well, but I could hear it. He pulled my long hair forward, around my face.

They emerged one by one from the forest edge, ranging a dozen meters apart. The first male into the clearing fell back immediately, allowing the other male to take the front, orienting himself around the tall, dark-haired man in a manner that clearly displayed who led the pack. The third was a woman; from this distance, all I could see of her was that her hair was a startling shade of red.

They closed ranks before they continued cautiously toward Edward's family, exhibiting the natural respect of a troop of predators as it encounters a larger, unfamiliar group of its own kind.

As they approached, I could see how different they were from the Cullens. Their walk was catlike, a gait that seemed constantly on the edge of shifting into a crouch. They dressed in the ordinary gear of backpackers: jeans and casual button-down shirts in heavy, weatherproof fabrics. The clothes were frayed, though, with wear, and they were barefoot. Both men had cropped hair, but the woman's brilliant orange hair was filled with leaves and debris from the woods.

Their sharp eyes carefully took in the more polished, urbane stance of Carlisle, who, flanked by Emmett and Jasper, stepped guardedly forward to meet them. Without any seeming communication between them, they each straightened into a more casual, erect bearing.

The man in front was easily the most beautiful, his skin olive-toned beneath the typical pallor, his hair a glossy black. He was of a medium build, hard-muscled, of course, but nothing next to Emmett's brawn.

He smiled an easy smile, exposing a flash of gleaming white teeth.

The woman was wilder, her eyes shifting restlessly between the men facing her, and the loose grouping around me, her chaotic hair quivering in the slight breeze. Her posture was distinctly feline. The second male hovered unobtrusively behind them, slighter than the leader, his light brown hair and regular features both nondescript. His eyes, though completely still, somehow seemed the most vigilant.

Their eyes were different, too. Not the gold or black I had come to expect, but a deep burgundy color that was disturbing and sinister.

The dark-haired man, still smiling, stepped toward Carlisle.

"We thought we heard a game," he said in a relaxed voice with the slightest of French accents. "I'm Laurent, these are Victoria and Jace." He gestured to the vampires beside him.

"I'm Carlisle. This is my family, Emmett and Jasper, Rosalie, Esme and Alice, Edward and Eva." He pointed us out in groups, deliberately not calling attention to individuals. I felt a shock when he said my name.

"Do you have room for a few more players?" Laurent asked sociably.

Carlisle matched Laurent's friendly tone. "Actually, we were just finishing up. But we'd certainly be interested another time. Are you planning to stay in the area for long?"

"We're headed north, in fact, but we were curious to see who was in the neighborhood. We haven't run into any company in a long time."

"No, this region is usually empty except for us and the occasional visitor, like yourselves."

The tense atmosphere had slowly subsided into a casual conversation; I guessed that Jasper was using his peculiar gift to control the situation.

"What's your hunting range?" Laurent casually inquired.

Carlisle ignored the assumption behind the inquiry. "The Olympic Range here, up and down the Coast Ranges on occasion. We keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali."

Laurent rocked back on his heels slightly.

"Permanent? How do you manage that?" There was honest curiosity in his voice.

"Why don't you come back to our home with us and we can talk comfortably?" Carlisle invited. "It's a rather long story."

Jace and Victoria exchanged a surprised look at the mention of the word "home," but Laurent controlled his expression better.

"That sounds very interesting, and welcome." His smile was genial. "We've been on the hunt all the way down from Ontario, and we haven't had the chance to clean up in a while." His eyes moved appreciatively over Carlisle's refined appearance.

"Please don't take offense, but we'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from hunting in this immediate area. We have to stay inconspicuous, you understand," Carlisle explained.

"Of course." Laurent nodded. "We certainly won't encroach on your territory. We just ate outside of Seattle, anyway," he laughed. A shiver ran up my spine.

"We'll show you the way if you'd like to run with us — Emmett and Alice, you can go with Edward and Eva to get the Jeep," he casually added.

Three things seemed to happen simultaneously while Carlisle was speaking. My hair ruffled with the light breeze, Edward stiffened, and the second male, Jace, suddenly whipped his head around, scrutinizing me, his nostrils flaring.

A swift rigidity fell on all of them as Jace lurched one step forward into a crouch. Edward bared his teeth, crouching in defense, a feral snarl ripping from his throat.

It was nothing like the playful sounds I'd heard from him this morning; it was the single most menacing thing I had ever heard, and chills ran from the crown of my head to the back of my heels. I held as still as possible behind him, setting my eyes on Jace.

"What's this?" Laurent exclaimed in open surprise. Neither Jace nor Edward relaxed their aggressive poses. Jace feinted slightly to the side, and Edward shifted in response.

"She's with us." Carlisle's firm rebuff was directed toward Jace. Laurent seemed to catch my scent less powerfully than Jace, but awareness now dawned on his face.

"You brought a snack?" he asked, his expression incredulous as he took an involuntary step forward.

Edward snarled even more ferociously, harshly, his lip curling high above his glistening, bared teeth.

Laurent stepped back again.

"She is under our protection," Carlisle corrected in a hard voice.

"But she's human," Laurent protested. The words were not at all aggressive, merely astounded.

"Yes." Emmett was very much in evidence at Carlisle's side, his eyes on Jace. I saw his muscles twitching as he held back his own snarl, a fierce protectiveness in his stance. Jace slowly straightened out of his crouch, but his eyes never left me, his nostrils still wide. Edward stayed tensed like a lion in front of me.

When Laurent spoke, his tone was soothing — trying to defuse the sudden hostility. "It appears we have a lot to learn about each other."

"Indeed." Carlisle's voice was still cool.

"But we'd like to accept your invitation." His eyes flicked toward me and back to Carlisle. "And, of course, we will not harm the human girl. We won't hunt in your range, as I said."

Jace glanced in disbelief and aggravation at Laurent and exchanged another brief look with Victoria, whose eyes still flickered edgily from face to face.

Carlisle measured Laurent's open expression for a moment before he spoke. "We'll show you the way. Jasper, Rosalie, Esme?" he called. They gathered together, blocking me from view as they converged.

Alice was instantly at my side, and Emmett fell back slowly, his eyes locked on Jace as he backed toward us.

"Let's go, Eva." Edward's voice was low and bleak.

This whole time I'd been rooted in place, I grabbed Edwards arm as he stepped to my side, Alice and Emmett were close behind us, hiding me. I walked stiffly alongside Edward, still stunned with fear. I couldn't hear if the main group had left yet. Edward's impatience was almost tangible as we moved at human speed to the forest edge.

Once we were into the trees, Edward slung me over his back without breaking stride. I gripped as tightly as possible as he took off, the others close on his heels. I kept my head down, but my eyes, wide with fright, wouldn't close. They plunged through the now-black forest like wraiths. The sense of exhilaration that usually seemed to possess Edward as he ran was completely absent, replaced by a fury that consumed him and drove him still faster. Even with me on his back, the others trailed behind.

We reached the Jeep in an impossibly short time, and Edward barely slowed as he flung me in the backseat.

"Strap her in," he ordered Emmett, who slid in beside me.  
Alice was already in the front seat, and Edward was starting the engine. It roared to life and we swerved backward, spinning around to face the winding road.

Edward was growling something too fast for me to understand, but it sounded a lot like a string of profanities.

The jolting trip was much rockier this time, but I put my hand up to grab one of the offroading handles, lifting myself off my seat to better absorb the bumps. Emmett and Alice both glared out the side windows.

We hit the main road, and though our speed increased, I could see much better where we were going.

And we were headed south, away from Pullman.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

No one answered. No one even looked at me.

"Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?"

"We have to get you away from here — far away — now." He didn't look back, his eyes on the road.

The speedometer read a hundred and five miles an hour.

"What!? I have to go home! My scent is all over campus- my apartment building!” I gripped the buckle of my harness, trying to undo it.

"Emmett," Edward said grimly.

And Emmett secured my hands in his steely grasp.

"No! Edward! No, you can't do this."

"I have to, Eva, now please be quiet."

"I won't! You have to take me back — Kain will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family — Carlisle and Esme! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!"

"Calm down, Eva." His voice was cold. "We've been there before."

"Not over me, you don't! You're not ruining everything over me! I refuse to be responsible for that, much less the death of my brother when this guy tries to track me to my home.” I stressed my point.

Alice spoke for the first time. "Edward, pull over."

He flashed her a hard look, and then sped up.

"Edward, let's just talk this through."

"You don't understand," he roared in frustration. I'd never heard his voice so loud; it was deafening in the confines of the Jeep. The speedometer neared one hundred and fifteen. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you see that? He's a tracker!"

I felt Emmett stiffen next to me, and I wondered at his reaction to the word. It meant something more to the three of them than it did to me; I wanted to understand, but there was no opening for me to ask.

"Pull over, Edward." Alice's tone was reasonable, but there was a ring of authority in it I'd never heard before.

The speedometer inched passed one-twenty.

"Do it, Edward."

"Listen to me, Alice. I saw his mind. Tracking is his passion, his obsession — and he wants her, Alice —her, specifically. He begins the hunt tonight. His plan was already set before the words were out of Laurent's mouth."

“Dammit Edward I’m not asking you to let me fight this guy! Just let me give Kain a cover story, get him out of the fucking apartment! I know what to tell him, all I’ll need is a digital flight voucher.” I rushed the words, fighting against Emmett.

"She's right," Alice said.

The car slowed slightly.

"Let's just look at our options for a minute," Alice coaxed.

The car slowed again, more noticeably, and then suddenly we screeched to a stop on the shoulder of the highway. I flew against the harness, and then slammed back into the seat.

"There are no options," Edward hissed.

"I'm not leaving Kain!" I yelled.

He ignored me completely.

"We have to take her back," Emmett finally spoke.

"No." Edward was absolute.

"He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her."

"He'll wait."

Emmett smiled. "I can wait, too."

"You didn't see — you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable. We'd have to kill him."

Emmett didn't seem upset by the idea. "That's an option."

"And the female. She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too."

"There are enough of us."

"There's another option," Alice said quietly.

Edward turned on her in fury, his voice a blistering snarl. "There — is — no — other — option!"

Emmett and Alice looked at me, pointedly and a silence settled over the car.

I broke it. "Does anyone want to hear my plan?"

"No," Edward growled. Alice glared at him, finally provoked.

"Listen," I pleaded. "You take me back."

"No," he interrupted.

I glared at him and continued. "You take me back. I tell Kain your family was generous enough to invite me along on a Spring break trip to Mexico, and his email has two tickets for him to go to Florida. I throw a bag together and act all excited, Kain gets the hell out of dodge and then you can take me any fucking place you want.”

They stared at me, stunned.

"It's not a bad idea, really." Emmett's surprise was definitely an insult.

"It might work — and we simply can't leave her brother unprotected. You know that," Alice said.

“I know it will, Kain would never turn down free plane tickets, he’s all about Miami beach.”

Everyone looked at Edward.

"It's too dangerous — I don't want him within a hundred miles of her."

Emmett was supremely confident. "Edward, he's not getting through us."

Alice thought for a minute. "I don't see him attacking. He'll try to wait for us to leave her alone. I do see Kain taking the tickets and leaving nearly as quickly as she does."

"It won't take long for him to realize that's not going to happen."

“Edward, take me the fuck home. Don’t make me beg.”

Edward pressed his fingers to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Please," I said in a much smaller voice. “Please let me protect my brother, my family.”

He didn't look up. When he spoke, his voice sounded worn.

"You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees or not. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."

The Jeep rumbled to life, and he spun us around, the tires squealing. The needle on the speedometer started to race up the dial.

"Emmett?" I asked, looking pointedly at my hands.

"Oh, sorry." He let me loose.

A few minutes passed in silence, other than the roar of the engine. Then Edward spoke again.

"This is how it's going to happen. When we get to the house, if the tracker is not there, I will walk her to the door. Then she has fifteen minutes." He glared at me in the rearview mirror. "Emmett, you take the outside of the house. Alice, you get the truck. I'll be inside as long as she is. After she's out, you two can take the Jeep home and tell Carlisle."

"No way," Emmett broke in. "I'm with you."

"Think it through, Emmett. I don't know how long I'll be gone."

"Until we know how far this is going to go, I'm with you."

Edward sighed. "If the tracker is there," he continued grimly, "we keep driving."

"We're going to make it there before him," Alice said confidently.

Edward seemed to accept that. Whatever his problem with Alice was, he didn't doubt her now.

"What are we going to do with the Jeep?" she asked.

His voice had a hard edge. "You're driving it home."

"No, I'm not," she said calmly.

The unintelligible stream of profanities started again.

"We can't all fit in my truck," I whispered.

Edward didn't appear to hear me.

"I think you should let me go alone," I said even more quietly.

He heard that.

"Eva, please just do this my way, just this once," he said between clenched teeth.

"Listen, Kain's an idiot, but he reads people like a map. If he see’s you agitated he’s going to throw a fucking fit. I know him," I protested. "It will go much faster if you let me handle him. Someone follows the truck, you stay back to stop him if he tries to follow.”

"That's irrelevant. We'll make sure he's safe, and that's all that matters."

"Then what about this tracker? He saw the way you acted tonight. He's going to think you're with me, wherever you are."

Emmett looked at me, insultingly surprised again. 

"Edward, listen to her," he urged. "I think she's right."

"Yes, she is," Alice agreed.

"I can't do that." Edward's voice was icy.

"Emmett should stay, too," I continued. "He definitely got an eyeful of Emmett."

"What?" Emmett turned on me.

"You'll get a better crack at him if you stay," Alice agreed.

Edward stared at her incredulously. "You think I should let her go alone?"

"Of course not," Alice said. "Jasper and I will take her."

"I can't do that," Edward repeated, but this time there was a trace of defeat in his voice. The logic was working on him.

I tried to be persuasive. "Hang out here for a week —" I saw his expression in the mirror and amended"— a few days. The front line. It would make me feel better if you were here watching to make sure Kain makes it out safe. Make sure he's completely off my trail. Then come and meet me. Take a roundabout route, of course, and then Jasper and Alice can go home."

I could see him beginning to consider it.

"Meet you where?"

"LA." Of course.

"No. He'll figure that out," he said impatiently.

"And you'll make it look like that's a ruse, obviously. He'll know that we'll know that he's listening. He'll never believe I'm actually going where I’d be easily found, besides, my mom just put our old house up for sale, even if he does track us to LA, god knows the smog should help hide my scent, and he’ll reach a dead end."

"She's diabolical," Emmett chuckled.

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Edward, we'll be with her," Alice reminded him.

"What are you going to do in Los Angeles?" he asked her scathingly.

"Stay indoors."

"I kind of like it." Emmett was thinking about cornering Jace, no doubt.

"Shut up, Emmett."

"Look, if we try to take him down while she's still around, there's a much better chance that someone will get hurt — she'll get hurt, or you will, trying to protect her. Now, if we get him alone…" He trailed off with a slow smile. I was right.

The Jeep was crawling slowly along now as we drove into town. Despite my brave talk, I could feel the hairs on my arms standing up. I thought about Kain, alone in the apartment, and felt a surge of adrenaline.

"Eva." Edward's voice was very soft. Alice and Emmett looked out their windows. "If you let anything happen to yourself— anything at all — I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"

"I swear to you Edward, I will fight for my life until my heart stops. I was brought into this world kicking, screaming and covered in blood, I’ll be damned if I leave it any other way." I kept my voice steady and low, meeting his eyes directly in the rearview mirror.

He turned to Alice.

"Can Jasper handle this?"

"Give him some credit, Edward. He's been doing very, very well, all things considered."

"Can you handle this?" he asked.

And graceful little Alice pulled back her lips in a horrific grimace and let loose with a guttural snarl that had me cowering against the seat in terror.

Edward smiled at her. "But keep your opinions to yourself," he muttered suddenly.


	22. So Long, Good Night

SO LONG, GOODNIGHT  
Kain was waiting up for me. All the apartment lights were on. Alice had already emailed the vouchers, and I was getting ready to book it out of the back of the Jeep. Emmett undid my harness so I could jump out over the wheel well. 

Edward pulled up slowly, staying well back from my truck. All three of them were acutely alert, ramrod straight in their seats, listening to every sound of the wood, looking through every shadow, catching every scent, searching for something out of place. The engine cut off, and I sat, motionless, as they continued to listen.

"He's not here," Edward said tensely. "Let's go." 

I hopped out, and landed to run, Emmett jumped with me, giving me a cheerful grin. “Don’t worry kiddo, we’ll get this taken care of.”

I felt my chest ache, he reminded me a lot of Kain.

"Alice, Emmett." Edward's voice was a command. They slithered soundlessly into the darkness, instantly disappearing. Edward followed me and scooped me up, getting me to the door faster than I could run.

"Fifteen minutes," he warned under his breath.

"I can do this." I slapped on an overjoyed grin. It nearly hurt, but Edward seemed convinced I could pull this off. We were at the apartment door before I could speak, but now I anticipated this shit, and wasn’t jostled as I hit the ground and spun, grabbing his face before he could leave, staring at him fiercely.

"I love you," I said in a low, intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now."

"Nothing is going to happen to you, Eva," he said just as fiercely.

"Damn right, keep yourself safe too.” I urged, getting the door unlocked as I spoke. I took a breath as I felt him vanish, and burst into my apartment with nearly a kick, booking it to my room as I yelled.

“KAIN! KAIN! KAIN!” I imagined this scenario, a surprise vacation, Kain getting to spend time with dad, and applied as much excitement as I could.

“What, What, What!?” Kain followed, and I shut the door to my room. 

“Don’t come in I’m changing! You’re not going to believe it!” He stayed outside, I turned to my dresser, and Edward was already there, silently yanking out armfuls of random clothes, which he proceeded to throw to me.

"Believe what!?”

“Check your email doofus! The Cullens are taking me on their spring break trip to Mexico! They surprised me with it tonight! They even sent you tickets to Florida!”

“O-Oh SHIT! O.M.G. Okay yea we packing!” I heard him jump to his room to do the same thing I was, I heard him yell through the wall.

“Bitch why didn’t you get a rich boyfriend sooner!?”

“Shut up! I love you! I’m leaving! Have fun Nerd!”

I shouted back, jerking on the zipper of my bag. Edward's capable hands pushed mine away and zipped it smoothly. He put the strap carefully over my arm.

"I'll be in the truck — go!" he whispered, and pushed me toward the door. He vanished out the window.

I booked it to the door now, trading my converse for actual running shoes and ensuring I had my ID and passport, just in case. 

“Bye! Text me!” Kain called after, sounding chipper as I nearly fell down the stairs trying to get out of the building. I glanced at my watch, six minutes. I exhaled.

I tore the trucks door open as soon as I was outside, and literally jumped into my seat. The stress finally hit me, and I felt my breathing pick up, tears starting to blind me as I gunned the engine and peeled out.

Edward reached for my hand.

"Pull over," he said as the apartment and Kain, disappeared behind us.

"I can drive," I said through the tears pouring down my cheeks, fighting the hyperventilation. Not now, please not now.

His long hands unexpectedly gripped my waist, and his foot pushed mine off the gas pedal. He pulled me across his lap, wrenching my hands free of the wheel, and suddenly he was in the driver's seat. The truck didn't swerve an inch.

"You wouldn't be able to find the house," he explained.

Lights flared suddenly behind us. I stared out the back window, eyes wide with horror.

"It's just Alice," he reassured me. He took my hand again.

I was still trying to prevent my panic attack, choking on my own voice.  
"The tracker?"

"He heard the end of your performance," Edward said grimly.

"Kain?" I asked in dread.

“The tracker followed us. He's running behind us now."

My body went cold.

"Can we outrun him?"

"No." But he sped up as he spoke. The truck's engine whined in protest.

My plan suddenly didn't feel so brilliant anymore.

I was staring back at Alice's headlights when the truck shuddered and a dark shadow sprung up outside the window.

My blood curdling scream lasted a fraction of a second before Edward's hand clamped down on my mouth.

"It's Emmett!"

He released my mouth, and wound his arm around my waist.

"It's okay, Eva," he promised. "You're going to be safe."

But it was too late, I was already melting down after that last scare.  
My brain was just my heartbeat, too fast, the sounds of the road, of the engine were a horrid, screeching hum that hurt my ears, I couldn’t hear him talking anymore, all I could focus on was the too bright light of my dashboard, the pulsing lights of the streetlamps, the too loud space. I must have curled into a ball and started screaming. I felt a hand cover my mouth, some kind of commotion. I bit down on it reflexively, rocking desperately to try and stim, covering my ears with both hands. I felt myself move, and I was suddenly being squeezed tightly and rocked, my face tucked into something cold but covered in fabric. I heard something different now, not really with my ears, but through the vibrations of the sound in someone's chest. I focused on the familiar melody and let myself be rocked, feeling my breath coming back to me as I was able to stim, my finger tapping rhythmically against my temple.

We raced through the quiet town toward the north highway.

"I’m so sorry Eva, I should have realized, it’s alright, I love you.” His voice was against my hand, and I realized he’d been singing me my lullabye. I looked up to him then, humiliation and fear and anger and desperation writhing like Leviathan in my head.

He simply kissed my forehead, holding me close, and I dissolved, closing my eyes and burying my face in his damp sweatshirt. 

"Eva, it's going to be alright."

"But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," I whispered.

"We'll be together again in a few days," he said, tightening his arm around me. "Don't forget that this was your idea."

"It was the best idea — of course it was mine."

His answering smile was bleak and disappeared immediately.

"Why did this happen?" I asked, my voice catching. "Why me?"  
He stared blackly at the road ahead. Emmett was driving now.  
"It's my fault — I was a fool to expose you like that." The rage in his voice was directed internally.

"That's not what I meant," I insisted. "I was there, big deal. It didn't bother the other two. Why did this Jace decide to kill me? There's people all over the place, why me?"

He hesitated, thinking before he answered.

"I got a good look at his mind tonight," he began in a low voice. "I'm not sure if there's anything I could have done to avoid this, once he saw you. It is partially your fault." His voice was wry. "If you didn't  
smell so appallingly luscious, he might not have bothered. But when I defended you… well, that made it a lot worse. He's not used to being thwarted, no matter how insignificant the object. He thinks of himself as a hunter and nothing else. His existence is consumed with tracking, and a challenge is all he asks of life.

Suddenly we've presented him with a beautiful challenge — a large clan of strong fighters all bent on protecting the one vulnerable element. You wouldn't believe how euphoric he is now. It's his favorite game, and we've just made it his most exciting game ever." His tone was full of disgust.

He paused a moment.

"But if I had stood by, he would have killed you right then," he said with hopeless frustration.

"I thought… I didn't smell the same to the others… as I do to you," I said hesitantly.

"You don't. But that doesn't mean that you aren't still a temptation to every one of them. If you had appealed to the tracker — or any of them — the same way you appeal to me, it would have meant a fight right there."

I shuddered.

"I don't think I have any choice but to kill him now," he muttered. "Carlisle won't like it."

I could hear the tires cross the bridge, though I couldn't see the river in the dark. I knew we were getting close. I had to ask him now.

"How can you kill a vampire?"

He glanced at me with unreadable eyes and his voice was suddenly harsh. "The only way to be sure is to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces."

"And the other two will fight with him?"

"The woman will. I'm not sure about Laurent. They don't have a very strong bond — he's only with them for convenience. He was embarrassed by Jace in the meadow…"

"But Jace and the woman — they'll try to kill you?" I asked, my voice raw.

"Eva, don't you dare waste time worrying about me. Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and —please, please — trying not to be reckless."

"Is he still following?"

"Yes. He won't attack the house, though. Not tonight."

We turned off onto the invisible drive, with Alice following behind.  
We drove right up to the house. The lights inside were bright, but they did little to alleviate the blackness of the encroaching forest. Emmett had my door open before the truck was stopped; he pulled me out of Edwards arms, tucked me like a football into his vast chest, and ran me through the door.

We burst into the large white room, Edward and Alice at our sides. All of them were there; they were already on their feet at the sound of our approach. Laurent stood in their midst. I could hear low growls rumble deep in Emmett's throat as he set me down next to Edward.

"He's tracking us," Edward announced, glaring balefully at Laurent.

Laurent's face was unhappy. "I was afraid of that."

Alice danced to Jasper's side and whispered in his ear; her lips quivered with the speed of her silent speech. They flew up the stairs together. Rosalie watched them, and then moved quickly to Emmett's side. Her beautiful eyes were intense and — when they flickered unwillingly to my face — furious.

"What will he do?" Carlisle asked Laurent in chilling tones.

"I'm sorry," he answered. "I was afraid, when your boy there defended her, that it would set him off."

"Can you stop him?"

Laurent shook his head. "Nothing stops Jace when he gets started."

"We'll stop him," Emmett promised. There was no doubt what he meant.

"You can't bring him down. I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven."

His coven, I thought, of course. The show of leadership in the clearing was merely that, a show.

Laurent was shaking his head. He glanced at me, perplexed, and back to Carlisle. "Are you sure it's worth it?"

Edward's enraged roar filled the room; Laurent cringed back.

Carlisle looked gravely at Laurent. "I'm afraid you're going to have to make a choice."

Laurent understood. He deliberated for a moment. His eyes took in every face, and finally swept the bright room.

"I'm intrigued by the life you've created here. But I won't get in the middle of this. I bear none of you any enmity, but I won't go up against Jace. I think I will head north — to that clan in Denali." He hesitated.

"Don't underestimate Jace. He's got a brilliant mind and unparalleled senses. He's every bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on… I'm sorry for what's been unleashed here. Truly sorry." He bowed his head, but I saw him flicker another puzzled look at me.

"Go in peace," was Carlisle's formal answer.

Laurent took another long look around himself, and then he hurried out the door.

The silence lasted less than a second.

"How close?" Carlisle looked to Edward.

Esme was already moving; her hand touched an inconspicuous keypad on the wall, and with a groan, huge metal shutters began sealing up the glass wall. I gaped. I guess vampires could be preppers too.

"About three miles out past the river; he's circling around to meet up with the female."

"What's the plan?"

"We'll lead him off, and then Jasper and Alice will run her south."

"And then?"

Edward's tone was deadly. "As soon as Eva is clear, we hunt him."

"I guess there's no other choice," Carlisle agreed, his face grim.

Edward turned to Rosalie.

"Get her upstairs and trade clothes," Edward commanded. She stared back at him with livid disbelief.

"Why should I?" she hissed. "What is she to me? Except a menace — a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us."

I flinched back from the venom in her voice.

"Rose…" Emmett murmured, putting one hand on her shoulder. She shook it off.

But I was watching Edward carefully, knowing his temper, worried about his reaction.

He surprised me. He looked away from Rosalie as if she hadn't spoken, as if she didn't exist.

"Esme?" he asked calmly.

"Of course," Esme murmured.

Esme was at my side in half a heartbeat, swinging me up easily into her arms, and dashing up the stairs before I could gasp in shock.

"What are we doing?" I asked breathlessly as she set me down in a dark room somewhere off the second-story hall.

"Trying to confuse the smell. It won't work for long, but it might help get you out." I could hear her clothes falling to the floor.

"I don't think I'll fit…" I hesitated, but her hands were abruptly pulling my shirt over my head. I quickly stripped my jeans off myself. She handed me something, it felt like a shirt. I struggled to get my arms  
through the right holes. As soon as I was done she handed me her slacks. I yanked them on, but I couldn't get my feet out; they were too long. She deftly rolled the hems a few times so I could stand.

Somehow she was already in my clothes. She pulled me back to the stairs, where Alice stood, a small leather bag in one hand. They each grabbed one of my elbows and half-carried me as they flew down the stairs.

It appeared that everything had been settled downstairs in our absence. Edward and Emmett were ready to leave, Emmett carrying a heavy-looking backpack over his shoulder. Carlisle was handing out peoples charged cell phones and backup batteries.

"Esme and Rosalie will be taking your truck, Eva," he told me as he passed. I nodded, glancing warily at Rosalie. She was glowering at Carlisle with a resentful expression.

"Alice, Jasper — take the Mercedes. You'll need the dark tint in the south."

They nodded as well.

"We're taking the Jeep."

I was surprised to see that Carlisle intended to go with Edward. I realized suddenly, with a stab of fear, that they made up the hunting party.

"Alice," Carlisle asked, "will they take the bait?"

Everyone watched Alice as she closed her eyes and became incredibly still.

Finally her eyes opened. "He'll track you. The woman will follow the truck. We should be able to leave after that." Her voice was certain.

"Let's go." Carlisle began to walk toward the kitchen.

But Edward was at my side at once. He caught me up in his iron grip, crushing me to him. He seemed unaware of his watching family as he pulled my face to his, lifting my feet off the floor. For the shortest second, his lips were icy and hard against mine. Then it was over. He set me down, still holding my face, his glorious eyes burning into mine.

His eyes went blank, curiously dead, as he turned away.

And they were gone.

We stood there, the others looking away from me as the tears streaked noiselessly down my face. The silent moment dragged on, and then Esme's phone vibrated in her hand. It flashed to her ear.

"Now," she said. Rosalie stalked out the front door without another glance in my direction, but Esme touched my cheek as she passed.

"Be safe." Her whisper lingered behind them as they slipped out the door. I heard my truck start thunderously, and then fade away.

Jasper and Alice waited. Alice's phone seemed to be at her ear before it buzzed.

"Edward says the woman is on Esme's trail. I'll get the car." She vanished into the shadows the way Edward had gone.

Jasper and I looked at each other. He stood across the length of the entryway from me… being careful.

"You're wrong, you know," he said quietly.

"What?" I gasped.

"I can feel what you're feeling now — and you are worth it."

"I'm not," I mumbled. "If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing."

"You're wrong," he repeated, smiling kindly at me.

I heard nothing, but then Alice stepped through the front door and came toward me with her arms held out.

"May I?" she asked.

"You're the first one to ask permission." I smiled wryly.

She lifted me in her slender arms as easily as Emmett had, shielding me protectively, and then we flew out the door, leaving the lights bright behind us.


	23. The Edge

THE EDGE

When I woke up I was confused. My thoughts were hazy, still twisted up in dreams and nightmares; it took me longer than it should have to realize where I was.

This room was too bland to belong anywhere but in a hotel. The bedside lamps, bolted to the tables, were a dead giveaway, as were the long drapes made from the same fabric as the bedspread, and the generic watercolor prints on the walls.

I tried to remember how I got here, but nothing came at first.

I did remember the sleek black car, the glass in the windows darker than that on a limousine. The engine was almost silent, though we'd raced across the black freeways at more than twice the legal speed.

And I remembered Alice sitting with me on the dark leather backseat. Somehow, during the long night, my head had ended up against her granite neck. My closeness didn't seem to bother her at all, and her cool, hard skin was oddly comforting to me. The front of her thin cotton shirt was cold, damp with the tears that streamed from my eyes until, red and sore, they ran dry.

Sleep had evaded me; my aching eyes strained open even though the night finally ended and dawn broke over a low peak somewhere in California. The gray light, streaking across the cloudless sky, stung my eyes. But I couldn't close them; when I did, the images that flashed all too vividly, like still slides behind my lids, were unbearable. Edward's brutal snarl, teeth bared — Rosalie's resentful glare — the keen-eyed scrutiny of the tracker — the dead look in Edward's eyes after he kissed me the last time… I couldn't stand to see them. So I fought against my weariness and the sun rose higher.

LA— the palm trees, the bright building fronts, the tacky tourists, the traffic, the mountains--I think I’d caught a glance of the Hollywood sign, all submerged in deep smog.  
The shadows of the palm trees slanted across the freeway — defined, sharper than I remembered, paler than they should be. Nothing could hide in these shadows. The bright, crowded freeway seemed benign enough. But I felt no relief, no sense of homecoming.

"Which way to the airport, Eva?" Jasper had asked, and I flinched, though his voice was quite soft and un-alarming. It was the first sound, besides the purr of the car, to break the long night's silence.

"Um...exit on S La Tijera boulevard, and then follow that to Airport boulevard...," I'd answered automatically. "We'll go right by it...it’s exit 48."  
My brain had worked slowly through the fog of sleep deprivation.

"Are we flying somewhere?" I'd asked Alice.

"No, but it's better to be close, just in case."

I remembered beginning the loop around LAX… but not ending it. I suppose that must have been when I'd fallen asleep.  
Though, now that I'd chased the memories down, I did have a vague impression of leaving the car — the sun was just falling behind the horizon — my arm draped over Alice's shoulder and her arm firm around my waist, dragging me along as I stumbled through the warm, dry shadows.

I had no memory of this room.

I looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. The red numbers claimed it was three o'clock, but they gave no indication if it was night or day. No edge of light escaped the thick curtains, but the room was bright with the light from the lamps.

I rose stiffly and staggered to the window, pulling back the drapes.  
It was dark outside. Three in the morning, then. It was busy outside, and we were on a much higher floor than I was anticipating. I was able to see the city, the budget car rental and the Hertz rental nearby the airport. Ah, I was at the Four Points. This was 98th street. It was slightly comforting to be able to pinpoint time and place.  
I looked down at myself. I was still wearing Esme's clothes, and they didn't fit very well at all. I looked around the room, glad when I discovered my duffel bag on top of the low dresser.

I turned to change my clothes, seeing a dark figure in the corner of the room staring at me, eyes flickering in the low light, I almost jumped out of my skin. A cold hand covered my mouth, and two gold eyes stared pointedly into mine, blonde hair messy over his forehead as I realized it was Jasper.  
“Jesus- Jasper-” I whimpered, almost slumping to the ground, he was silent as he held me up, and I realized he was holding his breath. I caught my balance and carefully moved back from him.  
My eyes caught sight of something dark on his chest as he was suddenly across the room from me, at first I thought it was a tank top, but now that he stood several feet away, I saw it ended at his lower ribcage. I stared like an idiot trying to understand what I was looking at before I saw a button down shirt on the bed, and Jaspers stone, anxious expression. He was in his underwear.  
I flipped around to face the wall, squeaking an apology loudly as I did.   
“Oh FUCK- I’m so sorry-!” My brain was tearing a mile a minute as I did the exhausted math, suddenly understanding so much more about the blonde behind me. No wonder he’d looked so anxious.  
“......it’s...alright.” Came his strangled reply, and I heard the barest whisper of fabric moving as I assumed he put on his shirt again.  
“...I guess...that is out of the bag.” He mumbled, sounding annoyed, not moving. The awkwardness was palpable, it seemed like he was waiting for something, and my lagging brain caught up to what that was far too late.  
“...Are you...Oh god, Jasper I don’t have any issue with, that, I just- you were in your underwear- I’m so sorry-”  
We were silent for another moment as he seemed to absorb that.  
“You...you understand what you saw?” He questioned low, and I nodded slowly.   
“You wear a binder, th-that’s no big deal to me Jasper, I’m just sorry I encroached on your privacy like that.” I mumbled, grimacing.   
I jumped hard at a small knock on the door, turning my head to it.  
"Can I come in?" Alice asked quietly.  
I took a deep breath. "Sure."  
She walked in, and looked me over cautiously. "You look like you could sleep longer," she said.  
I just shook my head.  
She drifted silently to the curtains and closed them securely before turning back to me and Jasper, looking between us both. Her expression melted softly when she looked to him now, reassuring.  
"We'll need to stay inside," she told me.  
"Okay." My voice was hoarse; it cracked.  
"Thirsty?" she asked.  
I shrugged. "I'm okay. How about you?"  
"Nothing unmanageable." She smiled. "I ordered some food for you, it's in the front room. Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot more frequently than we do."  
I was instantly more alert. "He called?"  
No," she said, and watched as my face fell. "It was before we left."   
We stood in another awkward silence, and Alice nodded to Jasper before stepping closer to me.  
She took my hand carefully and led me through the door into the living room of the hotel suite. I could hear a low buzz of voices coming from the TV. I sat on the floor next to the coffee table, where a tray of food waited, and began picking at it without noticing what I was eating.  
Alice perched on the arm of the sofa and stared blankly at the TV.  
“He...He was wondering when he would need to come out.” She murmured, and I swallowed.   
“...I wish it hadn’t been…forced on him by my tired ass brain.” I mumbled. “Poor guy...Is he really afraid I would say something? Gender doesn’t mean shit to me…” I mumbled again, looking up at Alice in fear. Suddenly something hit me, she would have seen me finding out, and been able to come and stop me if she wanted to. She looked at me with a small sad smile as I realized, almost guilty.  
“He’s very...anxious, about people finding out. He comes from a very different time, you see. When something like this would have been...treated differently.”  
I ate slowly, watching her, turning then to glance quickly at Jasper as he stepped through the bedroom doorway, now wearing a different shirt. We stared at each other for a moment, and I stood, clearing my throat.   
“Well. I’m sure you’ve caught up, now too. Um.” I took a deep breath, and looked back into his face.  
“Uh, so, like, seriously- don’t trip. Like I know this is a big deal, it’s scary as shit to tell somebody- I mean, I’m into girls, like I’m bi so-! Okay so maybe that’s not the same thing- but, you don’t- what I’m trying to say is you seriously don’t need to worry about that, okay? You told me you’re a man so you’re a man you know? I don’t really care what's in your- that's gross. I don’t care. You’re a dude, you’ve always been a dude, and I’m gonna sit down, shut up, and we’re gonna get back to the whole “Evil vampire dude trying to murder me”, shit, Yeah? Cool.” I whumped back down to the floor, blushing to the tips of my ears, wishing I could bludgeon my own head in with the corner of the hotel coffee table.  
Jasper was silent, and I felt the room slowly become less anxious, then less awkward, and then finally calm. He slowly moved across the floor to stand behind Alice and bury his face in her hair.  
The three of us watched the news in silence, uninterested for a period of time as I ate slowly. It took me several minutes to realize that both Alice and Jasper were far too still, focused on the TV stand with utter disinterest.  
"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked.  
"Nothing's wrong." Her eyes were wide, honest… and I didn't trust them.  
"What do we do now?"  
"We wait for Carlisle to call."  
"And should he have called by now?" I could see that I was near the mark. Alice's eyes flitted from mine to the phone on top of her leather bag and back.  
"What does that mean?" My voice was firm, and I moved to stand. "That he hasn't called yet?"  
"It just means that they don't have anything to tell us."  
But her voice was too even, and the air was harder to breathe. The lights in the hotel room flickered, and I jumped, I had forgotten about the tremors.  
Jasper was suddenly beside Alice, closer to me than usual.  
"Eva," he said in a suspiciously soothing voice. "You have nothing to worry about. You are completely safe here."  
"I know that."  
"Then why are you so anxious?" he asked, confused. He might feel the tenor of my emotions, but he couldn't read the reasons behind them.  
"You heard what Laurent said." My voice was just a whisper, but I was sure they could hear me. "He said Jace was lethal. What if something goes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them, Carlisle, Emmett… Edward…" I swallowed against bile rising up my throat. "If that wild female hurts Esme…" My voice had grown higher, a note of hysteria beginning to rise in it. None of you should be risking yourselves for me —"  
"Eva, Eva, stop," he interrupted me, his words pouring out so quickly they were hard to understand.

"You're worrying about all the wrong things, Eva. Trust me on this — none of us are in jeopardy. You are under too much strain as it is; don't add to it with wholly unnecessary worries. Listen to me!" he ordered, for I had looked away. "Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."  
His authoritative tone had caught me off guard, and I faltered.  
“You might die...because I fell in love with Edward...how is that fair to any of you? To him?”   
Alice interrupted this time, touching my cheek with her cold fingers. "It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"  
I cupped my hand over her cool one, misery sitting heavy in my stomach.   
“And if he loses any of you?”   
They didn’t respond, but I sat down, rubbing my face. I knew I was spiraling, I bit my thumb, adding pressure until the pain was focused, focusing solely on that for a period of time. I could feel Jasper on edge, still confused as to why my fidgeting provided relief. Eventually however, I calmed. Breathing slowly.  
I sat a little more forward, entwining my fingers in front of my face and thinking. There was absolutely no point in wallowing. There was only the here and now. In this now, Edward loved me, his family was in danger, but they were okay with it, well, most of them. They cared about me. I couldn’t control the past, only the future, only the now.  
I breathed again.   
It was a very long day.  
We stayed in the room. Alice called down to the front desk and asked them to ignore our maid service for now. The windows stayed shut, the TV on, though no one watched it. At regular intervals, food was delivered for me. The iPhone resting on Alice's bag seemed to grow bigger as the hours passed.

My babysitters handled the suspense better than I did. I laid on the couch, letting my eyes close as I hummed quietly to myself. I wished I had my guitar. I focused all of my energy and thoughts into holding as perfectly still as I could. Asking Alice to judge me, I listed every bone in the human body, starting with the top of the cranium. Then I listed every muscle, then every functioning system. Every lobe of the brain, every artery, the parts of the inner ear...   
As the afternoon wore on, I went back to bed, simply for something to do. I hoped that by myself in the dark, I could give in to the terrible fears that hovered on the edge of my consciousness, unable to break through under Jasper's careful supervision.  
But Alice followed me casually, as if by some coincidence she had grown tired of the front room at the same time. I was beginning to wonder exactly what sort of instructions Edward had given her. I lay across the bed, and she sat, legs folded, next to me. I ignored her at first, suddenly tired enough to sleep.  
But after a few minutes, the panic that had held off in Jasper's presence began to make itself known. I gave up on the idea of sleep quickly then, curling up into a small ball, wrapping my arms around my legs.  
"Alice?" I asked.  
"Yes?"  
I kept my voice very calm. "What do you think they're doing?"  
"Carlisle wanted to lead the tracker as far north as possible, wait for him to get close, and then turn and ambush him. Esme and Rosalie were supposed to head west as long as they could keep the female behind them. If she turned around, they were to head back to Pullman and keep an eye on your apartment. So I imagine things are going well if they can't call. It means the tracker is close enough that they don't want him to overhear."  
"And Esme?"  
"I think she must be back in Pullman. She won't call if there's any chance the female will overhear. I expect they're all just being very careful."  
"Do you think they're safe, really?"

"Eva, how many times do we have to tell you that there's no danger to us?"  
"Would you tell me the truth, though?"  
"Yes. I will always tell you the truth." Her voice was earnest. I deliberated for a moment, and decided she meant it.  
"Tell me then… how do you become a vampire?"  
My question caught her off guard. She was quiet. I rolled over to look at her, and her expression seemed ambivalent.  
"Edward doesn't want me to tell you that," she said firmly, but I sensed she didn't agree.  
"That's not fair. I think I have a right to know."  
"I know."  
I looked at her, waiting.  
She sighed. "He'll be extremely angry."  
"It's none of his business. This is between you and me. Alice, as a friend, I should probably know.”  
She looked at me with her splendid, wise eyes… choosing.  
"I'll tell you the mechanics of it," she said finally, "but I don't remember it myself, and I've never done it or seen it done, so keep in mind that I can only tell you the theory."  
I waited.  
"As predators, we have a glut of weapons in our physical arsenal — much, much more than really necessary. The strength, the speed, the acute senses, not to mention those of us like Edward, Jasper, and I, who have extra senses as well. And then, like a carnivorous flower, we are physically attractive to our prey."  
I was very still, remembering how pointedly Edward had demonstrated the same concept for me in the meadow.  
She smiled a wide, ominous smile. "We have another fairly superfluous weapon. We're also venomous," she said, her teeth glistening. "The venom doesn't kill — it's merely incapacitating. It works slowly, spreading through the bloodstream, so that, once bitten, our prey is in too much physical pain to escape us. Mostly superfluous, as I said. If we're that close, the prey doesn't escape. Of course, there are always exceptions. Carlisle, for example."  
"So… if the venom is left to spread…" I murmured.  
"It takes a few days for the transformation to be complete, depending on how much venom is in the bloodstream, how close the venom enters to the heart. As long as the heart keeps beating, the poison spreads, healing, changing the body as it moves through it. Eventually the heart stops, and the conversion is finished. But all that time, every minute of it, a victim would be wishing for death."  
I shivered.  
"It's not pleasant, you see."  
"Edward said that it was very hard to do… I don't quite understand," I said.  
"We're also like sharks in a way. Once we taste the blood, or even smell it for that matter, it becomes very hard to keep from feeding. Sometimes impossible. So you see, to actually bite someone, to taste the blood, it would begin the frenzy. It's difficult on both sides — the blood-lust on the one hand, the awful pain on the other."  
"Why do you think you don't remember?"  
"I don't know. For everyone else, the pain of transformation is the sharpest memory they have of their human life. I remember nothing of being human." Her voice was wistful.  
We lay silently, wrapped in our individual meditations.  
The seconds ticked by, and I had almost forgotten her presence, I was so enveloped in my thoughts.  
Then, without any warning, Alice leaped from the bed, landing lightly on her feet. My head jerked up as I stared at her, startled.  
"Something's changed." Her voice was urgent, and she wasn't talking to me anymore. She reached the door at the same time Jasper did. He had obviously heard our conversation and her sudden exclamation. He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her back to the bed, sitting her on the edge.

"What do you see?" he asked intently, staring into her eyes. Her eyes were focused on something very far away. I sat close to her, leaning in to catch her low, quick voice.  
"I see a room. It's long, and there are massive stained glass windows, it’s a cathedral of some kind. The floor is stone. He's in the room, and he's waiting. There's no pews."  
"Where is the Cathedral?"  
"I don't know. Something is missing — another decision hasn't been made yet."  
"How much time?"  
"It's soon. He'll be in the Cathedral today, or maybe tomorrow, it keeps fluctuating, the timing is in flux. But within the next month at least. It all depends. He's waiting for something. And he's in the dark now."  
Jasper's voice was calm, methodical, as he questioned her in a practiced way. "What is he doing?"  
"He's opening folders and reading papers...he’s in the dark.”  
"Can you see where he is?"  
"No, it's too dark."  
"And the Cathedral, what else is there?"  
"Just the windows, and the altar, there’s a big rusty cross, it looks like it’s been abandoned, unused. This is the room where he waits." Her eyes drifted, then focused on Jasper's face.  
"There's nothing else?"  
She shook her head. They looked at each other, motionless.  
"What does it mean?" I asked.  
Neither of them answered for a moment, then Jasper looked at me.  
"It means the tracker's plans have changed. He's made a decision that will lead him to the Cathedral, and the dark room."  
"But we don't know where those rooms are?"

"No."  
"But we do know that he won't be in the mountains north of Washington, being hunted. He'll elude them."  
Alice's voice was bleak.  
"Should we call?" I asked. They traded a serious look, undecided.  
And the phone rang.  
Alice was across the room before I could lift my head to look at it.  
She pushed a button and held the phone to her ear, but she didn't speak first.  
"Carlisle," she breathed. She didn't seem surprised or relieved, the way I felt.  
"Yes," she said, glancing at me. She listened for a long moment.  
"I just saw him." She described again the vision she'd seen.   
"Whatever made him get on that plane… it was leading him to those rooms." She paused. "Yes," Alice said into the phone, and then she spoke to me. "Eva?"  
She held the phone out toward me. I stepped up and took it from her, leaning into the receiver.  
"Hello?"  
"Eva," Edward said.  
"Oh, thank god love! I was so worried."  
"Eva," he sighed in frustration, "I told you not to worry about anything but yourself." It was so unbelievably good to hear his voice. I felt the hovering cloud of despair lighten and drift back as he spoke.  
"Where are you?"  
"We're outside of Vancouver. Eva, I'm sorry — we lost him. He seems suspicious of us — he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can't hear what he's thinking. But he's gone now — it looks like he got on a plane. We think he's heading back to Pullman to start over." I could hear Alice filling in Jasper behind me, her quick words blurring together into a humming noise.  
"I know. Alice saw that he got away."  
"You don't have to worry, though. He won't find anything to lead him to you. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again."  
"I'll be fine. Is Esme at my apartment?"  
"Yes — the female has been in town. Kain made it to Florida safely, it sounds like he found your dad. She hasn’t come near your building.”  
"What is she doing?"  
"Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all through the town during the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roads around town, the school… she's digging, Eva, but there's nothing to find."  
"And you're sure Kain's safe?"  
"Yes, we got into his laptop and his facebook notifications have him posting beach selfies. He’s completely fine.”  
"I miss you," I whispered.  
"I know, Eva. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half of me away with you."  
"Come and get it, then," I challenged.  
"Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." His voice was hard.  
"I love you," I reminded him.  
"Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?"  
"Yes, I can, actually."  
"I'll come for you soon."  
"I'll be waiting."

As soon as the phone went dead, the cloud of depression began to creep over me again. I turned to give the phone back to Alice and found her and Jasper bent over the table, where Alice was sketching on a piece of hotel stationery. I leaned on the back of the couch, looking over her shoulder.

She drew a Cathedral’s interior, the shapes of the windows, the altar, the cross, the pulpit…  
“Oh, that’s my dad’s old church!”  
They looked at me, surprised.  
"Do you know this space?" Jasper's voice sounded calm, but there was an undercurrent of something I couldn't identify. Alice bent her head to her work, her hand flying across the page now, the shape of an emergency exit taking shape against the back wall, the stereo and TV on a low table by the front right corner.  
"It looks like the cathedral my dad dragged kain and I to every summer as kids." I touched the page where the Altar was, the way it sat framed in the windows.  
"Are you sure it's the same room?" Jasper asked, still calm.  
"No, not at all — I suppose most Cathedrals would look similar." I traced the shapes of the windows  
"It's just the shape that looked familiar." I touched the door, set in exactly the same place as the one I remembered.  
"Would you have any reason to go there now?" Alice asked, breaking my reverie.  
"No, I haven't been there in almost ten years. I’ve been an atheist forever, and church was boring and itchy," I admitted.  
"So there's no way it could be connected with you?" Alice asked intently.  
"No, I don't even think it’s still in use."  
"Where was the Church?" Jasper asked in a casual voice.

"It was just around the block from my dad’s old house, we had to walk there.” I didn't miss the look they exchanged.  
"Up in Pullman, then?" His voice was still casual.  
"Yes," I whispered. "Carrion Street."  
We all sat in silence, staring at the drawing.  
"Alice, is that phone safe?"  
"Yes," she reassured me. "The number would just trace back to Washington."  
"Then I can use it to call my mom."   
"I thought she was in Hawaii."  
"She is — I just want to say hi to her, I don’t want her going back to the old house if I can prevent it…" My voice trembled. I was thinking about something Edward had said, about the red-haired female at the school, where my records would be.  
"How will you reach her?"  
"I’d call her cell.”  
"Jasper?" Alice asked.  
He thought about it. "I don't think there's any way it could hurt — be sure you don't say where you are, of course."  
I reached eagerly for the phone and dialed the familiar number. It rang four times, and then I heard my head hit the pillow.


	24. Tension

TENSION

I would have thought I was far beyond the ability to be surprised, my thoughts tortured and unstable, but I was surprised when I saw Alice bent over the desk, gripping the edge with two hands.

"Alice?"

She didn't react when I called her name, but her head was slowly rocking side to side, and I saw her face. Her eyes were blank, dazed… My thoughts flew to my brother, to Edward and his family.

I hurried to her side, reaching out automatically to touch her hand.

"Alice!" Jasper's voice whipped, and then he was right behind her, his hands curling over hers, loosening them from their grip on the table. Across the room, the door swung shut with a low click.

"What is it?" he demanded.

She turned her face away from me, into his chest. "Eva," she said.

"I'm right here," I replied.

Her head twisted around, her eyes locking on mine, their expression still strangely blank. I realized at once that she hadn't been speaking to me, she'd been answering Jasper's question.

"What did you see?"

Jasper looked at me sharply. His eyes were confused as they flickered swiftly between Alice's face and mine, I was just as confused, stepping forward slightly. I was trying to become as analytical as I could, remove emotion from the equation.

I felt a tranquil atmosphere settle around me. I welcomed it, using it to keep my emotions disciplined, under control.

Alice, too, recovered herself.

"Nothing, really," she answered finally, her voice remarkably calm and convincing. "Just the same room as before."

She finally looked at me, her expression smooth and withdrawn. "Did you want breakfast?"

"No, I'll eat at the airport." I was very calm, too. I went to the bathroom to shower. Almost as if I were borrowing Jasper's strange extra sense, I could feel Alice's wild — though well-concealed — desperation to have me out of the room, to be alone with Jasper. So she could tell him that they were doing something wrong, that they were going to fail…

I got ready methodically, concentrating on each little task. I left my hair down, swirling around me, covering my face. The peaceful mood Jasper created worked its way through me and helped me think clearly. Helped me try and cope with the turmoil. I put my wallet into my back pocket and my phone in my bra, keeping it close and hidden on me, maybe I could use it in an emergency.

I was anxious to get to the airport, and glad when we left by seven. I sat alone this time in the back of the dark car. Alice leaned against the door, her face toward Jasper but, behind her sunglasses, shooting  
glances in my direction every few seconds.

"Alice?" I asked, quiet, trying to keep my voice level.

She was wary. "Yes?"

"How does it work? The things that you see?" I stared out the side window.

"Edward said it wasn't definite… that things change?" It was harder than I would have thought to say his name. That must have been what alerted Jasper, why a fresh wave of serenity filled the car.

"Yes, things change…" she murmured — hopefully, I thought. "Some things are more certain than others… like the weather. People are harder. I only see the course they're on while they're on it.

Once they change their minds — make a new decision, no matter how small — the whole future shifts."

I nodded thoughtfully. "So you couldn't see Jace in Washington until he decided to come here."

"Yes," she agreed, wary again.

“I get that I’m only human, and you are all doing your best to protect me, but I would appreciate it if you kept me in on what was happening.” I looked at her now, sharply.

“I am weak and slow, but it’s still an extra brain, still the thing he’s after. I have no plans to go out in a blaze of fire in an act of self-sacrifice, I would much rather we all come out of this alive. Tell me what’s changed.”

Both of them looked a little shocked, and then Alice slowly sighed, seeming to think about it.

“I saw you in the Cathedral. You were...badly injured.” I fought the wave of fear that pulsed through me, Jasper helping.

“So...someone made a decision that would lead to me ending up in the Cathedral, as of right now?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll talk to the guys when they get here, see if someone made some decision on the way out here...Thank you, Alice.” My voice remained steady and I fought a relieved sigh, I had expected more trouble trying to get them to stop hiding shit from me.

We got to the airport. Luck was with me, or maybe it was just good odds. Edward's plane was landing in terminal four, the largest terminal, where most flights landed — so it wasn't surprising that his was.

We parked on the fourth floor of the huge garage. I led the way, for once more knowledgeable about my surroundings than they were. We took the elevator down to level three, where the passengers unloaded.

Alice and Jasper spent a long time looking at the departing flights board. I could hear them discussing the pros and cons of New York, Atlanta, Chicago. Places I'd never seen.

As Five thirty grew closer, I couldn't help being anxious in my seat, continually glancing at his gate, waiting for it to update to “Landed”. My leg bounced and I just took off my necklace, tracing the chain over the backs of my hands and fingers.

I saw Jasper look confused as to how these things seemed to calm me. I put in my ear buds and closed my eyes, focusing on the burn in my calf muscle, the softness of the thin chain against the skin of my hands. I knew people would stare, but at this moment I couldn’t care less. All I needed was him.

I perked when I heard the intercom over my music, going still and listening as they announced Edwards plane had entered the deboarding process. I bolted to a standing position, staring at the gate as travelers poured out, looking for Emmett, he was the tallest after all.

But I made eye contact with someone else. The relief was staggering, and I clipped my necklace back on and let myself smile for the first time in days, bouncing on my tiptoes. He seemed relieved too, and it was only a moment before I was in his arms, his face buried in my hair, actually lifting me off the ground slightly.

“Eva...I missed you terribly, Love.” He pulled back so he could kiss me softly, barely a peck, but it still made my chest do flips.

“Bet I missed you more, I was so worried.” I sighed and we pressed our foreheads together to just decompress for a moment. I glanced at Carlisle and Emmett too. They were already speaking with Alice and Jasper. I looked up at Edward, wondering if he could hear them.

Before I could get a read on his expression we were moving, dusk settling over the airport as we did. It was a little hard to keep up with them, even speed walking, so I tugged on Edwards sleeve.

“We’re finding a quiet place to get you something to eat and decide on our next move.” He leaned down to speak into my ear, and slipped his arm around my waist to help me move. We found a tiny airport cafe and restaurant, and found a table in the back. Edward took me to the counter to get dinner, but I watched his family do their humming conversation without us. I picked up a couple things, focusing on things that would give me energy, some pasta with chicken, some veggies, a bottle of vitamin water.

When I sat back down again, Edward wrapped his arm tightly around my waist, and Carlisle looked to both of us.

“We’re thinking the current plan would be to go on a bit of an airport tour.” He was incredibly quiet, nearly inaudible, but I strained my ears as I ate. I didn’t understand what that meant, glancing at Edward.

“They’ll all return to Pullman to regroup, you and I will go from here to several other airports, hopping states.” He murmured into my ear.  
“Eventually we’ll all meet at the same spot. We just need to determine where that will be.”

“We have several options, but we’d like to pick one you have no personal connection to.” Carlisle followed up. I saw a waitress staring at us suspiciously, and I quickly signed back to Carlisle in ASL.

‘Someone’s watching, I’m deaf now.’ He looked a little shocked for a moment, before chuckling, signing back at me.

‘Alright. Here are our options-” Carlisle started listing cities, his fingerspelling nearly too fast to follow, but I focused as hard as I could. Emmett looked frustrated again, and Edward held back a snort, signing something at Alice and Jasper now. I perked, Edward knew ASL too?

I was snapped back to Carlisle when he signed ‘N.O.L.A’

‘I haven’t been there before, it’s probably bustling with spring breakers too.’ I signed excitedly, smiling. ‘Maybe we can use that to our advantage.’

I looked around at the table who all had watched my response, Emmett still looked completely lost, but stayed grumpily silent, tapping his foot. Edward caught my attention then.

‘It would definitely be easier to hide your scent in a crowd like that.’ I tried not to find the fact that he knew ASL hot, but I lost. It took me a moment to recover from that.

‘Alright, so airport hopping, then N.O.L.A.’ I signed, and Carlisle nodded. He looked to Edward now.

‘Do you have one of the nameless cards?’ Edward nodded slightly and rubbed my shoulder, I leaned into him, now just taking in his presence, letting it relax my anxiety a little. I got Carlisle's attention, biting my lip.  
‘You’ll all be safe right?’

Carlisle smiled warmly and nodded. I relaxed again, and watched Emmett just about start to spit before Carlisle leaned in and told him everything. Edward chuckling quietly beside me. He made eye contact with me again.

‘Where did you learn ASL?’ He was curious, and I smiled.

‘In my Special Education classes, for when I would go nonverbal, also to talk with some of the other non-hearing kids. My mom, dad, and brother use it too. It’s a useful language, and a pretty one.’

He smiled a little wider then, understanding. I yawned suddenly, and the table perked.

‘It’s time to let you sleep.’ Edward signed, and I felt a little sad, looking to the table, knowing it was time to say goodbye. We all stood, and I hugged Alice tightly, firmly signing at her to be safe. She beamed and replied with ‘I love you.’ and kissed my cheek. I mirrored it, and also thanked them both. Jasper smiled warmly at me, and he signed at me for the first time, a little slower than the others.

‘You are worth it.’ My eyes watered a little, and I said thank you to him too, hoping my smile wasn’t too blubbery. He grinned a little wider in response. I said goodbye to Carlisle and Emmett too, Emmett picking me up off of the ground in a bear hug that almost made me squeak, and made Edward look alarmed.

“Stay safe kiddo, I want my sister back safe and sound, you hear me?” He whispered it to me, and gave me a big grin, goofy. I nodded at him, giggling as he set me back down. Edward and I watched them disperse, taking several different flights it looked like, all of them on their phones immediately, before I turned to Edward again. Without a moment to prepare myself, he swung me up onto his back, but it felt completely natural to hug around his neck and wrap my legs around his waist, comfortable now, even. Almost too comfortable as I nuzzled into the back of his shirt. He walked us somewhere, but I didn’t ask where, falling asleep against him quickly.

When I woke, I was groggy, Edward shaking my shoulder very gently.

“Come on my love, we’re getting you a bed when we land, but we need to make this flight.” I was slightly surprised when I looked up and rubbed my eyes clear, seeing our destination.

“Chicago?” I perked slightly, and he nodded.

“We’ll get a hotel out there so you can get some real rest.”

We boarded together, and I snickered at the flight attendants' confused faces as they glanced between Edward and I, the model and his goblin. I got comfy as Edward put up my carry on, and felt better when he was beside me.

“You’re too pretty to be flying red-eyes.” I murmured, reaching up to trace the circles under his eyes. “At least you look a little sleepy.”

“Should I look a little more disheveled?” He raised his eyebrow with his crooked grin, and I melted, our own little bubble re-established, quelling the fear in my stomach for now.

“You should. Here.” I reached up and playfully messed up his hair, even messy and blowing a curl out of his face, he was too pretty.

“Better?”

“Mm, a little. Not much though, it’s hard to make you look bad. I feel like if I put you in my ratty sweats they’d just look designer.” I sighed, and he chuckled.

“Sleep now, sweet Eva, I’ll wake you when we land.” I leaned into his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around me, taking this time to let my stress release. Just a little. He was here, beside me, his family was safe and coming together, and I was alive. Maybe we could pull this off after all.

He woke me gently as we landed at the O’Hare Airport, and we took our time deboarding. I held his hand as we walked through the unfamiliar building, Edward knowing exactly where to go. We made it to the Uber pickup area, and we climbed into the car that hailed us, Edward putting our bags in the trunk. I stared out the window as we drove through downtown Chicago, excited, I had never been to Chicago before, and the city was beautiful.

I really should have expected what he’d meant when he’d said hotel.

“We’re staying here?” I looked down at myself, in my ratty sweatpants and oversized hoodie, hair a bird's nest. I looked like a meth-head.

“Yes, it’s one of the tallest hotels in the city, makes it hard to find us.”

“Just make sure they don’t mistake me for someone homeless.” I mumbled, watching Edward get out of the Uber behind me. I groaned low as I stretched my aching legs and back, rolling my shoulders. Edward wrapped his arm over me and walked me in, checking us in at the front desk. The interior was even more ridiculous, modern and eclectic with bright neon lights and colors everywhere. The only word I could really come up with was...Loud.

The hotel room held up to the ridiculousness of the lobby. Edward had gotten us a King suite. The window was at least as tall as I was, only about a foot and a half from the floor, lined by gauzy privacy curtains and a pair of blackout curtains. It stretched back in a rectangle from there, floors a dark blue low pile carpet with most of the space dominated by the decorated king bed against the left wall. It was on a weird bed frame, like a pedestal, but solid and black. Art of different Jazz instruments hung above it. A Tv, dresser, mini fridge and desk sat against the right wall, all built into an interconnecting shelving unit made of stained wood. A thin room divider made of the same wood separated the little kitchenette space. Finally right beside the entrance was the massive bathroom. I almost bee lined to it, catching Edward by surprise. I could cry staring at the gorgeous rainfall shower and spacious vanity.

I became even more elated when I realized I had this all to myself. I remembered my toothbrush, turning to go find my bag. I paused when I entered the room again. Edward was staring out the window, still as a statue with his hands in his pockets. I hadn’t even noticed the view in my rush to not be smelly. We overlooked most of downtown, and in the dark the city lights looked..infinite. It was like the stars had fallen out of the sky and were strewn across the stretch of buildings underneath us. I was in awe, getting closer to the window to look. “...wow…it’s beautiful…”

I felt Edward take my hand quietly, lifting my knuckles to place a cold, soft kiss to them in the low light. The city lights reflected off of his eyes, now a rich bronze color, making them glitter as they met mine. I was stunned for a moment by him once again, he smiled.

“It pales beside you, Miss Irving.”

I wanted to argue, thinking about my meth head observation earlier, but bit my tongue. Smiling instead and stepping a bit closer to stand on my tip toes and kiss his jaw softly, avoiding his mouth as my breath had to be atrocious, then fell back, looking up at him again.

“I could say the same about you, Mr. Cullen.” I kept my voice soft, but the smile that touched his face then stopped time. It was just us, no impending danger, no terrible fate, just this moment. We both stood locked in it, neither wanting to be the first to break it, but I had to, I would be able to be that much closer once I was cleaned up.

I turned from him with another soft smile, slipping my hand from his to grab my toothbrush and head into the bathroom. I brought the bag in too, laying out a clean tank top and sleep shorts, and some fresh panties. I undressed and stretched at the same time, sighing as I pulled the sticky clothes off in relief. I left the nastiness in a pile on the floor, reaching up to my hair to pull out the scrunchy that was barely holding my hair together, letting the rats nest fall loose as I turned on the water. I let it heat up, used the toilet and brushed my teeth, already feeling a little better.

Climbing under the hot water though was euphoric. I let it scald my skin for a few minutes, just enjoying it, then reached for the little hotel conditioner to rub through my knotted hair, hoping to help detangle it without too much damage. Eventually I was able to run my fingers through it smoothly, but I jolted behind the fogged glass doors when I heard the bathroom door open. I peeked out, seeing Edward's hand on the door, but he didn’t come in. When he spoke, he almost sounded...shy.

“...May I...join you?”

My heart pounded in my chest then, and my breath caught in my throat. On one hand I absolutely wanted that, I craved the intimacy more than anything right now, but I was...afraid. Self conscious as I glanced down at my body. I hadn’t shaved in a minute, my legs a little hairy, so were my underarms in all honesty. I bit my lip. He was going to see all that eventually right? Hell he’d called my beautiful when I was still a mess. I took a deep breath.

Apparently he’d gotten anxious in the span of silence between us while I thought.

“I’m sorry, this was too forward of me, please forget I asked-”

“Wait!”

I saw his hand on the door pause.

“It’s alright...I’d like that, a lot actually.” My own voice was a little shy. “I was only quiet because...I was self conscious for a moment.” He seemed to perk at that.

“You have nothing to be self conscious about.” It was firm then, almost like I’d said something crude.

“...I realized that, too.” I admitted, tossing him a gentle smile. “Come in, when you’re ready…” I turned from the door then facing my back to it and anticipated the moment. The water almost felt cool to how hot my body was, pulse pounding. I knew he could hear it.

After a moment, I heard fabric hit the bathroom floor, and the glass door creak open. I heard him catch his breath in a sharp inhale, and closed my eyes, staying still for him, wrapping my arms around myself.

Slowly, a pair of strong, no longer ice cold hands slid over the sides of my waist. I realized he must have warmed his hands in the water first, and felt him slowly place the front of his body against my back. Every line of him was firm and cool, the water and leftover conditioner on my back making our skin slightly slippery, I could feel the firmness of his stomach and hips. His arms fully wrapped around my waist then, and I could hear him carefully inhaling and exhaling, making sure my scent wouldn’t overwhelm him. He held me like he was seeking comfort, also craving the intimacy I did. The feeling of peace and safety this embrace brought.

We stood like that in the hot water for several minutes in silence, his lips and nose pressed to the top of my head, arms around my waist as I leaned back into his chest.

Carefully I took his hand, raising it to my own lips, pressing a kiss to the side of his wrist.

“Is it...difficult?” I murmured, not wanting him to be in pain in this moment.

“Always...but not unbearable.” He cooed in response. Slowly, I turned in his arms, looking up into his eyes and reaching up to stroke the hair at the nape of his neck. The gravity I knew well gently pulled us together, and my lips met his so softly.

I didn't have a name for what I felt as our lips moved together like this. We tipped our heads to deepen it, but there was no lustful urgency. His hand went to the back of my neck, fingers tangling in my hair, his other hand wrapping firmly around my waist. My own hands met each other at the back of his head, tugging him closer. Our height difference made kissing like this awkward, but right now neither of us seemed to care. 

The emotional tension between us that had been taught as a piano wire snapped. This was not desire as I'd previously known it. It was like every inch of my body needed to be touching his or I'd break. All sense, emotion, past or future disappeared in his arms, his lips were the first to become more urgent, his hand moving to my jaw now to hold it steady as his mouth moved against mine. He lifted me slightly with his other arm, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He backed me into the wall of the shower, It made it easier to touch him, he seemed to have had the same idea. His hands roamed my waist, my hips, using his own to hold me up now. I whined when he pulled his mouth from me, very quietly, but he simply moved to the side of my neck, under my jawline, following the curve to my shoulder and making me melt. My eyes slid closed, lost in the sensation. But I could only stand his lips off of mine for so long.

I placed my hands on either side of his jaw, tugging his mouth back to mine, and we both let another relieved sigh mix between us in the humid air. I moved passion now, and our parted lips allowed the smallest gap for my tongue to sweep over his lower lip slowly, carefully. He groaned into my mouth, opening his just a little further to let his own tongue find mine. It was a shock, so cold in my mouth, like a wintergreen mint. My thumbs stroked over his ears, his cheeks, his jaw, memorizing his facial structure under my hands. His own explored my body, now finding my thighs, the curve of my ass, fingers sinking into the flesh. 

I knew I wanted to go farther, but I also knew my lover. It would be so easy really, to follow this to it's natural conclusion, but what I wanted more than anything was just, him. 

To envelop me, to envelop us both, to become one so solidly nothing could pull us apart. 

My lips against his slowed, and it was my turn to kiss his jaw, exploring his perfect features with my lips, the tip of my nose.

We sank to the ground slowly, and I realized he was sitting us on the shower floor, his legs crossed underneath me, holding me against his chest, in his lap. His own frantic petting had slowed, and now he simply stroked my back, hip to the nape of my neck, feeling my skin.

Our lips connected once more, soft, open mouthed pecks, but our breath had slowed, and my pulse had calmed. I don't know how long we sat like that, just holding one another in the water silently, his forehead resting against mine.

All of the anxiety, all of the fear. Nothing could touch us right now.

The haze of this new sensation, this peace, was slowly ebbing, but it left us both warm and calm. 

"I love you." His voice was so soft, so warm, how was I ever supposed to move from this spot?

"I love you, too. So much..." I murmured, brushing the tip of my nose with his.

I was the one who moved us forward, feeling my stringy curls against my chest and back.

“Would...you like to help me with my hair? I love having my hair washed..” I coaxed, I still wanted his hands on me, and he smiled my favorite smile, his eyes almost glittering with adoration.

“I..would like that.”

He was so gentle, still holding me as he very carefully washed my hair, and the sensations of his fingers against my scalp were wonderful. He followed with conditioner, and I helped him rinse it carefully. Everything was still fuzzy, but he carried me out of the shower eventually, wrapping me in a fluffy white towel and helping me dry off.

As he did, he leaned in close to my ear to whisper gentle things, _I love you,... you are so beautiful,...my darling,...my love..._ I clung to him, wishing I could find new words, mumbling about how wonderful he was, how happy he made me, how much I loved him. 

We didn't bother dressing, he simply carried me to bed once I was dry enough, and we sat in silence, holding eachother for ages as he quietly hummed my lullabye.

How could I ever leave him?

My mind went back to my conversation with Alice, and I felt a knot form in my stomach. Seeing the future, seeing him all alone, facing eternity once again. How on earth could I do that to him now?

“Edward?” I spoke softly, and he hummed in response.

“Someday...after all of this of course, and probably even after I graduate...would you consider...changing me?” I nearly whispered it, concerned about how he’d react.

It was as bad as I expected, he grimaced, anger flaring in his eyes as he stiffened and looked down at me.

“I just, I mean, I love you, I want to be with you for as long as I can, and I want us to be able to...be. I’m roped up in this world of my own volition, and I’m not talking any time soon, I have things I want to do before then...but...I don’t know, how I could stand to watch you, watch me, get sick and die one day.”

He flinched at that, silent, keeping his eyes closed as he pulled me tight to him.

“Do you have any idea what you’re asking? What you would give up?” He was nearly growling, and I leaned back slightly to see his face.

“I do have a concept of it, yes, but that’s why I want to talk about this-- I don’t plan to go anywhere any time soon, but...to be able to defend myself, hell, protect you...I meant it when I said forever Edward, I’ve even thought about-...” I couldn’t say the word “marriage”. My mother had drilled it into me to avoid early marriage like the plague, but on top of that, I wondered if it was too early to bring something like that up.

He was quiet.

“Thought about…?” his voice was soft again.

“...Marrying you, some day.” I whispered it, my face blazing as I looked up at him, chewing on my lip.

He looked stunned, but I saw a flash of...joy? In his face? He slowly pulled me closer, holding me like a miracle.

“...I’m not ready...to discuss it. Not now. Please?”

He sounded like he was in pain, I couldn’t push him more tonight. I pressed a kiss to his jaw, snuggling deeper into his arms.

“Okay, my love. Not now.”


	25. Wreckage

WRECKAGE

It was the best night’s sleep I’d gotten all week, wrapped in Edwards arms, completely dreamless and I didn’t wake once. By the time I did rise, it was late in the afternoon, and Edward was still holding me, stroking a hand through my hair gently. I stretched under the covers, looking up at him and rubbing my eyes.

“‘Mornin’...my voice was still groggy, and I yawned, I felt his cool lips press to my forehead.

“You are adorable when you first wake up, you know.”

“Ah, yes, morning breath and haystack hair, adorable.” I giggled though, blushing and nosing under his chin to press closer to his cool cotton t-shirt and stone chest.

“How long was I asleep?”

“About sixteen hours.”

“Oh, good lord.” I stretched again, I knew he would have woken me if something truly important had happened, and I’d very badly needed the sleep.

“Any news?”

He frowned then, and sighed. 

“The Cathedral interior has changed, it keeps fluctuating. As though he’s been deciding on every single church he’s passed. We can’t get a good read on his location, but I am...far less agitated now that he’s off the trail.” I sat up slightly, using my elbow to support my upper body. I felt his cool fingers skim over my bare hip and the side of my thigh, tracing nearly imperceptible designs over the skin there. I shivered, at the chill or in desire I wasn’t sure.

I leaned forward in the bed to press my lips to his, slow and soft, before finally sitting up and stretching enough to pop my spine back into place. I padded around and got my hair and teeth brushed, pulling on a tee shirt and skinny jeans from my duffle bag. 

He watched me quietly the entire time, oddly fascinated with my little rituals. I started the hotel coffee maker, shaking the creamer and sugar packets in my hands, looking back at him with a little smile.  
“What?” I chuckled, a little shy about his staring.

“Just...taking you in. I missed you more than I’m able to express.” He held his hands out to me, his arms open, and I almost automatically climbed into his lap. This was a wonderful, but brief respite to the guillotine hanging over my neck, and the reminder made me queasy.

“I’ll be alright, beautiful man.” I rest my forehead against his, and we sat like that while my coffee brewed. 

“When is our first flight?” I opened my eyes to meet his golden ones.

“In about four hours. We’ll get you some breakfast at the airport. Alice loaded my bag with fresh clothes for you too.”

“Awesome, good to know.” I tried to give him a smile, but I knew it didn’t reach my eyes. As I sipped my coffee, the fear, the nerves, settled once again in my stomach.

We got me ready and cleaned up, tucking my hair under a beanie. He dressed down a little too, letting me muss his hair again, black joggers and a charcoal hoodie. Some well used black sneakers and a baseball cap. We fit in much better when he looked slightly less like a male model, but not much, as any time he lifted his face to someone they still looked a little stunned. We made it to the airport, and I put in my headphones, leaning on Edwards shoulder. 

Our first flight was pretty easy, it was helpful to distract myself with classwork on my laptop or watch the inflight movie. Edward would, every once in a while, keep me entertained with any unheard thought drama on the plane or in the airport. When we landed in Denver, we got me some lunch and curled up in the corner of a nearby gate, waiting for our gate to be announced. 

Edward looked nearly asleep beside me, eyes closed, hands in his hoodie pocket, long legs crossed out in front of him. I took in his features, I didn’t know how much I wanted to remember this moment, but I knew I wanted to remember him should something terrible happen.

I pulled at his arm, and my statue came to life, turning to me. I squirmed up under his arm to tuck myself up to his side, finding it easier to nap there than anywhere else, even as cold and solid as he was. I was sore and nearly bruising on my shoulders and arm from sleeping against him so much, but I wouldn’t be able to otherwise. 

We went from Denver to Syracuse, Syracuse to Minneapolis. I was honestly surprised one of the largest international airports was in Minnesota of all places. We walked out of our Terminal into what looked like a mini mall. One shop that really stood out had a big loon on it’s sign. We were planning on getting an Uber to find a Hotel in this snowy state, let me get some sleep and a shower before our next several jumps.

I caught a look at myself in a passing reflective glass wall, nearly unrecognisable. My face looked as bad as I felt, deep circles under my eyes, skin sallow and bloodless. Hair greasy and sticking out all over from my grey hood. I turned my eyes away as quickly as I could, keeping my head down.

I heard Edwards' phone vibrate in his hoodie pocket and heard him speak, perking as we stopped in Baggage claim, him pulling me to the side.  
“Hi Alice, what’s up?”

He was using his headphones to talk to her, but for my benefit, he was interpreting what she was saying into a very fast form of ASL. 

‘The Cathedral has changed again.’

‘I’m with Jasper.’

‘Emmett is with Rose, Carlisle is with Esme. We’re all going to make two more stops, split up.’

‘Go to Ft. Lauderdale next, Then Mexico, then N.O.L.A.’ 

I was elated knowing his family had been reunited somewhat, but felt more anxiety eating at me seeing how many stops we still needed to make. I was stiff and aching all over, but I was getting a bed for a small period of time. I caught Edward's worried look however, and straightened my back, setting my face with determination instead. The last thing he needed was to be worrying about me if we were making the right moves. He paused suddenly, listening intently, and I saw a grin touch his lips, signing with a firmness now. 

‘The Cathedral just disappeared, I think this is going to work.’ He looked down to give me a smile, reaching up to pat my hooded head, and I gave him a smile, my heart hopeful, just slightly.

Edward tried to keep my spirits up actively now, asking me more of our coffee date questions in ASL, and I relaxed into our little back and forth, letting him make me laugh again. I tried to make him laugh too, and it seemed to be working for a little while as we hunted for a hotel room nearby. This one was nowhere near as fancy as our last, but I was just fine with that, I wasn’t going to get precious about any kind of bed right now. Edward kissed me softly before I disappeared into the bathroom to clean up, he didn’t join me this time, and when I came back out, freshly showered and shaved and feeling like a person again, he was stiff as a board on the hotel bed. A familiar, nearly invisible pucker between his brows, and a thousand yard stare. His eyes were getting darker now, and I steeled myself. He needed to eat.  
I came to sit next to him, coming to life, the hard, cold expression before vanishing.

“Hey…” I touched his face, keeping my voice low. He looked into my eyes, and was suddenly alert and defensive, I guess he was starting to be able to tell when I was going to ask him to do something he didn’t want to do.

“You should hunt, tonight. Minnesota is a forestry place, right?”

He was shaking his head before I finished, grabbing my wrists and bringing my hands to my lap.

“Absolutely not, I am not leaving you alone.”

“Not for long, just one deer or something, starving yourself is going to be as helpful as me not sleeping.” I scolded, but kept my hands to myself.

“Eva-”

“Please, Edward? For me?” I looked up at him, pleading, I didn’t want to fight, I just wanted him to stay healthy. “Please?”

I wasn’t expecting his reaction, stunned and confused, then torn.

“...What if-” 

“Make the decision to go hunting, if Alice calls us to say no, you don’t.” 

He grimaced, but looked like he was listening. We both waited and received no phone call, and I watched Edward relax. 

“I’ll go...in a couple of hours. Alright?” He was stubborn, but that was enough for me, and I nodded, giving him a relieved smile. We sat in silence for several minutes, and something that had been sitting at the back of my mind that I’d wanted to say for a while, surfaced again. It hadn’t ever felt like the right time on the plane or in the airport, but here, just us, it was different. 

“You know I don’t blame you for any of this right?” I asked him, moving to sit more fully beside him. He was silent, but I saw his face twist up into something between a grimace and anguish.

“You should.” He whispered. “If I wasn’t-”

“If I wasn’t Human, this wouldn’t have happened either.” I cut him off, shaking my head. “There is no point in placing blame anywhere but on this Jace guy.” I turned more to him, wanting him to look at me. He looked reluctant, but did, face set into a frown.

“You may be very strong, but you are still only one man, my love, and no one man can carry all this on his own. Let me be your partner, let go of some of this load.” I whispered, cupping his cheeks and pressing my forehead to his.  
“I...I was blaming myself for this, too, Jasper was trying to keep telling me that I’m worth all this mess, and while I still feel like I’m not,...If I imagine myself in your shoes, I wouldn’t want you to blame yourself then either, and I doubt you’d want to blame me.” 

He looked up at me then, seeming surprised, then relaxing once again, closing his eyes and blowing out a sigh.

“Whatever happens, I don’t want you blaming yourself, you hear me? This...this is worth fighting for. We’re worth fighting for. You’re worth fighting for.” My voice was trailing, and I was a little upset that my eyes had turned on their faucets, dripping onto the bedspread between us. I had wanted to remain firm, but imagining him not thinking he was worth this was upsetting. 

His hands took my face and his thumbs stroked away my tears, crushing his lips to mine. I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but when we finally actually parted, my tears had stopped. 

“You...actually make me feel like I might be.” He mumbled, voice hoarse. His shoulders trembled slightly, and it took me a moment to realize this is what a vampire crying looked like. I pulled him closer slowly, and he let me, tucking his head under my chin and leaning back to hold him as tightly as I could, stroking his hair, holding him again. He only seemed to hesitate for a moment before he wrapped his arms around my back, shoulders shaking a little harder, and I squeezed tighter, wondering how I was ever going to let go of him. "Whatever happens now, or later..." I was quiet, but tipped my face down to meet his eyes, pressing my hand to his cheek again. I needed to say this. “We live for eachother, alright? Whatever happens, we fight as hard as we can to stay alive. No going out in a blaze of glory-- promise me.” I ordered, his dark eyes searched mine, face still twisted slightly, but he nodded, cupping my hand and closing his eyes. "I promise, love. If anyone will be dying in the next week, it will be that damned tracker." He growled it a little, but his face softened again quickly, his thumb stroking the back of my hand. I smiled and tugged him to rest against me again, tucking his head into the crook of my neck to go back to petting his coppery curls, humming as he did to soothe me so often. We were partners. I would at the very least, do this for him. Time had stopped having any meaning to me, besides takeoffs and landings, and it seemed to pass as I held him and he held me. Finally it was time for him to hunt, and I kissed him goodbye, promising to keep my phone on and ready, everything locked and drawn.

He looked more peaceful when I woke up beside him the next day, eyes much lighter, my favorite sunflower gold. The furrow between his brow had gone, the agony behind his eyes having left. I couldn’t have been happier to see that, and it helped me feel a little better, too. We could do this, together.

The next several flights, he and I focused on keeping entertained instead of spiraling, we watched the ten movies we’d all mentioned were in our top rewatch lists, and I was pleased that Edward hadn’t seen Grave Encounters. I was greatly anticipating reuniting with his family, and things were still looking good, Alice said there were other futures now, not involving Jace at all, and Edward and I looked at each other in shock and joy at the news, he grinned my favorite grin when I grabbed his jaw to kiss his cheek firmly.

Landing in N.O.L.A. My leg was bouncing violently, staring over the heads of the rest of the people in coach, anxious as I could be to get off the plane. Taxiing seemed to take a year, and my face must have been getting more and more upset, because Edward started humming my lullabye. 

I winced, and gave him an apologetic little smile, but he only smiled back with a little wink. As soon as the Flight attendant gave us the okay to deboard, Edward had my carry on and had us getting off the plane. He was already honed in on his family, his pupils dilated when he was smelling something. I followed, quick, still trying to see someone recognizable over the crowd, letting out a little oof when I was suddenly squeezed in a hug by a familiar woman, her caramel curls squished under my chin.

“Oh Eva! Thank goodness, I’m so glad you’re alright!” Esme sighed, stepping back and looking me over, still holding my chin. 

“You still need a real bed tonight, we’ll make sure to get you somewhere nice to sleep, right dear?” Carlisle chuckled behind her.

“Oh- Esme that’s really not necessary, I could sleep on a sidewalk at this point.” I laughed.

I heard Edwards teeth click together beside me and perked in alarm. He was glaring at Rosalie, who was glaring at me. Emmett shook her shoulders, looking upset. I didn’t have time to understand the interaction before Alice had me in a squeeze next.

“Oh you smell like shit!” She sighed unhappily, “You must be dying for a shower.” 

“Wow, thanks Alice, needed that. Sorry baby wipes don’t make a great bath.” I snorted and squeezed her back, making a face at her. 

The family reunited quietly, and I could tell several of them were giving Edward updates in their heads. I assumed they weren’t too upsetting, as Edwards' face didn’t change much. We made our way to the car rental area and Alice mumbled an update into my ear. We were going to separate into two cars, Jasper, Alice, Edward and I in one, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme in the other. Esme and I switched clothes again in a bathroom, and I apologized for the smell, worried about what Alice said.

“Oh dear, she was exaggerating. Now put on the hat and pull up your hood.”

It was way too hot to be so bundled, but I knew it was to cover as much of my scent as possible. I was sweating as I climbed into the SUV that Alice rented, Jasper getting into the driver's seat as we all headed out of the airport and onto the highway, we had landed in Baton Rouge rather than Lafayette, trying to still cover our true destination.

I settled into my seat then, still tired, I had nearly drifted off into another nap when my eyes snapped open at the sound of Alice gasping. I barely had time to process, the sound was anguished, she yelled very suddenly, nearly too loud.

“Th-the Cathedral just- Eva! Put your head down!” 

I didn’t think, I only acted, ducking my head and covering it with my arms, I barely felt Edward shift beside me before we hit something, full tilt.

Or, I guess to be more accurate, something hit us. 

It came from the right, smashing into the passenger side with a ridiculous amount of power, I felt the car catch the air and careen to the left, tilting as we were about to roll into the swamp that flew by beside us only moments ago.

The air was suddenly knocked out of me, and I was flying, getting torn out of the car. My chest ached like someone had punched it, and I felt and heard something crack as whatever slammed into my stomach must have cracked a few ribs. I felt unbridled, wild panic as I turned my head, and saw what looked like flames, until I realized it was much worse.

Victoria had her arm locked around my stomach, and was booking it through the dark swamp away from the car, and it was then I realized what had happened. She turned to me, her face splitting into a horrific smile, then cracked me over the head with her fist, sending me into darkness.


	26. Ashes to Ashes

ASHES TO ASHES

I came to on a dusty stone floor.

The first thing I was aware of was how much I hurt, everywhere. My head throbbed so hard even moving my jaw hurt, My chest felt like I’d been kicked by a horse, or shot, I couldn’t tell which would be the closest description. My nose felt wet and ached, I slowly fluttered my eyes open, realizing I could only breathe out of my mouth. From what I could see, it was bright red. I turned my head, attempting to focus my vision, I could see my arm, also covered in dirt and the same red I saw on my nose. I let my head rest there for a moment, the stone was cool against my cheek, and I blearily thought it felt nice.

“Ah, wonderful, you’re finally awake!” A man's voice purred, and I didn’t recognize it. That was when reality came thundering back through my head. The car flipping, Edward reaching for me, flying, a blur of fiery red..

I gasped so hard sitting up I coughed, wincing at the ache through my chest from where the seat belt had been. I realized I wasn’t on a floor at all, but an altar. The cathedral was massive, but abandoned, the humidity and harsh weather had already helped vines and ivy begin to reclaim the stone walls. I finally focused on him, trying to take stock of my injuries. 

His dark eyes assessed me with interest. The irises were nearly black, just a hint of ruby around the edges. Thirsty. "I will give your strange coven this much, you humans can be quite interesting. I guess I can see the draw of observing you. It's amazing — to go so far to keep one single human alive."

He was standing a few feet away from me, arms folded, looking at me curiously. There was no menace in his face or stance. He was so very average-looking, nothing remarkable about his face or body at all.

Just the white skin, the circled eyes I'd grown so used to. He wore a pale blue, long-sleeved shirt and faded blue jeans.

"I suppose you're going to tell me that your boyfriend will avenge you?" he asked, hopefully it seemed to me.

"I fucking hope not.” I groaned at him, giving him a weak grimace.  
“I told him not to.”

"And what was his reply to that?"

"I didn’t let him say otherwise.” It was strangely easy to converse with this genteel hunter. “Forced him to promise.”

"How romantic, a final wish. And do you think he will honor it?" His voice was just a little harder now, a hint of sarcasm marring his polite tone.

"I hope so."

"Hmmm. Well, our hopes differ then. You see, this was all much too interesting for it to end here, I’m not ready for this to be over. You’ve just been too fun to chase.”

I waited in silence.

"When Victoria couldn't get to your brother, I had her find out more about you. There was no sense in running all over the planet chasing you down when I could do some research first. So, after I talked to Victoria, I decided to trace some of your footsteps. First I found that cathedral you belonged to as a child.” 

He laughed. 

“The setting was too perfect, I had the scene set there. But you were still managing to evade me. I heard you say you were going home. At first, I never dreamed you meant it. But then I wondered.  
Humans can be very predictable; they like to be somewhere familiar, somewhere safe. And wouldn't it be the perfect ploy, to go to the last place you should be when you're hiding — the place that you said you'd be.

"But of course I wasn't sure, it was just a hunch. I usually get a feeling about the prey that I'm hunting, a sixth sense, if you will. I was rather upset when I found your mothers home up for sale, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling you were near.”

"Then your coven suddenly returned without you- or your precious Edward. Victoria was monitoring them for me, naturally; in a game with this many players, I couldn't be working alone. And after that, oh you nearly lost me! I was getting so frustrated, jumping all over the country following after one pair and then another, you’re very tricky!”

He laughed too hard at that, beaming. 

“I just needed one little tip, one little hint. And when Victoria told me the blonde and the big guy were headed to Baton Rouge, just as your leader and his mate were booking tickets to the same place, they told me exactly what I needed to hear. I followed your little group from the airport. Good choice by the way, New Orleans? A beautiful city, historic, a lovely place to die. Then all I needed to do was find a new setting, and get you away from your friends, I couldn’t figure anything out at first, they had you so well guarded.”

He looked wild, overexcited, telling the story of an incredible hunting trip. I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, and nearly froze. My phone! It was still in my bra! They must not have felt it-

“Then you were on the road, and it hit me. Well, your car, hit me. Victoria was indispensable, managing to grab you and get away so quickly, I had to help keep your family distracted, it’s not like they could just get out of their wreck while the sun was still up. I’m glad it wasn’t too early in the afternoon however, I’m still hoping he catches up. It’s, Edward, correct?”

I didn't answer. The bravado was wearing off. I sensed that he was coming to the end of his gloat. 

"Would you mind, very much, if I left a little letter of my own for your Edward?"

He took a step back and touched a palm-sized digital video camera balanced carefully on top of a broken pillar. A small red light indicated that it was already running. He adjusted it a few times, and widened the frame. It set in what he’d meant and I felt rage bubble up in my stomach. Horror followed close behind. 

"I'm sorry, but I just don't think he'll be able to resist hunting me after he watches this. And I wouldn't want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of course. You're simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably running with the wrong crowd, I might add."

He stepped toward me, smiling. "Before we begin…"

I felt a curl of nausea in the pit of my stomach as he spoke. This was something I had not anticipated.

"I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me.

"You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked — I never will understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans — and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."

"Alice," I breathed, astonished.

"Yes, your little friend. I was surprised to see her in the clearing. So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honor, actually.

"And she did smell so delicious. I still regret that I never got to taste… She smelled even better than you do. Sorry — I don't mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow…"

He took another step toward me, till he was just inches away. He lifted a lock of my hair and sniffed at it delicately. Then he gently patted the strand back into place, and I felt his cool fingertips against my throat.

He reached up to stroke my cheek once quickly with his thumb, his face curious. I wanted so badly to run, but I was frozen. I solidified my expression into one of loathing. 

"No," he murmured to himself as he dropped his hand, "I don't understand." He sighed. "Well, I suppose we should get on with it. And then I can call your friends and tell them where to find you, and my little message."

I took a breath, focusing my eyes on the video camera.

“Edward, I’m keeping my promise. Whatever you do, don’t watch this.”

He seemed to laugh at my bravado. 

"And you, jesus it’s obvious no one’s ever told you to shut the fuck up.”

I didn’t see his reaction, and made a decision, rolling off the altar to the floor, reaching into my bra and grabbing at my phone, pulling it out as fast as I could to send Alice my location.

It was less than a second before he was in front of me, roaring with his lips pulled back from his gleaming teeth, skidding into a crouch from his leap over the altar. I could only hope, if it didn’t reach her, she at least had a vision. He reached out just as I’d hit send, chucking my phone into the wall behind us and shattering it.

If I was going to die today I was going to die kicking and screaming. I’d managed to scramble about two feet, my entire body screeching in protest at the movement, but the adrenaline was pumping, the pain manageable while everything moved too fast, or at least it had been. 

He’d grabbed me by my hair, yanking it downward so hard I lost my balance. But he didn’t let me hit the ground, he shoved me on my knees, still holding my hair, facing me to the camera while he stood behind me.

“I’ll make sure to take my time, and don’t worry, I’ll be careful not to rip the skin, I want to savor every drop of your blood.”

He shoved me forward, moving his grip lightning fast from my hair to my wrist. I tried to kick out at him, swearing and trying to get away. I felt his foot press into my left shoulder blade.

The pain was blinding as he dislocated my shoulder, knocking the wind out of me. He simply dropped me after, letting me fall forward. I was able to catch myself on my right arm, but just barely, my other arm totally limp and turned the wrong way in its socket. I wasn’t dead. As long as I wasn’t dead, I would keep moving.

It was weak, and probably looked pathetic, my crawling across the ground dragging my arm behind me, I barely registered my own broken sobs.

“What a cute little attempt. I wonder what you’d look like squirming across the ground.”

I heard the crunch as his foot came down on my right forearm, the bones like dead leaves under the tread of his boot, and I sobbed, but didn’t scream. I had to focus all of my energy on not screaming, but I was left to only my core strength now. He didn’t seem to like my reaction, grabbing me by the back of my head, using my hair again, lifting me so my feet dangled. 

He pitched me like a doll across the cathedral, my back slamming into the opposite wall, behind the altar. My foot went through one of the stained glass windows, shattering it. 

I blacked out for a moment, but fought hard, dropping to the ground like dead weight. 

I didn’t want to die here. I didn’t want to fucking die here.

“Come on, wouldn’t you want to tell your lover to come and avenge you?”

“You promised- Edward-!”

I sobbed into the floor but it was cut off as I violently retched, my body convulsing, the pain in my now most likely broken ribs tearing through me like knives. My vomit was tainted with my blood, and I heard him click his tongue unhappily behind me. 

“what did I say about wasting your blood?” 

He grabbed my throat to haul me up this time, and his eyes snapped down from my face. I suddenly understood what that ice like chill was in my ribs as I gasped for air. Something had to be run through me, there was an intensely painful tearing sensation in the lower half of my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. My lung was collapsing. I didn’t have much fight left in me. I was breathing, but it felt like attempting to breathe through a straw, and my throat gargled with blood. I turned my bleary eyes back to his face. I was so angry, so scared, so...anguished. I couldn’t hold out, not like this. I fought hard, but this would be my last act of defiance. my voice was weak, but full of as much malice as I could muster.

“Fuck…You…”

I spat in his face, blood and mucous splattering across his nose. I grinned involuntarily. He was incensed. 

“Quite a mouth on you, hm? Was it that your little Edward found so endearing? Well perhaps I can fix that.”

Dropping me again he gripped my hair, my weight making several strands rip from the root as he caught me. 

He shoved his free hand into my mouth, and I gagged, realizing in horror what he was doing too late, his fingers gripping my teeth and hair and pulling.

My scream was garbled and ear piercing as my lower jaw dislocated from my skull with a loud pop, the skin on the sides of my face pulled too taught, the only thing keeping it attached now. The muscles were protesting as well, I could feel them twitching in the incorrect places. 

I couldn’t fight any more, my tongue lolling wet and bloody from my mouth, I could feel it dripping over where my chin should be. My eyes slid closed, and I prayed.

I’d never believed in god. But fuck it, we were in a church right? 

If I live through this, I’ll believe in fate. Whoever was listening. 

He dropped me to the floor again, I heard my limp body hit the stone with a wet thump. I could feel him dragging me somewhere, I couldn’t really decipher where. 

Please...just let me go back to him one more time...let him see I kept my promise.

Edward! 

He was taking his time now, and he sat me up on my knees, my head rolling limply. I felt him lift my dislocated arm, my hand. I heard, as if from underwater, the final growl of the hunter. 

As I drifted, I dreamed. Where I floated, under the dark water, I heard the happiest sound my mind could conjure up — as beautiful, as uplifting, as it was ghastly. It was another snarl; a deeper, wilder roar that rang with fury.

I was brought back, almost to the surface, by a sharp pain slashing my upraised hand, but I couldn't find my way back far enough to open my eyes.

And then I knew I was dead.

Because, through the heavy water, I heard him calling my name, calling me home.

"Oh no, Eva, no!" the warm, comforting voice cried in horror.

Behind that longed-for sound was another noise — an awful tumult that my mind shied away from. A vicious bass growling, a shocking snapping sound, and a high keening, suddenly breaking off…

I tried to concentrate on his voice instead.

"Eva, please! Eva, listen to me, please, please, Eva, please!" he begged.

Yes, I wanted to say. Anything. But I couldn't find my mouth.

"Carlisle!" He called, agony ripping his voice into choking. "Eva, Eva, no, oh please, no, no!" And then was sobbing, desperate, tearless, broken sobs.

I was coming home my love, don’t cry, I tried to find him, to tell him everything was fine, but the water was so deep, it was pressing on me, and I couldn't breathe, was this the river Styx?

There was a point of pressure against my head. It hurt. Then, I felt something cold, no, two cold hard things enter my mouth and grip my back teeth, fingers holding my chin. Ah, the things in my mouth were thumbs. 

And with a horrible grinding noise and a pop, my jaw was reset back into place. The pain tore through me, I cried out, gargling and spitting blood, breaking through the dark pool.

"Eva!" Edward cried.

"She's lost a lot of blood, but the wound doesn’t seem to be bleeding like an artery, her lung collapsed," a calm voice informed me. "Watch out for her arm, it's broken."

A howl of rage strangled on his lips.

I felt another sharp stab in my side. This couldn't be the afterworld, could it? There was too much pain for that.

"Some ribs, too, I think," the methodical voice continued.

But the sharp pains were fading. There was a new pain, a scalding pain in my hand that was overshadowing everything else.

Someone was burning me.

"Edward." I tried to tell him, but my voice was so heavy and slow, my jaw still weak, the muscles that helped it move still torn. I couldn't understand myself. I couldn’t get enough air, I tried to tip my head to the side, tried to spit the fluid out of my mouth and throat, gasping.

"Eva, you're going to be fine. Can you hear me, Eva? I love you."

"Edward," I tried again. Again just a wheeze, but it was enough.

"Yes, I'm here."

"It hurts," I whimpered.

"I know, Eva, I know," — and then, away from me, anguished — "can't you do anything?"

"My bag, please… Hold your breath, Alice, it will help," Carlisle promised. “Hold her still, I need to get the air out of her chest- Hand me that syringe, the 12 gauge-”

"Alice?" I wheezed.

"She's here, she knew where to find you."

"My hand...," I tried to tell him.

"I know, Eva. Carlisle will give you something, it will stop."

Suddenly I was able to breathe, an odd hissing sound and a horrid, new piercing pain entered my chest. But I could inhale.

"S’- burning!" I screamed, finally breaking through the last of the darkness, my eyes snapping open. I couldn't see his face, something dark and warm was clouding my eyes. Why couldn't they see the fire and put it out?

His voice was frightened. "Eva?"

"Fire! It’s on FIRE! Please!" 

"Carlisle! Her hand!"

"He bit her." Carlisle's voice was no longer calm, it was appalled.

I heard Edward catch his breath in horror.

"Edward, you have to do it." It was Alice's voice, close by my head. Cool fingers brushed at the wetness in my eyes.

"No!" he bellowed.

"There may be a chance," Carlisle said.

"What?" Edward begged.

"See if you can suck the venom back out. The wound is fairly clean." As Carlisle spoke, I could feel more pressure on my head, something poking and pulling at my scalp. The pain of it was lost in the pain of the fire.

"Will that work?" Alice's voice was strained.

"I don't know," Carlisle said. "But we have to hurry."

"Carlisle, I…" Edward hesitated. "I don't know if I can do that." There was agony in his beautiful voice again.

"It's your decision, Edward, either way. I can't help you. I have to get this bleeding stopped here and find the bleed in her chest, if you're going to be taking blood from her hand."

I writhed in the grip of the fiery torture, the movement making my entire torso feel like it was being torn apart, but the still dislocated hand I couldn’t find, it was still so much worse, like acid was slowly eating away at every cell, dissolving my skin and muscle and-

"Edward!" I screamed. I realized my eyes were closed again. I opened them, desperate to find his face.

And I found him. Finally, I could see his perfect face, staring at me, twisted into a mask of indecision and pain.

"Alice, get me something to brace her arm! Eva you have to hold your chest still-!" Carlisle was bent over me, holding me down by my good shoulder, trying to examine the awful stabbing pain still embedded under my breast. I felt something prod inside the wound, some horrid gargling scream tearing its way out of my chest. Then I felt the thing being removed, and something shattering away from me.

"Edward, you must do it now, or it will be too late. Alice, I need something to pack the wound."

Edward's face was drawn. I watched his eyes as the doubt was suddenly replaced with a blazing determination. His jaw tightened. I felt his cool, strong fingers on my burning hand, locking it in place.

Then his head bent over it, and his cold lips pressed against my skin.

At first the pain was worse. I screamed and tried to thrash against the cool hands that held me back. I heard Alice's voice, trying to calm me. Something heavy held my legs to the floor, and Carlisle had my upper body locked in the vise of his stone arms.

Then, slowly, my writhing calmed as my hand grew more and more numb. The fire was dulling, focusing into an ever-smaller point.

I felt my consciousness slipping as the pain subsided. I was afraid to fall into the black waters again, afraid I would lose him in the darkness.

"Edward," I tried to say, but I couldn't hear my voice. They could hear me.

"He's right here, Eva."

"Don’t...leave..."

"I won’t." His voice was strained, but somehow triumphant.

I sighed contentedly. The fire was gone, the other pains dulled by a sleepiness seeping through my body.

"Is it all out?" Carlisle asked from somewhere far away.

"Her blood tastes clean," Edward said quietly. "I can taste the morphine."

"Eva?" Carlisle called to me.

I tried to answer. "Mmmmm?"

"Is the fire gone?"

"Yes," I sighed. "thank you, Edward..." I was going limp.

"I love you," he answered.

"I know," I breathed, so tired.

I heard my favorite sound in the world: Edward's quiet laugh, weak with relief.

"Eva?" Carlisle asked again.

I frowned; I wanted to sleep. I managed to crack my still wet eyes open, letting my jaw sit slack where it hurt the least, but tried to show him I was listening.

“I need you to stay conscious for just a little longer, can you do that for me?” I gave a weak nod, but the motion brought the blinking red light into my field of vision. 

"Alice." I tried to turn my head, every word feeling new in my mouth. "...the video...he knew you, he knew where you...came from." I meant to speak urgently, but my voice was garbled, wheezy. "I smell..gasoline," I added, surprised through the haze in my brain.

"It's time to move her," Carlisle said.

I felt them lift me and winced, still breathing bizarrely, unevenly, unable to get enough air. I was scooped into a pair of solid arms and carried some unknown distance, my head finally starting to give up against everything. I was set down on something soft, I was too tired to open my eyes and see what, but something was placed over my open nose and mouth, an odd pumping, hissing noise as I felt air suddenly fill more of me than before, gasping at it.

I just wanted to be done. I felt myself start to cry again, it was all becoming too much.

"I wan..to sleep,” my voice sounded broken even to me, pitiful and small.

"You can sleep, sweetheart, I'll hold you," Edward soothed me.

And I was in his arms, cradled against his chest — floating, all the pain seeping out of me.

"Sleep now, Eva" were the last words I heard.


	27. Dust to Dust

DUST TO DUST

My eyes opened to a bright, white light. I was in an unfamiliar room, a white room. The wall beside me was covered in long vertical blinds; over my head, the glaring lights blinded me. I was propped up on a hard, uneven bed — a bed with rails. The pillows were flat and lumpy. There was an annoying beeping sound somewhere close by. I hoped that meant I was still alive. Death shouldn't be this uncomfortable.

My hands were all twisted up with clear tubes, and something was taped across my face, under my nose.

I lifted my hand to rip it off.

"No, you don't." And cool fingers caught my hand.

"Edward?" I turned my head slightly, and his exquisite face was just inches from mine, his chin resting on the edge of my pillow. I realized again that I was alive, this time with gratitude and elation. 

“Oh god, Edward...I’m so sorry...” I wheezed as pain ripped through my chest, looking down I remembered the shard of glass, slumping back.

"Shhhh," he shushed me. "Everything's all right now."

"What happened?" I couldn't remember clearly, and my mind rebelled against me as I tried to recall. Breathing still being difficult didn’t help.

"I was almost too late. I could have been too late," he whispered, his voice tormented.

“I promised you, I would fight...till my heart stopped. I promised you.”

He turned his eyes to mine again then, they were too dark.

“It did stop...” the anguish in his voice was nearly palpable, I reached out to touch his hand with my good one, noting happily that my shoulder was far less sore than I had expected. 

“And you shouldn’t have had to.” He sneered at himself then, grimacing.

“I told you, I hate it when you start with...the self flagellation.” I wheezed in what I hoped was a scolding tone. 

“Jace was..a monster...don’t blame yourself for what he did…And even if it did, I’m alive now, right?”

He moved then, slowly shifting so he could cup my hand to his cheek. I was grateful, happy to stroke his cheekbone with my thumb. 

“Does..Does my family know?” I was a little worried, I also wondered what our cover story was that could explain all that happened to me, all my injuries.

"Alice called them. Charlotte is here — well, here in the hospital. She's getting something to eat right now, Kain is as well. Your father is headed back to washington to help prepare for your return trip home."

“My mom’s here!?” I almost sat up until the pain in my torso tore me up again, the stitches that I could feel protesting. I hissed and a firm hand shoved me down into the pillows again, holding me there.

"She'll be back soon," he promised. "And you need to stay still."

“What’s the cover story? What happened?” I whispered, drawing him close again. 

“You were in a car accident, swerved off the road and hit an abandoned church. Luckily my family was following behind in a different car. Alice and I were in the backseat, the driver's side took the most damage.” 

“..Oh..” I sighed and relaxed then, processing that, it would make sense I didn’t remember much right? I could work with that. And it would make sense with the bruise from the seatbelt I could still feel.

Thinking about that, I realized I didn’t have a full read on everything that hurt.

"How bad am I?" I asked.

"A four inch stab wound that punctured your lung, four broken ribs, your left ulna and radius were broken, a broken nose, torn jaw muscles from it being dislocated, your shoulder had to be reset, your eye socket was fractured, nose broken, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and some of your organs, and you've lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn't like it — it made you smell all wrong for a while."

"Jesus fucking christ…” I wheezed, taking all that in, then grimaced. 

That must have been a nice change for you."

"No, I like how you smell."

"How did you do it?" I asked quietly. He knew what I meant at once.

"I'm not sure." He looked away from my wondering eyes, lifting my hand from the bed again and holding it gently in his, careful not to disrupt the wire connecting me to one of the monitors.

I waited patiently for the rest.

He sighed without returning my gaze. "It was impossible… to stop," he whispered. "Impossible. But I did." He looked up finally, with half a smile. "I must love you."

"Don't I taste as good as I smell?" I smiled in response. That hurt my face.

"Even better — better than I'd imagined."

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

He raised his eyes to the ceiling. "Of course you would be the one apologizing.”

Some very unpleasant memories were beginning to come back to me. I shuddered, and then winced.

He was instantly anxious. "Eva, what's wrong?"

"What happened to Jace?"

"After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him." There was a fierce note of regret in his voice.

This confused me. "I didn't see Emmett and Jasper there."

"They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood."

"But you stayed."

"Yes, I stayed."

"And Alice, and Carlisle…" I said in wonder.

"They love you, too, you know."

A flash of painful images from the last time I'd seen Alice reminded me of something. "Did Alice see the tape?" I asked anxiously.

"Yes." A new sound darkened his voice, a tone of sheer hatred.

"She was always in the dark, that's why she didn't remember."

"I know. She understands now." His voice was even, but his face was black with fury.

I tried to reach his face with my free hand on my own, but something stopped me. I glanced down to see the IV pulling at my hand, he was sitting too far now.

"Ugh." I winced.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously — distracted, but not enough. The bleakness did not entirely leave his eyes.

"Needles," I explained, looking away from the one in my hand. I concentrated on a warped ceiling tile and tried to breathe deeply despite the pain in my chest.

"Afraid of a needle," he muttered to himself under his breath, shaking his head. "Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she’ll antagonize him and spit in his face. An IV, on the other hand…"

I rolled my eyes. I was pleased to discover that this reaction, at least, was pain-free. But paused when what he’d said fully processed. I looked at him angrily then. 

“You watched the tape.” It was an accusation, not a question. “I told you in the video NOT to.”

He hissed low, then looked to the floor. He didn’t respond, I knew he wouldn’t, but I was still a little upset. I couldn’t stay angry though, took too much energy, so I sighed and relaxed fully again.

"...Why are you here?" I asked.

He stared at me, first confusion and then hurt touching his eyes. His brows pulled together as he frowned.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" I protested, horrified by the thought. "No, I meant, why does my mother think you’re here? I told Kain I was in Mexico. How’d we get to Louisiana.”

"Oh," he said, and his forehead smoothed back into marble. “We were in Louisiana for a layover and decided to extend our stay. We could only manage to rent compact cars on such short notice, and we were on our way back to the hotel when you crashed your car. You don't need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points."

I thought about it for a moment. "There are a few flaws with that story. Like no car plowed into the church, I’m guessing.”

"Not really," he said. "Alice and Emmet had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It's all been taken care of very convincingly — Emmet was very happy that he got to drive a car full speed into the wall, he liked the rush. You have nothing to worry about," he promised, stroking my cheek with the lightest of touches. 

"Your only job now is to heal."

I wasn't so lost to the soreness or the fog of medication that I didn't respond to his touch. The beeping of the monitor jumped around erratically — now he wasn't the only one who could hear my heart  
misbehave.

"That's going to be embarrassing," I muttered to myself.

He chuckled, and a speculative look came into his eye. "Hmm, I wonder…"

He leaned in slowly; the beeping noise accelerated wildly before his lips even touched me. But when they did, though with the most gentle of pressure, the beeping stopped altogether.

He pulled back abruptly, his anxious expression turning to relief as the monitor reported the restarting of my heart.

"It seems that I'm going to have to be even more careful with you than usual." He frowned.

"I was not finished kissing you," I complained. "Don't make me come over there."

He grinned, and bent to press his lips lightly to mine. The monitor went wild.

But then his lips were taut. He pulled away.

"I think I hear your mother," he said, grinning again.

"Don't leave," I cried, an irrational surge of panic flooding through me. I couldn't let him go — he might disappear from me again.

He read the terror in my eyes for a short second. "I won't," he promised solemnly, and then he smiled.

"I'll take a nap."

He moved from the hard plastic chair by my side to the turquoise faux-leather recliner at the foot of my bed, leaning it all the way back, and closing his eyes. He was perfectly still.

"Don't forget to breathe," I whispered sarcastically. He took a deep breath, his eyes still closed.

I could hear my mother now. She was talking to someone, maybe a nurse, and she sounded tired and upset. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run to her, to calm her, promise that everything was fine. But I wasn't in any sort of shape for jumping, so I waited impatiently.

The door opened a crack, and she peeked through.

"Mom!" I whispered, my voice full of love and relief.

She took in Edward's still form on the recliner, and tiptoed to my bedside.

"He never leaves, does he?" she mumbled to herself.

"Mom, I'm so glad to see you!"

She bent down to hug me gently, and I felt warm tears falling on my cheeks.

"Eva, I was so upset!"

"I'm sorry, Mom." I whimpered, wishing I could hug her back.

"I'm just glad to finally see your eyes open." She sat on the edge of my bed.

I suddenly realized I didn't have any idea when it was. "How long have they been closed?"

"It's Friday baby, you've been out for a while."

"Friday?" I was shocked. I tried to remember what day it had been when… but I didn't want to think about that.

"They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey — you've got a lot of injuries."

"I know." I could feel them.

"You're lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He's such a nice man… very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor…"

"You met Carlisle?"

"And Edward's sister Alice. She's a lovely girl."

"She is," I agreed wholeheartedly.

She glanced over her shoulder at Edward, lying with his eyes closed in the chair. "You didn't tell me you had such good friends at WSU."

I cringed, and then moaned.

"What hurts?" she demanded anxiously, turning back to me. Edward's eyes flashed to my face.

"It's fine," I assured them. "I just have to remember not to move." He lapsed back into his phony slumber.

I took advantage of my mother's momentary distraction to keep the subject from returning to my less-than-candid behavior. "Where's Andrew?" I asked quickly.

"LA — oh, Eva! We actually started planning our retirement now, we found the cutest house a little further inland, we’ll have a guest room for both you and your brother!”

"That's great, Mom," I said as enthusiastically as I could manage, could she finally settle?

"And you'll like it so much," she gushed while I stared at her vacantly. "I was a little bit worried when Andrew started talking about moving, what with you coming back during the breaks and over summer, I didn’t know what we could afford. We found the cutest house, yellow, with white trim, and a porch just like in an old movie, and this huge oak tree, and you'll have your own bathroom —"

"Wait, Mom!" I interrupted. Edward still had his eyes closed, but he looked too tense to pass as asleep.

"What are you talking about? I'm not coming back over summer this year. I live with Kain."

"You want to stay over summer?" she asked, bewildered. The idea was inconceivable to her. And then her eyes flickered back toward Edward. "Why?"

"I’ve made friends and have a social life, plus kain needs all the help he can get, he still thinks the apartment is haunted— ouch!" I'd shrugged. Not a good idea.

Her hands fluttered helplessly over me, trying to find a safe place to pat. She made do with my forehead; it was unbandaged.

"Eva, honey, you love california.”

"It's not so bad up in Washington, better than I’d imagined actually."

She frowned and looked back and forth between Edward and me, this time very deliberately.

"Is it this boy?" she whispered.

I opened my mouth to lie, but her eyes were scrutinizing my face, and I knew she would see through that.

"He's part of it," I admitted. No need to confess how big a part.

"So,...have you had a chance to talk with Edward?" I asked.

"Yes." She hesitated, looking at his perfectly still form. "And I want to talk to you about that."

Uh-oh. "What about?" I asked.

"I think that boy is in love with you," she accused, keeping her voice low.

"I think so, too," I confided.

"And how do you feel about him?" She only poorly concealed the raging curiosity in her voice.

I sighed, looking away. As much as I loved my mom, this was not a conversation I wanted to have with her in front of him. "I'm...we’re getting serious.” I admitted, trying to lessen just how serious.

"Well, he seems very nice, and, my goodness, he's incredibly good-looking, but you haven’t graduated yet, Eva…" Her voice was unsure. I recognized the reasonable-but-firm tone of voice from talks I'd had with her about men.

"I know that, Mom. Don't worry about it. We attend school together, I’d never let a boy get in the way of my degree.”

She was pleased with that answer, smiling. “Good girl.”

Then she sighed and glanced guiltily over her shoulder at the big, round clock on the wall.

"Do you need to go?"

She bit her lip. "Andrew's supposed to call in a little while… I didn't know you were going to wake up…"

"No problem, Mom." I tried to tone down the relief so she wouldn't get her feelings hurt. "I won't be alone."

"I'll be back soon. I've been sleeping here, you know," she announced, proud of herself.

"Oh, Mom, you don't have to do that! You can sleep at a hotel — I'll never notice." The swirl of painkillers in my brain was making it hard to concentrate even now, though, apparently, I'd been sleeping for days.

She sighed. “...it was so touch and go for so long. Your heart stopped, you know...a full minute.” Her face was pale now, dark. Her eyes suddenly seemed so much older.

“Mom..”

"I really can stay, baby, if you need me."

"No, Mom, I'll be fine, please, go rest. Edward will be with me."

She looked like that might be why she wanted to stay. 

"I'll be back tonight." It sounded as much like a warning as it sounded like a promise, and she glanced at Edward again as she said it.

"I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too, Eva. If you ever scare me like this again, I don’t care how old you are, I will ground you for life.”

Edward's eyes stayed closed, but a wide grin flashed across his face.

A nurse came bustling in then to check all my tubes and wires. My mother kissed my forehead, patted my gauze-wrapped hand, and left.

The nurse was checking the paper readout on my heart monitor.

"Are you feeling anxious, honey? Your heart rate got a little high there."

"I'm fine," I assured her.

"I'll tell your RN that you're awake. She'll be in to see you in a minute."

As soon as she closed the door, Edward was at my side.

"How was your nap?" I asked.

"Interesting." His eyes narrowed.

"What?"

He looked down while he answered. "I'm surprised. I thought California… and your mother… well, I thought that's what you would want."

I stared at him uncomprehendingly. "But you'd be stuck inside all day in California. You'd only be able to come out at night, just like a real vampire."

He almost smiled, but not quite. And then his face was grave. "I would stay in Washington, Eva. Or somewhere like it," he explained.  
"Someplace where...you wouldn’t be hurt again.”

That made my blood run cold. But anger surged as well. I could hear my pulse on the monitor increasing as I gathered my thoughts.

“Has it ever occurred to you…that you are not the one hurting me...and you cannot control what does? Just because Alice...can see...parts of the f-” My voice was raising and I was starting to wheeze again, my chest felt like it was being torn to pieces as I tried to get him to understand

And then another nurse walked purposefully into the room. Edward sat still as stone as she took in my expression with a practiced eye before turning to the monitors.

"Time for more pain meds, sweetheart?" she asked kindly, tapping the IV feed.

"No, no," I mumbled, trying to keep the agony and rage out of my voice. "I don't need anything." I couldn't afford to close my eyes now.

"No need to be brave, honey. It's better if you don't get too stressed out; you need to rest." She waited, but I just shook my head.

"Okay," she sighed. "Hit the call button when you're ready."

She gave Edward a stern look, and threw one more anxious glance at the machinery, before leaving. His cool hands were on my face; I stared at him with wild eyes.

"Shhh, Eva, calm down."

"Stop...talking about...leaving.” I got more frustrated as I felt tears well in my eyes, I knew he was beating himself up, and I hated it. It was a stupid reason to break my heart like he would.

"I won't," he promised. "Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you."

But my heart couldn't slow.

"Eva." He stroked my face anxiously. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here as long as you need me."

"Promise me...Promise me you wont keep...tearing yourself up...you didn’t do anything wrong...Promise me...this won't ruin us..." I whispered. I tried to control the gasping, at least. My ribs were throbbing. I had fought so hard in that cathedral just for this reason. Couldn’t he see how badly I’d wanted to come back to him, to come back home. Couldn’t he see I wasn’t going to stop fighting? That this was worth it?

He put his hands on either side of my face and brought his face close to mine. His eyes were wide and serious. "..I promise."

The smell of his breath was soothing. It seemed to ease the ache of my breathing. He continued to hold my gaze while my body slowly relaxed and the beeping returned to a normal pace. His eyes were dark, closer to black than gold today.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes," I said cautiously.

He shook his head and muttered something unintelligible. I thought I picked out the word "overreaction."

"Why did you say that?" I whispered, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "Are you tired of having to save me? Is this not worth fighting for?”

He stopped short at that, freezing. I could see the agony in his eyes again, and he grimaced. Finally he looked at me with an ancient sadness, his shoulders almost seeming to go limp.

“The fact, that it is this, that I am, what I am, is why you have to fight this hard.” He almost choked up, but coughed, closing his eyes. 

“I’m the reason you ended up here.”

"Yes, you are the reason." I frowned. "The reason I'm here — alive."

"Barely." His voice was just a whisper. "Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move."

"I wasn't referring to my most recent near-death experience," I said, growing more irritated. "I was thinking of the others — you can take your pick. If it weren't for you, I would be rotting away in a Washington cemetery.

He winced at my words, but the haunted look didn't leave his eyes.

"That's not the worst part, though," he continued to whisper. He acted as if I hadn't spoken. "Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken." His voice was choked. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain — all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't."

"I could have. So easily."

I knew I needed to stay calm… but he was trying to talk himself into leaving me, and the panic fluttered in my lungs, trying to get out.

"Promise me again, dammit." I whispered.

"What?"

"You know what." He was so fucking stubborn, so self deprecating, so determined to suffer.

“Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional, you know.”

He heard the change in my tone. His eyes tightened. "I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way… whether it kills you or not," he added roughly.

"Good." He hadn't promised, though — a fact that I had not missed. The panic was only barely contained; I had no strength left to control the anger. 

“I’ve told you a thousand times. This is worth it to me, If I can’t save you...protect you...the least I can do is bloody fight for my life. I fought so hard not to leave you, Edward. It’s not equal, but please...please stop trying so hard to make...all of my efforts mean nothing.”

He folded his arms on the side of my bed and rested his chin on his arms. His expression was smooth, the anger reined in, then disappeared, now I couldn’t read his expression at all.

"You have saved me," he said quietly.

"I can't always be Lois Lane," I insisted. "I want to be Superman, too. If you can just wait for me, let me keep fighting until I can become one of you-"

"You don't know what you're asking." His voice was soft; he stared intently at the edge of the pillowcase.

"I think I do."

"Eva, you don't know. I've had over one hundred years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."

"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"

"No, I don't wish that." He paused before continuing. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."

“That’s why we make a plan! There is a right way to do this love, we just need to find it..” I pleaded now.

He was very calm, though. Decided.

I hated that look, but I knew in my current state there would be no convincing him. 

“We’re adults Edward, I may be new to having a relationship as an adult, but I know that we can work together. I know we can plan for a future that means I’m...not fragile.”

“So we kill you at thirty? Forty? Or when exactly do you think it would be a good time to put your family through that loss.” His voice was bitter, cold, and I winced. 

“I want to do this...as right as possible, that’s why we should talk about this-”

"Eva, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well," I warned him. 

"Alice already saw it, didn't she?" I guessed. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."

"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."

"You'll never catch me betting against Alice."

We stared at each other for a very long time. It was quiet except for the whirring of the machines, the beeping, the dripping, the ticking of the big clock on the wall. Finally, his expression softened.

"So where does that leave us?" I wondered.

He chuckled humorlessly. "I believe it's called an impasse."

I sighed. "Ouch," I muttered.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, eyeing the button for the nurse.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"I don't believe you," he said gently.

"I'm not going back to sleep."

"You need rest. All this arguing isn't good for you."

"So give in," I hinted.

"Nice try." He reached for the button.

"No!"

He ignored me.

"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squawked.

"I think we're ready for more pain medication," he said calmly, ignoring my furious expression.

"I'll send in the nurse." The voice sounded very bored.

"I won't take it," I promised.

He looked toward the sack of fluids hanging beside my bed. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything."

My heart rate started to climb. He read the fear in my eyes, and sighed in frustration.

"Eva, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now."

"I'm not afraid of the needles," I mumbled. "I'm afraid to close my eyes."

Then he smiled his crooked smile, and took my face between his hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."

I smiled back, ignoring the ache in my cheeks. "You're talking about forever, you know."

"That's the beautiful thing about being human," he told me. "Things change."

My eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath, and go get something to eat, dammit."

He was laughing when the nurse came in, brandishing a syringe.

"Excuse me," she said brusquely to Edward.

He got up and crossed to the end of the small room, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms and waited. I kept my eyes on him, still apprehensive. He met my gaze calmly.

"Here you go, honey." The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into my tube. "You'll feel better now."

"Thanks," I mumbled, unenthusiastic. It didn't take long. I could feel the drowsiness trickling through my bloodstream almost immediately.

"That ought to do it," she muttered as my eyelids drooped.

She must have left the room, because something cold and smooth touched my face.

“You made a promise to me...I kept mine…”

He laughed. "Don't worry about that now, Eva. You can argue with me when you wake up."

I think I smiled. '"Kay."

I could feel his lips at my ear.

"I love you," he whispered.

“I love you, too.” I sighed.

"I know," he laughed quietly.

I turned my head slightly… searching. He knew what I was after. His lips touched mine gently.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"Anytime."

I felt something cold rest in the crook of my neck, between my ear and my shoulder, and I realized it was his face. In the swimming drowsiness, the refrain of a song I’d heard suddenly came to my mind, and I felt my eyes well with tears. Dripping down the sides of my face, into my ears, onto the sheets.

“Don’t care if he’s guilty,  
Don’t care if he’s not,  
He’s good, and he’s bad, and he’s all that I’ve got…

Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I’m begging you please..

Don’t take that sinner from me- Oh,”

“Don’t take that sinner from me.”

The End.


	28. BIG FAT AUTHORS NOTE!!!

Twilight, re-imagined for 2020! Evangeline Irving has made the second biggest change in her life since starting college, transferring mid program into WSU to finish her B.A. and finally become a Forensic Pathologist. However, on the first day of classes, a beautiful young man with a seemingly dark secret begins to complicate her plans. She cannot stand a mystery unsolved. [Rated M for Smut/sexual tension/alcohol/drug use/violence]

BIG FAT AUTHORS NOTE:

Hi! I'm Cherry, and this is my completely self indulgent re-write of Twilight for 2020.

The original series was written in a very different time, with a very different political and environmental climate. After re-reading the series 15 years after it was first started, I had the incredible urge to turn the story I'd loved as a 13 year old into something I can love as a 24 year old.

I have made a LOT of changes to the original story and will continue to do so. Some characters have changed drastically, some not at all, some characters have changed race, sexuality, nearly all characters have changed in age. I felt like I needed to explain some of these changes up front and center, to make sure people understand why I, a nobody with a laptop, made the changes I did.

The werewolves are….Irish?

Yes! SM had originally made the wolves Native American, based on the Quileute people. As I have grown, I have read and seen many criticisms from Native Americans on the representation of their culture in the series. As a white person myself, I did not think it was my place to take that culture and run it through a wringer again. If I'm going to represent Native Americans it won't be with the exoticism white people often place on their people and practices. That being said; this is not meant to perpetuate the erasure of Native peoples. They deserve to be heard and listened to, and I am much happier reading about Native culture written by a Native American Author. Please search out and support them!

The MC's description is kinda vague….

This is on purpose! Put yourself in the MC's shoes if you want, color/shape/whatever! Slim, conventionally attractive, perfectly white girl who "Just doesn't know it" is out!

Emmet is black!?

Yes! And he's still the lovable gigantic Himbo we all fell in love with, if you have an issue, go read something else.

Gays?

Hello yes I am queer, why did I make people gay? Because some people are gay. Why did I make people trans? Cause some people are trans.

Hi! I'm a POC, Queer, LGBTQIA+ person who has an issue with the representation of my demographic!

Please PM me! My goal in all of this is to create a more inclusive, bigger, brighter world for my old favorite book series.

Jasper's Backstory is completely different!

SM made him a confederate. I'm overcorrecting.

There's the big changes, I'm not expecting a ton of readers on this as it is incredibly self indulgent, but I need to get all of these things out of my damn head.


	29. Authors Note 1/20/21 I'm Editing Chapters!

Hey all!

SO I have started editing and reuploading chapters~!

Edited Chapters and dates of Edit:  
FIRST SIGHT: Edited 1/20/21(Edited her interactions with the school so it reads more like she's in college. I received many critiques about how the school felt and that it felt wrong!)


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